This is a very personal one-shot. Please be kind in your reviews.

Titled taken from the song "London Bridge Is Falling Down."

Trigger warning: suicide. Please read at your own discretion.

london bridge

I always thought my parents deaths would be the thing to send me here.

The wind stirs beneath my clothes as I stare down at the river beneath me. The dark water sloshes comfortingly, and I silently pray that my body hitting the water won't be too loud. This has to be quiet.

This has to be done the right way.

If you were to ask me what got me here, it's a number of things. Almost losing Pony in Windrixville; Vietnam; my poor self worth; my poorer self esteem. At the same time, though, I wouldn't have the words to tell you a damn thing.

I've been distancing myself from everyone for a while now. It started with Darry, Two-Bit came next, and then Steve, and then Pony. One by one, the people I loved the most were shut off by my emotions, leaving me to rot all alone.

There's a lot that goes into a suicide attempt. You literally have to plan your own death and there's no telling how people will react. Some may cry; some may get angry; some may just turn in the other direction and act as if you didn't exist in the first place.

God, I wish my family would do that for me. I wish they would forget I ever existed.

In some ways, I think they know. I think they know I'm spiraling but they're too damn afraid to say anything. They're too scared of setting me off, of seeing me burn right in front of them. But the damage has been done. I'm done for.

And I'm okay with that.

Car doors slam and rain pounds through my skin. I turn and find them all standing there, their eyes wide and calculating, each one of them trying to telepathically strategize who's going to talk me off this ledge, who's going to grab me, who's going to restrain me, and who's going to drive the five of us away from here so fast you'd think we killed someone.

Darry moves first; such a big brother thing to do. "Soda," he practically screams through the rain, "come down here. We can talk about this."

A sob pours out of my body and I shut my eyes. "There's nothing to talk about."

Steve shoves Darry out of the way and steps even closer, to which I inch closer to the edge. The gasps from Darry, Two-Bit, and Pony are enough to make Steve stop in his tracks. His eyes are a dying fire of hope, as if him standing before me instead of my brother is going to make me climb down.

"Soda, please," Steve whisper is barely audible. "Let us help you..."

I stare at him for a moment. Silently, my gaze moves from his to Two-Bit's, to Darry's, and to Pony's. My heart twists at the pity in all of four sets of eyes.

"Soda!"

I hear their voices but nothing registers. In my mind, it's Steve who called my name, but fuck if I know who actually did.

"Soda, get down from there!"

Oh, big brother. Don't overwork yourself like you did when Mom and Dad died.

"Come on, man! You're gonna be fine."

Two-Bit. I hope you find solace in Mickey Mouse.

"Don't do this, Soda..."

Steve. My best friend. Build some badass cars in my memory.

"I love you, Soda."

I love you more, baby. Write a book about our crazy ass lives one day.

I smile softly as my weight shifts on the bridge, and my body sways with the movement. The strangled noises that come from behind me break my heart.

Their screams of losing me deafen the sound of my body hitting the water below.