Disclaimer: I don't own Good Omens in any of its incarnations. Duh. It'd have 900% more angst otherwise. A.N. For the prompt "Light", yesterday's sequel. Ad maiorem Dei gloriam means "for the greater glory of God'", sorry but how could Aziraphale not slip into Latin sometimes?
Chiaroscuro (part two)
Light needs to be wielded. Aziraphale has known since the very start. It's not something you can be careless with. It can burn, and blind, and – sometimes he wonders if, with God pretty much unreachable, his brethren up in heaven have forgotten. If the way they don't really fit together anymore is because the unrelenting, empty, stark brightness up there chipped away at their sanity, flaked away love and compassion and...Sure, they oversee, guide, order blessings and tirelessly work ad maiorem Dei gloriam, but – his superiors might actually benefit from coming down more often. Not to control, scold and teach. Just to...rest their eyes. If they saw, if they were more used to the world, if they understood all the beauty and softness and joy Earth enshrines, maybe they wouldn't be in such a rush to destroy it.
In some way, the people he's offered his flaming sword to have been wiser with it than angels. Oh, not always – humans can be angry and self-righteous and destructive enough to give Michael and Gabriel combined a run for their money. But others...well, Aziraphale loves a bit of an atmosphere. And every time the option for one's light wasn't just on/off, but he was allowed to play with the intensity of it, well...it was the most enjoyable.
People understand, by now, that no switch at all is the start of a torture technique. They know as well as he knows that it's when light and shadow blend softly, when things are gentle and playful and even just a touch indistinct that the heart is cradled in the most care. There dwells relief.
That's part of what makes him want – crave – Crowley. If he had his way, he'd just keep his beloved and never let him go. Not until he'd got his point across, at least, for sure. He expects it might take a few millennia even if he devoted himself entirely to the quest, because some convictions are too deeply entrenched. And maybe they have reason to be.
It's no wonder that Crowley protests and growls and lashes out when accused (as he'd say) of being nice. Despite so much evidence not even a blind man could miss it that he, indeed, is. Demon he might be, but his beloved is more caring, more concerned about children than...too many people, actually. Crowley, who indulges him in his most ridiculous endeavours, despite complaining about it. Who introduced Aziraphale to one of the angel's favourite writers just because he could. Of course there's light in his lovely, lovely snake. But perhaps, he hasn't quite learned how to wield it just yet.
Only, instead of setting fire to someone else, his beloved has seared himself more than a few times, Aziraphale suspects. Hurt over so many things he's probably been told by his own bosses he should rejoice about. Aziraphale had been honestly wondering, in Rome. Maybe She'd seen what he did (how could She not, after the flood?), reconsidered her decision. Taken him back.
But She doesn't make mistakes, and the truth is – Crowley doesn't need to be an angel to shine. And if only Aziraphale had time, his beloved would see that there are a lot more pleasant options than just hurting from it.