Scott The Woz Meets Mr. Flanders
Rating: T
Fandom: Web Shows/The Simpsons
Characters: Scott The Woz, Ned Flanders
Genre: Humor
Summary: What happens when Scott The Woz has an encounter with Homer Simpson's bible-thumping neighbor? Something it has to be seen to be believed, no doubt about it. A fic written in the style of a Scott The Woz skit.
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the character Scott The Woz. He is a character owned by Scott Wozniak himself. Just so anyone knows, this fic will be written in the style of a Scott The Woz skit inside a Scott The Woz episode, so enjoy this little piece of greatness I came up with in my mind just seconds ago.
It was once again another boring day as Scott The Woz, who looked very dapper in his usual blue-white striped shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers, brown hair and familiar eyeglasses showed up in his office and sat down in his chair, starting out his usual schtick in front of the camera.
"Hey all, Scott here!" Scott said as he waved to the camera like always, "Since I've literally got no reason to live other than to explain why people are still buying WWE 2K20 only for desperate attention, I've decided to skip out on everything game-related for once and try something new for a change."
It wasn't until Scott paused his sentence only for him to bring out a six-pack case of Natural Light to bring onto the table.
"I'm gonna try beer for the very first time!" Scott smirked over to the camera, right before he grabbed one of the cans from the box, "Before you ask why I've decided to drink after a long time, please note that I want to send viewers a clear message why drinking beer can make you a better gamer. Don't know if that's true or not, but what can I say? I'm a glutton of punishment."
Scott then popped the top right off the can before saying to the camera again, "Anyway, bottoms up everyone."
Without no one stopping him, Scott chugged the entire can of beer in one sitting as he intended he would do.
One hour later…
Scott The Woz was busy standing around one of Springfield's neighborhood blocks, shouting incoherent things while holding up what seemed to be a DVD case of some kind.
"Bible DVD! Get your bible DVD at just $20 a pop!" Scott replied out loud.
His voice did manage to attract the attention of a certain yellow-skinned man with a green sweatshirt, brown hair, signature mustache and eyeglasses, who spotted Scott right away and said to himself, "Well, hot diddly dog, this must be me and the Lord's lucky day!"
Scott then noticed the figure right away, which turned out to be Springfield's bible-living citizen Ned Flanders. He nodded at him before saying to Ned, "Hello, good sir, would you like to purchase a DVD movie today, 50% off?"
"That depends, my good servant." Mr. Flanders shrugged before asking Scott, "What kind of movie are you selling?
"The Ten Commandments, of course." Scott nodded, "This was way before Charlton Heston became a gun-toting hippie."
"The Ten Commandments, huh?" Flanders raised an eyebrow, "Any special features?"
Scott nodded once again as he said, "It's a very special edition that includes the guy from Growing Pains doing commentary, as well as the entire film in full 4D with that old guy's white beard looking very realistic-like."
What Scott had said to him right now made Mr. Flanders very interested in the deal, so much so that he decided to draw out $20 out of his wallet and say, "Well, with a deal like that, how could I say no to that offer? I'll take it!"
With Mr. Flanders's decision finalized and done with, Scott handed Ned The Ten Commandments DVD while Ned handed Scott the $20 he finally got. For what Ned came through, the special 4D edition of The Ten Commandments proved to be a purchase worthy of the good Lord himself.
"Oh, thank god for this purchase." Ned muttered to himself before turning to Scott, "Thank you so much, young man. May the good Lord bless you!"
"Oh, believe you me, he already has." Scott said, smirking with a feigned smile while seeing Mr. Flanders walk away.
It look a minute for Ned to walk out of the young man's sight before Scott looked into the camera and replied with a devilish wink.
6:00 p.m.
Scott The Woz was back in his office, sitting in his chair as usual while applying that same smirk he gave to Ned hours ago.
"OK, so apparently, drinking beer did not make me a better gamer unfortunately." Scott shook his head to the camera before smiling, "It kinda made me a better non-drunk salesman though to the point that I had to sell some sort of random DVD to a stranger I hardly even know. The weird part was that I sold him the wrong movie. I kinda wonder what I gave him instead? Well, hoping he's happy with whatever he's got. Now time for some news."
Scott then proceeded to grab the remote control before turning on the TV to see the Channel 6 show come up with Kent Brockman shown on the tube.
"Hi, this is Kent Brockman here with some breaking news," He said to the camera before replying, "Earlier today, the police barged in and arrested Ned Flanders for possession of holding a DVD that contained various images and videos of child pornography, which was disguised as The Ten Commandments. The visual of that DVD was disgusting and uneasy enough so much that we cannot show you the images and videos at all. Instead, we will play you a videotape recording of that beating that had occurred after the arrest."
After Kent finished his statement, the backstage producers proceeded to play the recording in its entirety, which seemed to have only voices between Chief Wiggum and Ned Flanders thenselves.
C.W.: You think perverts like you can get your sick kicks beating off to little kids, huh?
N.F.: I beg you, it's not my fault! That guy with the glasses that I met sold it to me! I swear, I didn't know it had child porn on it!
C.W.: Oh sure, blame it on some innocent civilian. Take that.
All everyone could hear after that statement was the sound of a baton blow, which immediately ended the videotape and led Ned to shake his head to the camera, "What a sick individual. Therefore, Ned Flanders will be held without bail with 2,000 year life sentence served. Which may not be needed since he'll be dead by that point anyway. So until next time for Channel 6, I'm Kent Brockman. We now return to the Dick Vitale Awesome Baby College Hoops gaming tournament already in progress."
With a dirty little smirk to his lips, Scott turned off the TV and looked to the camera with a smile, "I f***ing love this country."
Real dark, Scott. I love it.
Truth be told, I wrote this because I hate Mr. Flanders with a burning passion. And I bet Homer Simpson does too. Don't forget to read and review if you want to see more Scott The Woz fics coming from me. 'Til next time, who's up for some Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash?