Chapter 173

Needing Forgiveness

Pain. Aching. Soreness.

Once again, those were the very first things that that I felt when I returned to the land of the living. The sound of birds chirping could also be heard that was so loud; I couldn't help but try to get back to sleep, wanting to sleep some more. As I groaned in agony while turning my head, the light of the sun's rays hit my eyelids, unfortunately making me more awake, causing me to open my eyes. At first, the light blinded me for a brief moment, but my vision eventually adjusted, and I could see my surroundings.

I was lying in a bed underneath a large circular window that had sticks for the framing. However, unlike the other beds I've laid in, this one had a different scent and feeling than most of them.

I sat up and looked around at my surroundings and saw that I was in a room I've never seen before. The room was quite spacious, its walls made of greenery, wood, and even a couple of vines, like the inside of a plant. There were bookcases, shelves of strange bottles, and even a desk in the corner of the room. From the looks of things, I was the only one in the room for the moment.

I looked down at myself and saw that I was wrapped in an orange fuzzy blanket that looked like a weird moss. I was also bare-chested and had bandages wrapped around my forearms from my wrists to my elbows.

I took the blanket off my body and noticed bandages wrapped around my legs, too, from ankles to knees. I was also wearing almost next to nothing, save for a pair of boxers, which made me feel a bit self-conscious.

"Where am I? And who was the one who treated me?"

Then, I remembered. I was standing right in some unknown location when I was choking the life out of Natsu and Erza. Then, Silver Beard, the guy who put me under and put more of that stuff in me, told me that he was the one responsible for destroying my home when I was little. That's right. He was one. The one who killed my parents and destroyed Nomekop all those years ago. The reason I saw my mother's corpse and how I ended up alone as a child. Then... I gave in. I couldn't take it anymore, and let my anger take control of me, and let myself go after everything I could to try not to. And considering that I found myself like this, how much damage did I cause? What have I done?

"Damn it," I cursed to myself as I held a hand to my face.

"So, you're finally awake, are you? Took you long enough."

I looked up at the unexpected voice, and a woman walked into the room. She appeared to be elderly, close to Tu-Chi's age, if not younger. She had fair skin with some wrinkles, pink hair in a bun on the back of her head and stern red eyes. Her attire consisted of long gold pins with crescent ends, a green blouse paired with a matching skirt, a red cape with a wide collar and strange white protrusions jutting outwards, and white edges.

Immediately upon seeing her, I used the blanket to cover myself up and stared hard at her. "Wh-Who are you? And where am I?" I demanded.

"Oh, stop being so defensive," the old woman huffed. "You look like a scared little girl acting like she just got violated."

"Well, excuse me for acting like a little girl, but anyone would be a bit defensive if they were in my position," I countered. "Especially with a suspicious-looking old lady like you."

The old woman then stomped her way towards me, grabbed a broom, and smacked me right upside the head, making me cry out in pain and surprise.

"Who are you calling suspicious and old, you loud-mouthed little brat?!" the old woman snarled crossly.

I looked up at the woman, surprised and appalled. "Did you just smack me with a broom?!" I asked incredulously.

"You better believe I did!" the old snapped. "If you call me anything else, I'll give you a lot more than just a smack to the head!"

"Is that so?" I snapped back, now getting angry as I shot to my feet. "If you're looking for a fight, I'll give you one! Bring it on!"

Then, there was a loud bang, followed by the sound of a familiar voice.

"What in blazes is going on in here?!"

I snapped my head towards the voice's direction, and I saw Makarov standing there in the doorway leading outside. As soon as I saw him, I instinctively flinched as I took a step backward.

"M-Makarov," I stammered.

"I see that you're back on your feet, Willy," said Makarov. "Considering that you have the strength to pick a fight with Porlyusica of all people. Although, I'm not so sure if that's wise."

"You never told me that this brat would be such an impertinent one," the woman spoke huffily. "He must have gotten that from you."

"Now, now. He's a bit overwhelmed, is all. He's not that bad," soothed Makarov. "After all, this is most likely the first time he's ever been at your place, so I'd say he's somewhat entitled to be a little cautious," He turned towards me. "Willy, this is Porlyusica. She's Fairy Tail's medical advisor, and this is her residence in the East Forest. She's been taking care of you while you were unconscious."

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered as I looked away, feeling guilty, and made to leave. "I shouldn't be here. I'll go now."

"Now, hold on, just a minute, boy," said Makarov. "You still haven't fully recovered. You should be resting."

"Don't worry, Makarov. I'm sure you must have misheard him," said Porlyusica. "I believe what this brat said was that he was going back straight to bed, or else he's going to get the broom again!"

And to prove it, the woman had her broom in her hands, ready to smack me again while glaring dangerously.

"If I were you, I'd do what she says, Willy," said Makarov. "Porlyusica is not the type of woman you don't want to cross. Then again, even if you still resisted, I would be forced to stop you myself, and I'm sure you know that's not the best idea."

I looked across to Makarov, who now had a look on his face that made him seem like a parent scolding his child, like how my other parents were. Seeing that look alone made me unable to disobey him, not to mention I didn't want to get whacked by Porlyusica and her broom again, so I sat back down on the bed.

"Now then, since you're awake, I imagine you're wondering as to how you got here and everything that's happened," said Makarov.

This made me tense up, especially considering I had an idea as to what might have happened. Part of me didn't want to know, and yet I was worried about any casualties. However, I kept quiet.

"I'll admit, things did get a little bit hairy after you unexpectedly transformed," went on Makarov. "Natsu and the others told me what they saw and heard that caused you to go berserk. Gildarts even had to step in to stop you from rampaging."

This made me gasp as I clenched my hands, grabbing a fist full of blankets from each of them. Gildarts had to fight me? If that's the case, then the battle had to have been quite a spectacle. And considering that Gildarts is known to be Fairy Tail's strongest wizard, I was amazed that I'm still alive right now."

"And... what about the others?" I managed to ask. "Are... are they...?"

"You'll be glad to know that everyone is alive and well," went on Makarov. "No casualties resulted from the battle, aside with some bruises and scrapes, but we were lucky. Especially when you consider that Gildarts has a hard time holding back."

Then, I felt the tension leave my body as I held my chest, relief washing over me like a wave of water. "Thank goodness," I whispered as I tried to hold back my tears.

"After the battle, the Infinity Clock was shut down and broken apart, its pieces scattering all across the continent," continued Makarov. "Then, we returned to Magnolia and brought you here to be treated, which brings us to today. I may have skipped over a couple of details, but that's about all that's happened up till now. Since then, you've been asleep for quite a while. About three days or so."

"And it's been a pain in the neck ever since you came here," complained Porlyusica. "No thanks to you, I've had a lot more visitors than I usually do. Those other kids have been showing up constantly wanting to see you, even though I told them that you needed proper rest."

I looked up towards Porlyusica in surprise. "Wait... do you mean Natsu and the others?"

"Of course. Who else did you think I was talking about?" Porlyusica spoke gruffly. "They wouldn't stop worrying about you, especially the Straus siblings. I had to force them to leave you alone so that I could get some peace."

This made me stare at the woman in silence, dumbfounded as I thought about Natsu and the others. "All of them were worried about me? Despite everything?" I thought. "Even Mirajane, Elfman, and Lisanna?"

The mere thought of it not only shocked me, but it also made my feelings of guilt resurface once again.

"You seem surprised, Willy," said Makarov. "Is there something that you were expecting?"

I looked back to Makarov for a brief moment before turning away from him. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I was," I said with a hint of bitterness. "If anything, I was expecting you guys to leave me for dead when I fell unconscious. It's what I deserve after all."

"Now, what would make you say something like that?" asked Porlysica. "That's a fine way to thank someone for saving your life."

"Ah, I see. I believe I know the reason," hummed Makarov. "I heard that you and Mira had quite the heated argument and that in turn caused you to quit the guild supposedly, isn't that right?"

"Not supposedly, I did," I corrected. "So, I don't understand why you brought me here. I'm not a part of your guild anymore, Makarov, and the longer you keep me, the more likely something else is going to happen. In fact, I've caused you nothing but trouble ever since I joined Fairy Tail in the first place. So if it's all the same to you, once I'm better, it's for the best that you and the others forget about me. After all, I'm not a member anymore, and I'm also a traitor, and Fairy Tail has no need for people that would cause harm to their members, so there's no reason to keep me around."

There was a long silence as I kept my head turned, not wanting to look at anyone in the eye. Until at last, Makarov broke the silence.

"Willy, turn and look at me, child," he spoke quietly.

I slowly turned towards Makarov, finding that he now stood right by my bedside, looking straight at me. The features on his face were solemn, also filled with pity as well as sadness.

"There's no reason for you to talk about yourself that way," Makarov spoke gently. "You are not to blame for what has happened, at least not partially. You did go and act on your own without thinking of the consequences and how much damage they would cause. You also neglected to trust us with your problems, which caused you and the people around you more suffering, but considering the circumstances, I shouldn't be surprised. You've lost a lot of people in your life and have had your trust broken in shambles. But there was no reason for you to keep all of those feelings to yourself."

He slowly leaned forward and placed a hand on top of my head, making me flinch.

"I've told this to the people of Fairy Tail many times, so listen carefully. Though we may not fully share our feelings of joy and sorrow entirely, we do share them to some extent. That's what it means to be in a guild and what happens in it," continued Makarov. "One person's happiness is everyone's happiness. One person's grief becomes everyone's grief. One person's anger and hate can turn into everyone's anger and hate. And most importantly, a person's tears become everyone's tears. There's no reason for you to keep feeling guilty over something beyond your control and for keeping all of your emotions locked away inside. You should already know how much everyone in Fairy Tail cares about you and would never betray you." A smile then appeared underneath his mustache, radiating with kindness. "Whether you bear the guild's symbol or not, you are still a proud member of the Fairy Tail family, and that will never change."

As he spoke those last words to me, I felt my eyes begin to sting as tears began to gather in my eyes. This man's kindness knew no bounds. After everything I caused, after everything that's happened, he's still kind enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. I bit my lip, using whatever willpower I had not to cry as I looked away, not wanting to show any weakness.

Makarov then straightened up, shrinking down to his normal size. "I expect you to get plenty of rest until you've fully recovered," he said. "Once you do, I hope that you find it in your heart to come back to us. However, I won't stop you should you choose to walk your own path. I only want what's best for one of my children, like any other doting parent, so at least this gives you some time to think. Until then, I have something to speak to Porlyusica about. Get well soon."

He then turned and walked away with Porlyusica following suit, shutting the door behind them as they left.

NO POV

When he was sure that they were out of Willy's hearing range, Porlyusica spoke to Makarov.

"So, that's the famous Willy Falconer, the so-called Traitor of the Balam Alliance. He certainly doesn't seem to be anything like from what I heard. He seems more like a scared little boy rather than a traitor. You sure know how to pick em, Makarov."

"I suppose I should take that as a compliment," said Makarov. "Anyway, did you get a good look at that substance I gave you?"

"The strange black liquid those kids found? Yes, I did," said Porlyusica. "And I have to say, I've never seen anything like it before. Whoever concocted it must have had the mind of a mad scientist as well as a monster. This "toxin," as they're calling it, definitely lives up to its name based on what you told me. However, that's not what concerns me." She then took out a small vial filled with a black substance. "Do you know what this is?"

Makarov inspected it. "I would say that it looks like the toxin drug," he said. "But something tells me that isn't it, is it?"

"No, it isn't," replied Porlyusica. "This is a sample of Willy's blood."

Makarov couldn't help but grunt in surprise as his eyes widened a bit.

"I took this sample recently so that I could create an antidote, but what shocked me more is how much of the drug is in Willy's body," went on Porlyusica. "There's so much of it that his blood even turned black itself. And given what you and the others have told me about what this does to people, I'm amazed that he's lasted this long. When he went berserk with rage and grief, the magic power in his body was on the brink of tearing it apart, like a high pressured valve. If Gildarts hadn't stepped in and scared the reason back into him, he wouldn't even be here right now."

"But will he be all right?" Makarov asked tentatively.

"It's hard to say," said Porlusica. "With him being in his current condition, Willy can't afford to get into any more fights. If he does, there's a strong chance that he'll end up going berserk again. Only when that happens, he could very well die from the overwhelming power."

Makarov frowned fretfully. "I see. I'll keep those things in mind," he said. "Please, do what you can."

"Don't you worry, I wouldn't call myself a healer if I couldn't handle things like this," said Porlyusica. "Willy's in good hands."

Makarov gave Porlyusica a nod, and after saying thank you, he went on his way back to Magnolia. But as he made his way back, he still couldn't help but feel worried.

WILLY'S POV

It wasn't too long before Porlyusica came back into the room. When she did, she explained to me who she was and what her job is. Apparently, she's one of Fairy Tail's best, if not greatest, healers anyone ever knew. If only she had the better personality to go with it.

She then gave me a quick rundown of what was going on with me. She had treated all of my wounds, but due to the excessive amounts of the toxin drug implanted in me, there was a chance that if I ever got involved in a fight like with the Infinity Clock, I would lose control again, and I wouldn't be able to come back from it. So, until she could come up with an antidote, she forbade me from any excessive fighting or at least life or death battles. It wasn't like I was going anywhere any time soon, so naturally, I agreed. I needed the time away anyway because I couldn't really face anyone Fairy Tail right now. Not to mention I felt too sore and tired to be moving around anyway.

The hours seemed to pass by quickly as I lied in my bed, not saying a word, while Porlyusica went about working on an antidote for me and her usual chores. After a while, the sky grew dark, and it was getting late. Porlyusica walked over to her desk, putting her things away before turning to me.

"I'm going to getting ready for bed now," she told me. "Make sure you get some sleep. I'll be back in a minute."

I answered with a silent nod, and the woman then left the room going upstairs, leaving me alone. The room had grown a bit dark with only the moonlight keeping it lit and the quiet sounds of insects of chirping. I tried closing my eyes to get to sleep, but I felt wide awake for some reason. I turned to my side, groaning a little bit, but I still couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried.

Then, I heard the sound of the door opening, followed by footsteps coming towards my bed, stopping when they were close to him. At first, I thought it was only Porlyusica, but for some reason, I felt that whoever was next to me was staring at me, and Porlyusica didn't seem to be the kind of person to stare. I quickly looked back, thinking that it might have been an enemy, but I soon found myself staring at a pair of familiar blue eyes that seemed to shine even in the darkness. It was obvious who it was.

"M-Mira!" I gasped, my eyes widening a bit. "I-Is that you?"

"Yeah. It's me," Mira whispered. "Sorry to barge in like this, but... I wanted to see you. I'm glad that you're okay."

"Y-Yeah. Me too," I said, averting my eyes. "Glad to see that you're okay, too."

"..."

"..."

A long and awkward silence fell, neither one of us saying a word, and the tension being so thick, you could pretty much taste it at this point. At first, I didn't know what to say to her, but then, I knew what I had to say to her. So, after propping myself up on my bed, I took a deep breath and broke the ice with two simple words.

"I'm sorry."

While I kept my eyes downward, I could feel Mira's gaze on me as I continued to speak.

"It's my fault that all of this happened. As usual, I caused you and Fairy Tail nothing but pain and trouble and even went as far as to betray your trust, just like a traitor."

"That's not true," I heard Mira say.

I looked up at her, unable to hide my anger and sadness, my voice growing a bit louder. "Yes, it is. So much pain and suffering was caused because I joined Fairy Tail, and look what's happened. Don Ghira and his guild took over Naoko because of a bounty on my head. Hades attacked us on Tenrou Island because he wanted to capture me. I attacked Lisanna because I lost control of myself. I not only allowed myself to be manipulated not once but twice. And to add to that, I'm responsible for the deaths of two people I loved! When I found out about Finn, I knew that I was to blame, and if I told you, I knew that you and the others would think the same way. That's why I lied and didn't tell you anything. I felt so angry with myself for being unable to do anything that I wanted to make things right by finding out the person responsible and sparing you and the guild's feelings." I turned back towards my hands, clenching them in self-loathing. "But I guess... it was all for nothing. I still made everything worse. Midnight was right. No matter what I do, even if I'm innocent, I'll always be the traitor, and I deserve to die."

Then, something smacked me hard across my cheek, enough to snap my head to the right. I looked up while holding my cheek in surprise and found myself staring at Mira, whose face was now filled with anger, but her eyes were filled with tears of sympathy.

"You idiot! Stop talking about yourself that way!" Mira cried. "You're a kind person, you always think of others before yourself, and you're willing to help anyone no matter how much it will affect you! But your problem is that you always try to put the burden on your shoulders way too much! Sure, you made some mistakes and made some tough choices, but you did what you had to do to protect innocent lives! That doesn't make you a traitor, and what happened at the Infinity Clock wasn't your fault either! I was the one who blew up at you and your hurt feelings!"

"But... you weren't wrong. I did lie after I promised that I would come to you about my problems," I lamented. "Instead, I had to play the lone wolf act and keep everything to myself all because of my trust issues. You have no reason to apologize. I don't deserve any form of kindness or friendship. I'm cursed, and I deserve to be alone."

"Willy, please, stop. You and I both know that you're beating yourself up too much," Mira spoke firmly as she held my hand. "Everyone has a right to any feeling of happiness, even you. We're friends, aren't we? And not just us. Everyone else in Fairy Tail is your friend, your family, and we always help out one another through the good times and the bad. You know that, so why can't you accept it?"

"Because I'm always the one ending up as the victim or the guy dragging people down," I said. "Every single thing I've done so far was wrong. Everything. I can't protect or save anyone, much less myself, even with the power I have."

"You're wrong," denied Mira. "When we were kids, you saved me from that forest gorian and protected me from the demon in the church. You even stood up from me when everyone back in Osia branded me a demon. If you hadn't been there for me, I'd have gone through my life without trusting anyone. I wouldn't have become the person I am today if it wasn't for you."

I looked into Mira in surprise, her bright blue eyes shining in the darkness, as tears trickled down from them.

"And it's not just me. You also became the first friend that Elfman and Lisanna ever had. Thanks to that, you inspired them, as well as me, to go out and make friends when we first came to Fairy Tail," went on Mira. "So, please, stop putting yourself down for things you couldn't control anymore, and if you need help or are suffering in any way, please talk to me. You can trust me. And the same goes for everyone else in Fairy Tail."

My heart began to grow warm as it pounded, and my eyes began to burn again, this time with a lot more intensity as water began to cloud my vision."Why...? Why are being so kind to me after everything I've caused?" I choked out. "How can you still be so kind, and have so much faith in me despite everything?"

Mira then gently pulled me into a loving embrace, wrapping her arms around me while petting my head like a mother comforting her child. "You're my friend. No, my best friend, and I'll always be there for you, even if you don't need or believe me. No matter what anyone thinks of you, I'll always be on your side. Because you're not a traitor, you're Willy Falconer."

I bit my lip, choking back a sob, my walls beginning to crumble inside as tears began to fall from my eyes.

"I know I said some terrible things, and I know that you'll never forgive yourself for what happened," continued Mira. "But... I'm willing to forgive and move on if you're willing to do the same for me. And from now on, let's try to be more open with each other. Okay?"

Those words alone were enough to make my emotions finally erupt as I buried my face into her chest crying while hugging her tightly. Her warmth, kindness, everything she was radiating not only helped me release all my pent-up emotions, but also made me feel happy, and take some of the weight off of my shoulders for the first time in a while.

NO POV

As Willy continued to cry, while being comforted by Mira, they didn't know that Porlyusica was watching the two from up the stairs. She had seen and heard everything.

"Honestly, can't those kids get a room already?" she quietly huffed to herself crankily. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

But her frown lessened. "But I suppose I can overlook it this one time," she said. "After all, they say that love is the best form of medicine, and this boy needs a large dose of it after what he went through."

If you liked what you read, make sure to leave a review!

As always, thank you very much for reading!

Until then, Dragomaster, signing off!