pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
We reopened the grave of Summer Rose with a new coffin and everything. Taiyang got up and stood beside her in the coffin before we lowered her again. He kissed her gently on the cheek and brushed her hair with a hand. He looked out over the small crowd of gathered hunters and children.
"Summer was…" he began. He faltered. He looked lost standing alone by the coffin. "Summer was…" he tried again and fell apart. He paced and rubbed his face a little with his right hand. "Summer was my friend first and my wife second. She meant nearly everything to me. When I buried her the first time it all seemed so distant. Now, with the body, it's all too real. I always hoped against hope and prayed that we'd meet again one day. Now… now I know she's gone forever. And that couldn't be harder. I've done this before. This should be easy. But it's not. It's just as hard as any other time I thought of her. She was my whole world. She rocked me and helped me sleep. She put me back together when Raven left me. I was nothing. She put me back together from nothing like it was nothing to her. She had all the grace in the world. It was a miracle to watch. I just wish I could have watched her a little more. Just watch her move again. Listen to her breathing. And I now know I'll never get the chance again. And it breaks my old heart. It's so… so messed up. It hurts to watch. I can't believe how bad it hurts."
"Now I put her away. I have other anchors now. I have my grandchildren. But that only hurts worse because she deserved to meet her grandchildren and the women her daughter's became. It's just… where's the justice? I know. I know. This is Remnant. It's how this world chokes us out before it kills you. The heart ache I feel now will never ever fully and truly heal. I put her in the ground for the second time and I know in my soul that I'm never going to get over this. Even with all the love and support of my sizeable family. I'm being slowly choked out. And if you've never been really choked before take my word on it but it hurts. A lot. I just never thought I'd have to bury her twice. If anyone in the world deserved to live and let live it was her. I go to turn out the lights now. I remember so many evenings late at night where we worked out so right. Late. At night. She put me back together and held me in place. Until my kids could do it for her and hold me. And she's just gone now. I'll never know the sound of her laughter. What if I forget what her smile looked like? What if I forget? I've held on this long. To the important bits. But this is how the world chokes you out. Time will one day steal even these tiny portions of her from me. And once they're gone I'll never get them back. So yes. I always hoped one day she'd come home to me. That I'd hold her in my arms again. I prayed every day for years that this grave would have served nothing. And now it did and I don't even get to listen to her tell me what a goofball I've been."
"So cherish these moments you have with the ones you love. You never know. You just never know when they'll be ripped away from you. You have no clue how fragile you and your relationships really are until tragedy strikes. And there's no take two. There's no curtain call where you get to see them again. Once it's over it's over and you have no way to come back. So breathe deep and hold onto one another. Don't ever let go now. Cling and clutch tightly to them. If I would have known then what I know now I would have hugged her tighter. I would have held myself back less. Just unlucky. Not much you can do. I just got unlucky. That's the nature of the beast. Isn't it? And sometimes you see it coming. Sometimes you know what's going to happen. And the soul crushing part is that it could have been different. I… I have to take the little ground I have left. I have my grandchildren. I have my daughters. I just have to hold on as tight as I can to those I have left. And make some memories before the end. And I now have something different to pray for. I have to pray that it's me that's next. I don't think I could handle losing anyone else close to me. So I have to pray for that. I have nothing else. And everyday I have the reminder of what could have been and what almost was. I have missed Summer. I miss Summer. I will miss Summer. I hope I don't have anybody else to one day miss. So, girls, ladies, be safe out there. If not for your sake then for the sake of your fragile old man. I think that's it. I think I'm done." Taiyang sighed. He left the coffin behind and joined the small group. Ruby reached out and grabbed him.
"My turn," Yang decided. She stepped forward to the coffin. She turned back to look at us. "So Summer was like a super hero to me. She was the best mom a girl could ask for. And I asked for a lot," she laughed bitterly. "I certainly tried her. And I was so obsessed with my bio mom I couldn't see what I already had. I wish I could take that back and let her know what she meant to me. She was more than enough. I didn't need Raven Branwen. And it was only after mom vanished that I realized that."
"I already buried her once. And I was young then. I didn't really understand. I didn't know enough to send her off with a speech. I know better now. I know better now what she meant to me. And she was just so patient with me. All the time. Even when I tried her. Even though she wasn't my bio mom. She gave it her all every single day and in every single encounter we had with one another. Every time I'd push her she'd push me right back. Until now… until now I'm the woman you see before you. All the flaws are still there. Impatience. A lack of temperance. But then I remember her and suddenly those flaws shrink. I don't know where I'd be without her but it wouldn't be like this with me standing before you all so ready and strong. I wouldn't have been ready to help raise Ruby. I wouldn't have been ready to dish out one tenth the kindness I was capable of."
"And now that I am. And now that her disappearance and death made me who I am, all I want is my mom back. To stroke my hair and tell me how much she cares. She was my mom. And there will never be another like her. So that's what I really want. It can't happen. Won't happen. But that's what I truly want. I want to be a little girl again. I'm tired of being a strong and independent woman. I want my mommy back. And I just… burying her the second time is so much harder than the first. I didn't know what was happening back then. I couldn't really wrap my mind around what was going on. Sure I knew that she was gone and unlike dad I never prayed for her to come back. But I never really accepted it. It was like there were two worlds. One where she was still with me and one where she was gone forever. And it feels like one of those worlds just collapsed. And now she really is just straight up gone. And I don't really know how to handle myself now that she is."
"I mean, what's a girl to do when her mommy dies? And I'm tired of being a strong woman. So I want to be a little girl for a moment. Just a little girl too small for the world which is big and bad. Just a little girl who needs her mom, man. That's all I really want to be right now. And I can't ever be that thing again. I was robbed of the option of being a little girl anymore. I had to grow up. I had to be strong. But sometimes I want to be weak. I want to be insecure and I want my mom to tell me everything is going to be alright. That's all I really want. I just want to hear her voice shushing me while I cry. I want to hide under her wing. I want to be small again. And I'll never get the chance to be a little girl in her mom's arms ever. It's over for me. And that's only just hitting right about now. Oh gods," she sniffled and rubbed her prosthetic with her real arm. "Oh gods! And what if it's all true?! What if I forget the way she sounded? What if I forget her face? What if I lose it all? And I truly feel I'm on the edge of losing it. I can't stand it. Won't you wake up? Mom? Won't you kiss my forehead and rock me off to sleep? Wake up? Do me a solid and wake up! Oh gods," she cried in vain.
"You were the best mom a little girl could ask for and I never got to tell you that. Oh my gods. You died and that's okay. But what about all the things I didn't get to say? That's not right. I know that that's not right. And now you're gone forever and I'll never get the chance to let you be my mom again. I know that's all you really wanted. I know you just wanted to be my mom. And I never told you that you were. You were my mom. My real mom. My true mom. Raven Branwen can go fuck herself in her grave. Her shallow, shallow grave. But you we will bury deep. Along with so many emotions. You were taken from us far too soon. I'll miss you mommy. Every single day."
Yang was crying towards the end. She slumped her shoulders and rolled them back. Then she stepped away from the coffin and to rejoin us in our group near the cliff face.
No one said anything and Blake took Yang by the hand and stroked it softly. The wind rustled through the leaves and Yang just sobbed hard.
"I'm next," Qrow decided. Qrow stepped up to the coffin. He laid a single rose across Summer's chest. "She's so thin. It's like she's made of paper. She always seemed so strong. So unbreakable and unflinching in her determination to see any job through to the end. No one was left behind. Not even me. And I should have been on more than one account. She jabbed a finger in my face and told me never to think that way. Sorry Summer. I guess I just can't help it."
"I let you go when you vanished. I figured the worst and that was pretty much that. I didn't hold out hope that you were alive, I just let you go. That was hard. I still missed you though. I never really got over you. Sometimes I wondered whether you died defending some helpless nobody. But they weren't nobody to you. I was always so scared that you would die defending somebody you couldn't have saved anyways. And I just wished you would have saved yourself. Think of all the good you could do if you were still alive. And over nobody. That's the worst part. Some nobody you couldn't have even saved. I bet you died for that. I bet you did."
"I did my best to teach Ruby how to be a huntress with you gone. I'm sure I failed. I always tended to fail when it comes down to it. I bet even if I would have been there with you I couldn't have saved you from this fate. That rakes at me. What's the point in having all this power if you can't even save the ones you love. But that's not fair because you can make decisions too."
"It seems when I held a rose, I only ever felt the thorns. And so it goes. And on it goes. And you were the only one who knew. Ouch. What can I really say other than that? Living is cruel and unusual punishment." Qrow sighed and stepped back. He seemed wobbly and trying to get steady. Ruby stepped forward and helped him. Carnal babbled something in baby talk. Totally oblivious that today we were supposed to be sad was she. Weiss rocked the baby gently in her arms.
Ruby helped Qrow become reliable. She guided him back into the small crowd. She remained by the coffin however.
"I want to explore what Yang talked about with the two worlds. The one where my mom lived and the one where my mom died. In one world she got to meet my family and me. I didn't ever really get to know her. She left when I was much too young to recall much more than the swish of a white cape and her face. I remember it being warm around her. And safe. And now I have my own son's and daughters to keep safe and warm. And in one world she got to meet them. But in the other. This one, she missed out. And that's truly the most tragic thing about all of this. I wish I had gotten the chance to get to know her and for her to get to know me. It's not enough to just know her face. I wanted to know the real her," Ruby mumbled. And I couldn't help but feel that was in part directed at me and my plans to leave.
"It must have been so hard for her to go. But she left all the same. And now it's time for us to heal. If at all we can. I'll never get my mom. It's worse than that. Together we can get through this. If we allow ourselves the support of one another. If I lean on my children the way they lean on me. It can be hard to see this as a victory by any stretch but we have as much as we did yesterday and the day before. My mom was gone a week ago and a month ago. Nothing has really changed. It can be as it was. We don't have to suffer anymore than we already were."
"A part of healing from something like this is letting go. Letting go of something like this aches. But we have to all the same. I don't know mom very well. I never really did. But she wouldn't want us to carry something like this our whole lives. She'd want to be released and set free. She'd want to scatter and be scattered. So I'm sure we have nothing to worry about. We got through losing her once. We can get through losing her again. Each day will get easier and easier. Scars fade and tissues heal. Heart ache beats away."
She stepped down. We were all silent. Not even Carnal made a noise as the wind blew through the leaves of trees around us. I stepped forward and closed the coffin. I bent to the winch and lowered the coffin. Slowly it descended into the grave. Ruby took a palm full of dirt and tossed in on the coffin's face. Yang stepped up and did the same. Taiyang and Qrow joined them and added dirt to the pile. I picked up a shovel. I started the process of burying the coffin. Yang grabbed the other shovel and started dumping dirt down into the pit. Eventually we were left with a mound of brown red dirt before the same tombstone. I took a cloth to the tombstone and scrubbed it clean.
'Thus kindly I scatter,' I could see the words clearly. I stepped back. I joined my family and friends.
pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
-WG