Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

Original A/N: Thanks to MaeSilverpaws1, who is beta-ing this story.

Chapter One Hundred Ten

Meditation

"Moony?" Harry asked, he was sitting in the living room his legs crossed his eyes closed and he was trying to empty his mind of thoughts, which he found extremely difficult at the moment.

"Harry, didn't I ask you to hold off on questions until after the lesson," Remus sighed.

"I'm sorry," Harry said, opening his eyes so he could look at Remus. "I just have more questions and I don't think I'll be able to clear my mind until I ask them."

"Seeing as this is our first lesson in mediation I'll allow you to ask questions," Remus said, "but remember Harry, it is always going to be difficult to shut your thoughts off, and questions are bound to come to you while you try to learn how to mediate."

"I understand," Harry said, not really understanding yet, but he believed that Remus was telling him the truth. He then looked over to where Hermione was sitting. She had asked Remus if she could also be taught Occlumency, as always wanting to learn a new branch of magic (though they had yet to get to the actually magical part of the lessons). Remus had agreed, stating that Harry always did better when he was in a competition and would likely learn faster this way. As Harry expected, Hermione opened her eyes as soon as Remus agreed to answer question. She wouldn't be able to clear her mind while questions were asked.

"So what is your question?" Remus asked Harry.

"I still don't understand why it's so important that I learn how to meditate," Harry stated, not asked. "When we were reading about Occlumency, it didn't say anything about meditation."

"But it does say that it works best when you are able to clear your mind at will, which is what meditation allows you to do," Remus said calmly.

"But wouldn't it work just as well if you tried to use Legilimency on me as I'm learning Occlumency?" Harry asked. "You know I'm better at being proactive than just sitting …"

"Yes, I do know that, but that is another reason I think it would be good for you to learn to meditate, Harry," Remus interrupted with a smile. "You're going to learn that sometimes it is better not to react to some things than it is to dive head long into a problem." When Harry furrowed his eyebrows together Remus couldn't help but laugh, "You look so much like James and Sirius when you do that," he explained to the now pouting Harry.

"How can not doing anything be better than reacting to a problem while it's happening?" Harry asked stubbornly. "I mean. if it's serious isn't it better …"

"I didn't exactly mean that you shouldn't react to problems, but it would be wise for you to take a moment to think about them than to rush in head long," Remus said. "I know you have excellent instincts Harry, and I don't want you to question them, but the war that promises to come now is going to be bigger than anything that you've face yet … bigger than just you and Voldemort, though I fear you'll still have a predominate spot in things. Learning to mediate won't only help you learn Occlumency, but it will also help you become a better leader …"

"But I'm not a leader …" Harry protested.

"Oh and what about Infinite Light?" Remus asked raising his eyebrow. "Don't I recall you telling me that they had called you their leader?"

"Well yeah, but that's just my friends … and it's just about pranks," Harry said.

"No it's not, Harry, and you know that," Hermione said, "we've helped, or at least tried to help, you with all the dangerous things that you've gone through at Hogwarts."

"But it's not like I lead them in those … situations," Harry said, having to search for the right word to use for his near death experiences at Hogwarts.

"Be that as it may, we still look to you as our leader," Hermione told him. "Even the twins, who are older than us."

"The point I was trying to make," Remus said before Harry could argue anymore, "is that meditation will help you learn how to organize your mind and allow you to think rationally in any situation. Granted, I know you already think rationally in even the most strenuous situations, I still believe it will help you to calm down and allow you to think of all the options you have."

"You mean instead of doing the first thing that comes to my mind," Harry said.

"Perhaps," Remus said smiling at him.

"So is this how you learned to do Occlumency?" Harry asked next, storing everything Remus had said so far for later thought.

"No … not exactly," Remus sighed. "I started mediating before I went to Hogwarts, for obvious reasons. I needed to learn to control my emotions so that I could make sure the wolf within didn't take over while I'm a man."

"Were you in danger of that?" Harry asked.

"There are few werewolves that try as hard as I do to stay human, and even fewer of them are ones that had been turned as young as I was," Remus said gravely. "The fact that the magical community shuns us only makes it that much easier for my fellow werewolves to turn off the humanity they still have and let the wolf's instincts take over them. I was fortunate enough that my parents to embrace me after my change, instead of thinking of me as being dangerous … too dangerous to keep with them. Then there was the fact that Dumbledore allowed me to go to Hogwarts, taking precautions to make sure I wasn't a danger to myself or the other students. If not for that, I probably never would have tried so hard to remind human.

"However, knowing how much my parents and Dumbledore believed in me, that I wasn't some kind of uncontrollable monsters, I did everything I could to make sure I didn't disappoint them," Remus said, his eyes were grave as he talked, but his voice was steady. "So I learned how to mediate, to clear my mind every morning and evening. After meeting Sirius and James, I had to learn how to calm myself down quickly," he added with a fond smile, "they always seemed to think it was funny to tease me until I snapped, especially after they found out I was a werewolf."

"Wasn't that dangerous?" Hermione gasped.

"On the contrary, it helped me," Remus chuckled. "It showed me that it was okay to get angry every once in awhile. It was part of being human. I was able to relax around them, and be myself, which is another cure for letting the wolf take over me."

After a moment of silence where Remus thought of his friends and how they were during their years at Hogwarts, he turned back to Harry and said, "Now going back to our lesson today. The fact that I had learned to organize my mind and learned how to mediate made it almost easy for me to learn Occlumency when I discovered this branch of magic. The same principle applies to both mediation and Occlumency, though to do Occlumency successfully you'll have to be able to stop others from trying to gain access to your mind, which is more complicated. I believe it will help you to learn the principle first, before you have to deal with the magical aspect."

"I suppose that makes sense," Harry sighed. "I'm just finding it difficult to just sit here … I'm not use to doing nothing, and it's even harder trying to think of nothing."

"I understand cub, James and Sirius had trouble learning this as well," Remus said. "They, like you, found it hard to clear their mind …"

"Hard, Remus we found it impossible," Sirius said, causing the three in the living room to jump, not realizing that he was standing in the doorway. Sirius smirked at them before he added to Harry, "I've never been able to claim that I can control my emotions and therefore I was never good at Occlumency."

"Do you think I can learn it?" Harry asked, looking worried.

"Yes, Harry, I do," Sirius said firmly. "You're like me in lots of ways, but you've always had a weight on your shoulders that's kept you more grounded. Besides, if you never learn Occlumency, we'll have to keep things secret from you and your curiosity will be powerful incentive for you to learn."

Harry glared at Sirius, even as he knew that he was right. His desire to know what was going to happen was a good motivation for him to learn to control his mind.

"Now do you have any more questions?" Remus asked, looking just as amused as Sirius was and Harry shot him an annoyed look before shaking his head. "Then I suggest you go back to trying to clear your mind."

Harry crossed his legs again, closed his eyes and took deep calming breaths. He got no closer to shutting down his thoughts as he had before. His mind was still buzzing about all that he was told and he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Voldemort and what he was up to, though he tried every time he realized that was what he was thinking about. An hour later Remus told him that was enough for right now and they would try again the next morning.

O

"It's not getting any easier," Harry admitted to Hermione a week later as they ate lunch after a mediation lesson. "I mean I might not think as much as I did at first, but I still think of things … or I fall asleep."

"I know what you mean," Hermione said. "I find myself thinking about the next stage of our lesson or other things and I have to remind myself to try not to think."

"Really, I would have thought you would find it easy to organize your mind," Harry teased her.

"Organizing my mind isn't what I'm having a problem with, thank you very much," Hermione huffed in the irritated voice she always had when she couldn't do something properly.

"You're just having trouble not thinking," Harry said for her. "I supposed that makes sense for you."

"Well it's done," Sirius said coming into the room.

"What's done?" Harry asked, "And why are you home so early?"

"Well it's nice to see you too, Pup," Sirius said in an annoyed voice, though his annoyance wasn't directed at Harry.

"Sorry. You just don't usually come home for lunch when you work," Harry said.

"Well, I don't usually have a public fight with Frank and effectively end our partnership," Sirius said.

"What?" Harry gasped. "What happened?"

Sirius looked at Remus for a second, a look that Harry couldn't help but notice, and then back to Harry.

"This is something that I'm not supposed to know, isn't it?" Harry sighed.

"Actually it okay if you know this," Remus said, rolling his eyes at Sirius. If he was that concerned about whether Harry should or shouldn't know about this, he shouldn't have shouted about 'it's done' like he had. "Frank is an Order member after all and Voldemort will know that from the last time."

"You're right of course," Sirius said and then turned back to Harry and Hermione, who where both looking like they were trying to understand what he was talking about. "You already know that I have been doing crap jobs lately because the Minister knows I'm close to you."

"Yeah," Harry sighed, feeling worse about that now.

"Don't worry about it Pup, it's annoying to do mostly paper work, but it's worth it to keep my job there so I know what's going on and I draw all of the Minister and Scrimgeour's attention so the others Order members can work unseen," Sirius told him.

"What is the Order?" Hermione asked. It was the second time in so many minutes that he said that.

"The Order of the Phoenix," Remus answered. "It's the organization that Dumbledore started during the last war against Voldemort and has now reinstated."

"So anyways," Sirius said getting back to his story, "Frank and I have been having little arguments over the past week or so, making it clear that he doesn't like that we've been moved to doing only paper work because of something I did. It helps that this wasn't the first time that I have caused enough trouble with Scrimgeour that I have been reassigned to paper work.

"Finally today Frank shouted at me, 'What do you mean we won't be reassigned to any missions soon? What the hell did you do this time?'" Sirius said smiling. "Naturally that got everyone's attention. Frank isn't really known for yelling but when he does, he can be pretty loud. Anyways, I said, 'I didn't do anything; the Minister is just an idiot …'

"'Sirius, have you lost your mind,' Frank had interrupted me, his face going all red, 'hold your tongue for my sake if not for your own. I'm sick and tired of you always getting me in trouble because you refuse to think before you do something! Why do you have to piss Scrimgeour off so much … what's the point of that.'

"Then I shouted back at him, 'I don't try to piss him off, he just doesn't like how I do things. Besides that doesn't have anything to do with why he's on my case now …'

"Frank groaned impatiently, 'I don't want to hear about your stupid theory again, Sirius. If he really was back, we would have evidence by now … Just tell Scrimgeour that you made a mistake …'

"Then you know I got all upset about that and said in my coldest voice, 'I'm not making a mistake and I will never tell him I am. If you want to be blind like them, why don't you just go and find yourself a new partner …'

"'Sirius that's not what …' Frank had said, trying to make it convincing I think. It really takes a lot for a partnership like ours to break, but I think we made it believable.

"'I need to have a partner that will have my back, and clearly that isn't you anymore,' I said, and I heard several gasp for the people watching us." Sirius said looking proud of his play acting silks. "Well obviously Frank got angry about that as he had every right to. I think it was hard for him to hear even though he knew we were just acting. It's not every day your partner shouts that he can't trust you anymore.

"'You're an idiot Sirius Black!' he shouted back at me. 'I was the only one that did have your back. But I'm done risking my life for a fool like you.'

"He stormed off after that, and I crumbled up my paperwork and headed home," Sirius said. "He's probably talking with Scrimgeour right now."

"But wouldn't Scrimgeour worry that you two were just acting?" Hermione asked after a long pause. "You have been partners for years after all … you already said Frank was a known member of the Order."

"Yes, if Scrimgeour and Fudge are smart, they would keep an eye on Frank still," Remus said, "but again, that will only help us keep the attention away from the other Order members in the Ministry."

"Besides, Scrimgeour really can't afford to keep two of his senior Aurors from working. Even if he doesn't completely trust that Frank and I have truly broken our friendship, he will trust Frank to do his job. You see, Frank, unlike me, does his job the way that Scrimgeour likes. The only reason why Scrimgeour keeps us as partners in the past is because we balance each other well and get good results."

"On another note," Remus said, "expect things to be a little strained with you and Neville when you first start the next term."

"Why?" Harry asked confused. No one knows that he lives with Sirius and Remus after all, so why would he and Neville have any problems.

"It will be best if it's clear Frank believes the Minister line of thinking, which means that Neville would be told that you're a nutter," Sirius said and Harry narrowed his eyes at him, the Prophet was now making snide remarks about him along with what they were saying about Dumbledore for trying to inform everyone that Voldemort was back.

"Do you think that means Neville's going to act like he's not friends with Harry anymore?" Hermione asked frowning.

"That's up to Harry and Neville. But no matter what happens, you should make sure there is some kind of tension and/or resolution during your first meeting with him, Pup," Sirius said.

"Right," Harry sighed. "Does this mean I won't be seeing Neville for our birthdays?"

"Probably not," Remus sighed. "As you already know we are all being watched closely, more closely then we have in the past."

"However, all the Weasleys are going to be here," Sirius added.

"Really!" Harry said; he liked the sound of that.

"Yeah, they're going to be staying here starting Friday," Sirius said.

Harry grinned; there was finally a bit of good news this summer.