She sat next to him at the ER. He was real, he is real. He's here, holding her hand, saying everything she ever wanted to hear. While wearing his ring. He just got back to the city, and no one knows. She wants to keep it that way. She has for 10 , Noah, and Nicole are hers and hers only.
10 years earlier
When she woke up, he was gone. But his scent was still on her pillow case. In her bed, all around her. She looks at the empty side of her bed and realizes he left something more for her. His shirt. Folded neatly on the bed with a note "Because it's soft". She laughs at the note. That's what she told him when she hugged him for too long. Her phone on the table jerks her out of thought.
"Benson" she states with a scowl, wanting to stay in bed all day surrounded by him. But this way she'll at least get to see him. Maybe even drift away to a car or bathroom, just them.
Only 2 days later she would cry in the interrogation room. Only 2 days later he would leave her with nothing but his shirt and 12 years of memories.
6 weeks later, she realizes she was left with more than just a shirt. Staring at 2 lines on a piece of plastic. Answering every prayer, every wish, every hope. From just one night.
Earlier Today
"Mom I need $20 for the zoo trip today" the brunette stated pouring her Frosted Flakes into her bowl.
"I thought the zoo trip was $10" Olivia responded gathering up her documents into a large envelope.
"$10 to get in and $10 for lunch, do you want me to starve mom?" The brunette laughed.
"Ellie Grace!" Noah screamed from his room. A look from Olivia and Ellie knew she was in trouble. Noah came running from his room down the hall. "You took my allowance!" He yelled louder.
"Ellie!" Olivia gave her mini-me a look that can only be described as "the mom look" and held her hand out
Ellie rolled her eyes and took a $10 bill out of her pocket. "I was going to get you an elephant" Ellie smiled at her brother.
"Liar!" Noah yelled taking the money and running to his room. A knock at the door and a sigh from Olivia and Ellie knew it was going to be a long day for her mother.
"I love you mom." Ellie said with a smile.
"I love you mommy" Nicole said with a smile, the blonde girl with pigtails said.
"I love you too mommy" Noah said kitchen.
"I love all of you. Uncle Fin will be here to get you for the awards ceremony tonight. Have a good day guys." Olivia said while hugging her kids goodbye for her day. Passing the nanny with a smile and running to her first of 7 meetings.
By the time she's sitting at her desk staring at her kids on her desk.
"How were they this morning?" Fin asks standing in the door of her office.
"About as well behaved as they always are. Ellie is testing the waters, Noah is sick of being the only boy, and I don't want to jinx it but Nicole. She's the sweetest kid even though she came in the worst way." Olivia spoke soft about her kids but a tinge of pain when it came to her youngest.
"She'll be 7 in 8 months." Fin said with heartache in his voice.
"7 years ago is when it happened. Nice day to pick for some awards huh Fin?" Olivia smiled at her friend who laughed back.
"You never know who will show up" Fin chuckled at himself.
Olivia smiled at her friend knowing full well she knew who was invited and she knew that those from her past would never show up. And if they did she would have a lot of explaining to do.
Now
She sits next to him. The same scent. The same man who gave her her daughter. Though he doesn't know about Ellie. He shouldn't. He left them, they're just fine as the tiny family they are. Though with him right here, close enough to touch, close enough to breathe in. She feels as though 10 years wasn't enough to get over Elliot Stabler.
"If I heard your voice I wouldn't be able to leave" he said.
What is she supposed to say, what is she supposed to do. She can't handle this right now. It's already 3 am. If she doesn't get home soon. She won't see her kids in the morning.
"I have to go" she whimpers. She is up and gone before he can oppose.
She closes the door, slides down. And cries. Harder than when he left, harder than when Ellie was born, harder than when she found out she was pregnant with Nicole. She cried at the sight of him, at his love for Kathy. At the fact that Ellie's father has no idea she exists and at the fact that Olivia, come hell or high water will keep it that way.