Neku paced.

He could feel the Composer's eyes following him as he moved back and forth, could practically smell Joshua's curiosity as he continued his trek to wear a hole in his carpet. A scowl graced his face, and the teen turned sharply to his house guest.

"You were going to just lay there and be erased."

Purple eyes danced with amusement, but also a sparkle of seriousness,

"Yes. I've lived a very long afterlife, Neku. Erasure did have some appeal, especially when my...absence...would not have razed Shibuya to the ground. You and your friends would have been quite safe, as would everyone in the district, had I dissolved. Rest assured dear, dear Partner, Shibuya wouldn't have suffered."

Neku grit his teeth and sputtered, throwing his hands in the air

"That isn't...seriously?! Is it really…?! Shibuya wouldn't...what the HELL, Josh! Is it really such a foreign concept for you that someone would actually miss you if you were to go?! That maybe...just MAYBE, self-preservation is the least of my concerns when it comes to you dying?!"

The Composer put a finger to his chin and said a bit haughtily,

"Actually, considering your slight animosity towards me despite not actually wanting to pull the trigger yourself...yes. Such a concept is a bit foreign. Neku, you must understand, me being what I am means I'm not exactly the most popular person around. The majority of beings who actually know I exist generally want me dead for one reason or another, Megumi being the sole exception to that for reasons even I never figured out. Lazy and carefree as he is, I have heard Kariya spit out death threats behind my back when I pushed his buttons far too hard, Uzuki, as you saw, really wants my throne. Even Sanae, though he cares for me a great deal, was willing to resort to assassination to save Shibuya. In a way, I'm just as expendable as any Player, and if someone did succeed in erasing me, I doubt anyone would miss me, after a while anyway. I certainly doubt anyone misses my predecessor. I'll be even easier to dismiss."

Neku tried to feel dumbfounded by this harsh outlook the ash-blonde had about the value of his own life, but instead what he felt was a deep, aching pity. He sat with his back leaning against the couch, placing his hand over his face with a sigh.

"Is that what living under Shibuya, all alone, with only the Game to distract you from your thoughts...is that what it did to you? Is that why you knew exactly what to say during our second week, to make me think that you understood? That's what you pulled from to link yourself to my world?! You weren't just reading my mind and contriving well-put thoughts...you were actually speaking from your heart instead of out your ass...weren't you."

Joshua was silent for a minute, his purple eyes flickering with several emotions before he settled on resignation. He sighed, coughing slightly.

"You and I were not so different, in that second week...dear, dear partner." His voice was barely audible, a defeated and tired tenure in his normally cocky tone. "There was a reason I decided that you would serve as my Proxy, and it goes beyond picking what I thought was 'the worst in Shibuya'. Neku...back then...you were my mirror. I was also shutting out the world, but just in my own way."

"Except it looks like I grew more than you did, Josh" Neku said gently, "I don't shut out the world anymore….but it's like you think the world is shutting you out."

"Why shouldn't it?" The Composer spat suddenly, eyes sparking with such self-loathing that the ginger had to take a second glance.

"Look what I did to you...almost did to Shibuya! Look at Raimu and tell me that I'm not a monster that needs to be shunned for eternity! Even alive the world wanted me to die. It didn't take long you know...starving myself. I was born sickly, with Noise already feeding off my parent's negativity towards me straight out of the womb. I was a brilliant student, but unfortunately missed half my schooling because I got ill quite often. Father was stressed after conning home from business trips, and the resulting lashes I received for three weeks after he arrived at the estate every time makes what the Coiuncil did to me look like a day in Sunshine during morning rush. Apollo and others made those few years I actually went to school living hell. My mother thought I was a freak of nature and openly mocked me in front of her peers. The world was my enemy, Neku, so I went to war with it. It decided to shun me, so I left it. I went where I would make waves, be in control...where the Music would drown out the world's loathing that yes, I was dead...but I still existed. The monster lives, despite its and everyone else's efforts to slay it."

Neku grit his teeth as a rare single tear left the corner of the most powerful being in Shibuya's amethyst eye. He sighed and gave a small smirk of his own as he noticed that his friend was slowly falling asleep, emotionally drained after being nearly erased.

"You aren't a monster, Josh. You're just a bit of an asshole sometimes."