There was something to be said for good company.

Suzuki didn't NEED other people. Not in the traditional sense. He didn't need to keep anyone around to make up for any deficiencies he might have had because he had very few deficiencies. He wasn't the most social man in the world and the art of conversation evaded him at times but it wasn't like he had any massive deficiencies he needed to make up for. He just…enjoyed good company.

Even when that company was eating potato chips in the bed.

"Hatori, do you have to do that?" asked Suzuki as Hatori, once again, reached into his bag of potato chips and liberated another one. He held it between two fingers, two very orange fingers, and stared at it.

"Do what?" asked Hatori

"Eat in the bed." Said Suzuki

"I'm hungry, I couldn't have dinner. I just….I couldn't sit at the table with Shimazaki." Said Hatori. He cringed as he said that, that full face look like he had just bitten into a lemon. Suzuki really could not bring himself to blame Hatori for making a face like that. Sharing a table with Shimazaki…Suzuki would rather have sat through one of Sho's profanity filled tirades, one of Mukai's unexplainable tantrums, or one of Shigeko's moods that she got into sometimes than sit at a table with that man.

He hoped that he never had to.

Shigeko….she spent time with him. She spent a lot of time with him and….well he didn't want to look into that. He was damned no matter what he did. If he told her to stay away from him then he would have ended up alienating her…if she even obeyed him. If she obeyed him then she would have been alienated and angry with him…and if he said nothing then he could very well have ended up with Shimazaki as a son in law…

He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't….and he had enough to worry about as it was so he was going to choose to ignore this problem right now.

"I don't blame you." Said Suzuki

"It's-it's not like….ok, I know that I should have told you and I tried to but then you said…you know what? It's over. He said that it wasn't…like that…with her so…so everything's ok. I just don't want to share a table with him…or a movie night…or-" said Hatori

"I just said that I didn't blame you. You have no need to explain yourself and even if you did I wouldn't have wanted you to. Not if you plan on being this annoying." Said Suzuki. Hatori jumped. He jumped in the bed…it shook unpleasantly. If he had been anyone else Suzuki would have kicked him out but Hatori was, mostly, good company and a good friend….and Suzuki could make allowances for his friends.

"I can leave if you want me to…I mean I don't want to but I could. They're having movie night next door and I don't want to go but if you want to-" said Hatori

"You know what I'm going to say, I have never once given you an answer other than 'no' and I am giving you the same answer once again. No. Now stop asking and occupy yourself with something else. Eat your potato chips." Said Suzuki. No. He wanted good company not…not their company. Shigeko's friends. They were hers and not his…well Serizawa was alright…and Minegishi was intelligent, witty, and beautiful in a way that he couldn't place…and Shibata could be tolerable…Tsuchiya was a very nice woman. Not much for the eyes but then again not every woman in the world would appeal to him…and he shouldn't have been looking at other women anyway. He had a fiancée now and his eyes needed to stop wandering…maybe spending time with Hatori wasn't the best way to…

Well she had said that men were alright.

She had told him, ordered him actually, to have as many men as he wanted. He wanted…he was at the point in his life where he could admit that he wanted Fukuda to take him…to push him over his desk and take him until….he could admit that to himself. He was bisexual and he could admit that…and act on it…another reason not to go next door. He needed to be on his own, or with good company, so he could sort himself out. Shigeko's friends were not that kind of company.

Hatori, on the other hand, was good company…most of the time.

"Doritos." Said Hatori

"What?" asked Suzuki

"They're Doritos…and they're really good. You want one?" asked Hatori. He held out a bag of chips that smelled like…cheese and chili powder? A mild sort of chili powder…not good. They didn't look good or smell good. The only foods which he ate were oranges….and he hadn't had an orange in years thanks to his son and his allergy…Suzuki wished that Sho's allergies were the least of his flaws. The adultery….it was Suzuki's fault…he had no right to get angry with his son for that. He had no right to blame anyone but himself….was it the same for his allergies? He must have gotten them from somewhere…he had gotten his bisexuality from Suzuki….but neither he nor Masami had been allergic to oranges….he had no idea. Genetics were strange...people were strange…life was strange…

Modern food science was very strange.

"No thank you." Said Suzuki

"Are you sure? They taste like nachos." Said Hatori like that was supposed to be a selling point. Suzuki liked nachos….the way mother used to make. Cucumbers with cottage cheese and ketchup on top. That was good. Those chips….not so much.

"I'm not a fan." Said Suzuki

"Of nachos? Really?" asked Hatori

"Yes. Is that so hard to believe?" asked Suzuki. He was a picky eater and he knew it. His parents had told him as such when he'd been small. He'd learned to choke down what was put in front of him. He still choked down what was put in front of him if he had no other choice. Shigeko was a good cook…for a few things. She made a good omelet and her curry was to die for, not to mention her tempura…but when she tried to branch out it wasn't the best. He still choked her cooking down, it wasn't like he had a choice on those occasions. On this one, however, he was saying 'no'.

"Kind of. I mean I know you don't like most things but everyone likes nachos." Said Hatori

"Well I don't. Not in the traditional sense. I prefer them the way mother used to make." Said Suzuki

"Your mom made you nachos when you were a kid? Really?" asked Hatori. Suzuki nodded. He wondered what Hatori was asking so many questions for. Suzuki had a mother. She was dead now. When she had been alive she'd fed him. That was what mothers did. They fed you.

"Yes. That's what mothers do, they feed you." Said Suzuki. He wondered…part of him wondered, even though there was no point to wondering, what the last thing his mother had ever fed him had been. He…he hadn't touched his lunch…that day. He hadn't had time. Mother and father…the hadn't given him the chance. As soon as he'd sat down mother and father had asked, demanded, his plan for his future…and when he told them that he was going to rule the world they laughed…well first they laughed…then mother cried…and father…father looked him right in the eye and told him that there was no chance whatsoever that he would ever end up ruling the world….and that he needed more realistic goals….

And then the next thing he knew the entire front of his house had been gone…as had his parents.

"Yeah, they do. My mom, she used to make me this thing when I had a bad day. She'd take a hotdog, cut it in half, and then fry it with a piece of cheese. When it was done she'd close it and serve it in a slice of pizza." Said Hatori

"That…sounds revolting." Said Suzuki

"What'd your mom make you, then?" asked Hatori

"I told you already, nachos." Said Suzuki

"But with what on them? Knowing you I'm thinking that there were eggs and ketchup involved." Said Hatori

"No eggs but there was ketchup. She used to slice cucumbers and top them with cottage cheese and then further top them with ketchup." Said Suzuki. Hatori stared at him. He made a face that Suzuki couldn't read. His aura, on the other hand, told a simple story. It was a story of a man who was frightened and wanted to retreat…so Hatori, pretty much. Suzuki had no idea what he was always so frightened of. It wasn't as though he was ever going to let anything harm Hatori. They were friends.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Suzuki

"Nothing just...please don't get pissed at me but that's the grossest thing that I have ever heard in my life." Said Hatori. Suzuki shoved him out of the bed. Not hard enough to hurt him, not even hard enough to hurt the wall. He just overbalanced Hatori so he went tumbling over the side of the bed. He took care, though, to catch his glasses as they fell off. It wasn't as though he wanted to actually harm Hatori in any way.

"Sorry! Sorry! I'm-" said Hatori. Suzuki picked him up and put him back in the bed. Honesty. He should have known that something like this would happen. Hatori was always so overly emotional.

"Enough." Said Suzuki as he sat Hatori back down in the bed. He put Hatori glasses back on carefully. They seemed delicate. The last thing he wanted to do was break them. Then Hatori would just end up more helpless, nervous, and skittish than he already was. It was a shame that he needed to wear those glasses, though, he really had a nice face. There was a softness to him that Suzuki….really should not have been looking at. That was Hatori and, yes, he was attractive but the last thing he needed were more unexplainable feelings for his male friends. He'd already ruined one friendship, or at least complicated it, he didn't need to do the same to this one.

"I'm-" said Hatori

"I said enough. Honestly. I have no idea why you're carrying on like this." said Suzuki

"You just pushed me out of the bed! I could have died!" said Hatori

"No, I would not have let that happen to you. I took great care in shoving you gently. I even saved your glasses. Be grateful." Said Suzuki

"…you still didn't have to push me." Said Hatori. Suzuki shook his head. Of course he hadn't HAD to. There were very few things he absolutely had to do. That was the beauty of being the most powerful man in the world. He could do whatever he wanted. He only followed basic social conventions because they benefited him. He knew that shoving Hatori, well if he had been anyone else it would have been socially unacceptable, was fine because they were friends. He used to shove Tadashi all the time, it had been easy, and most of the time he'd been asking for it.

Like the time he insulted mother's cooking.

There was nothing disgusting about cucumbers with cottage cheese and ketchup on them. There was nothing wrong with it and Fukuda, well he shouldn't have said that there was. He hadn't taken care, of course, not to harm him. It had been pointless since he could heal. He had pushed him too hard and then…well he had been more upset about the stars falling off of his headboard than Fukuda's bloody nose…and it hadn't made any sense why Fukuda had been so upset either since he could heal himself up just fine. He wondered if it would have been appropriate to ask…to just get up and go to Fukuda's home…if that was a good enough excuse. He, of course, was Suzuki Touichirou. He could do whatever he wanted to do and go wherever he wanted to go….and…and…

This was where he had to be…where he wanted to be…he had no desire to be around Fukuda or to…to…to…to think about him….

"You sound just like Tada-like Fukuda." Said Suzuki before he could even think…well he had been thinking. He had been thinking about Fukuda. He had been thinking about how…how he was just so….how he made no sense and all the sense. How he was somehow the most loyal man Suzuki had ever met and the only traitor he had ever let live. How he somehow managed to make every moment Suzuki spent near him both wonderful and soul crushingly terrifying…how he….how he….

How thirty two years ago he'd insulted mother's cooking and gotten shoved off the bed for his trouble.

"I…don't know how I feel about that." Said Hatori. He scooted away from Suzuki. Suzuki had no idea why…though he had no idea why people did a lot of the things they did…like why Tadashi hadn't spoken a word to him in weeks. This was just like the time…just like what happened last Halloween. Halloween was past now, of course, but…but it had been the same series of events. Suzuki had kissed him…though to prove a point…or maybe because Tadashi was just an incredibly sexually attractive man and Suzuki needed an excuse. He was tall….and his shoulders were so broad…and his hair, when it grew out, was so soft and….and several others things which he could admit to noticing now. He was bisexual and that was….an immutable fact about himself….and…and he may have had feelings for Tadashi…for Fukuda…which went beyond the sexual and…and….

And Suzuki didn't have to justify himself to anyone!

"Don't feel anything, I know I don't. I feel nothing at all for Fukuda Tadashi and I don't need you insisting that I do. I know how I feel and I know….I know that I have no feelings at all and…and that is the end of the matter. So stop pressing it." Said Suzuki. He didn't have to justify himself to anyone for any reason. He was Suzuki Touichirou and he could be sexually attracted to anyone he chose to be sexually attracted to...not that he had chosen this. In fact if he'd had a choice he wouldn't have felt anything at all…and….and if he could exorcise these emotions than he would have. He would have exorcised every single feelings, thought, or desire which had even the smallest but of anything to do with Fukuda Tadashi!

Even the pleasant emotions….

Not all emotions, the ones which made him lose control, were unpleasant. Some were actually quite…enjoyable. The feel of Tadashi's mouth crashing into his…the feel of his body pressing him against his desk….the feel of his aura as it ebbed and flowed against Suzuki's….it had been good. The whole thing had been…the whole thing had been amazing and…and it was nobody's business but his own! This was his business and Tadashi's…and Fukuda's! Nobody else's!

Certainly not Hatori's!

"I'm not-" said Hatori

"I just told you to stop pressing the matter. What passed between Fukuda and I is not your business or anyone else's and I won't sit here and listen to all of these wild accusations." Said Suzuki. He didn't have feelings for Tadashi that went beyond the sexual. He wasn't in love with…he couldn't be in love with Tadashi. If he was in love with Tadashi then where that did leave him and Shiori? She was the love of his life….she was the current love of his life. He loved her so much…as much as he'd loved Masamai…even more and….and he couldn't just throw her away like that. Even now he ached for her…she was both so close and so far away…and so was Tadashi and…and….

And he wasn't in love with Tadashi!

"I haven't been-" said Hatori

"I do not have feelings for him and I never have. He is…a person who I am acquainted with….and that's the end of the matter!" said Suzuki. He didn't need to sit here and justify himself to Hatori of all people! He knew what he felt and what he didn't feel! He knew how to exorcise his emotions and he could and he would and he was doing that right now! He…no he wasn't! He wasn't exorcising any emotions because there were none to exorcise. He didn't feel wistful at the thought of seeing Fukuda again. He didn't ache somewhere deep inside of himself at the thought of never being able to see or hear from him again. He didn't long to hold him and kiss him…or at least to hear how his day had been….and…and he wasn't terrified at what it meant for him if the love of his life was Fukuda of all people! He wasn't worried or scared or hurt or betrayed or-or-or anything!

"Ok." Said Hatori. Suzuki…well he hadn't been expecting that. He hadn't been expecting Hatori to give up. Tadashi…Fukuda never gave up. When he had to know something then he had to know and he wouldn't stop asking until he got his answer. Hatori was, obviously, not even a thousandth as brave of a man as Fukuda was….

Just as nosy, though.

"Ok." Said Suzuki. There. Now they were done with this line of questioning. Hatori didn't need to know about his personal life and if Hatori had one then Suzuki…well he wouldn't have cared to know about Hatori's. They weren't that sort of friends…at least he thought that they didn't…he didn't know, this whole thing was complicated….everything was so complicated now….even he look Hatori was giving him.

What, exactly, was he supposed to make of that?

"Stop it. Whatever it is that you're feeling then stop it. I can see your aura and, for some reason, you're frightened. Stop it. I've told you before. Nothing is going to harm you, not while I'm around." Said Suzuki

"Ok…I get it." Said Hatori

"Good. See to it that you commit that fact to memory." Said Suzuki. Hatori nodded, a lot more than what was necessary, but then again Suzuki wasn't the best at these things.

"So….uh…you sure you don't want a Dorito? You sure you don't want to eat something and…not talk anymore?" asked Hatori once he was done nodding. He offered Suzuki another chip and he wanted it just as little as he'd wanted it before…but he also wanted them to stop talking. So he reached out and prayed that this wouldn't turn his fingers orange.

"I'm amenable to that. Give me one." said Suzuki as he took a chip. So far it was unpleasant. The smell of it…the dust that came off on his fingers….he liked plain, salt free, potato chips. Salt was good too but he didn't like the residue the salt and oil left on his hands when he ate them. Shrimp chips were good, though, if they still made them. Tadashi hated shrimp chips, especially crushed on top of an omelet and then drenched in ketchup but…why was he still thinking about Fukuda?!

He took a bite.

There. Now it was impossible to think of anything other than the cacophony of flavors in his mouth. That was…cheese…and chilis…and something else. Something that he couldn't identify. Something that he didn't want to identify. He had no idea how Hatori could eat these things instead of normal food. Ketchup…ketchup might have covered up the taste…though of course he didn't have any in his room. He wasn't a child, he didn't store emergency condiments in his room anymore….though maybe he'd had the right idea back then…some ketchup would have certainly made this tolerable.

Though that wasn't what he wanted.

He chewed and swallowed, the whole time not thinking about Fukuda at all. It was impossible to think of anything other than the terrible taste of these things…so he took another. He took another and another and another until he'd finished the whole bag. His fingers were orange, his mouth was coated in a layer of artificial cheese and chilis, and his stomach growled in protest….but the whole time he thought of absolutely nothing to do with Fukuda Tadashi…so mission accomplished he supposed…since he was done with Tadashi.

There was something to be said for the value of a good distraction.