Lamentations
If It were possible to cure evils by lamentation and to raise the dead with tears, then gold would be less valuable than weeping.
-Sophocles.
"Mother? Do you think Ahtohallan knows why I have magical powers?"
"If Ahtohallan was out there, I imagine it knows that and much more."
Time never stopped. It went on moving so fast, urging her to move with it. But her mind, it never did. It went the opposite. But why? Why did this all happen to her? Why must this all happen to her family because of her?
The blossoming love between her and her sister was true. The unbearable separation between her and her sister was true. But why? Why should she have these powers? Why not someone else? Why must her family suffer because of her?
Her place as a strong older sister was broken. Even when she tried to be strong, it only shattered away. She couldn't open the door. She couldn't answer her sister's calls. She couldn't build her a snowman.
"Born with the powers or cursed?"
"Born, and they are getting stronger."
Her heart thirsted for emancipation. But the grotesque fear played with her life like a football. Her high dreams were swallowed by the rising waves of guilt. She withered in the fire of loneliness, desperately searching herself in her.
"Conceal it, don't feel it. Dont let it show."
Her past game back to back, slapping her. Her world began to break down, even when she tried to hold it for her sister. She searched the wind for a relief, but it came as pollution.
"Don't touch me! Please, I don't wanna hurt you."
It was not fair. Her mind couldn't endure these much. Was it a sin to dream to have a good life with her family? The hurt in her parent's eyes, made her feel like a murderer.
They never scolded her for anything. They never blamed her for anything. They just smiled at her, encouraged her to try again. She wished to be scolded. But this, this hurt more than the knife that could pierce her heart.
"Sir.Jorgenbjorgen, I try. I try every day. But nothing works. Will they be happy if I left them?"
Her eyes lived under the tears like a fish. The bitterness never tasted sweet. The broken parts were left disconnected. Did the gods above had a heart?
Her hand gripped the knife's handle, the edge pressed dangerously on her neck. Facing the window, her hands shook. Just let this end. But instead of her neck, her cheek stinged. She realised that she was slapped.
Her eyes spotted her normally silent mother with rage. When did she come in? She didn't hear hear mother's words. Her mind was numb. She felt her mother taking the knife out of her grasp. But her eyes were fixed on her mother alone.
"I never raised you as a coward Elsa! You have to be strong. Please… just for me? For Anna?"
She tried. But she couldn't stop the tears that fell down. The room's temperature reduced. She couldn't stop that. She tried to push her mother from hugging. She couldn't do that either. How an useless fool she is?
"I've been trying mother! I couldn't hold it. I'm sorry." That was all she got. A sorry. Nothing more. Her mother's face crumpled.
"I know dear one. Just hang in there, my brave girl. We'll find a way soon."
"I trust you mama."
But why did they lie to her. Why did they leave her so soon. Your Majesty. They called her now. She melted like the candle by the thought of that.
Her sister was there alone. She couldn't comfort her. Like a dumb without opening her mouth she sat inside the cold room, watching her sister weep alone. Ice cracked at the edges, she still couldn't open the door for Anna.
Snowflakes landed on her tears. The dark night was silent. The memorial stones stood before her. Why did they leave her when she needed them the most?
Her mother's scarf on her shoulder, never comforted her now. Even now, she couldn't control the storm. She made that place colder. What has she ever done to her parent's except giving them pain.
Her heart twisted with guilt and fear. She will be alone. Her parents will not visit her room anymore. Was it becuse she is being punished for the pain that has given to them? More tears fell down. Her body shook with every weep.
"I'm sorry mama. I'm sorry papa. I'm sorry that you had some one like me as your daughter."
The moon didn't shine this night neither did the stars. The ice covered the stones. Still she couldn't stop them. Out of fear and guilt and frustration she weeped alone in the dark. Her cries unheard by the raging storm.