Sometimes the only thing that you could do was nothing at all.
Well not nothing at all. Fukuda still got up, got dressed, and went about his day. He just didn't do anything about what had happened…about the unspoken thing which had passed between him and Suzuki. The thing which had better have remained unspoken. He certainly had no idea what he was supposed to do about all of this.
So he did nothing…nothing about that, anyway.
"Oh stop that, I didn't do anything to you." Said Fukuda as the cat swiped at his ankles. It had been doing that all night. It might have been begging, he figured, even though he wasn't making anything for dinner that a cat would ever have wanted to eat. Also it had cat food, a hell of a lot of cat food…not that he should have been complaining. Better he have a cat swiping at his ankles than…than things that he didn't want to think about….things that he wanted to avoid at all costs…things that he had no idea what he was supposed to even do about….
So he did nothing.
He went to work, he came home, and then he did it all again. Day in and day out. He avoided Suzuki at all costs. It was easy, really, since he had his office to himself now. Hatori kept Suzuki busy all day doing whatever it was that they did together. Probably videogames and playing with the baby. Not…things that Fukuda didn't want to think about….not that he cared. He didn't care what Suzuki got up to in his personal life. He could do whatever he wanted to do with whoever he wanted to do. It wasn't like there was anyone in this world who could tell him not to.
Suzuki was who he was…and that was fine.
"You know what? Fine, here, but I'm telling you it's just vegetables." Said Fukuda as he flicked a piece of broccoli out of the pan and onto the floor. The cat went to it…and actually ate. Huh. As far as he knew cats were obligate carnivores. If Sho had been there then he would have had something to say about that. Some obscure cat fact that Fukuda hadn't known about…or maybe Sho would have just told him off for feeding the cat vegetables. He couldn't speak for Sho's behavior right now, his information on Sho was a little dated.
These days the only reason he came by was to check on his pets.
Fukuda her no idea how Sho was doing these days. Suzuki…he had better have been laying off Sho. Sho couldn't help being who he was…and anyway Suzuki was a lot of things but he wasn't a hypocrite. There was no way that he could spin it, no mental contortions that he was capable of, no gold metal level mental gymnastics that he could do, that could justify what he'd done…that could call it anything other than….than what it had been….
Suzuki taking his shot.
Fukuda got the feeling that he owed Hatori something. He hadn't been lying. Suzuki had finally come to terms with this part of himself….ordinarily this would have been a good thing. If they had been ordinary people then Fukuda would have been happy for him. He'd been lying to himself for most of his life, in retrospect a lot of things made a hell of a lot more sense now, and with this revelation he could be happy or at least less…whatever he was most of the day. Bored, pissed off, spiteful, frustrated…his days weren't good. Fukuda…he should have been happy for Suzuki…but mostly he just wanted to get away from the man and stay away for the rest of his life. He didn't want to be Suzuki's…whatever it was that Suzuki wanted them to be. Lovers? Boyfriends? A married couple…he did have that kind of power…well he would….in a few years Suzuki would have had the power to do anything…..
There would be no stopping him.
Hell, there already wasn't any stopping him. If he hadn't come to his senses then Fukuda….well he had no idea how far Suzuki had been planning on going but he knew that it involved undoing his belt. He…he would kiss Suzuki if he had to…that had always been a part of whatever their relationship could be called…but he didn't know if he could go any farther than that….but he didn't think that he had a choice. Suzuki was the most powerful esper on Earth, the only other esper that even came close to his power level was Shigeko and they'd only found her after twenty something years of searching. Fukuda certainly wasn't anywhere near strong enough to do anything to stop him if he decided to…if he decided to continue whatever it was that he wanted to be with Fukuda.
So that was what he would do, nothing.
He plated up his dinner. There. That was something. He had…he had things to do…all sorts of things. He had to take care of himself. He had to get himself to work. He had to help keep Claw together so they could take over the world. He had to do his part….he couldn't just stop. Suzuki would notice…and then God only knew what he would do if Fukuda…he didn't even want to think it. If he just…stopped. If he gave up being one of the many paperclips that held Claw together. Claw had always been, from it's very inception, something that was both powerful but precarious. A giant that could fall at any time. It was held together by prayers, paperclips, and rubber bands. It could have so easily fallen apart….
Suzuki would just put it back together again.
There was nothing that Fukuda could do. He was just one man. Even if he had useful powers, useful for something other than fixing scraped knees and eye gouges, there was nothing that he could have done by himself….and it wasn't like anyone was going to help him…and even if he did take Claw down then what? He was forty five years old with no work history to speak of, no family, no friends, no nothing. Even the underworld wouldn't have him if they figured out that he betrayed Claw…not that he was going to betray Claw….not that he even should have been thinking about this….but he couldn't help it…
Once he started he couldn't stop.
The cat was using his leg as a scratching post again. It was hungry. Despite being an obligate carnivore it had developed a taste for stir-fried vegetables and rice. Well it had to have been better than whatever it was that was in those cans Fukuda kept feeding it. Once you had better…or even the thought of it…then it was hard to go back. Like the thought of a life without Claw…without Suzuki…the thought of a life that was truly his own. The thought of a life that didn't involve dealing Suzuki and whatever insanity had had come up with…a life where he didn't have to worry about his best friend trying to go to bed…or rather 'desk' with him….that would have been a pretty damn good life…
But it wouldn't have been worth it.
"Fukuda! Everyone! I'm back…this is me and not another earthquake!" shouted Sho as he threw the front door opened. The cat ran away. Fukuda didn't blame it. The house was shaking just like he was sure if had been that day…the day that he'd come home to a disaster area….yes. That was how he was going to think about it now…not as the day Suzuki had tried to…well to sleep with him…God. He wished….sometimes he wished that they'd never met….that he'd tested into a different school or been born in a different city…or that he'd been born someone else entirely. Someone normal who didn't have to worry about these things…but he didn't want that wish to come true. If it did, if he suddenly woke up in another body in another life in another world….well it wouldn't have been worth it.
A life without Sho….well it wasn't a life worth living.
"In here, Sho." said Fukuda. The house shook some more…he was stomping. Something was pissing him off. He stomped into the kitchen and threw a plastic bag of vegetables on the table. He crossed his arms and looked down.
"Hu." Said Sho
"Something wrong?" asked Fukuda
"No." said Sho. He knew that Sho was going to say that. Something that he'd inherited from Suzuki. He never did tell you how he was feeling, no, you always had to get it out of him…at least that was the way he used to be. Even a year ago…or two…or five….or ten….or ever, really, he never would have imagined that Suzuki had it in him to just…to just come out and confess…and then try and jam his tongue down Fukuda throat while-
Not the thing to think about while Sho was in the room and clearly having some sort of crisis.
"Are you sure?" asked Fukuda. He knew what was coming. Sho was going to start denying, they'd go back and forth like that for a while, and then Sho would eventually tell him what was wrong. That was how it had always been.
"I'm sure! I'm fine! Just….I need to make tiny salads!" said Sho
"Do you want some help?" asked Fukuda
"No! I can so this by myself! I'm not a baby and I don't need anyone to look after me or….or follow me around!" said Sho. Fukuda put his fork down. So that was it…well he had no idea what it was but he knew that it was something. Knowing Sho it had something to do with Suzuki…well didn't everything?
"Your dad had you followed?" asked Fukuda
"No…Hatori did…" said Sho. He crossed his arms. Fukuda pulled out the chair beside him and waited. Sho didn't sit down….well of course not. Things had changed. He got the feeling that things had changed in a way that they couldn't change back. When Sho had been little he would have come running right to Fukuda the minute something went wrong….but he wasn't a little kid anymore…and Fukuda had kind of broken his trust…well he'd done what was best for him but Sho was a child. Sho had no idea what was best for him, he was just a child.
Which was why he did the things he did.
Fukuda knew what he was talking. He had vague memories of Hatori saying that he saw Sho at the train station…the whole day before the thing with Suzuki was kind of a blur. It was like his brain was telling him, no, none of that was anywhere near as important as what had happened with Suzuki…but of course that wasn't right. Nothing could have been more important than Sho….not even when he was kind of wrong….
Fukuda had no idea what Sho thought that he'd been doing trying to take a train by himself but he knew that it couldn't have possibly been anything good.
"Because you were at the train station on your own." said Fukuda. He braced himself. Sho kicked the table and his aura slammed into Fukuda's. It passed, though, which was good. If he'd been younger then he would have broken something. He was growing up…but not as fast as he thought he was.
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" said Sho
"Shutting up." Said Fukuda. He decided to let Sho get through this on his own. He'd come out of this and then they'd talk, he'd assure Sho that no matter what Fukuda would love him, and then Sho would make the tiny individual hamster salads and then go home. It wasn't clairvoyance, Fukuda just knew Sho that well.
"Yeah…yeah! You should shut up! You should shut up forever and…and just…shut up!" said Sho. Fukuda nodded and then picked at his dinner. Sho needed space to get this out of his system. He needed to get these things out of his system now before he woke up one day on his forties, looked in the mirror, and realized that he was his father. Maybe that had been the thing to mess Suzuki up…all of that repression….
Though sometimes a little repression could be good….but not in Sho's case.
"Uh-huh." Said Fukuda. He nodded and let Sho go on. Suzuki…maybe it was best if he didn't let things out. Maybe it was best if he just kept everything in for a long time. Sho was different. Sho had actual troubles in his life and…and Fukuda….well he liked helping. Maybe if he listened to enough of Sho's troubles he could forget about his own problems…
Fukuda knew that he was being selfish but right now he didn't care.
"Everyone should just…should just shut up! I mean it's just…I'm not a little kid anymore!" said Sho
"You're right, you're not a little kid anymore." Said Fukuda. Sho blinked. What? He was right. Sho was going to be twelve in a couple of months. He wasn't the little four year old, six year old, eight year old he had been. He was…he was tall enough now that he didn't have to sit on a book to see over the top of the table anymore…and he had problems in his life beyond his sister bossing him around and his dad ignoring him….
There was a lot more for Fukuda to help with these days….even if he didn't fully know how.
"I just…I'm not a little kid and…and I'm not…I'm not afraid of dad! I can go wherever I want to go and so whatever I want to do and love whoever I want to love and…and you can't….stop being on dad's side." said Sho. Fukuda sighed.
"I'm not on his side, Sho." said Fukuda. That was…not an admission of betrayal. He couldn't admit betrayal since he hadn't betrayed anyone. He was just…speaking the truth. He was on Sho's side, he'd always been on Sho's side, and he always would be on Sho's side. He loved Sho and he'd promised Masami that he'd do whatever he could to look after Sho….well he'd made her a lot of promises…but this was the one that he could keep. He had no idea where she had wound up in this world so bringing her Sho was out of the question…not that he would have been able to bring Sho to his mother….not while Claw was around. Not while they could have been followed, stalked, no matter where in the world they went.
If there hadn't been Claw…well then it wouldn't have mattered. He never would have met Sho in the first place.
"Yeah you are….you're his best friend…and your best friend is always supposed to be on your side….at least that's what I thought." Muttered Sho
"Friendship…can be complicated. I can be friends with your dad but that doesn't mean that I agree with everything that he does." Said Fukuda. That was toeing the line of treason. He…he wasn't speaking out against Suzuki…but he wasn't agreeing with him either. Suzuki made some bad decisions. He let his vision cloud, well, his vision. Too much ambition, not enough thought. That led him to doing certain stupid things…not just Claw related things. Suzuki didn't fail. He'd never failed once….so of course he had thought…whatever had been going through his head when he'd seen fit to kiss Fukuda…to try and start…whatever it was that he had been trying to do…
Fukuda knew exactly what Suzuki had been trying to do…thought….he wished he didn't.
"Then you're a bad friend." Said Sho
"Yeah…you're probably right." Said Fukuda. He was actually a damn good friend. Anyone else would have taken a swing at Suzuki long ago…and actually he had. Back when they'd been kids and he hadn't known just how dangerous Suzuki was…and Suzuki hadn't been done growing yet. Fukuda hadn't seen him explode, truly explode, until they'd been eighteen. He should have….if he'd been a better friend then he never would have let that happen…so maybe he was a terrible friend…or maybe it just meant that Suzuki was the terrible friend…
Yes, that made a hell of a lot more sense.
"Stop agreeing with me! I don't need you to lie to me!" said Sho
"I'm not lying, I honestly agree with you. Life…it hasn't been good for you lately. I don't agree with the way that your dad's been treating you…and a few other things that you don't need to know about. I work for him, I do what he tells me to do, but that doesn't mean that I agree with everything he says and does. He can say and do some really stupid things sometimes." Said Fukuda
"You mean like how the part of the Ninth Division sank into the ground because of all the tunnels?" asked Sho
"…no…actually I wasn't aware of that…" said Fukuda. He should have been aware of that…had he been told about that? He should have been told…even with everything that happened he shouldn't have been this far out of the loop. Suzuki must have been angry with him….or ignoring him….either way being this far out of the loop wasn't good. Nobody was truly irreplaceable. Some people, like him, were difficult to replace…but nobody was truly irreplaceable in Claw….to Suzuki….
Even people he loved.
He'd replaced Masami after all. He'd replaced her with that Shiori woman. Fukuda didn't know her but he knew that there was no way she held a candle to Masami. She was everything that Masami wasn't. Masami had been someone who was just so selfless…so incredibly selfless and kind and…and Shiori nearly burnt her old organization to the ground for whatever reason and now that she realized how hard it was to hold onto power she'd decided to hold onto Suzuki. How he could have possibly replaced her…well that was a testament to the kind of person that he was. That he could replace someone as perfect as her with Shiori….or…or maybe even Fukuda now that he thought about it…remembered it….
He needed a drink.
"Well it did. Hatori was talking about it today and now dad's freaking out and stuff. He won't leave his room but I don't care. The only one who cares about him is big sis and she can worry for the both of us. She won't let him starve, though, which kind of sucks…" said Sho
"No, your sister…she isn't that sort of person…" said Fukuda
"Yeah, she's really nice and stuff….but that doesn't mean that she has to side with dad! Like…it doesn't even matter….I just…I told her what happened and she said that Shimazaki was right and that if dad had caught me then he would have been mad…but he was already mad! He made that whole earthquake! Remember? Remember the-" said Sho
"What's this about Shimazaki? He was right about something? I find that hard to believe, I doubt that man's ever been right about anything in his life." Said Fukuda with a laugh that was in no way real. Sho wouldn't notice. No, Fukuda had just spoken a word against Shimazaki…more than one word. Sho wouldn't stand for this. Shimazaki is, was, and always would be the man of his dreams…for reasons that Fukuda would never be able to understand.
He didn't have to understand it to be able to use it.
Any minute now Sho would shout at him. He'd say something about Fukuda not knowing what he was talking about, something about how Shimazaki was the greatest person to ever live, something about how as Shimazaki's best friend he wouldn't hear a word against him. Fukuda braced himself….but it didn't come. Instead Sho just reached over and shoved his plate of food onto the floor. Fukuda didn't mind. The cat would clean it up.
He hadn't been that hungry, anyway.
"What? Aren't you going to yell at me?" asked Sho
"Have I ever?" asked Fukuda. He had no idea what went through Sho's mind sometimes. He had never once, never once that he could remember, raised his voice to Sho…no matter what Sho had done to him. No matter how much screaming and hitting…breaking things….temper tantrums….no matter what happened Fukuda had never once raised his voice to Sho. He wasn't capable of it. He loved Sho too much.
"No….you never have….but I just-" said Sho
"Does it look like I care? I can always make dinner again. There's always going to be more food but there's only going to be one you. I don't care if you completely trash my kitchen or even the whole house. Hell, you could burn it to the ground for all I care. The only thing that I care about is you and what you're going through…so please, just tell me whatever you're going through. Just…tell me what's wrong." Said Fukuda
"…well you should care if I burned the house down….then all the hamsters and the cat would die." Said Sho
"I know that you'd make sure nobody was in the house before you torched it." Said Fukuda. Not that he had ever thought that Sho was capable of doing such things. He was a good boy. Suzuki…yeah, Suzuki would have torched a house even at that age if someone had wronged him. Sho was more like Masami…he was a good person like she had been…like she still was…no matter where she had wound up in this world.
"Yeah…yeah! I would!" said Sho
"You're a good person like that, Sho, I know you….and I know when something's wrong." Said Fukuda
"Nothing's wrong. I mean…it's just….dad sucks! Dad sucks dicks in a public bathroom for ten yen…no…for five yen coins! He's a dick that sucks dicks!" shouted Sho
"And?" asked Fukuda
"You're not going to be all 'language' like you always do?" asked Sho
"No, I'm going to let you have this one." said Fukuda
"Well…..you're being weird!" said Sho
"No, I agree with you. Your dad…he isn't the best person." Said Fukuda. Sho looked at him like he'd just grown a second head. His eyebrows hit his hair line, his jaw hit the floor, and he wasn't breathing. That…what? Was this so surprising? Well…well maybe this was…weird. Fukuda…he had never said something this treasonous before….he'd only thought it….
But he knew that he could trust Sho.
"…..you're trying to trick me…" said Sho
"I'm not. You know that I would never do that to you." Said Fukuda
"I don't know anything! Nothing makes sense anymore! If Shimazaki can be on dad's side then…then what's stopping you?" asked Sho. Fukuda didn't exactly appreciate being compared to Shimazaki Ryou…but Sho didn't know what he was saying. As far as he knew Shimazaki was, as he'd said before, the coolest person that he'd ever met. Sho didn't know just what that man had done…and he was probably unaware of what was happening between Shimazaki and Shigeko….though that last part…he may not have had much of a choice in that one….
It wasn't exactly easy to say no to the most powerful being on Earth.
Fukuda…he never would have thought that Suzuki would have just come out and done….what he'd done. It had come out of nowhere, well, not when he thought about it. Suzuki had spent his entire life repressing just about everything and now…now he was…becoming someone who Fukuda didn't know how to deal with. He was becoming more like Shigeko…and he had no idea what he was supposed to do about Shigeko….what he was supposed to do with Shigeko…and they didn't need another Shigeko…
But they were getting one.
"I'm not on his side…the only person whose side I'm on is yours." Said Fukuda
"No, you're on dad's side. You're his best friend or you're scared of him or…or whatever! You're probably scared of him….even Shimazaki is scared of him….but I'm not! You know that's the only reason anyone listens to him, the only reason….he's just…he's not even that scary! I bet that big sis could take him if she wanted to." Said Sho
"We both know that your sister would never betray him." said Fukuda. Shigeko was set to inherit the world, she had no reason to betray her father. Suzuki loved her the most out of all of his children…well there was Mukai. Fukuda had never seen Suzuki so involved with a toddler before….but Shigeko would come of age long before Mukai did. Suzuki would perform some mental gymnastics to justify leaving the world to someone who didn't have a single drop of his blood. Either her or…or that son Suzuki was trying to have…..
Sho wasn't going to end up inheriting anything.
"Yeah…she's too nice…but…but maybe if….maybe I fi got really strong when I grew up-" said Sho
"Sho, no. Don't even think like that. You're going to grow up to be a powerful esper…hell, you already are a powerful esper…but your dad will always be the most powerful. There's nothing that you can do…and if he even thinks that you're up to something then he'll-" said Fukuda
"He's not going to do anything to me. Big sis made him promise….and anyway it's not like he can do more than hit me and I'm used to being hits so it doesn't matter." said Sho
"Sho…no. Don't talk like that." Said Fukuda
"Like what? Don't tell the truth!? I'm dad's only son and he needs me to inherit the earth. Big sis and baby sis can't do it because they're girls and mom ran away a long time ago so he can't have any more kids." Said Sho
"Sho….you know that Mukai is only your half-sister, right?" asked Fukuda
"Yeah I know….but it's not like her mom is ever coming back either. Girls don't like dad, that's why they keep on running away from him." said Sho
"Sho…your dad….he could have another son…" said Fukuda. He didn't know what to say. Sho thought that he was safe, he felt safe, and Fukuda…he didn't want to destroy that safety….but it was a false safety. Sho was having the same treasonous thoughts that Fukuda was having, had been having for a while, but….for Fukuda these were just thoughts. Little ways his mind tried to make life a little bit more bearable. He wasn't ever going to try anything. He knew better.
But Sho didn't.
Sho was just a child. He didn't know what his father was capable of. Sho was a child but….but he wasn't a small child anymore. He was old enough to know the truth of it, that his father could and would replace him, that nobody was safe in Claw. Nobody was irreplaceable. Everyone could be cast aside if they got in the way of Suzuki's goals…
World domination and…whatever else.
"No he can't. Girls don't like him." said Sho
"Sho your dad….he's been….thinking about having more kids…." Said Fukuda. Sho…he wasn't ready for the whole truth. He wasn't ready to know that his mother had been replaced. He wasn't ready to know…to know just what….what could happen to him. He just knew that he needed to…to play along…or at least not make such a problem out of himself that Suzuki washed his hands of Sho and decided to just start all over again…..and Fukuda had to be the one to tell him….
Not that it looked like Sho was up to listening.
"No he hasn't." said Sho with confidence that Fukuda wished that he had.
"Yes, he has….and…just keep the treason plans to yourself. Sho….I love you. I love you like my own son and I want you to be safe…but I can't keep you safe if you're going to…to put yourself in danger like this." said Fukuda. Sho glared at him and pulled the vegetable bag close.
"You're just not brave, that's all. You're a coward. You're so scared of dad that you don't even….that you can't even think….you know if we had enough people we could do it! Take everything away from dad like he….like he…..if you don't want to help me then that's fine! You just sit here and do whatever dad says….I'm going to make hamster salads! So fuck you!" said Sho. Fukuda didn't think that the last 'fuck you' had been needed…but he had kept his language pretty clean…he was growing up.
Too fast.
Maybe when he grew up he would end up strong enough to stop Suzuki. He was getting older, he was nearly fifty, and his body at least was starting to break down. His back had been killing him for years…and he wasn't as physically strong as he used to be. Maybe it worked the same way with psychic powers? Fukuda didn't know. His hadn't dulled with age….though he hadn't aged in years. Maybe Sho would end up growing up big and strong, strong enough to stop his father….but then there was Shigeko. There was no way that she would let go or whatever power she wound up with…even if she did love Sho….if anything was going to be done it would have to be done before Shigeko grew up. While her main priorities were men, clothes, makeup, and partying. Before she grew up…
Not that anything was going to happen.
There was nothing that he or anyone else could do…so he would do nothing. He'd clean up, he'd help Sho make tiny salads, and he'd get on with his night. He'd wake up in the morning and go to work like he always did…and then he'd do it all again. Sho…he was still young enough to think that these things were possible….that he had a chance…but he didn't. Nobody had a chance. Suzuki was going to take over the world and he'd probably hold onto power for a while…so there was nothing that he could do but go along for the ride…
Sometimes the only thing that you could do, no matter how much you wished there was another option, was to do nothing.