More Than Words

by mickeiblue

Happily ever after was never a promise, never a guarantee, and somewhere along the way it lost all meaning. Love faded, love reborn, love unrequited, love always.

Disclaimer: Yeah I wish I owned OTH, sadly I do not.

Apologies! My aim is to work on the next chapter of Shot in the Dark this week and post by end of next weekend. My life went a bit crazy for a while, lets just say I'm half homeless at the moment, I guess Covid had to eventually do some damage to my neck of the woods. Huge housing crisis, but alls good just well I bit cramped sharing a room with my son at family's house and without access to their internet (grrr). But since I'm taking so long I thought I would post this one shot I wrote months ago, kinda in the same mood of Thinking Out Loud. Its uh... not exactly BL though I couldn't help but add some BL feels too it. Ultimately its a Peyton centric fic, I wouldn't exactly recommend it for LPers though. I feel like this fanfic is very head cannon for me. Hope you enjoy!

The party raged inside, music, laughter and voices blasted out every time a door opened, breaking through the otherwise silent night. Peyton leant against the rail, her head down, wondering how long it'll be before someone realised that she was missing from her own birthday party.

It had been a surprise party, though a welcome one. Her husband had asked Peyton to dress up for her special birthday dinner, she had expected a candlelit alcove at a romantic restaurant instead she was at Tric hiding outside. It was still the better option. Peyton had not been looking forward to an awkward dinner alone with her husband, trying to hold a conversation while counting down the time for when they could leave. The moment they arrived here they parted, they'd spent only ten minutes all up together, and if anyone really paid attention they may have realised that those ten minutes were surrounded by friends where they could conveniently focus their attention away from each other.

Sixteen years of marriage, the silence was no longer uncomfortable when it was just the two of them, they never really fought, it had been a gradual change sneaking up on them as days turned to months and then years until one day it was as if they were living two different lives circling each other. They never talked about the fact they no longer talked to each other. It wasn't as if they never had discussions, they had two children, many family and school events, in large the same social circle, so they had to discuss things and a certain mask just seemed to flip up every time someone else was around. The moment they were alone though the mask was gone and there was just silence, an empty void between them, blank faces, averted eyes, a natural move to avoid each other.

It wasn't as if Peyton had never thought about ending their relationship, she had, many times in fact. Every day in reality. She wasn't happy with Lucas though she wasn't unhappy, they just… were. It always seemed easier to just stay together, none of their friends had divorced and there was something about bringing their marriage, and everything it seemed to lack, into the public eye that felt even more uncomfortable. They were meant to be Lucas and Peyton, star crossed lovers, he'd written a book for her, they'd walked away from so much for each other. It would mean publicly admitting that they weren't as happy and successful as their loved-up friends, who even after over a decade of marriage still looked at each other and flirted the same way they had before they'd said I do.

And it would be so messy and complicated, the financial impact alone would be devasting, not to mention their children. It was easier to just go along in their lives, playing a role, being partners in every way but in the way it should count the most.

Peyton sometimes wondered if Lucas even realised the state of their marriage, if in his mind he was settling for this life they were living where they didn't acknowledge that they'd made a mistake in their past confidence that they were meant for each other. He must, Peyton rationalised, for how could he not. It wasn't normal, it had become even more obvious how abnormal the state of their relationship was after they moved back to their home town of Tree Hill.

A sigh escaped. The mask was tiring sometimes, Peyton sometimes just ached to scream the truth, to drop the stiff smile that she wore in public when her husband was by her side. She let her shoulders sag, and stood up to lean against the wall instead, closed her eyes and just listened to the thump of the music that could only just be heard through the wall. Peyton imagined she was young again, free of responsibility, and it was just her and the music. She smiled, swaying her head gently as she got lost in the music.

Perhaps she wasn't too old for a party, to lose herself on the dance floor, perhaps she wasn't too old to find something new in life, purpose and inspiration.

More at ease Peyton slipped back into the party, once she was on the dance floor she was crushed between the bodies as the guests all noticed the birthday girl and tried to give their best wishes or their condolences depending on if they thought her turning forty was a good thing or not. And a large fixed smile was back on her face, a little fake, until she was swept up by a grinning Brooke who threw her arms around her friend, kissed her cheek and held her hand as they danced. Nathan and Haley were swaying together, his hand twisted a lock of her hair at its tip, both their eyes beamed as they stared at each other not noticing anything else.

Suddenly Peyton's hand was empty and she froze as she watched Julian pull Brooke's back against his chest, his nose buried in her neck, Brooke's eyes were closed as she relaxed into her husband's arms, contentment on her face. Peyton felt her stomach drop as she watched Brooke turn her face closer to Julian's, and then the blonde looked behind the couple and her eyes locked on his.

They stared at each other with the happy couples between them, and for a brief second his mask fell and was replaced with a longing, with an acknowledged sadness.

And Peyton couldn't stand it, her chest became tight, she closed her eyes and turned her back on the sight running through the crowd as fast as she could without arousing too much attention. No smile on her face.

As soon as she burst through her office doors upstairs Peyton went straight for the windows, opening them and letting the cold air hit her. She breathed in, breathed out, tried to fill her lungs, tried to slow down her heart beat.

It felt like too much. All of it. It didn't seem so easy anymore.

The door clicked behind her and Peyton turned, unsurprised to see he had followed her. And they were silent as they looked at each other, his thick brows in a frown.

Peyton felt herself relax, felt the pain shift, she closed her eyes briefly before opening them again, green eyes wet, "I miss you, I miss us"

"You can't say things like that" he replied though Peyton was urged on by the fact he was standing in front of her and speaking to her at all, it had been so long.

"Do you ever feel like our lives aren't real, as if this is some dream, even a nightmare and you're just waiting to wake up?" her eyes begged him, her heart begged him, "I want to wake up. I can't do this anymore" she walked towards him, her hand reaching for his face, "Jake-"

He flinched from her touch and stepped back, "I can't do this anymore" Jake's expression was half agony and half longing, "I love you, Peyton, I do. You know that. It's never just the two of us though and as much as I love you, I hate who I become when I'm with you. I can't be that guy anymore, it's not who I am"

"I know, I know, I know" she winced, "You're a good guy"

"Am I? Does a good guy screw his friend's wife and then go meet him for drinks?" he straightened up, "I wanted to do this the right way, I begged you to leave him, to choose us instead, and it kills me to see you living this farce of a life that no one else seems to notice"

"I have you"

"You can't. Don't you get it Peyton, I can't put my life on pause forever waiting for you to find the courage to leave a guy who doesn't even love you anymore"

Two months without Jake and Peyton was flaying, desperate for something to hold onto, desperate for the escape he offered her. Ignoring his words Peyton lifted herself up and planted her lips against his, and despite his protest Jake kissed her back.

This was passion, this was life, this was inspiration. It was a breath of fresh air after being suffocated, her cold body grew warm but just as the kiss deepened further Jake pulled away, his eyes still closed, his hands holding her shoulders keeping her at bay. Peyton tried to kiss him again but Jake opened his eyes, still dark with desire yet there was something else in his expression.

Sorrow.

"I got back with Taylor"

Peyton staggered back, logically she knew she had no right to be angry or jealous, he was not betraying Peyton. Yet it felt like it.

The selfish part of Peyton raged. She wasn't ready to implode her family yet she had always imagined that on the day she was ready that Jake would be there waiting to help her pick up the pieces, "you don't love her"

"I have to try. I have to try to let go of you and allow myself to love someone else again. This isn't fair to me, or Lucas. And if you are honest with yourself it's not fair to you either. I need to at least try"

"Fine!" Peyton screamed, "GO! JUST GO THEN!"

"Peyton" he whispered, reaching for her again though this time she was the one to snatch her hand away, to move away as if his touch would burn her. Jake's eyes grew sad again and then he was gone and Peyton felt alone. Truly alone.

The party was still going, with something else driving her Peyton found herself at the bar, looking for a different kind of escape.

It wasn't exactly the oblivion she wanted however it did achieve an early exit, drunker than she'd been since before her marriage Peyton was carried through her house's threshold, an arm around Lucas and Brooke as they guided her, their arms supporting her up. Lucas' face was almost as red as Peyton's intoxicated one, his lips closed in an expression Peyton knew spoke of how uncomfortable he was with his wife's behaviour.

Brooke insisted on removing Peyton's heels downstairs and they left them by the door before stumbling upstairs. It wasn't a graceful drop onto the bed. Lucas left it to Brooke to help change Peyton's clothes, though he remained close, then pulled the blankets over a mostly naked Peyton. Her arm went up, her fingers wrapping around her husbands' neck, she pulled him down, giving him a sloppy kiss, a bit too forceful as his lips remained unmoving beneath hers. Lucas tried to detangle her arms from him as Brooke laughed at the sight, "you're drunk" he told her, his voice disapproving, to their friend it sounded like he did not want to take advantage of her.

Peyton laughed, a little too harshly, looking over Lucas' shoulder Peyton eyed Brooke who watched them with an indulgent look, and inside Peyton screamed. Don't you see how my husband doesn't want me? "Relax, Luke" Peyton turned her voice teasing though there was steel beneath her words and her eyes met Lucas' for a second before she glanced back to Brooke, "what if Brooke joined us?"

It was amazing how Lucas suddenly found the strength and speed to push Peyton away, her back bounced against the mattress and she laughed, ignoring her husband's cold face Peyton grinned at Brooke, "come on, B, it's my birthday"

"You're really drunk" Brooke laughed, choosing to see her friend as being light hearted and drunk, she tucked the blanket higher up over Peyton, her tone as equally indulgent as her big hazel eyes, "and as I recall we were all pretty drunk that night, and we're not in college anymore" she kissed Peyton's nose, "still love you"

Peyton stretched her arms up above her head, "oh to be young again!"

Brooke chuckled, "you're still young enough"

Jaw clenched Lucas rubbed his clammy hands against the back of his head, he couldn't remember the last time Peyton had kissed him, his lips burned but not in a way that spoke of pleasure, he dropped his arms and joined the women at the bed again, eyes not meeting Brooke he fixed the pillow Peyton was using, "thanks for helping but I've got this"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Julian's waiting" he gave a slight wince even as his and Peyton's eyes stayed locked, and they kept staring at each other as Brooke said her goodbyes and left them alone.

The sound of a car starting had Lucas sigh, he closed his eyes, then sat up on the bed, his back to Peyton, as he breathed in slowly, rubbing his brow before he turned his blue eyes to the night sky out the window, "what are you doing?" he whispered.

Peyton didn't know if he was talking to her or himself, and then she felt him look at her and all her bravado disappeared, she stayed still, kept her eyes lightly shut, and pretended she was already in a drunken slumber. After all they were both used to the pretending.

-x-

Two months later and Peyton stood by Nathan and Haley's pool, a drink in her hand, her eyes staring at everything and nothing. This was not her idea of a fun day but it was Jamie's birthday and doing what was expected was the pattern of her life these days, not so long ago a barbeque like this would have been a highlight for Peyton.

Now it felt like torture.

The children were in their own world, and Peyton was keenly aware of the other adults. Had they always been so… handsy? Surely, they were too old for these lovesick grins and silly giggles. Peyton groaned, rolling her eyes, and took a sip of her drink. It was sickening, and she felt her stomach roll, Peyton felt the beginnings of resentment for her friends and their happiness.

Nathan lazed on a lounge, Haley laying on her back between his legs, smoothly talking to the others around them. Julian and Brooke were making out at the pool edge, the fashion designer wearing the type of bathing suit Peyton wouldn't be caught dead in anymore at her age. Everywhere she looked was something she did not want to see, not even her husband whose eyes constantly strayed to another woman, that no one else seemed to notice but Peyton herself. It was so damn obvious it made her sick, and Peyton was aware her husband was as oblivious to his behaviour as everyone else.

It had taken Peyton a while to notice, over the last two years though it had become more and more clear to her. Peyton found herself watching the other couples often too, at first, she thought Lucas did the same, silently judging them against their friends, until Peyton noticed it was one particular friend Lucas tended to watch with a pained expression when he thought no one was looking.

If it hadn't been for the fact that she'd already started crossing boundaries in her friendship with Jake she might have cared more, not that she didn't care at all because she did but it didn't seem worth it and then the next time Peyton found herself alone with Jake, she hadn't felt so pressured to keep up any boundaries any longer.

Peyton had known it was going to happen. She'd known what was happening was technically wrong, if only because she had kept her get togethers with Jake a secret, blatantly hiding the truth, because if her intentions had been purely innocent, if it hadn't been wrong, she would have never created the secrets in the first place.

On those afternoons, as she lay warm in bed in Jake's arms, happy and content in their bubble, Peyton had sometimes felt sorry for her husband. Sorry for the man whose wife was in love with another man and glowing with it, while he mooned over their friend. A friend who had long stopped viewing him as a man in his own right, and having to watching the woman openly display her joy with someone else to all those around her.

Another sip and Peyton stopped looking between her brooding husband and Brooke and Julian, her eyes going to the last sight she wanted to see.

Jake and Taylor sat on the lounge next to Nathan and Haley, the tanned older woman rubbing sunscreen all over Jake's naked torso. She hoped they were miserable, that selfish demon rising again, Peyton hoped Jake ached inside his heart and she hoped Taylor knew that every time he touched her Jake was thinking about a different woman.

Love shouldn't be disgusting yet Peyton felt the emotion deep in her bones. She felt a lot, none of it positive, none of it what she should be feeling surrounded by friends, family, cake and balloons.

An escape is what she needed. Peyton took another sip, she just didn't know how to find one anymore, her life felt like a trap. A trap of her own making.

-x-

It wasn't so easy anymore, every day it grew harder and harder, Peyton resented the act she'd started so long ago, no longer trying too hard to smile. The three women sat together, which was rare these days as usually there was at least one other from their group. Peyton didn't view the others as the group. Millie, Quinn, Alex, Taylor and Bevin were interlopers who Peyton had long ago accepted yet not embraced, though they were another part of the act, as if everything was okay, as if her return home was as seamless and happy as it could be. As if she'd never been gone.

She had been gone. Things had changed, so much had changed, and it wasn't seamless, it was far from natural.

Peyton was unusually silent and her friends compensated for it, they tried to bring her into the conversation yet each time it failed and other than the brief slightly worried glances they sent at the quiet friend Haley and Brooke didn't show any obvious sign that something was wrong.

An act. It felt satisfying to Peyton, she wasn't the only one who pretended sometimes. At one point there was a pause, Haley and Brooke looked at each other and Peyton knew they were communicating without words, Peyton knew any minute now they'd stop the act and approach her more directly.

She didn't know what she was going to say until the words were already out and couldn't be taken back, looking into the street behind her friends unseeing, Peyton let the words drop into the silence "I'm going to leave Lucas"

For a moment two dark sets of eyes stared at Peyton in shock, not sure they had heard correctly, not knowing what to say as Peyton still stared into nothingness. Then Haley and Brooke glanced at each other again, something flickered between them, something close to pity, something between shock and disbelief.

"What-why?" Brooke eyes were not as wide as Haley's though the usual easy cheer was gone from her face, "you've never said-"

"My marriage is over, has been for a while, I just didn't know how to walk away"

"But… but…"

"Have you and Luke talked?" Haley sounded less shocked as Peyton's words settled over her, her tone sympathetic.

Peyton scoffed, "we don't talk, we haven't really talked in years"

Brooke was still bewildered, and confused. "I know you guys aren't all lovey dovey or all over each other in public but you've always been… quieter… but none of us knew it was this bad"

Her words made Peyton wonder if maybe the others had noticed something amiss, though the expressions on her friends faces made her doubt it.

"Divorce?" Brooke questioned and Peyton glanced to her side, "you two love each other so much" she added.

Peyton didn't bother to scoff, her tone was deadpan "we haven't had sex in a year, it was three months before that, maybe two three times a year at most for… it's been like that since… I don't know anymore. At home we don't talk unless the kids are involved, always finding ourselves in different rooms, on opposite sides of the bed, one of us waiting until the other is asleep to go upstairs. I'm tired of it being over and it not being over all at the same time. I can't breathe anymore"

At Peyton's words Brooke sucked in a breath.

"We're not in love anymore, I'm not sure if I'm even capable of loving him, hell I don't know if I even like him anymore… it's just… empty, a blank nothingness"

That had Brooke silent, while Haley worked on controlling the tears that threatened to fall. Peyton shrugged casually, her demeanour as if she was talking about the weather, less emotion than that, "besides, I'm pretty sure we're both in love with other people"

Though Brooke's eyes widened in disbelief, Peyton could not help but notice the quick look that Haley sent Brooke before she forced herself to look back at Peyton, though their eyes did not meet. Haley's gaze trained somewhere around Peyton's shoulder.

Peyton's lips twitched, she didn't know how to feel about it as she realised that, unlike her previous assumption, she wasn't the only one to notice Lucas' wandering eye and she wondered what else Haley might have noticed. A darkness swept over Haley's face as everything from the last few years shifted inside her mind.

People tended to see and notice what they wanted which was how Peyton figured others had missed what was all so obvious to her, that her marriage was not a happy one.

The silence stretched on with the two other women not knowing where to look or what to say, Peyton cleared her throat and picked up the menu, "does anyone feel like dessert?"

They allowed the change of subject though the rest of their lunch was slightly off, uncomfortably filled with Peyton's sudden confession. When they parted Haley's hug lasted slightly longer than usual, and she held a nervous smile goodbye. Brooke's hug was too much, she didn't know when to let go, her whole body was in it and her face had lost its shock and was replaced with pity and empathy. Peyton realised Brooke felt sorry for Peyton, sorry that the now forty-year-old was ending her marriage. Peyton had lost those emotions so long ago, for the first time she started to feel happy at the state of her marriage, happy that she wouldn't be trapped for too much longer.

-x-

Every day Brooke called Peyton to check up on her friend, and each time she half expected the blonde to announce she'd changed her mind, it didn't happen and Brooke's expectations slowly changed to waiting for the day the eventual would happen. Brooke's attention only made Haley's avoidance all the more obvious, she was giving the other Scott couple space, and Peyton could guess Haley was carefully avoiding Lucas so she didn't have to look at him knowing his marriage was a ticking time bomb. As if Lucas wasn't living in it.

It was another night like so many others, Sawyer was out with friends and not expected back until the next day, while Miles was fast asleep upstairs. Lucas had eaten with their son before Peyton returned home from work, he'd gone to his office while Peyton started on helping Miles with his homework. Peyton escaped to the bathroom, washing the day off her, and Lucas came out of his private space to make sure their son went to bed. While Lucas had his nightly shower, Peyton prepared a quick dinner for herself, eating alone at the counter and turning the dishwasher on once she was done. She could hear Lucas walking around the house, picking up after the kids, and then the tell-tale sound of his office door shutting. Peyton watched TV in the living room for an hour and a half before escaping to bed, she put the radio on quietly and got out the small sketching pad she kept by her bed.

The sound of the TV going downstairs gave away that Lucas had stopped hiding in his office, and Peyton knew he would stay down there for a few hours, that he expected her to be asleep by the time he came upstairs where he would slip into the other side, his back to her, feet as far away as possible in an attempt to not touch.

Peyton waited an hour and broke the cycle, she got out of bed, checked Miles was definitely asleep, and then went to join her husband.

Lucas tried to hide the surprise in his blue eyes when he saw Peyton walk into the room, eyes narrowing as he watched her come sit next to him on the couch, her body perched on the far side, her face towards the flashing TV.

He froze, not knowing what to say, fighting the instinct to get up and move to another room, there was no excuse, no reasonable explanation to suddenly leave the couch and do something else.

After a sigh Peyton grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the TV off, Lucas shifted uncomfortably as the room fell completely silent.

"We need to talk" Peyton finally looked at him, Lucas blinked as the words rolled over and he let out a breath we're really doing this. It had hung between them for weeks, months, perhaps years. A tightrope of everything they didn't say. Nothing obvious had ever happened or changed, there was no big event which started it, it was so gradual Lucas wasn't truly aware how bad it was until it seemed too late. The silences had simply stretched for longer and longer until weeks would go by without them looking each other in the eyes, until months could go by and Lucas could no longer remember the last time they had kissed. And the longer it went on the harder it became to go back, the more acute every touch became until they seemed to effortlessly even avoid the accidental brush against each other. They became experts at the avoidance, placing everything and anything they could between them. Experts at avoiding what he realised Peyton was no longer prepared to.

Lucas let the mask fall, his body slumping in submission, the fine lines on his face looking deeper as the resignation and unhappiness freely became on show. He simply nodded.

It's not like he hadn't expected it, it was not like Lucas had not expected to one day say those words himself. Every day he'd stopped at least once and thought about it, told himself to hold on, waiting for some line to cross where it would be okay to just say it.

There seemed to always be a reason to wait, a birthday, a holiday, some event. There was no book explaining when the best time to rip apart your family was, though Lucas knew enough not to be handing out Easter chocolate as he told his children their parents were separating.

The right time just never seemed to happen.

Peyton had got tired of waiting and she looked at him with a fierce determination etched in her posture, there was no spark of joy in her eyes just the same broken nothing that had been in the looks between them for longer than he could remember. "I know" he replied.

They hadn't known how to talk to each other in a long time yet in this moment it came so easily, "I never meant to hurt you. I don't know how this happened. I don't know why we're not happy" he was so confused.

"You haven't hurt me" Peyton told him the truth, there was a pain in the disappointment, an ache in her life, yet she spoke the truth, the hurt wasn't from him to her, she could not point to anything where she could fault her husband. It would have been easier if she could. "I've racked my brain trying to figure it out, where did it go wrong, when did the feelings just go away" she told him, feeling his eyes on her, knowing that he felt relief that he wasn't alone in his thoughts and emotions, and seeing that in his eyes she felt relief too, "Have I hurt you?" she asked him. Her mind went to Jake, to all the hours, all the nights, over the last two years when she'd laughed and smiled in his arms, feeling his kisses roam over her and how light they made her feel. Did he know? Did Lucas know where she'd spent all those late nights, what she was doing when she skipped out on family time, who she was with?

Like so much it was something they didn't talk about, yet the way his eyes hazed over now had confirmed something in Peyton, a suspicion she'd long held. Her husband was aware he wasn't the only man in her life, there was times where she even suspected he'd helped her hide it.

And she felt sorry for him, not for what they had become for they were both equally at fault and not at fault, and not even for finding some happiness outside their marriage. She felt sorry for him that he hadn't. Couldn't.

"No" he answered the question, for his pain came from something else entirely. Lucas didn't feel sorry for himself, he'd accepted many things, though he did have regrets. Lucas regretted how his failure would impact his children, he regretted that he'd built their love story up so much that the fall of it would be that much more devastating, that it had caused their marriage to turn into a twisted trap. Lucas felt as if he'd hurt himself, that at the centre of all the trouble he was firmly placed.

Blaming Peyton had never occurred to Lucas, "I'm sorry" he told her.

"Me too" she sighed, "I'm so tired, Luke"

"I am too. I don't want to go through life like we're just going through the motions but I don't know how to do it any other way. The kids-" he paused abruptly; it always came down to their children.

Peyton no longer wanted to lay the blame on their innocent children, "will survive" she finished for him, "We must have done a few things right, they're strong and happy, and I don't want them to grow up and think it's okay to settle for anything less than happiness. Don't you look around us and see how wrong we are? do you want our existence for Sawyer and Miles or what Haley and Nathan have, what-"

"I know" Lucas cut in, his face went to his hands, "I'll leave"

Peyton almost went to tell him she would go but then she stopped herself, she couldn't just turn up on Jake's doorstep bag in hand, she'd never grown close enough to the newer Tree Hill gang, and most of them were much closer to Lucas and had their own families. There were two viable options for her, either Nathan and Haley, who were Lucas' brother and best friend, as well as her own ex-boyfriend, and though she knew they would welcome her and give her a home she also knew their focus would be on Lucas, and they were just so happy. Then there was Brooke and Julian's place, and that seemed even more awkward especially when neither member of the couple were aware of why it would be so awkward. Instead, Peyton nodded, "we can tell the kids tomorrow, you don't have to leave straight away"

"I'll go to Nathan and Haley's tomorrow night, stay there until I figure something out"

And the inevitable silence returned, though when they looked at each other again something had changed and they found themselves hugging. They hadn't held each other like this in years, with warmth.

-x-

They sit the kids down, Sawyer looking dubious, sure she was about to get in trouble. There was a calmness to Peyton and Lucas, and the children couldn't place what was so different with their parents that day, so used to the oddity of their parent's distant relationship, the fake smiles and brief affection for show, they could not pin point why today was different. That in this their parents were together, they did not recognise the ease that Peyton and Lucas had as they sat next to each other, did not recognise the absence of unsaid words and fears, though there was a heaviness in the air.

"You both know how much we love you" Lucas began, and sixteen-year-old Sawyer narrowed her eyes, "and that will never change. The truth is your Mother and I have decided to separate."

"This was a mutual and hard choice, and not one we make lightly, it has been a long time coming" Peyton added.

Sawyer stood from the couch, "WHAT?" she lowered her voice, her body taunt with teenage angst, "you gotta be kidding!"

While eleven-year-old Miles quietly takes it in and internally worries about what this change means, he'd not been blind to his parents' behaviour towards each other, Sawyer raged. The teenager voiced every question she had, most to do with how this would impact her life, at the inconvenience, about how selfish her parents were being and if they had even tried to fix things, she raged about how she wouldn't give up her social life for weekends at which ever parent's house she was meant to be at, that she wasn't going to move town again. And when she went upstairs slamming her bedroom door closed, she lay on her bed, hugging the only stuffed toy that never made it into the bin, and she cried. Sawyer cried for the parents she still remembered, memories of when she was a little girl and they used to play and laugh together, of the times she'd caught them dancing to one of her mother's records. And Sawyer cried when she realised, she hadn't even truly noticed when all those little things had faded away, until they were just not there at all.

"Give her some time, I'll go check in on her later" Peyton stilled Lucas with a touch of his shoulder.

Lucas smiled at Miles, "you okay, bud?"

"Will we move again?"

"I don't think so" Lucas frowned, "Tree Hill is our home but moving houses we might, I don't know. I'm going to go stay with your Aunt and Uncle for a while, I'll find a house for me and you guys for when you're with me"

"So, I'll have two homes?" Miles thought that wasn't too bad, it would be weird but most of his friend's parents weren't together anymore either, and a lot of them got two of everything. Two birthday parties, two Christmas mornings, two lots of toys. When one parent said no the other might say yes. It would be weird but Miles tried to control his worry, his parents told him everything would be okay and he believed them.

Sawyer refused to come out of her room, not even when Lucas tried to say goodbye, and a part of her broke a little when her father's car drove away, she ran to the window and instantly regretted not opening her door. A part of Sawyer had thought if she didn't say goodbye, if she stayed in her room, then Lucas wouldn't have been able to leave, he would have to stay, even if he'd regretfully told her he had to go now, even as he begged her to open her door so he could give her a kiss before he left. Lucas had spoken through the locked door, telling her that he loves her.

And then he had left.

Sawyer didn't eat for a day, sending her mother glares, ignoring her father's attempts to contact her by phone. One silence had been replaced by another, this one edged with an anger the other had lacked.

Peyton breathed in and told herself to give their family time.

-x-

When Friday rolled around Peyton packed a bag and took it to work with her, she was grateful for the pull-out sofa her office had, a change Haley had added while Peyton had been in town. The purpose of the make shift bed had been for those nights one of the group might not be able to make it home safely after a night at Tric. Peyton was grateful nonetheless, as it would be her makeshift home for the weekend while Lucas returned to the house to be with the kids. Sawyer's silent treatment was still going strong, she pitied her ex.

At seven she called and wished Miles goodnight, and at eight Peyton rolled her eyes when her phone rang, "I'm fine, Brooke" she answered.

"I just don't understand why you won't come stay here, we have a spare room with a very comfortable queen bed, and a real bathroom"

"I've already told you no, I'm fine. This is my space here, I like it. Look, I know you care but I just can't, okay?"

"Whatever" Brooke huffed, "but seriously if you need me or my bed, I'm here"

"I know. I actually have lots to do, I'm really okay Brooke, stop worrying about me"

"Fine. I love you P…. Sawyer"

"Love you too, bye"

"Bye" Brooke whispered and Peyton ended the call before anything else could be said.

Peyton made up the sofa bed, still in her jeans and shirt, though as she stared at the clean sheets she grabbed her leather jacket and keys instead.

It's almost midnight when she rocks up at Jake's door, he looks at her through half asleep eyes, and she gave him a tentative smile, "hi"

"Peyton?" he pokes his head out and looks around the street, "what are you doing here?"

"Are you alone?" Is Taylor here?

"Yeah" Jake shook the brown hairs away from his eyes, "get in here before anyone sees you"

"Does it matter?" Peyton asks as she walks by him. She walks down the narrow hall way, heading straight for his bedroom, Jake doesn't comment on her destination, they always talked in there, the illusion of privacy came with that shut door.

"It's late" Jake comments, perhaps he meant to say it's too late, his warm brown eyes look into her green ones and neither blinks.

"The kids not home?"

"Gabe and Gemma are at Maggie's" Gabe was the same age as Miles, the two of them had become fast friends, Peyton hadn't even known Jake had moved back to town until they had run into each other at school pick up her first month back in Tree Hill. In truth he lived two towns over, though after his divorce he'd offered his ex his parents' house in Tree Hill that he'd inherited, and they'd been using as an investment property. Peyton didn't like Maggie, she found her controlling and spiteful, bitter even though she'd gotten a house, most of their belongings and custody of the kids after the divorce. There was no true custody schedule so Jake never knew when his kids would actually be with him, sometimes it could be for weeks. Peyton didn't want to be like that, a broken home was bad enough for her kids the last thing she wanted to do was make it even more difficult.

"It's over, between Lucas and I"

"So I've heard" Jake gulped.

Peyton took a step forward, "I'm sorry it took me so long, but you have to know you're the one I want" she reached for him. Jake held her hands before she could touch him elsewhere, his face twisted in turmoil.

"Peyt" he sighed, "are you sure?"

She nodded.

"There's no turning back if we go from here" he promised her, Peyton nodded again and when she reached for him again Jake didn't resist, his arms wrapping around her lithe form as they fell onto his bed their lips still firmly attached to each other.

Peyton didn't regret never trying out the sofa bed, she woke up grinning, happier than she'd been since Miles was a baby.

The morning was like a dream, yet the good type that Peyton didn't want to wake from, her grin stayed on her face until Jake's phone rang, his eyes dropped, "Hi Taylor… yeah sorry I forgot" he looked to Peyton as he spoke, "I'll come to your apartment around two, see you then" he hung up and the two adults stood still, the only noise in the kitchen their heavy breathing.

"What will you do?" Peyton dared to ask.

"Come on Peyt, what do you think I'll do. I'll tell her its over" Jake swore. He'd been the other man in Peyton's marriage for years yet he'd never been the unfaithful one until now, his casual on-off relationship with Taylor James always seemed to hover just below the serious label, the two of them falling together out of loneliness more than anything else. Haley had always tried to hint they should ramp things up, she liked the two together, yet Taylor often found herself back with her son's father who'd never made the move to actually marry the besotted woman, and Jake inevitably would find himself wrapped up in his secret love for Peyton. This time he'd tried to take it more seriously, this time he felt Taylor was finally ready too, that maybe they could both put their past behind them and form a different kind of future.

Peyton smiled relieved, and circled his neck with her arms, she kissed him slowly, her own plans forming in her head. The future seemed a lot brighter than it had a month ago.

-x-

It was Brooke and Julian's twins twelve birthday, the first big celebration since Lucas and Peyton's separation. They had put their house on the market, Lucas had already put an offer in for a small three-bedroom place on the river, while he waited for settlement to go through, he continued to stay at his brother's spending the weekends at the house with the kids while Peyton crashed at her office, or so everyone assumed. Peyton spent her weekends at Jake's, only crashing at the office two nights so far when Jake had unexpectedly had his children, most nights if he did have them Peyton would sneak in after they were asleep and sneak out before they woke.

House hunting herself Peyton would often find her weekend mornings in bed with Jake, searching her phone for houses for sale in Tree Hill, wanting his opinion, swiping away houses that were too small. They didn't talk about it yet it felt like they were looking for a house together, for when all the secrecy was gone and they could fit their lives together like a puzzle.

It wasn't the best plan though out of respect for her own children and for the friendship she'd had with Lucas, Peyton didn't want to expose their relationship straight away. Peyton assured Jake she did want people to know about them, just not yet, and Jake agreed.

Lucas had guessed, and though he had known and accepted his wife had been having an affair the realisation it had been with someone he considered a friend had hurt him still. They weren't as careful as they used to be and it was in the way their eyes would flicker to each other that gave them away, and how they avoided the other a little too much in public. A part of Lucas was happy for Peyton, he didn't want her to be miserable and Jake was a good guy. The other part of Lucas was jealous, he knew soon enough that Peyton and Jake would be just another one of them. One of the happy couples, stealing touches and kisses in public, unable to avoid the loving smiles.

Another regret for Lucas was that he'd come to this party, he didn't know why, Peyton could have bought the kids and everyone would have understood Lucas skipping it. It was a form of self torture, watching her happiness. Lucas wished there was alcohol at the party, he turned his back on the crowds and tried to ignore the sound of a familiar husky laugh.

"Hey, you okay?"

Lucas turned slightly at Haley's approach, "never better" he laughed, "why the fuck did I come to this thing?"

"It's not too late to leave, I can say you suddenly weren't feeling well" she smiled.

Lucas frowned, "I do feel sick" he glanced over to where Brooke was standing with her husband, Jamie and Nathan, Peyton was there too, leaning against his brother like old friends. He could see the dimpled smile, and then as if she knew he was watching her Brooke's eyes locked with his and her smile turned softer, empathetic. He felt his heart drop, she had no idea and it was killing him slowly. But no sooner than her attention was on him it was switched again, Julian pulled Brooke closer to him, whispered something in her ear and her sparkling eyes were back on her husband, her laugh splitting through the air.

"They'd notice if I left" Lucas shook his head, "it would be weird"

Haley sighed, "one day you will find it" he looked at her strangely, "love again"

"I've been in love three times now; I don't think I could survive a fourth"

Haley hugged Lucas, leaning her head against his she whispered gently, "don't look for it, love will find you. A love that isn't shared with anyone else" she kissed his cheek and dragged him over to Mouth and Skills.

Peyton was aware of Jake standing with Clay by the barbeque, she watched Nathan leave their group and go join them, she let herself observe Jake freely for a moment and then when he winked at her she turned away quickly and tried to hide the blush creeping up her neck.

Another pair of eyes were on her, Peyton was aware of that too. Taylor's angry gaze followed Peyton, a storm brewing.

The cake was cut, presents opened, the school friends disappeared one by one, and Lucas could have slipped out yet he found himself insisting on helping Brooke pack away, their hands brushed when Brooke placed some dirty plates into the bag Lucas was holding. The blonde froze, Brooke merely reached for a pile of party cups and added them to the bag, "thanks, Luke" and when he threw the trash in the bin Lucas quickly said his goodbyes to the other adults, giving the twins a final happy birthday, he found Peyton with Skills, Julian and Haley, "hey, I'm heading off, I'll take the kids home with me"

"Okay, thanks" Peyton gave a nod, the others all watched them, still getting used to the fact Peyton and Lucas were no longer Peyton and Lucas. It was bizarre for them to see and even more bizarre that looking at them interact post-split it was hard to see what things had changed.

Lucas quickly grabbed a sour Sawyer and a tired Miles, leaving the party as fast as he could. The red door closed behind them.

As soon as Lucas had left Taylor sauntered up to where Peyton stood with the others, considering there had been no alcohol served she appeared a little tipsy, "nice of your husband to look after your kids so you can go bang lover boy"

Haley who had been smiling felt her face fall, she looked at her sister, "Taylor" she reprimanded.

"What?" Taylor shouted, she glared at Peyton, "what are you looking at skank? You think I don't know what you did. You had your chance, for fucking years he was practically waiting for you to come to your senses and stop playing fucking games, but no, you wait, you wait until we finally decide to try for real to end your fucking fake ass marriage and take my man instead. You're a fucking parasite, Peyton, a fucking parasite who can't stand to see others happy"

Suddenly everyone was looking at them and Peyton felt like the ground was swallowing up, she couldn't move.

Brooke came rushing towards the shouting, "what the hell is going on?" she glared at Taylor, sniffing the air, "are you drunk?" Nathan was not far behind.

Haley looked at her husband, "take Phoenix inside, actually take all the kids inside" Haley gritted out, and Nathan quickly did so with the help of Mouth, Millie, Bevin and Clay.

Unlike the other adults Quin walked to the group of adults, "Tay, what are you doing?" she reached for her sister's arm, Taylor batted it away.

"Oh, fuck off Quinn" Taylor hissed.

Skills whistled and decided he needed to go join the rest of the adults on babysitting duty.

"Fucken nerve smiling like she's not the skanky bitch she is" Taylor hissed, "skank can't even look me in the eyes" she got her face up to Peyton's, "once a cheater, always a cheater, isn't that right, Peyton?"

Jake chose that moment to step in, going between his current and former girlfriend Jake walked Taylor away, "cut it out".

Brooke looked around the group, "what the hell is going on?" she repeated.

A wide-eyed Julian watched where Quinn and Jake were trying to calm an intoxicated and angry Taylor, leading her towards the house, his voice held a trace of humour, "from what I can piece together between the swearing, Taylor is none too happy with Peyton, has accused her off cheating with Jake and that apparently they left their partners for each other"

"Okay, so it is what I thought" Brooke mumbled to herself processing the new information. There was a silence, just silence and many eyes trained on Peyton.

Peyton's silence spoke volumes, Haley shook her head, "I'm going to check on Taylor, I'll take her and Phoenix home"

A less shocked and now more furious Brooke let Haley walk by her, "okay the party is officially over, Julian honey can you make sure everyone gets their goody bag and say goodbye for me" Julian kissed Brooke's cheek as he left Peyton and Brooke alone.

One by one Brooke placed her hand on her hips, "okay so it seems there's a lot you haven't told me. What the hell Peyton?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know Taylor would go crazy like that" Peyton started to get control back, "I'm sorry if it ruined the boys party"

"Forget about that" Brooke rolled her eyes, "it ruined your marriage" she frowned, disappointment filling her, "Jake?"

"I love him"

"Does Lucas know?"

Peyton nodded.

"I know you said Lucas and you weren't happy but if it got that bad, if you were thinking about having an affair, why didn't you just leave?"

And the tears that started running down Peyton's cheeks Brooke reigned in her emotions, she pulled her friend into a hug, "I'm sorry. You probably feel like shit right now, which granted you should, but still I don't need to make it worse" she hugged Peyton some more.

Once the tears stopped the two women found themselves sitting on the edge of the garden bed, Brooke unable to look away from Peyton, "I just don't get how all this happened. You and Lucas were…. Peyton and Lucas! When you left town you were so in love and happy"

"We were. We were happy, there were a lot of good times… and then… I don't know, it didn't grow, it stayed the same until slowly it got a little less and a little less until we were two strangers living in a house together"

"Then you cheat on Lucas" Brooke sighed, first you cheat with Lucas then you cheat on Lucas. She thought it but she didn't say it.

Peyton shook her head, "it just happened, when I saw Jake again everything that was missing with Luke became so much worse, and he was there and it just happened, and I didn't know how to stop it. I didn't want to"

"And you never thought about ending your marriage a bit sooner, or ending things with Jake?"

"Of course, I did. Every day. It felt like I couldn't breathe without Jake but… the kids, Sawyer and Miles, were still so young and… I…" Peyton couldn't finish.

"Well, you screwed yourself into a nice little hole" Brooke chuckled, wrapping an arm over Peyton's shoulder, and then she turned serious "I'm your best friend, and all this time you never said a word to me. You could have, I would have understood, I could have helped you"

Peyton laughed, "yeah, how would you have helped?"

Brooke gave a wry smile, "for starters I would have said everything was going to be okay. That the kids would one day understand, that dragging out the pain would only hurt more in the long run. I would tell you if you're going to follow your heart do it the right way before you break everybody's"

"You would have told me to leave Lucas for Jake?" Peyton asked. She lifted a fine blonde brow, doubt written on her face. Brooke looked away and left her mouth slightly open, she knew Peyton's doubt was correct, if Brooke was honest, she had no idea what she would have said.

"You still could have told me, if only so you didn't have to carry it all by yourself. We're best friends, I'll always be here for you"

"No" Peyton shook her head and stood up, "You were the last person I could say anything to"

Brooke stood too, her voice passionate, "why? Because of high school. Didn't we get over that years ago" and she smiled, she thought she was reassuring Peyton.

A scoff escaped Peyton, the words slipping from between her lips before she could even realise what she was saying, too late to put them back away, "no, because my husband is in love with you"

Brooke laughed, she looked at Peyton and laughed, "are you insane?" her hand went to her chest, "Lucas? In love with me?" Brooke laughed though it slowly died as Peyton's expression only grew more serious.

Her brow creased, Brooke shook her head, "Lucas is not in love with me. You're being ridiculous. You're officially insane"

"And you're blind!" Peyton shot back, "Don't get me wrong my marriage was a mess before we moved back here and Lucas started mooning after you every chance he got but I wasn't about to confide in the woman my husband had started to wish he'd married instead of me"

"I get that you believe that" Brooke said slowly, "but Lucas is not in love with me. Nothing is happening between us"

"I'm not saying there is" Peyton regretted the whole conversation, "forget I said anything, you're right, I'm insane" and Peyton quickly left, speed walking away from a still shocked Brooke.

Not caring any longer Peyton left Tree Hill and went straight to Jake's townhouse, knocking on the door in full view of the sunshine. As soon as Jake answered he hugged Peyton, "you okay? Nathan kicked me out"

"I'm fine. You?" she brushed her palm against his red cheek, and he chuckled.

"Taylor and Quin slapped me" his eyes shadowed over, "the kids are still here"

"Everyone knows anyway" Peyton leant forward, "let's just keep hold of the happiness we can" he met her lips and pulled her inside, holding her hand with pride.

-x-

The fall out is nowhere near as bad as it had been back in high school, this time it is much, much worse. Six weeks had passed since Davis and Jude's birthday party, Peyton felt each week like a dagger to the heart. Jake was perfect, Jake was what kept her going and she hoped her other relationships would heal and more happiness would come.

Lucas had moved into his new place and the kids had started to spend more and more time at their father's house. Sawyer now reserved her anger and resentment solely for her mother, Lucas didn't approve yet their daughter was a force of nature all on her own and he had little power.

Surprisingly her ex was one of the only people whose relationship with Peyton had improved, though it couldn't have gotten worse in the circumstances. Peyton imagined that maybe one day they could even shift their relationship back to real friends.

Though the children would have happily stayed full time with Lucas, her ex had put his foot down and five nights out of the fortnight they slept at the house Peyton still occupied. Wednesday to Monday morning. It was a technicality as the children seemed to always have something on so they rarely actually appeared to be at the house, most nights it was only dinner and sleep they did with her, and they did so in silence. Even Miles had become uncomfortable around his mother and had stopped speaking to Gabe at school, more guilt for Peyton to feel. It wasn't a good feeling to know her children felt forced to spend the little time with her that they did.

Invites from friends had vanished overnight, Brooke was unusually silent, she hadn't cut Peyton out though her contact was stilted and limited to texts only. Peyton wasn't lonely though, she missed her friends and she missed her kids like crazy, but every night of the week she didn't have her kids she spent at Jake's and soon his townhouse felt more like home than the house she'd shared with Lucas ever did. Gabe and Gemma who had initially been a bit distant had soon thawed, she loved her time alone with Jake and she loved her time shared with Jake and his children. Peyton looked forward to the day her own children could be involved in their time together, she hoped it wasn't too far off.

It was a different sort of happiness though still just like with her marriage to Lucas Peyton found that something was missing, only this time she had everything she didn't before and nothing she did.

-x-

It was guys night, a designated night every month all the guys got together, Lucas had missed the last one because of Dad duty so he was looking forward for a light drama free night with some beers. It was poker night this time, hosted by Mouth, and Lucas shrugged off his jacket and joined the others at the table.

The cards were dealt, Lucas waited an hour before he couldn't ignore the absent parties, "where's Julian and Jake?"

Multiple pairs of eyes looked everywhere but at him, Clay suddenly found his nails veery interesting, Nathan cleared his throat. Mouth finished dealing, "Jake wasn't invited"

"Come on, guys, you don't need to do that" Lucas rolled his head back, "I don't want you doing that for me"

"Quin's my wife, Taylor is her sister. It's not just for you"

"Didn't Taylor sleep with Quin's first husband?" Lucas asked remembering hearing it from years ago.

Clay shrugged, "women"

"She also slept with Nate" Skills added.

Nathan held his hands in the air, "before I was married to Haley, before I even knew Haley, let's clarify that"

The men all laughed, Lucas looked around again, "what about Julian? He usually loves guys night" and those shifty eyes happened again, they all looked down at the table.

Lucas narrowed his eyes, "what? Don't tell me he slept with my wife too?" Lucas chuckled.

"Nuh, just rumour is you want to do the nasty with his" Skills casually answered, the other men looked at him, someone kicked him under the table, "what? Like it wasn't all weird as fuck anyway. Dawg, shit went down"

"None of us believe it though" Clay said.

Mouth cleared his throat while Chase quickly downed his beer, Lucas eyes all the guys, "why the hell does Julian suddenly think I want to sleep with Brooke? What just because I'm not with Peyton anymore suddenly he's worried I'm going to confess my undying love to his wife instead"

They were all silent.

"Now you're quiet" Lucas scoffed.

Nathan looked at all the others before looking Lucas in the eye, "after the twins party when Brooke and Peyton were outside talking-" Nathan shrugged, "-Peyton told Brooke you're in love with her"

"What?" Lucas spat out, "and no one told me this?"

"Well, we know its bullshit, you know, she's the one who was fucking your friend" Clay abandoned his cards, "but I don't think Julian found it very funny"

"Great, this is just what I needed" Lucas groaned. He suddenly started thinking about how oddly the others had been acting lately, he'd put it down to the whole Peyton situation especially with how cagey Brooke had been when he had run into her. The brunette wouldn't meet his eyes and now Lucas knew why, "no wonder Brooke's been acting stranger than usual"

"Dude, if it helps" Chase added, "I heard she laughed at Peyton and called her delusional"

"We got you Luke, we know it was just Peyton being crazy, we know you aint in love with Brooke" Skills screwed up his face to show how absurd the thought was.

Instead of showing his gratitude Lucas went silent, his face paled, he looked down at his bottle and the mood of the table shifted.

Chase's jaw slackened, "damn"

Only two of the guys didn't show sudden realisation, Mouth and Nathan, one who had long suspected his friend's feelings and one who had previously had many discussions with his wife over the situation.

Clay broke the tense mood, "maybe next time it'll just be easier not to invite Lucas"

The game continued, though there was a slight awkwardness that usually wasn't present and Lucas was all too aware that the looks his friends were sending him were somehow even more pitying. Married to a woman in love with another man, in love with a woman married to another man. As if he wasn't right in the middle of it all, a participant in the mess his life had suddenly become.

"Can you all stop looking at me like that" Lucas interrupted when he was finally over it, "Peyton and I have been over for a long time, you all just didn't know it, if she is happy with Jake then… that's that"

A few of the guys nodded though they didn't look convinced.

"And with the Brooke thing… it's not what you think, it's not… I would… I don't-" Lucas didn't know what to say.

"We know" Nathan whispered.

"She's really happy with Julian, I know that, I… I…"

"You don't need to explain it to us, man" Nathan handed his brother another drink.

Skills nodded, "you're not about to tell her you love her, right? Not like you're banging her behind Julian's back" Lucas simply shook his head, "then it's good. Gonna be hell weird for you though"

"And we won't say anything" Chase added for good measure, "everyone's been in love with Brooke Davis at some point". Lucas wished it was that easy.

-x-

Peyton walked into the café and went straight to the counter, Haley looked up and Peyton watched as her friend collected herself, "what would you like?"

After giving her order Peyton waited, Haley treated her like any other customer, Peyton tried to ask her how she was and Haley cut her off. Once her drink was in her hand, in a to go cup that Peyton had not ordered, Peyton looked at Haley with begging eyes, "please, Haley-"

"We are not doing this here"

"What choice have you given me, no one is talking to me. Hell, my ex-husband talks to me more now than any of you"

Haley looked around, "fine, but not here" she called for one of the other staff members and ushered Peyton to follow her upstairs to the roof, "I'm sorry that your actions have consequences" Haley got straight to the point.

"As if I'm the only one who isn't perfect" Peyton eyes lit up, "my marriage is my business"

"And Jake's apparently"

"You do not get to judge me for falling in love, you in your perfect marriage!" Peyton felt anger build up, "and okay maybe you can judge me for what I did, I know it wasn't right, but y'all don't get to just treat me like shit as if I'm the only one who has ever done anything, as if you have any right to be more upset about how my marriage ended more so than me and Lucas, the actual people whose marriage it was"

"Lucas is my brother; Taylor is my sister. They're my family, it does involve me"

"I thought I was family too"

"So did I" Haley locked her jaw, and as they stared at each other her eyes began to soften, "Lucas is a mess, Taylor started drinking again and you're walking around town holding hands with Jake"

"Is that what you want? Me to be miserable?" Peyton laughed, "My kids hate me, they barely talk to me and Luke has to bribe them to spend any time with me. My best friend can't look me in the eye, my whole life has changed, I have no other family and all my friends have decided to cut me out. And maybe I deserve some backlash but I am not the only one who made mistakes, Lucas is not some innocent victim whose heart I broke"

"I know that" Haley sighed, then she narrowed her eyes at Peyton, eyes fiery, "what were you thinking telling Brooke that Lucas is in love with her! Do you have any idea the damage you have done on top of everything else?"

"I didn't mean to say it"

"But you did and it wasn't your truth to share. Lucas was never going to do anything about his feelings, what did you hope to achieve by telling Brooke? Did you think she would suddenly up and leave the husband who adores her, break apart her family, for the boy she hadn't been with since high school?" like you did. Peyton didn't answer. Haley went on, "All you did was make moving on harder for Lucas, make any group things even more awkward, and throw a thorn into someone else's marriage. Brooke now thinks you blame her for the disaster you and Lucas became, you've probably ruined any sort of friendship Lucas had with Brooke and Julian, and you showed a complete disrespect for any friendship you hoped to salvage with Luke!"

Haley tried to show all her frustration and anger at Peyton, tried to let her know the full scope of her actions, and Peyton felt it. She was not immune to her actions; she was living with the consequences just as much as everybody else.

"I'm being punished for loving someone else, when I was not the only one"

"If you think that's why everyone isn't happy then you're not paying attention"

"You knew, you knew all along Lucas had feelings for Brooke still and you're still on his side" Peyton let out a deep breath, Haley of all people she had expected some understanding from.

"Did you not just hear what I said?" Haley yelled, "there's a huge difference between what you did and what Lucas did-"

"We fell in love with other people, it's not my fault Jake actually loved me back"

"No, the difference was Lucas didn't hurt anyone but himself with his love. I used to feel sorry for you, that he loved you both and even after all these years a part of his heart tugged elsewhere but Lucas… argh, I don't feel sorry for you anymore"

"You're wrong" Peyton whispered, "if you think him loving her didn't matter, of course it mattered. Maybe it didn't hurt me like it should have, maybe hurt isn't the right word at all. But it mattered, it broke something already fractured. It made it harder and harder for us to get back what we had lost, and that's not all on me and Jake. Y'all can hate me but I'm still going to try to be happy because happy isn't something I've felt in a long time."

Haley remained frozen as Peyton turned to leave, at the door the blonde turned back, "I'm sorry Taylor got hurt. I was never with Jake when they were together before, not that it matters, but I knew I was about to lose him so I reacted, I finally found the courage to end things with Lucas, and I took a shot at happiness. Jake would not have made her happy, I'm sorry, but it's true, the day after I went to him Jake broke up with Taylor because I'm the one he loves. He didn't wait years to do what I should have done a lot earlier" and she left, Peyton felt better for it even if she'd lost a friend she loved.

-x-

After three days with Jake, Gabe and Gemma, Peyton felt more than comfortable inside the home, she danced from the kitchen with a smile, dinner in her arms, "I hope you're all hungry"

"You remembered to turn the oven on this time, right?" Jake teased. After a quick glare Peyton placed the dish down, and then she kissed her boyfriend and patted his cheek.

"I triple checked the recipe too" she kissed him one more time before standing up.

Gemma's eyes grew big, "this actually looks good, like literally good"

With a happy smile Peyton sat down though as the kids ate and the conversation flowed a part of Peyton felt the sadness grow, she looked at two empty seats at the large table and her heart ached. As if she could read her mind, Gemma stopped eating "why do we never see Sawyer and Miles?"

"They're with their dad, sweetie" Peyton gulped, her eyes started to sting.

"But what about when they're with you?"

Jake swallowed and quickly intervened, he pushed Gemma's plate closer to her, "eat up, kiddo, before it goes cold"

"But-"

Peyton placed her knife and fork down, "it's complicated, Gem. They love their dad very much and the divorce is really hard on them, it's still very new, and they're just a little sad right now"

"But they love you too!" Gemma assured Peyton, "You're a great Mom!"

"Thank you" Peyton started to eat again, a lone tear falling down her cheek.

That night Gabe gave Peyton a kiss goodnight and an extra tight hug, and when her and Jake crawled into bed they simply rested against each other. His phone beeped on the bedside, and Peyton watched Jake read a message and frown, "something wrong?"

"Lucas texted me. He wants to know If I want to go out for drinks tomorrow night"

"Oh" Peyton sat up, "what are you going to say?"

"I don't know" Jake kept frowning, "what do you think?"

"I think if you want to go you should go" Peyton thought Jake should grab the olive branch being given, "send me a text if you need an escape and I'll call you, pretend I'm Jenny and there's an emergency"

Jake laughed, "okay" and he typed back, "I said yes".

They laid back against each other, Peyton content and Jake thoughtful as he looked up at the ceiling, eventually he stopped tracing patterns against her arm, his voice barely above a whisper, "do you ever regret leaving Lucas?"

Peyton didn't have to think about it, "No, I don't". Lucas was in many ways a great guy, he was a great father, but Peyton had long ago realised that despite the love they had shared, he was not the right guy for her and she was not right for him. If they had been then things would have been different, she couldn't change that. And most of the time she wouldn't even want to.

-x-

The red door stood out on the white house, Lucas waited after his knock, hands in his pockets. He had once painted his door red and gifted his room to Brooke. Years later Julian had given her the whole house.

It was school hours, Lucas knew Brooke wasn't at the store or the café, he hoped she was home alone, because he could not stand the way everything had just imploded around him. The door opened, and she was there, as beautiful as ever, the lines around her eyes and mouth a little more pronounced, her hair dyed mahogany, she usually smiled when she saw him though this day Lucas watched her face freeze, watched her eyes go wide, "Luke, ah… what are you doing here?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"I don't think that's a good idea"

"Please" his blue eyes begged and Brooke looked at him for a long moment and then she stepped back and opened the door wider, Lucas stepped inside and turned to face her. The door now shut Brooke couldn't meet his eyes, she kept her gaze at his feet, her arms wrapping around herself.

"I'm sorry" Lucas began.

"You don't have to be sorry" Brooke licked her bottom lip, daring to meet his eyes, her expression vulnerable, "what are you sorry for?" she asked quietly.

Lucas stood unmoving, the words not coming. Brooke searched his face, fighting the urge to gasp, finally she whispered again, her arms going tighter around her body, "are you in love with me?"

"Does it matter?"

"No" she said then quickly, "yes" she frowned, "I mean, no…. maybe, I don't know. This is insane. You don't love me, you can't"

"And if I did?"

Her eyes grew big, "then I… I can't deal with this. I love you, Luke" her face crumpled, "I've always loved you and I always will but I'm not in love with you, not anymore, not in years. I'm married and I love Julian so much, we are very happy"

"I know"

"Then don't say you love me"

"I didn't"

Brooke looked at him and she had to close her eyes because now it was out in the open and she couldn't help but notice the look in his eyes, the look that said that no matter what his words were his feelings were more than she wanted or could handle. There was a time Brooke would have jumped for joy at knowing that Lucas still loved her, now it just hurt.

"I don't want to lose you. I'm not asking for more or expecting anything, but we are at least friends, that's all I want"

"Okay"

Lucas chuckled, "can you look at me?"

Brooke shook her head, and he sighed.

"I'm not saying I'm in love with you, I'm not saying that being around you is equal pleasure and pain, that a lot of days I wish I could be the one who made you so happy. It would be easy to fall in love with you, I don't think anyone could blame me if I did because you're an amazing woman, you are beautiful, brilliant and brave, its cliché to say you light up a room with your smile but you do. So, it would be easy to love you"

Brooke kept her eyes closed at his words.

"What I am saying is that I respect you, as a woman and a friend. I respect your marriage and want you and Julian to be happy and healthy for as long as possible, I want you to continue to make each other smile and love each other the way you do. I respect your family and your kids, because both are as equally amazing as you, and that deserves to be cherished"

Brooked opened her eyes, sniffling as Lucas smiled sadly at her, "I…" she stopped, breathing roughly as emotion overcame her, "thank you but… I think it's best if maybe we don't see each other for a while"

"Yeah, of course, I understand" Lucas nodded though his brow creased, he was disappointed yet not shocked at Brooke's decision and because he did respect her Lucas would do as she asked and only hope that sooner rather than later Brooke would be ready to be friends again.

What did surprise Lucas was Brooke stopping before he left her house, reaching up to hug him tightly, her face in the crook of his neck, she shifted to rest her cheek against his shoulder and squeezed tight. Lucas held her back, taking in this moment that may never happen again, breathing in her scent, sinking into the warmth of her body pressed again his. He kissed her hair, "it's okay" he whispered.

And her voice came quiet back, barely heard, "I'm sorry" and she let him go, brushing her tears away as he left her in the doorway, not daring to look back. Lucas wondered why she apologised to him, if it was because of the space she was asking for, or because of the way he felt for her in the first place or maybe because she didn't feel the same way back.

In any case as much as he'd been angry at Peyton telling Brooke what she had, as much as a mess the confession had made, Lucas couldn't quite find it in himself to regret that it was out. A part of him was grateful that Brooke at least knew how he felt, he could never do anything about it and Lucas had long ago come to terms with it being an unrequited love, yet he hoped despite everything knowing she was loved meant something to her, even if it was just a little. Though as Lucas drove away, he dreaded that all it meant to Brooke was trouble.

-x-

It was eery, standing in the empty house while their lives were packed up in boxes. They had moved multiple times before yet this was different, her family had always moved together, nothing ever changed too much. This was it though. This was final.

Lucas had not taken much from the house when he'd moved into his place, his personal belongings, everything in his office, and eventually a little over half of all the kids belongings had moved to his. Everything else had remained, he'd started fresh.

So, as it came closer and closer to her own moving day Peyton had begun to sell off their previously shared belongings, her new bedroom would not be overshadowed with remnants of a failed marriage. Jake and her had spent two days shopping, picking out furniture together choosing dark woods and black metal, in the end they'd gone for an industrial warehouse style and soon Peyton realised she'd replaced almost everything except her personal belongings.

It had been real then, however now it was a different kind of real. It was a goodbye. Peyton remembered the little blue house they'd had when Miles was a baby, staying up late after the kids were in bed, listening to her favourite albums on the couch together while Lucas read books, wrapped up in each other. Before the silence, before the laughter disappeared, before everything else piled up and got between them. A time when there was friendship, companionship, a time when they had more between them than two kids and a to do list. For a while, perhaps years, Peyton had expected to get that spark back, that joy that just being with each other could bring, she expected to look up one day and see him watching her and instantly smile, warmth filling her. The day never came.

Some days it scared Peyton, some days Peyton was scared that she'd stop smiling for Jake, she couldn't imagine it now then again once upon a time she would have said she couldn't imagine not being happy being Mrs Lucas Scott.

Despite all the problems, this house, this life, that Peyton was saying goodbye to had not been completely bad, it had not been completely cold. This goodbye was to all she'd once dreamed of and learnt she couldn't have, now her dreams had shifted.

Though she smiled as she left the house, closing the door behind her, Peyton could not stop the tears from falling.

-x-

Time moved slowly though not in a bad way, Peyton enjoyed her fresh start, every day with Jake was a blessing and Jenny, Gabe and Gemma all welcomed Peyton into their family. Peyton was reminded what it was like to move freely in her home, being able to be herself once again, to have a true partner. She didn't care about the town gossip, Peyton proudly walked down the streets her fingers laced with Jake's, there were date nights and family outings with his kids. Peyton couldn't help but smile and damn if she was going to feel ashamed about being happy. There were whispers and looks, Peyton was well aware of that, she just did not care.

Their friends had slowly invited them back in, it wasn't quite the same, things weren't as frequent as it used to be and Peyton long suspected the invite lists were chopped and changed depending on the event. Time had helped the most, Taylor had returned to rehab briefly before returning to Tree Hill and soon she was dating a local doctor fifteen years her senior, and the happy state of her life with someone who truly was falling in love with her and helped sooth the James sisters, though Peyton was sure Lucas had words with his brother and best friend on her behalf. One day Peyton hoped Haley would look at her the way she had before the big reveal, she was content that Haley was looking at her at all right now. One day maybe the girl dates would return, Peyton didn't particularly miss the big group of girls though she missed the one on ones or the times it managed to be just her, Brooke and Haley.

Nathan had become Peyton's biggest supporter, he was one of the first who acted like the new combo of Peyton and Jake was natural, shaking off the disapproval and awkwardness. One night he'd come to her office and simply asked her if she was really happy, asked her if Jake was just an impulse or rebound. Peyton had quickly let Nathan know just how far from all that her relationship with Jake was. Nathan had simply nodded, hugged Peyton and told her he'll see her around.

Eventually Brooke had started organising catch ups with Peyton, without Haley and any of the other women Peyton found herself enjoying the extra private time with her oldest friend. The awkwardness had remained for a while, Peyton had felt the need to apologise once again and they'd had the briefest of conversations about the elephant in the room. It was clear Brooke did not want to discuss it, Peyton reassured her friend that she didn't blame her and that her marriage with Lucas always had an expiration date coming, even if they hadn't known it at the start. It didn't escape Peyton's notice how there was a large space between her ex-husband and Brooke and Julian, they were never at the same gathering for what felt like months, and when that finally stopped and Lucas was in the same room as the couple he was always on the opposite side.

It pained Peyton, even as things got better. The black eye Lucas wore one weekend suspiciously at the same time Julian had swollen knuckles showed that it wasn't just verbal communication that had helped ease the tension between Lucas and the couple. Julian and Brooke had always been one of those couple who could be easily found next to each other though now it seemed that Julian made a point of never leaving his wife's side and Lucas made a point of controlling his previous wandering eye. Peyton had caught him failing at it on occasion, his expression holding a different sort of sadness.

The returning friendship between Peyton and Lucas never truly healed, Peyton had never expected it to ever truly happen though she'd imagined a time or too at the beginning when it felt like maybe it could. They were friendly, making more conversation than they had before the divorce, yet they hadn't truly transitioned into friends again. It was better though, the distance allowed Peyton to truly grow to like Lucas again, a sort of comfortable love had returned, no spark, just a soft love that echoed their history that tied them together. There was no pang when Lucas started dating again, and as he embraced his bachelor life style a weight seemed to lift from the other blonde's shoulders, and soon that shadow of sadness in his eyes disappeared and his looks towards a certain married brunette came fewer and further between. And then one day Lucas was no longer on the opposite side of the room to Brooke and her husband, they occasionally stood together in groups part of the same conversation. It might have appeared small though it was a huge shift.

Miles' anger slowly cooled, he found it harder and harder to avoid his mother, and the same for his previously strong friendship with Gabe. The boy had recognised that the other boy had stopped trying, Miles had known that their friendship was truly on the brink of ending and quickly tried to regain entrance back into Gabe's good graces. It wasn't so easy, though Gabe was so much like his own father and could not hold back for too long. Soon the boys were as thick as thieves again and Miles stopped fighting his feelings for his mother, the anger disappeared and was replaced solely with love.

When Peyton announced Jake was moving in with her, a decision that had been held off as long as possible due to the circumstances and not out of any desire to do so, Miles had been ecstatic on learning he and Gabe would be sharing a room. Sawyer had gotten up and left.

Though Miles started to spend more time at his mother's house, the previous arrangement flipping around so the majority of his nights were at his mother's house, Sawyer spent less and less time there. The night before Jake moved in Peyton sat her daughter down, she sighed, apologising to her daughter for all the ways she had hurt her yet refusing to apologise for falling in love and trying to find happiness. Sawyer had fought back accusing her mother of not loving her, asserting that if Peyton loved her like a real mother did then she would have been enough. Peyton's heart broke because her children had never been a part of her unhappiness.

"Sawyer" she had brushed her fingers though her daughters loose blonde hair and not tried not to flinch when Sawyer backed away, her arms wrapping around herself in self-protection, "you and Miles were my joy, always. The light of my life that kept me going. Your father and I never planned on falling out of love with each other, our feelings just changed and we don't know why, but the way we feel about you and Miles never changed, I love you as much as I did the day you were first placed in my arms and every day since, more even because you've grown into a strong, intelligent and talented young woman and you give me a million reasons to love you and be proud"

Sawyer's eyes watered at her mother's words and she relented enough to soften as Peyton hugged her daughter, though Sawyer's arms remain wrapped around herself and did not return the hug.

After Jake moved in it was a month before Sawyer spent the night under her mother's roof, Lucas dropping his daughter off and refusing to leave until she was inside.

Sawyer glared at the walls refusing to look at anyone, she spent the weekend in her room only leaving it to use the facilities. Sunday night Peyton stormed into her daughters' room, "enough is enough, you are the child here and this is my home. Get your brooding butt downstairs and sit at the table, from now on when you are here every meal while your home you will be sitting with us, eat or don't eat that's up to you but you are a part of this family and its time you act like it"

The two blondes stared at each other without blinking, "NOW!" Peyton shouted her arm raised and she pointed to the door, "don't make me say it again"

"They are not my family" Sawyer didn't move, "Miles can call Gabe his brother as much as he likes but they're not brothers and he sure as hell isn't my brother, Jake's not my father, he's nobody, they're nobody's, and this is not my home" her eyes flashed, "I'd rather starve than sit at that table and play pretend for your fake family"

Inside Peyton felt all her resolve collapse and it took every inch of her will power to not shake, to stay standing and firm, she narrowed her eyes, took a breath so she didn't stumble on her words and then she replied.

"I will not say it again, get downstairs" and if it was possible her finger pointed even harder.

It felt like slow minutes before Sawyer walked by her mother and reluctantly made her way to the dining room where everyone else was already sitting, her eyes burned though the teenager refused to cry as she took her seat.

A moment later Peyton's chair scraped the floor as she pulled it out and took her own seat. The meal was unusually quiet despite the two adults attempting to break the mood.

As soon as her plate was empty Sawyer took it to the sink and walked through the dining room on her way back to her room, "good night, Sawyer" her mother called after her, a stubborn tilt to her voice.

Sawyer didn't turn around, "good night" she whispered back and escaped to her room. Fifteen minutes later Sawyer could hear the chatter and laughter from down stairs, she hugged her pillow to her chest and cried herself to sleep.

In the morning Sawyer woke before the sun was up, quietly having a shower and getting ready for school with every intention of leaving before anyone else was up.

With soundless steps Sawyer made her way downstairs and was at the bottom when she heard soft laughter and murmured words. Unable to resist Sawyer crept towards the sound, recognising music was playing as well as she grew closer and closer.

When Sawyer peaked into the kitchen she was confronted by the sight of her mother and Jake whispering in each other's ears, and surprise gripped Sawyer as she witnessed her mother give a giggle. The two adults constantly touched each other, a hand on an elbow, on a shoulder or back, fingers brushing. Their quiet chatter was not understandable from Sawyer's hiding spot though she didn't need to hear the exact words to take note of the ease they conversed with.

Instead of leaving as planned Sawyer backed away silently and returned upstairs, closing her door and sitting at the end of her bed as she continued to picture the scene she had just seen. Sawyer could not remember the last time she had seen her mother so comfortable. In the morning light Sawyer thought back on her previous home life and came to a startling realisation she had never seen her parents so happy together as that brief interlude downstairs. The sparkle in their eyes, the glow on their faces and the tone of their voices. Sawyer had a lot of emptions yet as she sat on the bed thinking about her mother downstairs one emotion slowly abated, and when she sat down and joined everyone for breakfast there was no longer resentment in her heart,

She could try, for her mother Sawyer would at least try.

-x-

One night, like so many other nights, Peyton and Jake sat comfortably entwined on the couch, sharing a beer and watching the latest show they both were addicted too. They were alone, their children with their other parents allowing Jake and Peyton a rare solo night in with no work, no plans and no need to get up early in the morning. They'd cooked dinner together, taking their time doing the prep work as they had listened to a record, and as they waited for it to be ready, they had danced and kissed, then eaten while discussing their days and their plans. Now they were tired, cuddled together on the couch enjoying the buzz of the beer and each other's warmth.

The particular episode they were watching had Peyton lost in thought, her brow turned serious.

"What's going around inside that head of yours?" Jake asked as he left the now empty beer bottle on the coffee table and pulled Peyton even closer to him.

Peyton waited a long silent moment before she leant back to look him in the eyes, "do you ever think about us having a baby?" her tone as hesitant, "together that is"

"I'd hope so!" Jake chuckled and then he gulped, "yeah, I've thought about what our kid would be like, if we'd done this all a bit earlier, but I have my three and you have your two-"

"I know" Peyton shrugged her shoulders, "but sometimes I think about what a little mini us would be like"

"Me too but we're not exactly young anymore"

"That is correct which is why I guess I thought if we wanted to try, sooner would be better than later"

Jake didn't say anything, they just looked at each other, a similar sparkle in their eyes, Jake began to smile and finally after a few minutes he spoke, "this is really something you would want?"

"Yes, I mean, if it's something you would like too"

Instead of words Jake kissed Peyton instead, as he dreamt about a whole new parenting experience different than he'd had with his other children's mothers.

They eventually talked about it some more, weighed the pros and the cons, and decided it was worth a try.

"One year" Peyton nodded, "and if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen". The next day Peyton threw her contraception in the trash and Jake tucked the condoms in the far back of the bathroom cabinet.

They would have fun trying, knowing it might not happen and content to just have what they already had, they didn't give it much more thought than that.

-x-

"Doesn't this all feel oh so sophisticated" Brooke kinked her brow as she settled herself more comfortably back to lean into the chair, crossing one silky leg over the other.

Peyton held a smirk as she sipped her tea, holding the cup between her hands as she lowered it, "I guess it's official we're old women now"

"Speak for yourself, Miss Forty-One" Brooke scoffed, and once again eyed the upscale hotel restaurant.

"Hey, you're a month older than me" Peyton glared at her best friend and chuckled when Brooke seemingly found herself distracted by a tray of cakes going by them.

In her set next to her mother Sawyer sat up straighter, her eyes following the food as well, "I'm so hungry" the teenager groaned.

"Haley should be here soon" Brooke licked her lips, and reached for her own tea cup, she almost spat it out, "bleh, we need champagne"

"It's a high tea, Brooke"

"Yes to the high, no to the tea" Brooke ignored Peyton's eyeroll and motioned for a waiter, soon a champagne flute was in her hand and Sawyer grimaced as she sipped her own tea.

After another five minutes Peyton found the courage to look Brooke in the eyes and let the words out, "I don't think she's coming"

"Of course, she is, Haley said she would be here and she will be here"

Peyton didn't respond she just sent her friend a doubtful look and allowed Brooke to direct her attention to Sawyer. The topic moved to cheerleading, the three of them were laughing when a hurried Haley appeared, "I'm so sorry I'm late" she stopped at the table and looked at Peyton awkwardly and held out a small gift bag, "Happy birthday, Peyton"

"Thank you" Peyton gulped as she took the giftbag hesitantly, Haley simply smiled as Peyton pulled out first a mix tape Haley had personally put together, then a bottle of one of Peyton's favourite perfumes and lastly a black frame.

A tear threatened to fall as Peyton stared at the image unable to take her eyes away from it, "Mouth found some old photos when he and Millie moved" Haley explained.

Finally, Peyton moved, she stood and embraced Haley grateful when her friend warmly hugged her back.

Brooke gently took the frame from Peyton's fingers and smiled herself when she looked down at the black and white image. They all were so young back then, seventeen with their whole lives ahead of them, it was from the first half of senior year during the sparkle classic. The three friends dancing together, pure joy was reflected in their still faces. Logically Brooke knew the boys were just out of frame though looking at the photo the focus was on just the three of them, nothing else mattering in the world except that moment linked together.

Sometimes things didn't remain the same, Peyton took her seat, Haley taking the one between Brooke and Sawyer, and as the three women smiled at each other they knew that no matter the changes they were going to be okay.

"A toast" Brooke lifted her flute, "to Peyton Sawyer, forty- one years old and still as fine as she was when we were seventeen. Forever talented, tormented and of course to her impeccable timing, all the best P. Sawyer"

Haley reached for the glass of water Brooke had not touched, clinking it against the others, "Hear, hear".

Later that night Peyton couldn't help but think back on the last year and how much her life had changed since her fortieth birthday. She had spent that night unhappy, dissatisfied and in tears, chasing an escape with one drink after another.

Her children stood at the sink without complaint, washing and drying the dished together, the remnants of icing and cake still around their lips. Peyton wished Gemma and Gabe could have been there too though she was content and thrilled at the wonderful and intimate birthday dinner she'd had anyway.

Once they were done, Miles hugged his mother and gave her one last happy birthday before taking himself to bed. Sawyer lingered, she rubbed at her thighs, "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want you to know I love you… and…" Sawyer gave a lopsided smile, "Well, I'm really happy that you're happy, that's all"

Peyton pulled Sawyer into a hug, "thank you"

"Happy birthday, Mom" Sawyer kissed her mother's cheek and left her alone.

The silence hit Peyton, she one by one turned off all the lights and looked at the time as he found herself in her bedroom. Jake would be home in an hour, home Peyton smiled at the thought. After forty years Peyton Sawyer finally felt like her life was complete, she couldn't ask for anything more, she no longer looked at the other couple with envy.

An hour and fifteen minutes later Jake crept into the dark room, a piece of cake on a plate with two spoons and a single candle, softly singing happy birthday, barefoot in only his rousers and a half-unbuttoned shirt.

The bed was empty, Jake finished singing and looked towards the bathroom doorway where the light shone from.

Peyton stood, an arm up above her head, knee bent as she posed in the doorway. Jake gulped at the sight, "wow"

"You like? It was one of Brooke's birthday presents" Peyton adjusted her stance and smirked at the way Jake's eyes darkened.

"I love" he almost dropped the plate, instead he sauntered over to his girl friend and held it up to herm leaving the flame not far from her pink lips, "make a wish"

"Impatient?" she lifted her fine blonde brows and blew out the candle, she didn't bother making a wish at all. Jake abandoned the plate onto the closest surface and eyed the black and emerald lingerie that encased Peyton's body.

"Yes" he answered and swung Peyton up into his arms, carrying her caveman style to the bed as she laughed against his back.

The laughter soon disappeared, replaced by eager moans and gasps, then screams. Jake pulled a now naked Peyton close to his body, "I missed you" she whispered kissing his chest.

"The last week away was hell without you" Jake pulled her even closer, then he moved his head back to look at her better, "would you like your present now?"

"Yes please" Peyton sat up, sheets pooling around her waist as Jake left the bed and returned with a large silver box with dark blue ribbons, he sat across from her and held the box out.

Peyton pulled the end of a ribbon and it came undone, she lifted the boxes lid and frowned when she found a gold box tied with a green ribbon, with an indulgent sigh she opened the next box and found it filled with red confetti and thinner black box with a gold ribbon.

Jake's eyes sparkled when Peyton glared at him, "you just wait for Christmas"

"Come on, keep going" he urged.

Though she sighed Peyton was grinning as she opened the black box to reveal a plain white envelope, Peyton frowned for a moment before she carefully took the envelope and pulled out the white card.

Her eyes widened at the words, she looked back to Jake who now held out a white box opened in his hand, a nervous smile on his face. Peyton barely saw the rose gold diamond ring, instead tears fell from her eyes as she wrapped herself around Jake.

"Yes! A million times yes!"

They chuckled together between kisses, Jake tried to move his mouth away, "that-" kiss "-wasn't-" kiss "-actually-" kiss "your gift" kiss.

Peyton loosened her grip, "I don't need anything else" she shook her head grinning and, in that moment, Jake could have sworn he was looking at a sixteen-year-old Peyton instead of the mature forty-one-year-old.

"It's not about need" he told her and this time he pulled out another envelope, "a two-week vacation, one week in Hawaii and one in Brazil" Jake proudly announced as Peyton pulled out the tickets, "I've already sorted out the kids while we're gone, and… there's a weekend between at a little bed and breakfast just outside Derrick's town"

"Jake!" Peyton exclaimed, truly touched at the gift, "you did not have to do this"

"I wanted to" he gently held her hips. Peyton left the tickets by her side and leant over Jake, him barely moving as she pulled another gift from under the pillow, "what's this?"

"A gift" she held the box out to him.

"It's not my birthday"

"It's mine though and I can do what I want" she shrugged, anticipation building inside her, "open it".

Though he frowned confused Jake did as Peyton instructed, it didn't take long, the small rectangular box had no ribbon or bow, Jake simply lifted the lid and looked down at the object tucked within the tissue paper.

Jake froze speechless then slowly lifted his chin, his eyes searched for Peyton's as she waited with bated breath her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Wow" Jake breathed out, "wow"

Peyton grabbed his warm hand, "this present we get to share" and she covered her lower abdomen with their entwined fingers. Happiness felt good.

-x-

Ok not my usual thing really as its not BL focused or with them together, and its very Peyton, but as you may know I am a big Peyton lover and I flove Jeyton. In my mind it just seems realistic that LP would divorce, not be separated by death but divorce. And maybe its unfair to keep having these affairs but I guess at that time that's the sort of story I wanted to explore. I probably won't be going that route again. As ,much as I would have loved to have thrown more BL in I didn't think it very realistic that BJ would divorce too, esp after so many years of marriage and kids, I wanted it to have some unrequited love too and for Luke to suffer maybe a little bit lol. I huge theme for me in writing this was about envy. In fact the draft was saved under the title GREEN. But if you wish to imagien down the track Julian dies or BJ divorce and BL get back together that's up to you, I was gonna write in Lucas meeting someone OC and letting go of his past but left it here. Hope it was enjoyed as angsty as it was. Or maybe it was too lovey dovey.

Seeya, Mickei.