Her heart ached in a way she had never experienced before. She found it hard to breathe, hard to hold back tears, and unable to speak without the certainty that her acted smile would crumble.
"You don't have to do this," Kanae whispered to her with crystallized eyes and a furious look.
Kyoko glanced at her, no gleam in her eyes but keeping that painful to see smile. She opened her lips, tried to say something but in the end the words didn't come out, she took a deep breath and wiped away a single tear that escaped her. On her side, Chiori had a complicated look on her face and was submerged in complete silence, consoling Maria Takarada as best she could.
"Thank you," she started to say "for joining me and not..."
"Always," Kanae and Chiori declared.
Then they made their way, opened the doors of the hall and headed for the doors behind which Kyoko's fate awaited.
It was pathetic, but before the attendants opened the doors she couldn't help but look back towards the doors leading to the street, waiting for something she was too embarrassed to admit but knew her companions knew beforehand.
Kanae took her hand and looked at her, implicitly proposing what she had proposed every minute since the moment she received the news. Kyoko could almost hear her say it:
"Let's go, it's not too late yet."
But in that very second, it was too late. The doors opened, and immediately the flashbulbs rained down as the wedding march began.
Kyoko gave one last look of appreciation and gratitude to her friend and looked straight ahead, smiling as if this was the happiest day of her life, as if at the altar he was standing there, smiling back at her. As if this was the happy ending she had imagined countless times and not the beginning of a life away from him.
Her arm was held by the president, with an expression far removed from the one that a being feeding on love at a wedding would have, but it didn't reach one of misery... It was rather thoughtful and solemn, although Kyoko knew that inside he was crying or perhaps angry, or just barely enraged when he had to let his hand rest on the hand of that young man with the rather charming, but arrogant smile.
"Are you going to give me her hand?" the groom said.
Lory frowned, but finally, with a sigh, he left Kyoko's hand over his and withdrew. Leaving the young couple watching each other, Kyoko was smiling, yes, but it wasn't exactly a look of love she was giving her groom. Meanwhile, he had a mysterious expression on his face and then looked down as he walked hand in hand with her towards the altar.
"Dear brothers and sisters," the priest began, "we are gathered here to unite this man and this woman in holy matrimony..."
Never, never, never in her childhood would she have imagined that marrying Fuwa Shotaro, her prince, would feel so horrible. So painful, as much as if she were being slowly murdered by every known and unknown method of torture.
And the damned time was running like a rushing river, it was unstoppable. Kyoko would not listen to the priest's palaver and remained immersed in what she would have wished for that day that one time she thought would be the most wonderful day of her life, then she thought it would be something to avoid, then it became her most shameful fantasy, and now... It was hell.
"If any among you know any reason why this couple may not lawfully be married," the priest said, "declare it now or forever hold your peace..."
The priest paused and glared at the door to the living room. Kyoko was hardly in the mood to continue to exist anymore, but when she saw Maria Takarada smiling radiantly, she immediately turned around with a hope she was never going to accept that she had.
There he was, with a look of utter desolation, standing in the middle of the hallway.
They looked at each other, brown and amber melted, the world disappeared for a moment. But Kyoko knew that, though perhaps they both had the same idea, and in a wonderful world they could both run hand in hand away from this... She had someone important to watch over, someone she would not retreat for, no matter how much she felt she would die of desolation the moment she heard the phrase that would end it all.
He apparently understood her, and, although she wanted to avoid thinking that he might see her as a woman, his woman, that tear of him made her understand many things. Silently he sat down next to Yashiro-san, whose tears had apparently run out, and she slowly turned her gaze back to the priest.
"Ah," the priest blurted, "... If any among you know any reason who this couple may not lawfully be married," he cleared her throat again and corrected himself, "I mean, if any among you know any reason why this couple may not lawfully be married, declare it now or forever hold your peace"
Kyoko looked enviously at Maria, as the little girl with all the freedom in the world began to cry. The bride was already in too much pain to hold back that cry of agony and to keep that smile from distorting her face in despair.
"No... I don't think there is anyone, sir," Sho's look was somber, but there was decision in his tone of voice.
No one spoke, although those who sat on Kyoko's side had countless reasons to raise their voices, no one did, because they knew Kyoko had already made up her mind.
"Then, I pronounce you man and wife, young man, you may kiss the bride," the pries said finally as the Kyoko's heart was destroying for every single of that words and the meaning of the phrase.
Sho looked at her in frustration and annoyance, more with himself than anything else, and gently lifted her face and took her lips.
The applause was less than enthusiastic.
"Let's make it work," he whispered to her.
"For her sake," Kyoko murmured weakly as she caressed his belly discreetly.
After that moment, everything was blurry and confusing for Kyoko, especially because her soul was not there. And, no matter that the esteemed president of L.M.E. spared no expense to present her with the wedding of her dreams, so magical that should it be a happy day she would be rolling on the floor laughing like a madwoman with joy and excitement over every detail that seemed to be taken out of fairy tales, she could feel nothing but stabs in her heart.
Kyoko no longer wanted to look for him with her eyes, so she put all her willpower into looking at her hands or at her bulging belly that could still be disguised so that no one would notice due to her slim build. Her baby had to have a united family, that was what she wanted for her and she would sacrifice everything to give her what she could not have. That's why, even though she knew that "Sho was Sho", she also knew he would do his part to be the best father he could. She didn't expect him to be a great father but a father who loves, cares and be there for her. She didn't expect more from him, she could do the rest, and she knew him enough to be sure Sho could do that at least. Plus he actually looked very honest when he begged her for a week to get married since her plan was to take care of the child on her own and give up acting because being a single mother was something the press was going to trash her with.
Her beloved emperor of her dreams, she knew, had no bad intentions when he asked her if she would abbort, but she felt sad inside anyway. Irrational in her own opinion, because in fact she knew it was her right to have an abortion if she didn't feel capable, as well as very scared, to be a mother. But when she dreamed of a little girl in her arms looking at her with absolute love and remembered herself looking for love in her mother with that same glow, she simply couldn't but stand at the clinic doors, paralyzed. She made her choice when she called her beloved senpai, the man of her life, to pick her up, and on the way, heartbroken she told him of her decision giving him to understand that there was no way she would let him sacrifice his professional and personal life to help her with something she was choosing, a great responsibility with consequences that she and no other had to face.
While Kyoko was lost in thought, Sho took it upon himself to save face and make that party more of a wedding than a funeral in which her mother was the only one who was thrilled. However, it was all too tiresome, especially when he had to task Tsubasa, one of his friends from Akatoki, to go and stop Mimori from committing suicide as she threatened him that she was going to do by text message.
Little by little his tiredness turned into a desire to run away because of the suffocating looks from Kyoko's friends, and it didn't help to think that after this followed the traditional wedding at his parents' Ryokan. The wedding of today was designed to suit Kyoko's tastes and the press get convinced that they were two young people madly in love who couldn't wait to get married rather than suspecting something a little closer to the truth. So both Lory Takarada and the president of Akatoki, took it upon themselves to hire trusted photographers and reporters who would help sell to the public what they wanted to sell to save their careers. But the wedding that would take place in a few weeks would be a real Japanese wedding, as it should be according to their parents.
"Congratulations, Fuwa-san, Kyoko-san," greeted Momose, with a melancholic smile, "I wanted to give you personally this gift, it is an additional one to the one I left with the others because this one is more personal.
"Thank you, Momose-san," Kyoko smile radiant, but the shadow of pain was still visible in her eyes no matter how good an actress she was.
Sho received the gift silently and opened it, being surprised by what he saw, it was a pair of silver crowns, beautifully decorated.
"I know how much Kyoko-san loves fantasy and I thought this would be something you two could enjoy together", Itzumi said.
Sho sighed, Kyoko really liked the gift but even this couldn't make her really happy, he knew. So he looked for an excuse and went to the bathroom to be alone and think, away from all those people who deep down knew that the groom should never have been him... Even the marriage owner of the Daruma-Ya seemed depressed and so they decided to move Kyoto days ago to only be present at the traditional ceremony.
Kyoko stayed in the arms of her friends, all the actresses were smiling radiantly for the cameras, but as soon as they stopped taking pictures of them they all plunged into sadness. That ability of the actresses frightened Sho and also depressed him, was it obvious to everyone that Kyoko was really in love with that fifth-rate actor? No, Sho's biggest worry was no longer even the embarrassment of knowing that for almost everyone at the reception he is not worthy of being the brand new groom of their adored Kyoko, but the fact that suddenly Tsuruga Ren decides to fight once again and ends up convincing Kyoko to go with him and thus keep him away from his daughter.
He stopped watching Kyoko from the bathroom door and entered to regain strength to deal with all this, because this was definitely not the victory he was hoping for. No, it wasn't at all, it was more like a defeat, a defeat disguised as a victory. He let out a long sigh when he suddenly felt a sharp blow on his back, and as he opened his eyes he realized that Tsuruga Ren had thrown him against the wall. The smell of alcohol on his breath was potent and uncontrollably he let out a laugh as bitter as it was ironic.
"Are you going to beat me and run away with my wife?" he spat with irony, maybe that's the end they were all waiting for, "I don't think my daughter will like having you as an uncle if you insist on hitting her father"
He was surprised to see that man put on such a pitiful expression, his face was practically deformed by the pain and at that he hit the wall next to his face, leaving a hole that made the singer let out a muffled scream of fright not very masculine to say the least. However, the actor soon recovered, grabbed him hard by the lapel of his shirt, lifting him a little off the ground and threatened him with an ominous tone of voice.
"If you dare to not make her happy...", his murderous, demented gaze finished the sentence for him.
Sho smiled sideways bitterly, let go and walked out of there, with a hurried pace because even though he was hiding it he didn't want to deal with the scorned drunk actor.
"It's time to go, Kyoko," he announced to her, disguising his eagerness as best he could, but unable to help the saddened and subdued tone as he met the empty shell that was now his wife.
He didn't think things were that bad until when he saw her enter the altar. He knew he was worse off than when he found her in the alley after hearing what Saena said, who was now staring at nothing with a frown from her seat.
He even had the luxury of laughing triumphantly and mocking his defeated rival, though things got to this point in a way he utterly detested. But now he was almost sorry. Almost, because in the end, it's not like they had any better options either.
Waking up with Kyoko that morning was a surprise to both him and her, they were both drugged without their consent that night so neither was to blame. Although he obviously took it much better than Kyoko, who cried... Until now. Actually, he did take it very well, mainly because he didn't realize that Kyoko's suffering was genuine until he looked her in the eye before saying "yes, I do". So when they found out that she was pregnant, he, although he was really hesitant, informed his parents of the situation and immediately proposed to her.
No, he wasn't ready and didn't want to be a father at 18, but things were what they were and Kyoko didn't seem to be convinced to have an abortion and he wasn't going to be a coward. He never was, even though he wasn't always the best of people.
In the car Kyoko pulled away from him as if the slightest touch would burn.
"Where are we going, Shotaro?", she asked.
"We'll go to Seoul, I know you're not in much of a mood for work let alone a "Honeymoon" so there we could isolate ourselves from everything and focus on our own business while still appearing to be the happy couple we have to appear to be", he smile bitterly.
Kyoko just nodded and stood stiffly looking out the window.
Sho was starting to feel genuinely miserable, but he couldn't regret it because that choice was made by both of them knowing that even though it might be a mistake it was the most valid thing for them.
He didn't want to leave her alone, not again. And much less did he want to think about that man, Tsuruga Ren, raising his own daughter.
Ever.
Of course, before he made up his mind he had his season of punching walls, crying in bathrooms and on Shoko's lap, kicking vending machines and staring at the ceiling with a frown on his face, completely freaked out by all the implications of being a father and the surely negative impact it would have on his career. However, he concluded that he preferred this to many other scenarios, such as Kyoko having been raped multiple times that night by strangers and perhaps even being trafficked by the creeps who put that drug in her lemonade.
He was too drunk, and took Kyoko away from there before the real abusers came for her, however, he had also been drugged without realizing it and the effects took place when they had already left the club. Says later, in the middle of the investigations and after having been almost beaten to death by Tsuruga Ren due to the suspicion that he had been responsible for everything and that he had taken advantage of Kyoko, they discovered what he already knew: both were drugged and were intimate without protection like rabbits because, according to what he thought he knew but in reality it was what he wanted to believe, the drug allowed them to let their true feelings flow.
It took both of them a while to remember what happened, but the more he remembered the more he was convinced that Kyoko enjoyed their night as much as he did at the time. That's why he had the nerve to laugh at Tsuruga Ren and even celebrate as if he was victorious without any chutzpah while ignoring Kyoko's pain, at least until the news of the pregnancy came out.
Sho knew that even though Tsuruga Ren was drunk he was completely serious with his threat and gnashed his teeth.
"How can I make her happy, damn it, if nothing I do will be enough since she just wants to be with you!"
He wondered in despair and angered of that embarrassing and sad truth.
Kyoko shed silent tears, remembering how her senpai begged her not to get married, that he was going to do everything so that her baby wouldn't lack anything or anyone, as he assumed that Shotaro would go back to being his usual lout self in this situation. A part of her, the more selfish part, told her to accept the sacrifice her senpai hinted he would make. Now maybe, if that side of her had won out, she would be marrying him and not the father of her baby. But no, Kyoko wasn't like that, or at least she didn't want to be.
They arrived at the airport and Sho was surprised to see that now his wife, in front of the thousands of cameras and fans, was smiling and her eyes were radiant with a happiness that he did not understand how it appeared. It took him a while to adjust for the surprise, but the sunglasses helped him.
The questions rained down in a confused way, but Kyoko answered the ones she could while she snuggled into his shoulder and he managed to kiss the crown of her head and her hands, which were intertwined.
"Kyoko-san, is it "Fuwa-san" now?"
"No," Kyoko giggle, "I will always be "Kyoko", and, although I love my husband completely, my individuality is something I will never give up"
The press was silent for a moment, but the international press and fans took it as something bold and "cool" and make scandal of this. Sho didn't know if he should say anything or not when he felt a sweet and loving kiss from Kyoko and he fell into her net, melting completely.