Something must have been wrong with her.
That's what kept going through Rey's mind as she stared out the window, gazing at the stars. Kareth suggested a change of scenery would help her get better. Rey just silently nodded and went along with it.
Something had to be wrong with her.
She must be broken.
Probably because of her parents. She couldn't even remember what they looked like. They abandoned her and left her incomplete. She thought that Ben would be enough to complete her-to fix whatever was broken inside of her.
But even her other half wasn't enough.
She felt heavy and tired. She felt like she was drifting into nothingness.
"Rey?" Kylo's soft voice was barely able to bring her back down from her non-existent thoughts.
"Hm." Rey managed to get out.
Without making a sound, Kylo walked across the barren room and knelt down beside her.
"I brought our son." Kylo said softly. "Do you want to hold him?"
"Hmhm." Rey said, sounding so uninterested.
Kylo gently placed the little squirming bundle into her arms. It was nice to know the baby fussed in both Rey and Kylo's arms-it made her feel slightly better.
She was supposed to feel this overwhelming sense of love that all mothers said they felt when they first held their children.
She didn't feel that.
She didn't even feel that now.
And it was horrible.
She had spent months carrying this baby and doing everything that she could to protect him. And yet...she didn't feel that sense of love. She felt like this was someone someone else's baby boy. Surely if it was her own son she would be feeling different. But no, it was her son. That she was certain of.
And yet she felt like she didn't know this little one in front of her.
She thought as soon as she got to hold him, everything would be alright. Like some part of her would have some closure and the galaxy would make sense.
"I can feel your emotions," Kylo said softly, putting his hand on hers to help hold up their son. "Just confusion...and nothingness."
Rey didn't respond, fixing her eyes on the stranger curled up in her lap.
"Do you want to talk to the medic about it?" Kylo asked.
"What could she do." Rey said, her voice so broken and monotone. "She fixes things on the outside. How could she fix something broken inside of me."
"It wouldn't hurt."
Rey didn't say anything. She couldn't see a way out of this. She couldn't see an end.
"Rey," Kylo said, kneeling in front of her, "whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. Is there anything I can do? Food? More novels? Moving to a green planet? Naboo is beautiful."
It wasn't that long ago when she would have jumped at the opportunity, but all of that felt meaningless.
He didn't talk after that. He just sat down beside her and held her hand until the medic came to get her.
…
'Postpartum depression.' The medic had called it. She said that it wasn't too out of the ordinary- a lot of women face it after giving birth. It also could cause the mother to not feel that attachment to her child. Her advice to him was to be supportive but not to force her to be happy. It was a battle that she had to overcome by herself and while his support would help her, it was ultimately her struggle.
'I'll send a therapist in to talk to her daily," she said, 'help her work out her emotions. With proper support and care, she'll be able to overcome it. Unfortunately my expertise isn't psychological imbalances. But I'll be sure to assign the best of the best to her.'
Kylo also spoke to the therapist who basically told him the same thing. He could be supportive all he wants, but he couldn't take this pain away from her.
And it infuriated him.
He wanted to lash out at someone but the only one to blame was himself. It was entirely his fault. He wasn't enough. He hadn't been there when she needed him. He was the one who put her in that medbay.
And he couldn't even focus on it because of the invasion of Batuu that was rotations away from being executed.
And he still hadn't told his mother.
"How's Rey?" Leia asked, holding his son.
"She's seeing a therapist now." Kylo said. "Just day one. The medic said that she should be fine eventually."
"Poor girl." Leia said sadly, "she has gone through so much already."
His mother had been a lifesaver these past few days. She guided him through being a new dad. He refused to leave his son, who was still unnamed, with a nurse droid.
His son now had his own room in Kylo's quarters. It was bare with only the minimum requirements for a new infant. Leia had suggested giving the boy a blanket and the next day Leia handed Kylo a white Alderaanian knitted blanket for him to use.
"Mother," Kylo said seriously. "Thank you for everything you've done these past few weeks."
"You're welcome."
"You're not going to like what I have to say next."
"And what would that be?"
"Hux is going to increase military in the outer regions, including Batuu."
"So he knows where the resistance is." Leia said, her joy and peace fading.
"I believe so."
"And what are you going to do about it?"
"It's an agreement-he gets his larger military and he'll help me with the anti-slavery movement. It was a compromise."
"He's going to destroy the resistance."
"I've told him we're only taking prisoners from now on."
"And do you think he'll honor that?" Leia asked sarcastically.
"No."
"So what's your plan?"
"My plan is to let you know and have you figure it out. I can't concern myself with the safety of a few resistance fighters. What happens next is up to you. I'll go along with whatever plan you come up with to the best of my ability."
Leia was silent as she thought through all the possible scenarios.
"We can't sneak out." Leia said, thinking out loud. "Your blockades made that clear. Or if we did we would have to leave any resources we have behind."
"So you're planning on staying."
"We don't have much of a choice."
"Are you going to be with them?"
"Yes. As much as I would love to sit on a star destroyer looking after my grandson, I have a resistance to lead."
He wanted to beg her to stay with him. He just got his mother back in his life and he did not want to lose her this way.
"What if you receive some entail about the resistance location." Leia suggested, "Hux wouldn't dare make a move with you right there. After a few weeks you declare that there's no resistance and leave."
"Hux won't leave." Kylo countered. "If he thinks the resistance is someplace, he will pick apart the entire planet until he's proven right."
"A peace treaty would be our only option then."
"I could get him to agree on that." Kylo said, his chin in his hand. "It'll take some bargaining and it won't be favoring the resistance, but we could give you the planet."
"I'll be fine with that for now. Live to fight another day."
"Or join us when you finally decide resistance is futile."
"We'll see. I don't see that future any time soon, but I know to keep my options open."
So there was hope.
"Rey would love Black Spire." Leia added. "It's green and has an amazing marketplace. Make sure she tries the lava rolls there."
"The medic did say a change of scenery would be good for her."
"So we have an agreement." Leia held out her hand for him to shake.
"Deal."
He gently shook his mother's hand and prayed to the force that this wouldn't end in disaster.