EDI looked up as Shepard and Tali exchanged an embrace, knowing that she would be Shepard's last destination. Shepard had worked her way around the area, being seen, bolstering the troops' morale, saying goodbye to her comrades in case things went badly, making plans for the future with them in case things went well.
Her timing was excellent. The Crucible was ready. All it would take was Shepard's word for the rest of the fleets and the Crucible to drop into the system. Apprehension hummed in the air around her so much that EDI was sure some of what she felt as 'apprehension' was just a trick of perception in response to that of others.
"Shepard, I have a question," EDI announced without preamble, as Shepard joined her at the console she presided over.
"Big question or little question?" Shepard asked, rolling her shoulders, sounding ready to handle anything…and aware that EDI rarely prefaced little questions as she just had.
"It is important. Its relevance would be diminished at any other time," EDI clarified. "So yes, a very big question."
"Ask away."
EDI considered, knowing that the pause it took for her to do so would not be perceptible to Shepard. "In this battle, the Reapers have no reason not to use their full capabilities to destroy us." It puzzled her as to why they had not, unless they were saving that for some grand effect, some big moment that would make the action more…impactful…than it would be otherwise. The thought that they were simply biding their time before bringing their full might against the allied galaxy…caused her a deep unease. Perhaps something even greater than unease. "Their forces are in entrenched positions. They have superior firepower and outnumber our forces."
What also concerned her was how low Hammer One's odds of success were, even after she modified the numbers to account for Shepard's record of success with unorthodox plans. She didn't like the Hammer One plan at all. She couldn't think of a better one, except maybe to rely on the distraction teams already working their ways into the city and not worry about the distraction Hammer One would provide.
She didn't like to think of any of her friends on that run-up, with no cover, and only shield modules to protect them from a Reaper laser. No, she didn't like it at all. She couldn't see how any members of Hammer One had managed to convince themselves this could work, how any of them had the courage to volunteer for such a mission.
"Those are all very real facts," Shepard allowed, looking deadly serious. Clearly, she appreciated the problems, too. "What's your question?"
"My question is, what makes you think we can reach the beam at all?" Even with all the distractions, even with the unofficial distraction teams, even with Hammer One so horribly exposed…
"The Reapers have the Citadel. No one's ever finished the Crucible before. They think they've won, because they always win. That's the best time to hit them: in their arrogant, gloating moment. Because they've never been hit that way at that time."
"If they have spies or other intelligence, we could lose the element of surprise. In such a case, we will likely lose." Everyone was worried about 'what if intel got back to the Reapers.'
Shepard cocked her head. "Are you afraid?" There was no judgment in her tone, nor even real curiosity. More…as if she was trying to help EDI understand something around which EDI was dancing.
"…our probability for success is greater than any other plan presented to date…"
Shepard wouldn't be fooled by a delicate evasion; she wasn't fooled by this one. "That's not what I asked. Are you afraid, EDI?"
"I do not understand the purpose of the question," EDI answered, glad that her vocal modulator was not as…dependent on mental state…as the voices of organics. If it had been, she was sure it would have come out as a dying whisper.
Was she afraid?
Was she?
"EDI, either you understand what we have to do, or you don't. That's all there is to it," Shepard said gently, but firmly. "It's not a crime to be afraid."
"I am clear on what we must accomplish, Shepard," EDI answered emphatically. "The Reapers have destroyed thousands of civilizations—"
There, that was what Shepard had been guiding her towards. Are you one of us, or are you alone? EDI regarded Shepard, capturing the image in her databanks…just in case.
"…but they have not destroyed ours. Nor will they," EDI declared.
"Couldn't have put it better myself," Shepard smiled, holding out her hand.
EDI took it, shook it, then didn't let go. "Shepard. There is one more thing…something I want you to know." It suddenly seemed very important to tell Shepard, whereas it hadn't before.
Yes, EDI thought. She was afraid. Not for herself, but for those organics she knew, the ones who had become important to her. Shepard among them.
"Go ahead."
"The Illusive Man ordered my creation. Jeff is the one who allowed me to think for myself." EDI watched Shepard tense, as if expecting backlash for not being that trusting. As ever, EDI felt no resentment. "But only now…do I feel alive." EDI looked at her hand, still wrapped in Shepard's. "That is your influence."
Behind the shield of Shepard's helmet, Shepard's fair skin turned pink; the change in color brought out the vividness of her eyes. "Thanks, EDI."
EDI squeezed Shepard's hand, then let it go. "I will see you when this is over."
"You bet." With that, Shepard turned and headed for the space Anderson now occupied.
EDI turned back to her terminal, a curious sensation she tentatively labeled 'relief' tingling in her neural network. Relief. Hope. Fear. She wondered how organics could handle them all, all at once.
Maybe the same way she chose to at that moment: she applied herself to what needed to be done, pushing aside distractions in favor of moving on.