Important Info

Disclaimer:
• I do not own BNHA/MHA. All credit for the series and its characters goes to Horikoshi Kohei.

Warnings:
• Suicidal thoughts/actions/urges.
• Self-harm.
• Grief.

Note:
• Bold text indicates that something happened in the past.

"Remember when it rained and the dog tracked mud all across the house? You were so mad… We spent the entire afternoon cleaning up."

Todoroki stared at the tattered threads of water slinking through the tenebrous sky from the foggy window above the kitchen sink. He absent-mindedly washed the lone bowl sitting at the bottom of the trench of metal.

"Remember when your wedding ring fell down the drain? I still remember how fast you jammed your hand down the drain, how disgusted your face was, and how loud you yelled 'shit' as it all happened."

He glimpsed down at the wedding ring hugging his finger before peering silently down into the maw of the sink that had once swallowed up his husband's wedding ring. Shaking his head, he soon perished the hissing flow of water from the tap and began to exit the kitchen.

"Remember when I was having a bad day and you wouldn't let me leave the kitchen until I let you hug me? I think that was the longest hug we've ever had. I didn't realize how much I needed it. You're always so soft when I'm not in a good mood or you think something's wrong. You're usually a lot softer around me than anyone else, but when it comes to the times you can tell I'm not my usual self, you're…so damn kind and patient, but never overly intrusive. That got me through a lot more than you'd think. Knowing you would completely soften yourself while still being earnest just to comfort me… God, there were times I wanted to cry because it hurt so much—in a good way—to be reminded of how much you love me. You'll never understand how much of an impact your words and touch left."

Sighing, he inevitably descried the matte couch in the living room from his peripheral vision. He glanced at the vacant, dusty couch for an ephemeral moment before pulling his eyes away.

"I remember when I came home from work to find you sleeping on the couch with the TV on and the dog on your back. I took a picture of it. Do you still hate this picture?"

Todoroki's fingertips slowly dusted across the wall of the hallway adjacent to the living room. His fingers folded into his palms as he attempted to shake the memories adhering to his skin like water droplets.

"Remember when we were both a little tipsy, and I started to poke through your hair while we walked back to our room? You turned around in the hallway and pinned me to the wall. I remember feeling like my body was slowly being liquefied. But… I also remember when you pinned me in that same hallway because I wouldn't say what was wrong. I could tell how worried you were, but I was in a bad state of mind. I never told you any specific details or gave the full truth—I think I said I was just feeling down for no reason. Well, I had one of the strongest suicidal urges I've ever had. I don't even know why. I remember realizing that my head was burning with the thoughts that I should just end it all. But you stayed with me. You knew something just wasn't right, and you stayed by my side until you were certain that I was feeling better. Thank you, Katsuki… If you hadn't done anything, I don't think I would've been able to stop myself. It took control of me. I even tried to ignore you and brush you off, despite being aware that I was. I'm still sorry about that."

Todoroki felt a warm pair of arms hug him from behind.

"Remember…when I called out for you because I'd slit my wrist, and I couldn't get the blood to stop flowing? I have some bad scars from deep wounds, but never were any like that. I didn't mean to cut that deep. I didn't want to cut that deep. I was scared. For the first time, I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave you like that. I just had a sudden craving to cut myself since I'd been clean for a few months. Then, when I could see how much damage I was doing to myself as I tore open my skin, I regretted it. But…"

"Oi, Shoto… What's wrong? You look kinda down."

Todoroki kept his frigid eyes fixed on the wall in front of him while his arms remained at his sides.

"Nothing."

"...you talked me through it all. You never yelled at me for doing something so stupid. You didn't criticize me for relapsing, either. You cried. You were so grateful that I'd called for you. All because I said your name, you were crying tears of relief. At the time, I just felt numb, but I wanted to cry because of how kind you were to me, how grateful you were for the smallest things, and just…because I was still able to spend more time with you at all. You kept thanking me through your sobs, and I've never seen you cry like that before. I felt bad for being suicidal at all when you were constantly proving to me how loved I was and how important I was to you."

"I don't believe that. I want to, but I don't. Shoto, let me help you. Turn around."

"It's fine. I don't need your help."