Value
Selam, everyone!
I hope you're all safe and well! This was just a small idea I had for a while now (as always, hahahah). I'm really sorry it took me this long to write something again! I've been really busy with exams, Ramadan, and university stuff in general! I also kinda grew a little tired of SnS and started reading different manga (with different ships, hahahah). Soma and Erina will be my all-time favorite, but I needed a little break from them, as painful as it is to say it.
But! I came up with this idea and worked my ass off for two days to share it with you all, hahahah! I really hope you like it! Lemme know what you think, yeah? I'd love to read your thoughts on it!
Also! Thank you guys so very much for all your incredible reviews on my other stories! I swear, they almost made me cry! I truly appreciate you taking the time to read them, and I can't thank you enough for all your kind words! I'm honored! Even now, I still get reviews for Truth! Thank you guys so very much!
Okay! Now I'm done. Stay safe, everyone.
And take care!
9:50 am. He enters the dormitory kitchen with a little spring in his step, excited to find her inside. „Yo, Nakiri!" But just as he's about to rush to the counter and place his newest breakfast item in front of her, she steps right past him.
"I'm sorry, Yukihira-kun. Not right now."
"Huh?" He turns to the door she's stopped in front of, brows furrowed. "Wait, where're ya going?"
"Arena 4. I have a Shokugeki with Tadokoro-san, and I'm already running late. Let's talk later, alright?" She smiles in apology and rushes out of the room. Out of sight.
"Oh. Okay then…" Sighing, Soma runs his fingers through his hair. He'd been looking forward to have her taste his newest dish. He'd been so sure she would have some free time today. "Ah, man. This sucks." And before he can turn back to his 'explosive egg rolls' waiting on the counter, realization strikes him. His eyes widen, and his jaw drops. "Wait, what…? With Tadokoro?!"
Suddenly, a very odd feeling settles in his chest, a chilling sensation. But in favor of catching up with the heiress as quickly as possible, he ignores it. "H-hold up, Nakiri! I wanna watch! How about you have a match with me after that?!"
The egg rolls? Left forgotten on the counter.
…
Yukihira Soma doesn't think much about certain things. He's aware of that.
Love, relationships, rivalries, friendships that turn out way deeper than they are supposed to be, complicated feelings in general? He doesn't give himself the time to ponder over details like that. Cooking is what's most important to him. Always has been.
But when he watches the one person he'd been so sure he would never get along with bid their friends farewell one by one, he finds himself wondering… has he been in the wrong for not taking a single moment to think about the relationships he's built over the past three years?
First Nakiri. Then him. They're going to leave this academy and start building their careers outside of Totsuki. Maybe even outside of Japan. One by one. They'd all leave. And now that he's standing here outside the dormitory, waiting his turn to say goodbye, he feels the sudden urge to punch himself in the face. Hard.
Would it have been the same way if he'd been the first to leave? Would he have felt just as… disappointed?
"H-have a great trip, Nakiri-san. If there's anything you need help with, please let us know, okay?" Beside him, Tadokoro wipes a tear from the corner of her eye, leaning forward to embrace the heiress next. "I hope we'll meet again soon."
"Yes, let's do… P-please don't cry, Tadokoro-san. I promise I will call once I've landed."
"I-I'm sorry…" Rubbing over both eyes now, Tadokoro smiles up at the girl. And as he's watching her, Soma finds that its getting all the more impossible for him to suppress the frown that's about to replace his sympathetic smile.
No matter what he tells himself, he can't cope with the fact that she's really about to leave them before he is. Why?
And then, "Yukihira-kun…?" she's standing right in front of him, eyes narrowed in what he thinks is concern. "Are you alright?"
"Do a Shokugeki with me," he blurts out before the meaning behind these words sink in. And they both blink in surprise because neither had expected him to say that. Not now. The silence that follows speaks for itself. It's just making things awkward between them, and Soma bites the inside of his cheek to help him deal with that somehow.
He can't take it back. No matter how awkward this might get, the words are already out. He won't take them back.
"What?"
"One more time. Before you go."
The rest of their friends keep on watching the scene with widened eyes. Soma can practically hear the question that's in the air right now: 'has he lost it completely now?'
Maybe he has. But he ignores it, just staring at Nakiri with his stomach twisting and turning. And he almost lets out a sigh of relief when she looks down at her phone and back up at him, smiling softly. "I have about an hour."
"Plenty of time."
He leads her back inside the dormitory, still ignoring everyone's confused gazes behind them. He doesn't care. Whatever it is that's made him ask for this last Shokugeki, he's not going to dwell on it. He has one hour, and he's going to make the most of it.
"What do you have in mind, Yukihira-kun?"
"Hm…" Scratching his head, Soma looks around. There's not much left to cook with since everyone's going to head out eventually. He's sure Fumio will stock up again for the next students who'll stay here. The new first-years. But for now, "How 'bout we'll make this simple and go with breakfast?"
"…Eggs?"
"Eggs." And as soon as he says that- again without thinking-, something in Nakiri's eyes changes. He can't tell what it is, but she doesn't give him enough time to figure it out anyway. If he had that time, he's sure he would've gotten it.
"Fine then."
They start searching the cabinets without another word, taking whatever they would need for their breakfast items. How Nakiri had guessed that he would want to go with eggs is a mystery to him. Is she thinking that it would make things come full circle between them? Is that what he'd been thinking when suggesting the theme?
Taking a deep breath, Soma decides to focus on the green peppers in front of him instead of dwelling. Quick fingers work with utmost precision before he moves over to crack two eggs together in a bowl. He's concentrating, not once glancing at the blonde standing in front of the stove behind him. Maybe just one look, but it's only to confirm that she isn't using the same ingredients he is. One look, nothing more- or that's what he tells himself, at least.
Time passes. The hour he had is almost up. And Soma, despite not really wanting this match to end yet- not yet-, comes to the painful realization that this is something he doesn't have any say in. The minutes ticking away are playing against him, his omelet is too quick to turn golden in that frying pan, Nakiri is already putting the finishing touches to her dish. How is it that this Shokugeki is reaching its conclusion faster than any other match he's had until now? This is supposed to be tough and brutal. Him against the First-Seat. For the last time ever. Where is the tension now?
And just as he's about to groan, frustrated because nothing seems to turn out in his favor these days, "Would you like to try my dish first, Yukihira-kun?" Nakiri places a plate next to him on the counter, folds her arms, then smirks. "You seem to have taken your time with this one. Time's up."
"Oh… Uh, I'm done with my dish, don't worry. I just… wanted to make sure it's mind-blowing enough for you."
"…Okay, I'll play along for once. By all means, please do make it as," she's raising both hands to make air quotations, "'mind-blowing' as you can."
"Much appreciated." And Soma puts his pounding heart aside to present her the best breakfast item he's ever made. The breakfast item that will give him at least some sort of closure- hopefully. Because that's what he's looking for, right? Closure. Damn it.
"Enjoy, Nakiri," he says and holds his breath when she smiles back at him.
Nostalgic. That's how it would've felt like if he wasn't so damn nervous all of a sudden. Why?
Blinking, Soma turns to face the dish she's made for him. And he ends up getting that feeling of nostalgia after all at the sight of her famous Eggs Benedict. "Heh. You're really saying goodbye, aren't cha?"
"Well I wouldn't want you to forget who you failed to surpass in all those years of studying at this institution, Yukihira-kun."
"Oh don't worry. I won't forget. And I sure as hell ain't done tryin'."
"Hmph. You're such a sore loser."
"Say that after tasting my omelet, Nakiri." He smirks. Because that's all he can do. He will miss her. Fuck, he will actually miss her.
As Nakiri takes a spoonful of his omelet, Soma smiles. At her, at his absolute idiocy to not have paid attention to it sooner, at the situation itself. Then, he grabs his fork- forcefully- and savors the taste of that Eggs Benedict she'd utterly destroyed him with in their first school year. And now he knows why everyone had favored her dish over his back then. The taste is out of this world. Enough to blow him away. Enough to make him admit defeat once again.
He squeezes his eyes shut, enjoys the overwhelming flavors perfectly blending together. And then, just as he's ready to calm down again, his eyes meet hers. The eyes of a winner, he would say, but something seems different about them now. The look she gives him is different. Filled with so many emotions, he can't pinpoint a single one of them.
"N-Nakiri?" Aside from the ingredients themselves, can she guess the feelings he's put into that as well now? Because he can't.
"Chocolate. Ginger. Basil powder. Biscuits… You tried to one-up me with so many twists in one dish, didn't you?"
"What…?"
"Actually, wait… It's more like… You'd wanted to throw me off with the chocolate, am I right?"
"Oh. Yeah… Didn't really work, huh? I know…"
"No." Nakiri smiles gently before she takes a deep breath. Then another. And another. At her fourth one, Soma arches a brow, hiding his still shaking hands behind him, supporting himself on the kitchen counter.
And then, "it was delicious, Yukihira-kun… You outdid yourself this time. Congratulations." He loses his grip.
His jaw drops. His eyes turn into the size of dinner plates. His throat feels as dry as it can be. What…? "D-d-did you say…?" He's not even sure half the question has left his mouth. He's frozen on his spot on the floor, unable to think straight. Not even registering the pain from his fall.
"Though I'm sure your dish can't possibly top mine, this was just… very well done. You put a lot into this, and I… i-it made it hard to- I mean… it wouldn't be fair not to tell you the truth."
She huffs then, flipping her hair back and turning towards the door. Before exiting the kitchen, Nakiri throws him one last look over her shoulder, smiling softly again. "Goodbye, Yukihira-kun. I'm sure we will run into each other again at some point. Keep surpassing yourself." And she's out of the kitchen before he can process any of her words. Not the previous ones, not the last.
His dish was… delicious…? "What…?" In his daze, Soma doesn't pay attention to one of his friends rushing inside the kitchen. He only hears the footsteps coming to a halt right in front of him, only sees who it is when he raises his head again. And it's this infuriating sense of disappointment again when she doesn't turn out to be the one he'd wanted it to be.
"S-Soma-kun…? What happened? Are you okay?"
"…She said it, Tadokoro… She seriously said it…"
"Nakiri-san? What did she say?"
"That it's… delicious. She actually admitted it…" He tilts his head towards her, staring at her still wide-eyed, ruffling his hair. And the pure joy and admiration he sees in Tadokoro's gaze almost makes him want to slap himself. Shouldn't he feel like this too?
"A-amazing! That's incredible, Soma-kun! You did it! You finally got her to say it!" She claps her hands together, squints and smiles at him like she always does when he pulls off the impossible. This time, however, it doesn't feel much of an accomplishment to him. This time, he doesn't feel like a winner.
"Yeah…" He turns away from Tadokoro, stands up, and stares blankly at the half eaten Eggs Benedict. Nakiri seems to have finished his dish completely while he was still savoring that one bite he'd taken out of hers. "Does this mean it's over now?" he asks his still cheering friend, "That's all there ever was between us, right? I got what I wanted."
He takes his second bite while Tadokoro steps up beside him, placing her hand on his arm. "Yeah. You can let go now, Soma-kun. You did it."
Then why doesn't it feel like he has?
…
Eighteen months pass. Eighteen fucking months and he still hasn't seen her. Not in Italy, not in California, not in Turkey, not in Cuba. Nowhere. Didn't she say they would run into each other eventually? When? He only knows what she's up thanks to the news on television- because of course Nakiri would end up giving short interviews about the two Michelin Stars she's collected- and the Intel Alice gives him every now and then. That's it. Nothing more.
He's been traveling for his own cooking's sake, trying to move on with his life- trying to find a new goal to pursue. But no matter where he ends up going, Soma fails to find that one piece of the puzzle that would help him get back on track. He's opened two restaurants of his own, earned one Michelin Start as well, but it never seems enough to him. Should he give in and agree to do an interview about his success as well? Maybe he just needs a change of pace.
Or… maybe he just needs to stop comparing himself to Nakiri all the time. She's given him what he wanted from her. Maybe he should just let go already like Tadokoro had said that day. Why is he even obsessed with Nakiri in the first place? Still obsessed.
He sighs, leaning back into his seat and turning to face the small airplane window. Another eventful trip that leaves him thinking. Returning to Japan on his dad's orders. To check on Yukihira diner because the ever so busy man isn't around to do it himself. But deep down, Soma feels that it's the hope of running into Nakiri again that actually makes him go back. Not the diner. He doesn't even know what to say if he actually does end up seeing her. All he knows is that a void needs to be filled somehow. He needs something that can push him forward again.
Because, as he's come to realize a few months back in Brazil, cooking has kind of, sort of stopped being fun for him…
"Oh boy… That face usually means one of two things. Either your girlfriend broke up with ya. Or you've been kicked out of your job and pretty much homeless now."
"Huh?" Turning to his left, Soma gives the old man beside him a confused look. "Sorry, come again?"
"It's okay, Kid. I can tell. So which one is it? Are you actually homeless now?"
"I, uh… don't know what you mean?"
"Oh come on," the man leans in a bit and smiles, "okay, lemme help you. It's the former, isn't it? Your girlfriend dumped you and now you're depressed."
"Wait, you think that…? No, no, it's nothing like that. Really." Hands in the air, eyes wide, Soma shakes his head over and over. And despite the denial waiting on his tongue, he feels his pulse jump for some reason. "I'm not interested in that stuff."
"Hm… You're blushing though."
"Well, what d'ya expect? You threw me off. This is not something you just ask a random person outta the blue, ya know."
"Hm… As far as I know, people usually tend to blush because of two things. Either they're thinking of someone in particular when a girlfriend or a boyfriend is mentioned. Or they have social anxiety. Since you don't seem to have any problems talking to me, that means it's the former again, isn't it?"
"What? No." Confused, the redhead furrows his brows and stares at the man for a moment. "Who are you anyway? A psychologist or something?"
"So I was right then?" The old man smirks, his white beard making him look more innocent than Soma thinks he actually is. And the frustration that's been bundled up inside him for so long is now starting to leak out whether he wants it or not.
"Where is this even coming from? What do you want from me?"
"Hm… Not much of a talker, eh? Okay then. Assuming I'm right and you were dumped… at least tell me if you miss her sometimes too. I hear it's not easy trying to forget the one you fell in love with. Does it hurt?"
"What?" His patience is beginning to run low. He doesn't recognize this old man from anywhere, and the way he just proclaims things is causing something to stir in Soma's gut. He's already on edge, frustrated and angry without reason. "Are you seriously asking me to spill the beans about my personal life to a stranger?"
"Ouch. I think I nailed that one, didn't I?"
"You didn't nail anything, ya old geezer!" Balling his fists, Soma frowns at the man. And immediately, he bites his tongue, embarrassed because he hadn't meant to raise his voice and disturb the other passengers.
"Ah, come on, Kid. Just humor me, would you? I'm bored out of my mind here. And you look like you're having a mental breakdown for the past three hours. It's irritating."
"Then don't look."
"Impossible. You have the window seat."
Soma sighs. No point in arguing with him now. "…There's no one like that." And even though a certain feisty blonde is the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about romance and all that complicated stuff, he doesn't want to dwell on it for too long. He's been thinking of her way too often lately anyway. "I didn't get dumped or whatever."
"Really?"
"Really." He humors him just as he'd asked. Because Soma realizes that it's not fair to let his anger out on him. Where that anger even came from or who exactly it is directed to, he can't pinpoint, and he's stopped trying to since last week. No point.
"Hm… If you say so, Kid."
"…Seriously, who are you?" His scarred brow is twitching now. What does this old geezer know anyway? Humoring him should only go so far.
"Just a bored 'old geezer'." He makes air quotations and grins. Just to spite him, he's sure.
"What?"
"Don't worry about it," he smiles again, looking as innocent as an old guy with a sharp mind and loose tongue can be, "Now tell me about her. What kind of person is she?"
"Listen, I really don't-"
"Is she pretty?"
Silence. Soma blinks at the mysterious man as he keeps on smiling. His lips part, then close again. He's not sure how to answer that. It's a simple answer but… wouldn't he be giving into those ridiculous claims if he were to start being honest now?
"Yeah… She is," is what leaves his mouth eventually. And he gulps down the sudden lump in his throat because that smile on the guy's face is widening the longer he stares back at him. Annoying. "What?"
"I figured it out."
"W-what? Figured out what?"
"Unrequited love."
"…What's that supposed to mean?" The old man doesn't answer, only leans back in his seat and closes his eyes, smiling. "Oh now you decide not to talk? Are you serious?" No response. "Fine. Suit yourself."
Sighing, Soma turns to face the window once more. It's still a long way to Japan, and giving this old man the satisfaction of asking again is not something he wants to do. He's tired, and maybe even a little overwhelmed by the odd conversation itself.
Him? Dating Nakiri? Getting dumped by her? No way.
"So. You're on your way back home, Kid?"
"Hm." He doesn't turn back to look at him.
"To see her?"
"…No." Maybe? That Soma supposes he has to find out when he's there.
"Good luck." No response.
…
"Soma-kun! I'm so glad to see you! It's been too long!" Tadokoro takes his hands, squeezing them before she leads him inside the small restaurant- her small cozy restaurant.
"Yo. You look great, Tadokoro." Soma, trying his best to suppress a yawn, pulls out of her hold and takes off his leather jacket, "Congrats on your engagement, by the way. Takumi told me about it, but I kinda-"
"Forgot? I know. Takumi-kun was dead set on not informing you, but I told him to make sure you know what's happening back home." Tadokoro gives him a warm smile as she pulls out a chair for him, gesturing for him to sit down. "And don't worry. We're not holding it against you. I just wish you would've checked your phone every now and again. For a reason other than the usual…"
He swallows, and immediately, one hand goes up to rub the back of his head. He can't look at her as he sits down, maybe because he knows that this had to be said eventually, or maybe because his guilt is forcing him to think that way. Tadokoro knows. His best friend knows how difficult things have been for him lately. She knows that, each time he texts her or Takumi or anyone else in their friend group, it's usually about her. Where she is, what she's up to, if she's told anyone that she'll be coming back to Japan anytime soon- always Nakiri Erina. He keeps on asking even though Tadokoro's answer never changes. 'No… I'm sorry, Soma-kun. I haven't heard from Nakiri-san lately.' She must be so sick of it.
"Sorry, Tadokoro… I haven't been the greatest friend these days, have I?"
"…You haven't. But it's okay. None of us blame you. Takumi-kun might act like he's angry but he's really just worried about you. As for me… I merely find it surprising that you're still after Nakiri-san even though she already told you that your cooking is incredible. Don't get me wrong, Soma-kun, but wasn't that all there was to your relationship with her?"
"…Honestly? For a while, I thought that too. But now, I just want," he bites his lip, "I dunno what I want." And the frown on Tadokoro's face deepens. Her worry is written all over her soft features, barely contained.
"Don't worry, Soma-kun," she says after taking a deep breath, "I think I understand."
"You do?"
"Yeah…"
He smiles. But his hand still doesn't lower to his side. He's grateful for her patience, and even though he knows he shouldn't push his luck with her any further than this, the urge to ask again just keeps pressuring him. That small annoying voice saying, 'just go for it. You won't get another chance to ask about her again. If you don't, you'll regret it later.' He doesn't want to repeat the same mistake, and yet, "You, uh… heard anything from Nakiri this time?" he can't help it.
The same drill every time he comes back and meets one of his friends. The same routine. He really can't help it.
And he can't blame Tadokoro for sighing, gaze lowering to the floor, shoulders dropping as she places a glass of water on the table and sits down beside him.
"Soma-kun…"
A flinch. "I know. Tadokoro, I know. I already know, but-" a deep breath next. Inhale, exhale. Repeat. "Listen, I really thought hearing my food's delicious would be enough, I really did. But she-" he ruffles his hair one last time before his hand finally lowers onto the table, supporting his weight, "Tadokoro, the longer I think about this, the more I believe she didn't actually mean it. And the more I think about that… the harder it gets to accept this had been all I wanted from her. It's… Why did she do that anyway? Why say something if you don't even mean it? It doesn't make any sense."
"S-Soma-kun…"
"Help me, Tadokoro. I wanna figure this shit out or else I'm gonna go nuts. Hell, I already feel like I'm nuts." He studies her reaction carefully, first the widening of those innocent eyes, then the parting of her lips. She looks at him, then doesn't. She squirms in her seat, doesn't say anything for a good minute before finally meeting his gaze again. Determined.
"Alright, Soma-kun. You win. I'm not watching this any longer. If I'd known it would pull you down so much, I-I never would have… I mean, I-I wouldn't have done this if I'd known what it would result in, Soma-kun. I really wouldn't have."
Wait, what? "…Tadokoro?"
"I will… tell you. I-I have to tell you everything."
Soma, feeling his shoulders stiffen, watches his friend press her palms together on the table. Nervous, that's how she seems all of a sudden, and he can't help but feel awkward about the silence surrounding them now. "What's going on?"
"I," she swallows loud enough for him to hear it, then tries again, "I wanted to help you. I-I didn't mean for you to feel so disturbed by the result. I thought I did the right thing. Me and Nakiri-san both. E-even Takumi agreed it was a good idea, a-and I… I just wanted to help…"
Alright, now he's anxious. "H-hey, c'mon now. What're you talkin' about? Relax a little, would ya?" And he tries to cover it up with a laugh, leaning back in his seat and squinting at her despite the loud thumping in his chest.
Anything. He would have expected to hear anything. Anything but what Tadokoro says next, "I-I asked Nakiri-san to… approve of your cooking."
"…You did… Come again?"
Tadokoro finches in her seat when he leans forward again, eyes wide. He sees her reaction yet doesn't at the same time. In front of his inner eye unfolds the same scenario that he's been thinking about for the past eighteen months. Nakiri smiling at him, telling him his dish is delicious. Demanding him to keep on improving. Promising that they'll 'run into each other' again.
Taking his hand on the table, Tadokoro gives him a pained look, "I-it was for you, Soma-kun. B-because I knew how much it meant to you. You weren't able to take the First Seat from her like you'd wanted. You didn't create one dish that could beat hers. Y-you'd wanted to hear her say it so badly, I-" she squeezes his hand, taking a deep breath, "Before we knew it, our time at Totsuki was over, a-and I wanted to help you accomplish at least one of your goals before we all part. I really just wanted to help."
Silence. The final piece of the puzzle finally fits. The Shokugeki Nakiri had with her a week prior to her departure. Her odd choice of words when she'd left him in that kitchen. Her smile that had been anything but genuine. Among everyone staring at them when he'd asked the heiress to do one last match with him, only Tadokoro didn't seem surprised. Only Tadokoro didn't look.
"You expected me to challenge her that day?"
"No… I had hoped for it. I know you, Soma-kun. Y-you wouldn't have-"
"Tadokoro," the redhead narrows his eyes, "What did you guys really have that Shokugeki for?"
…
Sidney. That's where Tadokoro said Nakiri is right now. She'd known for a while but thought it would be better not to tell him.
Big mistake.
"What the hell am I supposed to tell her anyway? 'Yo, Nakiri. I heard about your messed up plan and wanted to let you know what I think of it?' Hell no." He ruffles his hair, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut. What is he supposed to tell Nakiri once he finally sees her? Now that he's here, standing in front of the mahogany hotel door- because of course she would be staying at a five-star hotel like this-, he doesn't know what to do. Leave it to Nakiri Erina to make him look and feel like a complete idiot. He's just glad Arato had been able to get him in here before the hotel staff could drag him back out. Otherwise he would've made an even bigger fool of himself.
"Well. Not much to do other than face her head on. Damn, this is getting frustrating." Soma lets out a long sigh, tells himself to calm down, breathes again, and finally lifts his left hand to knock on her door. It's been too long. He needs a clear head.
But before his knuckles can make contact with the door's surface, it suddenly opens wide. "I don't care how many menu items you have to change. If you aren't able to adjust to the new theme, your restaurant is bound to-" And just like that, without any warning, he finds himself face-to-face with the woman he's been trying to track down for so long.
"T-to…" She stares, eyes wide. He stares back, left hand still awkwardly hovering between them before he retracts it. Then, Nakiri clears her throat, "W-wait for my call," and she hangs up before a response can be heard. "Yukihira-kun…?"
Soma opens his mouth, but when he notices that there's no sound coming from him, he closes it again, rubbing the back of his head instead. As easy as it is to talk to complete strangers on airplanes or people he doesn't think much of, standing in front of Nakiri Erina unprepared is without doubt the hardest thing he's ever done in his life. It never fails to surprise him how hard it actually is each time.
So he waits. Looks her up and down for the briefest moment, noting that she's probably on her way somewhere. Dressed nicely and door key in hand. And he waits again- until that small annoying voice in his head yells at him to say something.
"U-uh… Hi?" No answer. He keeps his hand at the base of his neck now. Kind of discouraging. "How's it goin', Nakiri? Sorry for the sudden visit, but you see, I, uh-"
"What are you doing here, Yukihira-kun?"
"…Huh? Oh, yeah. I asked Tadokoro, and she-" At the mention of her name, Nakiri's eyes seem to grow even wider.
"Tadokoro-san…?"
"Yeah." He breathes. Anything but calm and collected. His hand lowers down inside his pocket, fist clenching. "Look, Nakiri, I know this might sound weird after all this time we didn't get to talk, but… there's something I wanna ask you, and I- well, can we just talk?"
She bites her lip, a bit too hard for his liking. And then, "I have to go. Sorry." Nakiri closes the door behind her and rushes past him, careful not to brush his arm or shoulder.
And he watches her hurry down the hallway, blinking once. Twice. Hand still clenched inside his pocket. "…Huh?"
…
Four days. That's longer than he'd expected his patience would last. Four days of waiting at the small bar in her new restaurant- how many does she have now anyway? Eating, sleeping, and waiting again. Even the walk from the motel he's staying in to the glamorous establishment and back seems like a drag. Meaningless and unnecessary.
But life be damned if he gives up now. Tadokoro didn't know him well enough if she thinks he'd ever give up. He's not a quitter; never has been.
Nakiri hasn't talked to him since that day at her hotel door, and Soma doubts that'll change unless something significant happens- like actual cats and dogs raining down on them. Or Arato dragging her out of the kitchen. But he won't stop demanding for that long since overdue explanation. He thinks he has the right to do at least that.
So he sits down on that bar stool for the fifth time, orders a glass of water, and waits until someone reports his presence to her highness. Arato doesn't seem to be around today, which lowers his chance of success that much more.
"I swear, the stuff I'm doing 'cause of you, Nakiri… Seriously."
"E-ehm, excuse me?" He jumps at the sudden call, glancing behind him to find a blond waitress looking intimidated for some reason. "This is your fifth visit this week, isn't it?" she asks in an Australian accent. Does she think he's a stalker or something? Damn it, Nakiri. This is your fault.
He shrugs. What should he say to that anyway?
"W-well, it's not like I have the right to ask anyway. Actually, I have been tasked to take you to the staff room. The owner of this restaurant will see you there." His eyes widen. What? Owner?
"You mean Nakiri Erina, right?"
"…Yes? Follow me, please."
He doesn't move at first- can't seem to get his legs to work- and only stares after her when she turns to lead the way. Eventually, it's her calling out to him again that Soma jumps down from the bar stool and follows her through the back door and into the spacious staff room.
"Miss Nakiri will be here in a bit."
"Okay. Thank you." He gives her a small, somewhat nervous smile, waving her goodbye as she turns to close the door behind her.
Then, the redhead takes a long breath. And another. And another. His heart is beating fast, his frustration and the desire to let it all out steadily rising. You're not gonna get away from this again, Nakiri. Not again.
It doesn't take long for her to show up either. She's practically opening the door five minutes after it'd been closed, making the suddenly nervous redhead whirl around to gape at her like a fish fresh out of the water. "You are very persistent on coming here every day," she hisses and crosses her arms, "or just stupid. Honestly, didn't it get tiring after the third time?"
Soma gulps, having forgotten what he'd previously intended to say. She takes a confident step towards him, as if sure she can make him run out this room with that single move. And he fears that she might actually be able to…
"It did. But you know I'm not backing down from a challenge. You basically declared war when you refused to look at me the other day."
She sighs, looking him dead in the eyes now. "I see. Alright then. What can I do for you, Yukihira-kun? Please make it short. I don't have much time."
Another gulp echoes in his ears, but this time, Soma doesn't use it as an excuse to avoid addressing the elephant in the room like he has back then. He pulls himself together, meets her frown head on. Like he should have from the very beginning. "I'll get straight to the point then… One week before you left Totsuki, Tadokoro made a request. I don't want any details. Just one answer." He takes a deep breath, fists clenched at his sides, "Why did you agree to saying that my dish was delicious?"
And whatever happens next, happens too fast for him to follow. Nakiri's eyes widen, her confident demeanor gone. She gets pale, gasps, begins to tremble. And Soma barely feels himself blink before reflex takes over. "Wait." He grabs her wrist- maybe a bit tighter than he'd intended to- and pulls her back towards him before she can turn to escape the room. If Nakiri's surprised about it, she doesn't show it, only staring ahead- at the wall behind him, not at him- and waiting. "Yeah, I know what's going on now. Don't you think that's the perfect starting point to finally explain this shit to me?"
Nakiri flinches, barely but still. Other than that, there's no response. She's back to not answering, and Soma can feel his frustration spike. "I think you owe me an explanation after the stunt you pulled that day. I wanna know what happened, Nakiri, and I'm not leaving until I get to hear the full story. So. What the hell made you go through with Tadokoro's plan? The Nakiri I know wouldn't have."
When she doesn't answer, he pulls again. His hold on her wrist is tight, their faces close enough that he can feel her unsteady breath against his neck. And just as he begins to think that she won't break her silence, she surprises him, "C-can you let go, Yukihira-kun?"
Her voice is barely a whisper, and he complies without a second thought. Taking a few steps beck, Nakiri closes her eyes and sighs, hand on her wrist. "Since the answer will be a fairly simple one, let me ask something else first. Why the sudden interest to know?"
Genuine curiosity is reflected in Nakiri's amethyst eyes, and for a moment, Soma actually feels the urge to laugh out loud. "Sudden? No, no. This isn't sudden, Nakiri. Not by a long shot."
She has no idea. No damn clue about what he'd been doing these past eighteen months and how he'd been ready to bang his head against the closest wall every time he thought of their parting. So much anger, all that disappointment, the uncertainty. He even lashed out at a random old geezer sitting next to him on a plane. She has no clue.
"Seriously. I've never stopped thinking about it, Nakiri. Not even for a second. I was about to go insane. 'What the hell happened? Did I really make her say it after all this time? There's no way it could've been that easy, right?' It's those thoughts that got to me the most. But you were avoiding me like the plague. I had no way of contacting you. And now I hear this was all planned from the start." He sighs, then turns his gaze to the ceiling, hands back in his pockets. "Since you left that kitchen, I had a feeling something was off. And I thought, maybe I wasn't looking for that one word after all. I mean I was, but…" A shrug, and he looks back down at the blonde standing close to the door with her hand still on her wrist. He smiles, "Sorry to disappoint, Nakiri, but your plan didn't quite work the way you wanted."
He watches her lower her head, blond strands of hair making it impossible to see her eyes. And he waits. Now calm because he finally got the chance to unload some of that weight in his chest. He hadn't expected it to feel this uplifting, but it actually is. "So? Tadokoro already spilled the beans for the most part. But what's your story, Nakiri?"
He can see her bite her lip, her body still trembling. But then, she looks up at him. And she finally answers him with a sad smile on her face, "I'm sorry, Yukihira-kun. This is indeed not how Tadokoro-san had imagined it would go. From your perspective, it must look like we were messing with you all this time. But believe me, Tadokoro-san had no bad intentions in mind when she proposed this idea. She was just… worried about you."
"Yeah… I know." Soma lets out a tired sigh, running his fingers through his hair. "Damn it, I know that. But- I really don't get your role in all this. You… just wanted to help her?"
Nakiri shakes her head, still smiling. "No," she says, and Soma feels his heart skip a beat when she takes a step closer, "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't feel it was necessary as well."
"But that's-" he stops himself before his voice could go up an octave, eyes widening again, "wait, what…?"
"I told you the answer would be simple. You needed to move forward on your own, Yukihira-kun. Become a chef who doesn't need to prove himself every single time to those around him. Cook freely without obsessing over a single opinion. Chase new goals… I'd thought about all that, and it just so turns out that Tadokoro-san had as well." Nakiri's smile falters for a second, long enough for Soma to see the regret she tries to hide behind a perfect facade. And his stomach immediately flips over as he reads those deep emotions in her eyes in that one second. "Truth be told, this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. And as time passed on, I caught myself wondering if, maybe, I'd made a mistake. Tadokoro-san never wanted you to find out, and all I had to do is stay away. Simple. But you… you just… kept on coming back."
Nakiri clears her throat, covering those emotions up again before she takes another step towards him. "In the end, I suppose our plan wasn't successful at all, was it? All we managed to do is confuse you." One more step. Nakiri looks sad again. Sadder than before. And his stomach twists painfully. "Did I… manipulate you that much into thinking you couldn't do it on your own, Yukihira-kun?"
Soma's eyes widen. Of all things she could have said, this is the least expected answer. And it just shows him how much she regrets putting so much pressure on him during their school years. "That's not it. Do you really think I'm depending on you, Nakiri? Did I give you that impression? Is that really what you thought I'd ever want from you?"
"…It's all I could give you. Your cooking needed that one last praise to finally be free."
"Oh really? Then why sound so depressed about it?" She doesn't answer. And now, he does laugh out loud, startling both of them. What a stupid conclusion she has reached. So absurd, and ridiculous. "But I get you're trying to be serious, so I'll play nice."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, to be honest, I was stupid like that at first too. I didn't know the difference between seeking someone's approval just for the sake of my career and wanting it because it would mean so much more, you know?" Wait a minute… Wait a fucking minute… What…?
His eyes literally turn into the size of dinner plates, his jaw almost hitting the floor. Shit. Was it really so simple? Had it really been that simple? All those failed attempts trying to get in touch with her, all those times spent thinking about her and her last words, he finally understands what that was all about. He wants to hit himself, over and over. He wants to scream, frustrated with his own idiocy. But instead, Soma just grins. He grins brighter and brighter because it actually does seem to be this simple. The answer he'd been looking for had been so simple.
"…Did you just call me stupid, Yukihira-kun?"
He barely manages to suppress smacking his forehead. "You're missing the point, Nakiri."
She turns her gaze to the side- away from him- and Soma can't help but look back down at that trembling hand covering her wrist. He knows he'd been a little too rough when grabbing it, but had he hurt her that much…? The thought doesn't sit well with him, makes him nauseous, and he reaches out to take that hand. Gently this time. But no matter how gentle his touch is, he still feels Nakiri flinch.
"Listen, Nakiri-"
"I-it's only natural for me to believe that it was due to my constant criticism and refusal to accept you that you felt like you had to chase after me. I realized that I have done you wrong, Yukihira-kun," Her hand squeezes his, her eyes still cast to the side, "Tadokoro-san asked me for a favor, and I accepted. That's all. Now stop digging any deeper and go find that criticism you're so obsessing over somewhere else."
He sighs. Squeezes her hand. Sighs a second time. Seems she's not quite there yet. "You're an idiot. Well, we both are, actually."
"Excuse me?! How dare you call me that twice now?!" He kisses her. Just like that. Without thinking. Still holding her hand, still feeling her tremble under his palm. He kisses her, fully aware that she stares back with eyes as wide as they could get.
That's right. Yukihira Soma isn't the type to ponder over love or the like. He doesn't think much about certain things, and he's well aware of that- now more than ever. But with Nakiri's soft lips moving so passionately against his, he finds that, maybe, it isn't necessarily a bad thing. He might not be able to act on impulse like this if he had thought about his growing feelings for her. He might not even have had enough courage to come all the way here if he'd known.
When they part, Nakiri blushing and him grinning from ear to ear, there's silence again. Only this time, it's anything but uncomfortable.
"See? We're both stupid." Her trying to do him a favor and him never realizing why he was actually so attached to her. "So stupid."
And for the first time since he saw her again, Nakiri looks confused. Genuinely confused. All while her warm breath mingles with his. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I want you criticizing my food, Nakiri. Not just 'cause it helps me improve but also because it gets me closer to you. That's all I want, really."
"S-so you're… forgiving such a misplaced action? Just like that?"
"…Why do you make it sound like you've committed a crime?" He laughs, letting her hit his chest with her other hand.
"I'm serious."
"Yeah, I know. And, I mean, sure, I was angry and all. But I'd be even more of an idiot than you if I didn't let it go now. What would be the point of coming all the way here if we don't work this out, am I right?"
"I'm not… sure what kind of conclusion you're looking for, Yukihira-kun…"
"Really? I just don't wanna continue cooking without you there to judge it. Simple as that." Nakiri's lips part, understanding slowly showing in her eyes.
"O-oh," she says and blushes. Bashful. Was she even capable of looking bashful?
"If you still need things spelled out for you, I can go even further than that. I want you there because I'm-" her hand on his mouth stops him. Confused, Soma watches her stare down at their feet, not saying anything for a moment.
Then, "I-I understand. But I… I'm sorry, Yukihira-kun. I can't let you say it now." She lowers her hand, his immediately following to hold onto it. His smile dropping.
"…Why not?"
"Because I made a mistake. You came all this way, said so many things I still need to think about… I just… I have to do things the right way, Yukihira-kun, or I will never be able to move on. It wouldn't be fair to you. S-so until I'm ready to face you without any guilt… I can't hear what you have to say. I'm sorry…"
Oh. "Hey… stop being stupid already. You still don't get it? I want your critique not just 'cause you're pushing my buttons every time I ask for it, but because it's you saying it. Only because it's you." His hand releases hers, coming up to caress her cheek. "Is that so hard to get?"
She closes her eyes, looking sad, happy, and relieved all at once. He knew there'd still been something inside him that made him feel uneasy. That small annoying voice again telling him she's not gonna be convinced so easily. And he was proven right. Damn.
His heart pounds painfully against his chest, and he leans in to kiss her again just to try and calm it down. Nakiri responds immediately this time, even smiling against his lips before tilting her head to meet his tongue with her own.
When they part, it's her giving him a breathtaking smile. Full of affection and reassurance. Like she's saying that everything will be alright now. They're not going to be apart again.
"I really can't get you to drop it, can I?" Nakiri shakes her head.
"Yukihira-kun… I'm glad you came here, I really am. B-but this isn't supposed to be that easy. So much time has passed… I can't let you treat my mistake like it isn't one. It would be wrong to move on like nothing happened, and I have my pride, you know."
"What d'ya mean?"
"Well, how do you suppose we go on from here? Are my choices really that easily forgivable? No. They shouldn't be, at least. You might think differently about it now, but eventually, you will realize that what Tadokoro-san and I have done to you is something that shouldn't be brushed off so easily."
"But I-" her lifted hand stops him a second time, the pained look in her eyes keeping his mouth shut even after she lowers that palm again.
"No, Yukihira-kun. I'm serious. Nothing should change. Even if you can, I can't let this idiocy of mine go. My pride wouldn't let me. I… I have to apologize properly. Face my guilt. Can you accept that?"
His stomach turns when he meets her determined gaze, the hardness in those amethyst eyes, her quivering lip. He's thought that he could accept it when she said it the first time, but now… he knows what that would entail. "You're… not coming back to Japan with me… are you?"
"No…"
Repentance. That's what she seeks, he knows. He can read it in her eyes, and it hurts him that it has to be this way. But Soma understands that Nakiri's pride won't allow her to make a mistake and forget about it right away. She needs to sort things out her way.
"Okay." He smiles. "You know where I'll be when you come back. I didn't plan to make another trip overseas for a while, so…" A shrug. A brighter smile. "Hurry up, okay?"
Nakiri laughs behind a closed fist, turning to wipe some tears from her eyes. "Idiot," she mutters under her breath and faces him again with a blush. His heart pounds. "I will try my best."
"Good." Not much else to do now. He can wait to see her again as long as he actually sees her again.
"Alright then. I… I have to go back to the kitchen now."
"Oh… Yeah. Yeah, I, uh… I think we'll run into each other again before I leave. For real this time."
"That would be nice." Nakiri smiles, then turns back to the door.
"Don't worry, Nakiri. I'm not gonna go without telling ya." Her snicker echoes in his ears as he follows her out of the staff room. He knows that they both don't believe what he said. As nice as it is to hear her laugh, he knows things aren't back to normal just yet. He knows she doesn't believe it, which is why he doesn't tell her about the already booked plane ticket for the following night. Something he'd decided to do yesterday, not because he's given up, but because he would need more time trying to get through to her.
They don't see each other, and he leaves without looking back, thinking it would be easier for them both if he disappears as abruptly as he'd appeared. Nakiri will come back to him, he has faith in that. They will start over, sort their feelings out together, maybe say the words out loud this time. He trusts that it won't take another eighteen months for them to meet.
Hopefully. His own thoughts keep putting pressure on him, his hopes turning into doubts the more time passes.
It's not until after he returns home from another short trip to Madrid a few months later- still discouraged and somewhat empty inside- that he finds out he didn't have to pay any attention to those damned thoughts from the start. Sitting there in front of Yukihira diner with her cheek resting in one palm, Nakiri smiles at him like it's the most natural thing in the world. In her other hand, he can see large red letters sticking out on a piece of paper, reading 'I guess I'm in love with you too, Yukihira Soma'. And all he can do is shake his head and laugh, because it's such a cliché move.
"Seriously, Nakiri?" A cliché only one Nakiri Erina can pull off and still catch him off guard with.
"What? Be grateful it didn't take me longer than this to get back."
"And the note?"
"Just a precaution. Don't worry about it."
"…Okay?"
And he wouldn't have it any other way.
Aaaaaand let's cut it right here!
I hope you enjoyed reading, guys. And I really hope there aren't that many mistakes in it, hahahah. Make sure you all stay safe!
And take care!