Ryou was like a dog sometimes.
"What are you doing over there, Ryou?" asked Minegishi as Ryou dug around in the ground by some trees. He was such a dog sometimes. Always digging things up for them to find. There was an entire corner of the blanket devoted to things he'd found. Bottle caps, rocks, bits of wood, crushed soda cans, even someone's wayward keys. Junk, all kinds of junk, but…endearing junk. That was what Ryou was, endearing.
There were so many words that they had for Shimazaki Ryou right now but endearing was the best one.
"Toshi, look what I found!" said Shimazaki as he ran over handed Toshi what felt like the smoothest rock he'd ever felt in his entire life. Well rock he found out in the wild. There were some really smooth rocks in fish bowls and at the decorative rock and crystal store…wait, were crystals rocks? He'd have to ask Toshi. They'd know. Toshi knew everything.
They were the smartest person he had ever met in his life and he had so much love for them inside of himself that he knew that he was going to explode…and that was fine by him.
"It's a rock." Said Minegishi
"Does it rock?" asked Shimazaki
"Of course it does, but does it roll, that's the question now isn't it?" said Minegishi
"Let's find out." Said Shimazaki. Toshi was sitting cross legged, that made this easier. He took the rock and put it at the outer edge of their leg before rolling it inwards. They laughed…he hadn't heard them laugh in so long...there was no more perfect sound than the sound of Toshi laughing. They were so…it was like someone had taken one of those nice Christmas bells and submerged it in a vat of pudding…but that good kind with the chocolate sprinkles. You could never have too much chocolate….not that he wanted any. The last thing he wanted to do right now was eat…well unless it was Toshi.
He would and could have eaten Toshi all day, birthday be damned.
"Hmm…so it does roll…but it looks like it's stuck, now doesn't it." Said Minegishi. They tried and failed not to laugh. God…they were so bad at flirting…had they always been so bad at flirting? God…they embarrassed themselves sometimes, sometimes even bad enough that they laughed at themselves…like now.
Had they always been this funny?
And had Ryou always been this…Ryou? He was so close and he was smiling…it felt like they hadn't seen him smile in years…they kissed him. They kissed him as his hand made it closer to where he knew for a fact that they wanted it to be. Fuck the fact that they were outside…and that they'd gotten kicked out of the botanical gardens already. The woods was better anyway. Nature the way it was meant to be….also very talkative nature…
No, they had no intention of not crushing the grass.
Ryou had brought them to what must have been the only patch of grass in this entire forest. They knew that it was because they were the one responsible for it's existence. Ryou had brought them here before…maybe because it felt safe to him. They didn't know. He'd been so unlike himself lately…but he was back to normal now. They hadn't had to do anything. There was nothing that they could have done. Losing his powers had really shaken him up…but he was fine now. He was better than fine…this was better than fine. This whole day was perfect and he was perfect and they were anything but perfect but he saw them as perfect…the only person who saw them as anything other than what they were was completely blind…what did that say about them? That the only time someone saw something worth anything inside of them was completely blind and….and….
Drugs were a hell of a drug.
"Hey Toshi…don't be afraid…sing a sad song…and make it better…" said Shimazaki between kisses. He knew Toshi. He knew them inside and out, body and mind, and aura too. Something was wrong….they were starting to slip away from him, back to the dark place. He had no idea what dark was but he had been told that darkness was what he 'saw' when he opened his eyes. He didn't see anything and that absence was called darkness.
He knew darkness as cold.
When it was 'dark' outside it got colder. That was how he told day from night. Toshi got cold when they went to the dark place. It was like anything and everything that was Toshi, the warmth of them, just disappeared when they went to that dark place…the same place Shimazaki had almost gone to today. Thank God for Mob…well Mob had been the cause of it…but she was also the solution. She always gave the best birthday presents. Even when she'd been a kid she'd been the giver of good gifts…
That shoebox of his favorite things had been the best gift that he had ever gotten….up to that point in his life.
This time she'd gotten him coke and molly and mushrooms, last year it had been the same thing but with weed instead of the molly. How had she known that he liked Molly? They needed to do Molly together…but not now. Right now he and Toshi were doing coke. He'd save the molly for her if she ever felt like spending time with him again…..
Not he was going to the dark place.
Toshi was kissing him now. They weren't doing anything but breathing in the spaces between kisses…and that wouldn't do at all. He needed them to say something, to do something, to pull him out of the dark place…he needed to go. He needed to move. He needed to do something other than sit on that blanket…
He got up.
"Ryou, what are you doing?" asked Minegishi. One minute things had been perfect and then they weren't. Ryou got up…and part of them thought he was going to leave. Part of them expected him to tell them that he was going to go and….and they had no idea where that part had come from. They were the one who'd left him. They knew that he would never go…stupid brain….he was looking around now. They could feel his aura bouncing around. They put a hand to the ground. He was acting like a dog did when it sensed danger…but they couldn't sense anything. Only the plants and the animals. There wasn't a single human around for kilometers. They were truly alone….they could have done anything….
It was Ryou's birthday so he got to choose…within reason of course.
"Restless….I'm restless….I'm starting to go to the dark place and I'm restless." Said Shimazaki. He looked around…every single place felt the same. No matter where he went his stupid mind would follow, he knew that, so why was he even standing. He could feel Toshi's aura under his feet. They were looking around too…did they want to move? They were restless…but a different sort of restless…Toshi was a fucking tsunami right now….
God, he fucing loved Toshi…and he loved fucking Toshi.
Was that it, though? He would fuck Toshi and then…and then what? Sometimes he wondered why they even needed him at all. Probably for the sex. Vibrators got boring after a while and he knew their body as well as he knew his own. So that was why they needed him…that and the love…but love could go. Someone could love you and then die…or…or try and kill you…or avoid and ignore you no matter how many times you tried to tell them 'look at me' and 'I'm here' but she still looked right through you like….like you weren't someone worth looking at…like you weren't anything….like you weren't even supposed to have been born….and…and she looked at him like…like she wanted to be with him…like she-
A hand grabbed his. Toshi's.
He forgot how much smaller their hand was than his. It as easy to forget. Their aura was one thing but their body was another…and they were so small…something inside of him told him to protect them. Something inside of him said 'keep this person safe you moron' and he listened. They were pulling him back down onto the blanket. He let them even though he had to move, every muscle in his body was telling him to move. To get up and walk and run and….and just….to do something….but he didn't do anything.
He just sat down beside Toshi.
"Don't go to the dark place, Ryou, it's your birthday…and also you're going to ruin this for me if you do that." Said Minegishi as they pulled Ryou down onto their level. He put and arm around them and crushed them into his chest. They didn't pull away. They knew that they should have but the October air was starting to get that winter's, or at least fall's, bite to it….and he was big and strong and warm. Inside of their mind they felt something growing…the urge to protect him….the urge to be protected by him…they fought it out in Minegishi's mind.
The urge to protect him won.
They grew the grass high around their bodies so that, by the end of it, they looked like they were lost in a haystack. Find the espers in the haystack, only a hundred yen. They could have made a killing, enough to fund their own esper terrorist cult organization with some legitimate businesses sprinkled throughout. Then they could have made their own rules and lived their own life…and gotten Mob out of there…and maybe just…maybe they just wanted to live in the tall grass forever. They could have put down roots and made this their home….that would have been something….
But Ryou was more of a dog than a plant and he needed more to live than soil and water and sunlight.
"Toshi….what are you doing?" asked Shimazaki as he heard their aura sing. He could feel it, too, all around him. Something was poking at him from all side…he inhaled. Grass…it smelled like grass…grass and springtime. That may have been Toshi, though, they always smelled like springtime underneath that lavender stuff they wore. They were springtime. They were growth and plants and all of that wonderful shit that he loved and wished that he could just keep for himself…well not for himself, Toshi was a person, but if there was some way that he could make sure that Toshi never left him…that they never found anyone better than him….that they never looked right through him like he was nothing….
Fuck you, insecurity, I don't need you here!
"Hiding you." Said Minegishi
"Why?" asked Shimazaki
"So the darkness doesn't get you." Said Minegishi
"I can't feel the sun anymore." Said Shimazaki
"Do you still want to go to the dark place?" asked Minegishi
"No…and I never wanted to go there. It's been calling to me for a while and I just…it's my fucking insecurity. I've been nothing but insecurity lately and I hate it." Said Shimazaki with a sigh. Some grass got in his mouth. He pushed it out with his tongue. Tasted like normal grass…he would have thought that it would've tasted like Toshi since it certainly felt like them. It was like he was surrounded by a wall of Toshi…but if they were alive, not like how some walls had dead bodies in them.
"I've been making you feel insecure? Ryou. I came back. I know that I fucked up but that was the Xanax and the depression, which I'm pretty sure I've been self-medicating with the Xanax for, and just…my own stupid insecurity." Said Minegishi. They were going to have to pay for that one for the rest of eternity, weren't they? Fine. They'd fucked up but…but there had to be some kind of statute of limitations on fucking up! It wasn't like they had been in their right mind and….and they loved him…he knew that they loved him, right?
Right?
"No, not you. Mob." Said Shimazaki
"Mob? How in the hell has Mob of all people been making you feel insecure? She's Mob." Said Minegishi. They weren't deaf to the gossip around them. Hatori had this crazy idea in his head that Ryou was too close with Mob. That was how he was with everyone. It wasn't like he was trying to sleep with her. Mob would have said something if Ryou had even made so much as a pass at her.
She was too smart for him.
She could do so much better, like a guy her own age, and she knew it. She wouldn't have wanted anything to do with Ryou and they knew Ryou, he respected the word 'no' and that was better than a lot of the men that they'd known in their lifetime. He wouldn't have done anything to her and, honestly, they were vaguely disappointed in Hatori for starting rumors like that.
It wasn't like there was any shortage of drama in their group.
"I know! It's like…ok. So it started off great but now she's been so distant and busy all the time. I mean she says that she isn't avoiding me but, come on, she's picking Serizawa over me? What does he have that I don't have?" said Shimazaki
"Complete and utter dependence on Mob for his sense of safety and self." Said Minegishi. They…did not like where this was going…but they were also high as fuck. They were bouncing their legs and drumming their fingers. They needed to move…preferably with him…and preferably now…but their actual brain had to assume command. Ryou was talking about Mob like she was something to him other than, well, Mob. They had been feeling her absence too and, yeah, it hurt a little but they understood. Suzuki was going through some emotional shit, woe is he for having a gay son, and he was dealing with that by monopolizing Mob's time. Anything that she had left went to Serizawa.
Ryou was overreacting, which was normal for him, but…still a little worrying.
"Right….right! Right. Right? Right. Right. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right-" said Shimazaki
"Ryou!" said Minegishi. Nope. There was enough ringing in their brain already. Between the state that they had gotten themselves in and the cacophony of sound these plants were putting out they wouldn't have been surprised if they went deaf from all of this…and they did not need Ryou to add to their growing headache….they needed a drink. Where'd the water get to?
"-left. Ok, so how many was that?" asked Shimazaki. He could sense Toshi feeling around…he assumed that they were looking for the water based on how their tongue was sticking to their teeth. He reached behind himself and handed it to them. They drank it down and tossed the bottle away…but that was alright. He'd come prepared.
"I don't know. More than two and less than a hundred?" Said Minegishi as they did their part to make the planet a slightly worse place.
"Ok, so more than two rights and less than a hundred make a left." Said Shimazaki
"I have no idea what you're even talking about…but I love it. I love it and I love you and I don't love it when you're insecure…so if you're feeling insecure just come to me and leave Mob alone." Said Minegishi
"I can't go to you, Toshi, that's the problem. You think that I'm needy-" said Shimazaki
"Ryou, no. We are not talking about this anymore. I was concussed when I said that. Ok, yeah, you can be needy sometimes but I don't think that you're an inherently needy person." Said Minegishi
"Wait, what's the-" said Shimazaki
"And I don't want you putting your shit onto Mob. She has a lot going on in her life and she doesn't need to deal with whatever's happening inside of your head…and anyway you've been a little too close to her. People are talking and if you keep this up they're going to start talking to me and then I'm going to have to tell them to fuck off so, please, stop teasing Mob again or whatever you're doing." Said Minegishi. Ryou went quiet there and he pulled his aura in close….what? It wasn't like they were making a list of truly insane demands. Stop teasing Mob. That wasn't so much to ask now was it?
"Toshi…if you can tell me to drop it with Mob then I get to tell you to drop it with Matsuo." Said Shimazaki. What in the hell was Toshi on about? They had agreed to some rules, mutually agreed, and now they wanted to change everything around without so much as asking him how he felt? What the fuck was that about? They'd done this before when they started seriously dating Matsuo…the rule was that they could fuck whoever they wanted to but falling in love was out…but then they'd changed it and if they got another boyfriend then he got a….well he and Mob had never defined the relationship…
He was into her. That was the stage that they were at and that was where they were going to stay unless she said otherwise.
"Ryou….you're high and I'm high….so either you're not making sense or I snorted enough coke that I put a hole in my brain. Now which is it?" asked Minegishi. They kind of wished that they had a hole in their brain. Ryou was talking like he and Mob…like he wanted there to be a him and Mob…but that was insane. She was only…at the lower end of….but still! He had known her since she was a kid and…well of course that wouldn't have stopped him….
Oh. God.
Mob could make her own choices when it came to her body and her heart….and they hoped that she made good ones. Better ones than they had. When they'd been her age they'd done so much that they weren't ready for…gone along with so many things that they knew they didn't want…well they had been starved for love. They had been like a plant in that cheap soil they sold in some places. Devoid of nutrients. So of course they soaked up what they could. They had been twelve, stupid, and looking for love in the only way that they knew how.
Mob was smarter than they were.
She had love, a lot of it, and….yeah, she was at that age. They knew that she was the one who borrowed books from under their bed. They knew that she had hit puberty. They knew that….well they knew that there wasn't a single thing they could do to stop her if she made some truly stupid choices…but Ryou wouldn't be one of her stupid choices. She was young and stupid, stupid in the way that everyone was when they were young, but Ryou…he was not going to be one of her mistakes…not that they had any control over her…not that they were going to tell her what she could and could not do with her body…
But they could try and make sure that she made fewer mistakes than they had.
"You brain seems fine but I'm pretty fucked up right now." Said Shimazaki
"So….so what, then? The rumors are true? You're trying to fuck Mob?" asked Minegishi. They tried to stay calm. They….they loved him and…and love made them stupid. Love had made them stupid when they'd been Mob's age and it made them stupid now and….and they held out hope that this shit wasn't true because if it was then…well Mob came first. Mob always came first.
"No, I'm not trying to fuck her. It's not a sex thing. Ok, she has perfect tits, the third cutest ass I've ever seen, and legs from here to-" said Shimazaki
"Ryou! She's twelve!" said Minegishi
"I know. She's not a kid or anything. She's just twelve." Said Shimazaki
"OK…she hit puberty….but still! Don't talk about her like that!" said Minegishi. Mob wasn't anywhere near being a grown woman. She was twelve and she looked it….but she wasn't a little kid anymore….but still! Ryou could be so…this was what happened when you…they didn't even know. There was so much in his life that had gone wrong they didn't think that it was any one thing. This needed to be studied. He needed a team of people working exclusively on him. Then they could come up with some way to fix…whatever this even was!
"Alright, fine, but it's not a sex thing! I'm not into her because she's twelve, I'm into her and she just so happens to be twelve-" said Shimazaki
"You shouldn't be INTO her at all! This is Mob!" said Minegishi
"I know, Toshi, I know she's Mob…and you think I asked for this? You think that I asked to wake up one day and realize that when she's near me I feel like there's a can of frosting melting inside of me? You think that I asked to…to fuck everything up between us? Well I didn't! I just…she's Mob. She listens to me and…and she really listens! And she's laid down her life for me and…and she cares about me-" said Shimazaki
"I listen to you! I care about you! I have laid down my life for yours so many times-" said Minegishi
"That was different. Those were missions. Mob…she caught bullets for me. I was just…I don't know, in shock? Mi showed up and-" said Shimazaki
"Mi as in…as in THAT Mi?" asked Minegishi. They knew this story. He'd told them…he'd volunteered it. The reason he got kicked out of his family, the one that his bloodline had belonged to since there even was a yakuza. He'd decided to get a little too friendly to too many people's daughters, including a girl who wasn't that much older than Mob was now….and then he was banished. Mi was one of those girls and….well that explained why Suzuki had pretty much declared war on the underworld….
Poor Ryou…..but mostly poor Mob….but also poor Ryou….but mostly poor Minegishi since they were the one who had to deal with this!
"Yeah…she said some cryptic shit…and apparently she'd been planning her revenge for ten years….anyway she's dead now and Mob saved my ass and…and yeah. She saved me and…and she's just…always there, I guess. It's an emotional thing. If it had been a sex thing then of fucking course I would have ignored it. She doesn't want to fuck. I mean she can be a real tsunami sometimes but-" said Shimazaki
"Ryou. We're surrounded by plants. Maybe you shouldn't describe Mob as a tsunami or anything else relating to water." Said Minegishi lowly. They brought the plants in close around the two of them. Ryou must he been able to hear their aura…..to hear how pissed they were….and they had every right to be! That was…Ryou may not have known any better but that was crossing a line.
"Ok, ok, I'll shut up about Mob." Said Shimazaki. He raised his hands up in surrender even though he had no idea what Toshi was so pissed about. Mob got horny just like everyone else and he just so happened to notice and be the cause of it. It wasn't like he was pressuring her to do anything about it. It wasn't like that…and if he had done that then everything would have made a hell of a lot more sense. If he'd been pestering her for sex then, yes, by all means pretend that he didn't exist.
"Thank you." Said Minegishi with a sigh, a full body thing that did nothing to release the tension that plagued them.
"But it's not a sex thing. It's an emotional thing and…and I guess that's what's fucking me up. We used to have so much fun together but now it's like she just….it's like she looks right through me. She keeps on telling me that we'll hang out later but later never comes and it's like…like she thinks I'm….like she doesn't need me at all." said Shimazaki. He sighed and let go of Toshi. He wondered why Toshi even needed him at all…nobody needed him and…and he needed himself but…but not really and…and he was getting back to the dark place….he needed someone to pull him out. He couldn't pull himself out. Toshi was pissed at him, he figured they would have been….less pissed than this. Mob was their best friend and, yeah, there was a line there but he didn't think that it would have been so much of a problem…Toshi was pissed at him and…and he had no clue how he was supposed to even….to even go on with Toshi pissed at him like this….
"Ryou…does she know that you're into her. Did you tell her that you have feelings for her?" asked Minegishi slowly. Mob….she would have said something….right? This was Mob. She couldn't keep a secret to save her life. She was worse than Mukai….right?
"Yeah…but I never asked her to define the-" said Shimazaki
"If you say 'relationship' then I swear to God-" said Minegishi. They were so close to knocking some sense into him themselves. He must have been out of his mind…there was no other explanation. He had always been a little out there but this…this was a whole new world of what the fuckery…
"Why are you so pissed at me?" asked Shimazaki. He didn't get it. Toshi had feelings for Matsuo. If they could have feelings for someone else then why couldn't he? And Mob was a hell of a lot better than Matsuo anyway. She was nice, she was thoughtful, she smelled amazing, she had an amazing body and a personality to match. Normally people as pretty as she was could be real bastards but Mob was like Toshi, pretty on the inside and the outside. He didn't deserve someone like her…which might have been why he didn't have her…and why Toshi was so very pissed at him.
"Because…because this is Mob and she's twelve and…and you can't have feelings for her and you certainly can't sleep with her-" said Minegishi. Why did they have to explain this? Why did they-because Ryou was a moron. He was their moron but he was still a moron and…fucking Ryou! This was not how the wanted this day….anything….to go.
"I'm not trying to fuck her and…and I can't control who I have feelings for just like you can't." said Shimazaki
"That may be true but just…don't pursue her. She's twelve and…and she can do whatever she wants but…but she's too young, alright?" asked Minegishi
"Well when can I, then, if you know best." Said Shimazaki doing his best Toshi impression. Why did they think that they could tell him what to do? They weren't in charge here, Mob was, and…and maybe they should have taken it up with her before they decided to get all weird about this.
"I don't know! When she isn't twelve anymore! Just….you said that it's not a sex thing but I know you and I know how you are and I know that you wouldn't say no to her-" said Minegishi
"Of course I wouldn't." said Shimazaki. Why would he say not to her? He was into her and even if he hadn't been they were friends. It wasn't like she was some random person off the street. This was Mob. If you couldn't trust Mob of all people with your body then who could you trust?
"So just…leave her alone, alright? This is a boundary for me and I know what you're going to say and don't you dare compare you and her to me and Matsuo. Mob is twelve. Matsuo is a grown man." Said Minegishi
"Fine, if this means so much to you then I'll…then I won't define the relationship with her and I won't sleep with her, even if she asks, until she isn't twelve anymore. Alright?" asked Shimazaki. It was never a sex thing but people always fixated on that. People, in his opinion, put too much weight onto sex. Love, now that was important, since love didn't just…happen. Love took time to grow. Sex was just two people smashing into each other until they came. He could have done that with anyone…and he didn't even want to….well he did but on Mob's timetable since this shit meant a lot to her…and Toshi. In his opinion it was unfair of Toshi to put their timetable onto Mob but, fine, she wouldn't be twelve forever and he hated rejecting people but he loved Toshi more than he felt whatever he felt for Mob.
"Alright…now let's never speak of this again." said Minegishi. That was the only way that they were going to keep their rapidly slipping sanity…fucking Ryou. Now they weren't even….the ringing in their brain was there and the pounding of their heart but aside from that they were fully back to…well something close to normal. Ryou….they loved him but he could be such a moron sometimes.
Feelings. Feelings for Mob.
Mob was a very nice person, nice to a fault, and she was a compulsive caretaker too. Ryou was a black hole of emotion sometimes. He could be needy and Mob…she seemed to like needy people. Her dad…her brother…the way she took care of everyone. She was like Shibata but worse…and she'd hit puberty. This was bound to happen….they should have foreseen this….well Ryou had said back when he'd been teasing Mob that he would have developed feelings of some kind of her in three to four years…and Mob was twelve and a half…
Damn it.
He was going to get himself killed. If Suzuki didn't kill him then they knew that they would end up snapping one day and just…putting an end to all of this. Ryou was such an idiot sometimes. What did he think? That Suzuki would have given him his blessing? Suzuki was insane. Mob was his daughter, in his eyes his property, his sacred virgin and Minegishi doubted that Suzuki would be happy with the likes of Shimazaki Ryou tarnishing her. What did Ryou even think was going to happen if Suzuki lost even more of his marbles, if he had any left at this point, and said yes to his twelve year old daughter dating a man twenty years older than her? Did he think that everyone else would just stand around cheering and applauding? And what was his end goal here? What did he think, that they would just let him bring Mob into the relationship? And what even were her…what was her life plan? Anything besides wife and mother? Ryou was NOT going to go for that and…and….Ryou was such a moron sometimes.
He was like a dog chasing a car, really, he wanted it but he had no clue what he was going to do with it when he got it…but that was all a moot point. Nothing was going to happen. Minegishi had put a stop to this before it even started.