I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes, cringe and grammar mistakes.
Chapter 113: Fist of the North Star: The Abridged Shin Saga (by Big Al)
"Okay, let's watch something with quality before I leave." Nova said.
"When you say quality, you mean...?" Jaune said.
"Fist of the North Star."
"Fist of the North Star? Thank god." Blake said.
"Well, it's not JoJo, but hey, close enough." Yang said.
"Don't you dare disrespect such masterpiece."
"Seems like someone's a big fan." Nova said.
"I've read the whole series. And I love it."
"Cause you're Italian?"
"No! It's the story! The characters! The emotion! One of the few stories that actually made me cry."
"Which part?"
"Shin's and Bat's death."
"Bat survived."
"I know."
"Well, you're lucky. We'll watch the Shin arc."
"Really?"
"The abridged version."
"... Fuck."
Narrator: The world has ended. (Explosion) Nuclear war and the Trump presidency have ravaged the planet. Cities, forests and oceans have all been swallowed by the barren, desert wasteland. And wild gangs run rampant. Praying on the innocent, like wolves to sheep. (Those two running away were killed by Zeed's gang.)
"I hope our world never ends up like that." Ruby said.
"Well, it's not that bad to say the least." Weiss said.
Zeed: I fucking love gasoline! (Drinks it.)
They laughed a little.
"Wow, they got mutated and they can drink gasoline?!" Nora said.
"No, it's water." Blake said.
"Oh..."
Narrator: However, even in these dark times, love still finds a way to bloom.
(It shows Kenshiro and Yuria in front of Ryuken's grave.)
Kenshiro: Yuria, I love you.
Yuria: Ditto, Ken.
Some of them laughed.
"So romantic." Yang said.
(They hear their bike being destroyed. They turn and see Shin and his army.)
Narrator: Not always the best kind of love though...
Fist of the North Star: THE ABRIDGED SHIN ARC
Shin: Sup, Ken? I'm here to take your waifu.
"I hate this." Blake said.
Kenshiro: Fuck off, Shin. We are in the middle of our honeymoon.
Shin: You just don't understand, Ken. I'm here to claim the woman I love! Yuria! I won't be friendzoned again!
Yuria: We. Have never. Met.
Shin: Tell you what, Ken. I'll fight you for her. My South Star fist against your North Star fist.
"And Yuria doesn't have anything to say?" Pyrrha said.
"It's Hokuto no Ken. Women are only for emotions." Nova said.
"So, there are no women fighters?" Yang said.
"Only Mamiya. And compared to the bad guys, she's not that useful." Blake said.
"Well, this sucks."
"But she uses yo yos as weapons." Nova said.
"Really?! Do they have blades?!" Ruby said.
"Yep."
"Awesome!"
Kenshiro: You know what? Alright. But only because I know that I will win. And then it will shut you up. (They both jump in the air to attack.) That actually went pretty weEEEEEL! (Shin's attack landed) GODAMNIT! THIS IS A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!
Yuria: Holy shit!
"Exactly! That was brutal!" Jaune said.
"But awesome. Let's be honest." Yang said.
"I'm pretty sure he cut his veins!" Pyrrha said.
Shin: Well, Yuria. Looks like you're my girlfriend now.
Yuria: That's not how it works! That's not how any of this works!
(Shin's men lift Kenshiro up.)
Shin: Oh yeah? Well, then... does it work like THIS?! (Stabs Kenshiro in his chest with his finger, making him scream.)
"Oh my god!" Pyrrha said.
"Why is he doing this?!" Ruby said.
"It's a harsh world." Blake said.
"Not only that, he does it with his finger." Weiss said.
Yuria: MOTHER OF GOD!
Shin: Or does it work like this?! (Stabs him again.)
Kenshiro: YURIAAAAAA!
Yuria: KEEEN!
Shin: Or this?! (Stabs him again.)
Kenshiro: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! JUST FUCKING KILL ME, PLEASE!
They laughed a little.
Shin: Or how about like this?! (Stabs him with four fingers.)
"The pain he went through!" Pyrrha said.
"That's actually an execution technique." Blake said.
"How is he still alive then?!" Weiss said.
Yuria: Sweet Jesus, okay! I'll be your girlfriend! Just stop it!
(Shin's men drop Kenshiro.)
Shin: (laughs) Well how you like that, Ken? Dumped on your own honeymoon. Welp, see ya. (Takes Yuria and leaves Kenshiro to die while laughing.)
Kenshiro: Yuria... Yuria... YURIAAAAAAAAAAAA!
"And you cried with his death?"
"You don't know the story."
(The backstory ends, showing Kenshiro lying on the floor in a prison cell.)
Kenshiro: So on that day, I vowed that I would find Shin, kill him, and take back Yuria.
"That's so romantic. Not the killing part, of course." Pyrrha said.
"Wait, why is he in jail?" Ren said.
Bat: That's great and all but, what are you in jail for?
(Flashback)
Kenshiro: (He's exhausted and falls.) Water... Please...
(End of flashback)
Kenshiro: Dying.
They all laughed.
"That's so harsh!" Ruby said while giggling.
Bat: Yeah, that sounds about right.
(Outside, Zeed's gang was invading the village.)
Someone: It's Zeed's gang! Everybody hide!
Bat: Oh no! I am not waiting to die in here! (Tries to unlock the cell, but Kenshiro bends the bars.)
"Wow!" Yang said.
"And he couldn't do that sooner?" Weiss said.
"Because he's a good guy."
Bat: Hey, wait a second! You could do that the whole time?! Why didn't you just bust us out earlier?!
Kenshiro: I was hoping they would feed me.
Bat: Man, whatever! Let's just get out of here!
(Outside)
Bat: Jesus Christ, they killed everybody already- oh no, one's left.
"That guy is huuuuge!" Nora said.
(Zeed holds Lin over him. Ken walks to the bandits.)
"Wait, it's the scene! The "omae wa mo shindeiru" scene!" Yang said.
Kenshiro: Hey... you guys want to see a magic trick? (The bandits get in his way. He cracks his knuckles and they explode.)
"That's a sick trick."
Kenshiro: Drop the girl or I'll show you one.
Zeed: Oh please. I'll snap her in half before you say Alakazam.
(Kenshiro powers up, his shirt gets ripped and does the thing.)
Kenshiro: WATATATATATATATATATATATA!
Zeed: Hrnnng, I'm dead. (Zeed explodes and Ken catches Lin.)
Kenshiro: Presto.
"Aw man, he didn't say the thing."
"It was still cool." Ruby said.
Lin: Holy shit, I'm so wet right now.
"WHOA!" Yang said.
"What the hell?!" Blake said.
"She's a little girl!" Pyrrha said.
"What is this?!" Weiss said.
Kenshiro: Aren't you like... six?
Lin: If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me.
Kenshiro: It does. (He throws her in the air, his shirt repairs itself and he runs away.)
They all laughed.
"His shirt repaired itself!" Blake said while laughing.
"He's like "fuck that shit, that girl's crazy"!" Yang said while laughing.
Bat: Ken, wait! I'm coming with you! I don't want to be stuck with this creepy-ass kid.
Lin: I wish he was cumming in me...
"Stop!" Pyrrha said while laughing.
Narrator: Meanwhile at Southern Cross, Shin's hideout.
Shin: Yuria, you need to realize that this is the dawn of a new age. This world has no need for stupid feel good shit like holding hands and friendship.
"No! Lies!" Ruby said.
Shin: Why, in this world it's kill or be killed. That's why I started rounding up all the thieves, murderers, rapists and weeaboos of the world and-
Yuria: Executed them?
Shin: What? Yuria, don't be ridiculous. I made them my own personal army of course.
"What? What if the army started doing whatever it wanted?" Weiss said.
"There was no difference." Blake said.
Yuria: Oh my god.
Shin: For god's sake, Yuria! I mortally wounded your boyfriend, enslaved hundreds, killed thousands and kicked puppies.
"*gasp* He's so evil!" Ruby said.
"I loke how the thunder strike was well timed." Yang said.
Shin: All to give you the sweet-ass crib and riches beyond your wildest dreams!
"Wait, if this is a post apocalyptic world, do money have vaalue?" Ren said.
"No." Blake said.
Shin: What more could you posssibly want?!
Yuria: Ken. He was a nice guy.
Shin: I'm a nice guy.
"That's funny." Weiss said.
Shin: Why are you always droning on about that loser Kenshiro? I mean, what's he got that I don't?
Yuria: A moral compass and a clean record, for starters.
They laughed a little.
Shin: Well, you could forget about it! First of, I'm your new boyfriend now. Second of, Ken's more than likely dead out there. And even if by some miracle he was still alive, he could never make it to me. I mean, what's he gonna do? Single handedly wipe out all of my henchmen?
"And he does that?" Ruby said.
"Yes." Blake said.
(Montage)
Narrator: And so, Ken continued his journey of stupefiedingly gratuidous violence, by single handedly wiping out all of Shin's henchmen, each of them more pathetic than the last.
"Damn, what a journey." Yang said.
Narrator: With Bat and regrettably Lin by his side. They eventually made it to Shin's stronghold. Only to be confronted by Shin's personal bodyguard, Heart.
"Wow, he's very fat. Easy win."
"It's not easy."
Bat: Sure you can take this guy, Ken. He looks like an evil Kirby with fingers.
Some of them laughed.
"Why was that so funny?" Jaune said while laughing.
Heart: Was that a fat joke, bitch?
Kenshiro: No problem, Bat. Watch this. Alright, tons of fun.
They laughed again.
"That was good! That was really good." Yang said.
Kenshiro: Let's get one thing straight. I'm not.
"What?" Pyrrha said.
Kenshiro: I came here to suck dick and kick ass. And unfortunately for you, my legs are tired.
They all laughed.
"What is he doing?!" Weiss said.
"Is he coming out?" Yang said.
(Heart smiles.)
Lin: This is so awesome!
"Shut up." Blake said.
Kenshiro: Huh. Thought that would send him off in a gay panic.
"Ohhh, that makes sense." Ruby said.
Heart: Joke's on you, sweetcheeks. I'm a fag. (Unzips pants.)
"NOOOO!" she said while she and everyone else laughed.
"Like there's anything left." Yang said.
Kenshiro: Well, you'll be pleased to know that either way... you're still getting blown.
"He didn't say no homo!" Nora said.
Kenshiro: Watahhh! ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA...
Heart: Oh my goodness, that tickles!
Kenshiro: WATA! There. I was inside you. Happy now?
Heart: Eh... I had better. (Explodes)
"That was awesome!" Yang said.
"He still didn't say no homo!"
Bat: I don't even know why I'm surprised anymore.
"He should be used to it by now." Weiss said.
Kenshiro: You two stay back. I don't wanna have to babysit while kicking Shin's ass.
Lin: But I wanted to see a heat-filled meat gap session.
"What the fuck?" Blake said while laughing.
Bat: Ken, for the love of god, please come back soon.
(In Shin's castle)
Shin: Well, well, well. If it isn't my old friend Ken. Back from the dead, like a bad case of herpes.
Kenshiro: Shin. I came back from the bowels of Hell itself to find you, you FEDORA TIPPING SON OF A BITCH!
Shin: I don't even wear a hat.
Kenshiro: It's a figure of speech, you neck beard!
Shin: What the hell are you talking about? I'm clean shaven!
"Just get to the fight!" Yang said.
Kenshiro: I DON'T CARE! I'm here to end your miserable life and get my girl back!
Shin: I tried that once. Didn't work out. Girl killed herself. *sigh" Deadzoned again.
"Yuria killed herself?! Why?!" Ruby said.
"So Shin would stop killing for her." Blake said.
"Poor Ken. All of this to find out that she died." Jaune said.
"She's still alive."
"Huh?!" everyone else said.
"She's alive?!" Ruby said.
"Did Shin know?!" Weiss said.
"Yes." Blake said.
"Then why-"
"I already spoilt it a lot."
Kenshiro: Yuria killed herself...?
Shin: Oh yeah. Ages ago. She jumped off this very building. Total mood killer.
(Flashback)
Shin: So, Yuria, I know you've been complaining about me ussing slave labor and how you hate seeing them building my empire, so I ordered all the slaves put to death so you don't have to see them anymore. (Yuria was speechless.)
Everyone was speechless.
"Are you kidding me?!" Weiss said.
Yuria: ...
Shin: ...
Yuria: (jumps) Fuck this shit, I'm out of here.
(End of flashback)
They all laughed.
"I would've jumped off too, seriously." Pyrrha said.
Kenshiro: Then who's sitting in that chair?
Shin: Oh, I had them taxi her meat. Gotta say, the guy that had to do it, did a great job, considering the damage. Especially downstairs. (Sniffs) *sigh* Formaldehyde.
"What the fuck?!" Weiss said.
Kenshiro: Shin... do you want to see a magic trick?
Shin: No thanks, Ken. I'd rather kick your ass! (He jumps at him for a stab but Kenshiro jumps out of the way. But leaves a mark on his chest.) And now Ken, I'll send you back to Hell! (They both jump high and do the same attacks like the first time. This time, Kenshiro's hit lands, destroying Shin's shoulder pad.)
"Not a second time." Ruby said.
Shin: How did you-
Kenshiro: Magic. Give it up, Shin. No matter what attacks you try on me, I'll always have the upper hand.
Shin: It doesn't matter, Ken. I've already won. You've lost it all! Your girl, your peaceful life. He he he! Hell, the only thing you didn't lose after I decided to take Yuria was your virginity!
"Oooh, shit..." Yang said.
Kenshiro: THAT'S IT! (He powers up, ripping his shirt again.) SHIN! GET READY FOR THE GRAND FINALE!
Shin: Alright, David Blaine! It's time for you to disappear! (He goes for a stab, but Kenshiro blocks it with his hand, Shin's fingers piercing through it.)
"Ouch." Jaune said.
"He should've lost his fingers from this." Weiss said.
Shin: Ha. Interesting defense.
Kenshiro: WATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA! (Sends Shin crash into a pillar.) There. You have three minutes. Three minutes till you-
Shin: Die?
Kenshiro: No, Shin. I granted you the power of flight.
Shin: Really?
They all facepalmed.
Shin: Well, nice to know there are no hard feelings between us. (Bleeds more) I'm going to try out. (Jumps off the building.) WEEEEEEEEE! (Lands and dies.)
Bat: Jesus, what the shit?!
They all laughed.
(Later, at the desert, Kenshiro, Bat and Lin were driving at who knows.)
Bat: So, uh... Ken. Where is Yuria?
Kenshiro: Turns out she's dead.
Bat: Oh...Ken, I'm... I'm so sor-
Lin: So you're single?
"What the fuck?!" Blake said.
"Too soon!" Ruby said.
Bat: Lin... what the fu-
(Credits)
They all laughed.
"Oh boy, what a video." Yang said.
"Anyways, time for me to leave. Goodnight." Nova said and then left.
And done! Like, follow, leave a review AND NOT A REQUEST, send me a PM if you want and READ THE NOVA FORCE. See you soon!