"Are you awake?" L asks, but receives no answer.

Raito's so beautiful when he sleeps. He looks like the little innocent garden fairy God destined him to be before he fell prey to the wickedness of this world. His sable lashes flutter as he breaths softly, his barely parted lips tremble as they mutter airy whispers into the nothingness. His face is blank, and childlike, it is the face of an angel. It's almost as if a gold halo shines above his head, illuminating him to show his true greatness. L thinks it should only be acceptable to love Raito when he is in this state, so faultless and so virtuous.

But he knows all too well how easy it is to love Raito in any state, no matter what. It is his curse, his one shred of humanity that he has not yet destroyed. Not that he hasn't tried, he's just never succeeded.

For all of his life, L had been alone. He hadn't been happy, but he had been content. People muddied things up, affairs were dastardly, and because of the lifestyle he practiced, he had no such need for worldly delights. L had found solace within himself, for who can harm you when you are a loner? He had no need to fear anything, because he only had himself. He did not fear himself. He knew himself.

Well, he thought he did.

It all started because of the damned Kira case. It had just started out as a normal case, L had thought he would find the culprit and lock him up, and swallow the key. He had thought it would be so simple. How naïve he had been.

Nothing about Raito Yagami was simple. Nothing about him made sense. One could not analyze Raito in such few words, one could not accept him as human without some serious grey morality. You could not understand Raito unless you were a monster yourself. He supposed that is why he had immediately understood, and suspected the young teen.

To the naked, simple eye, Raito looked like an average teen. No, not average. Above average. Golden. Perfect. Yes, to everyone around him Raito Yagami was indeed the brightest star. Everything about him was intricately hand crafted, his laughs and smiles. Even his pauses in between words were perfect. Raito had everything, not a flaw could be found. He had the looks, and though L had never been too inclined to fall into a stupor over frivolous fancies, he could admit that Raito was perhaps one of the best-looking people he had ever seen. Not even the best-looking man, he was an Aphrodite among men. He was kind and polite to everyone he met, and while he was confident, he also knew how to be simultaneously soft-spoken. It was as if he had taken every good trait in the world and mixed them together in a potion to drink. Raito was just someone you couldn't hate, even if you despised popular pretty boys, because he was just so damn alluring. He was the perfect honey trap for flies, and there was nothing wrong with him.

Again, there was nothing wrong with him if you simply gave him a fleeting glance. There was nothing wrong with him if one didn't know better. L did, in fact, know better than everyone else. Being a genius himself, he was surrounded by the greatest minds in the world while growing up. He had taken advanced psychology classes when he was nine, he had learned how to expertly read body language when he was ten. Being a detective, one of the most important duties of his job was to know when you had found a liar.

He knew genii were odd, most regarded them as madmen. They always had their quirks, because their brains were so different and unique. He didn't think he had ever met one great mind who could pass as 'normal'. Before Raito, that is. If you were to ask him how he knew Raito was Kira, he would tell you that it was because he was normal. He would tell you it was because he was flawless. No one as smart as Raito could also be pure as snow. He was overcompensating, hiding something. He built walls upon walls around himself to hide his inner self.

And it was anyone's guess why, but L knew the answer. Because his insides didn't match his outsides. Raito had been raised to live up to high-standards. He had been groomed to be the perfect child, he hadn't of known anything else. But, and maybe it wasn't even his fault, the vastness of his mind had taken him over. He had looked at the world differently, he had seen things through a microscope. He knew a million solutions to one question, just because of how wonderful his brain was. It could have been wonderful.

Until one day, when his brain had told him 'maybe some people don't deserve to live. Would it be so bad if criminals started to die?' That was the day Raito's genius mind had become something horrible, something wicked. That was the day he had abandoned all of his humanity. He had become something different.

Because, who gave Raito the right to decide who lived and who died? He was a child, albeit an incredibly bright one, but a child no less. Would he always kill murderers, or would he move on to those who simply annoyed him? Those who got in his way? If the world told Kira what he was doing was okay, there would be no more limitations for dear Raito. And that was already a problem, because they both knew Raito was smart enough to pull this plan off.

This is why, no matter his feelings, L had to stop the monster known as the brightest student of Japan. No matter how handsome nor stunning, Kira must pay for his sins.

And some may ask, who gave him this right? Well, first off, the government did. He had been born, bred, and trained for this. This was his life, this was his purpose, this was what he had been made for. He had learnt that at a very tender age. Nothing mattered expect catching criminals. L was the face of justice; the world's greatest detective was known for being ruthlessly efficient. He had never lost a case, and he wasn't going to let this one be the final nail in his coffin.

L had always known survival; he had grown up being taught that it was him or them. There was no room for mercy, he didn't have a heart for compassion. He only lived for justice, he bled it. In world of wolves and lambs one could not be a lamb. The lambs were eaten and he would not be consumed. It was a horrible gnashing of teeth and a thrashing of claws, and only the strongest walked out unscathed.

It was a horrible lesson he had been taught by his first ever paramour, his childhood sweetheart known as Beyond Birthday. He could admit, now that he was far removed from the situation, that he had fallen for the boy with ruby eyes. He had given a part of himself, he had let himself be owned, and he had almost paid the price for such a grievous sin. That man, beast, demon, whatever Beyond had been, had attempted to kill him. He had turned into a ruthless killer who only knew hate, and in the end, his venom had poisoned his own heart against him. L wouldn't die for anyone, his heart had frozen over into ice the day Beyond had perished. Did he feel regret?

No. L had no sympathy for murderers. They received none of his pity.

Which was why for all of his good graces and charisma, Raito would not be able to escape him. He put on a good act, L could recognize it, and a part of him respected Raito for clinging on so hard. A part of him revered this killer, who had gone above and beyond expectations. He could understand Kira, and his way of thinking. A world without criminals? A world without evil? At first glance, it would be a utopia. To the untrained ear, there was nothing wrong with that statement. Who wouldn't want a perfect world?

But L was realistic, some may even say jaded. Pessimist or not, he knew what reality was. A perfect world, a sinless world, could never exist. It wasn't possible. People would always hold hate, and anger, and corruption inside of themselves. Even those who thought themselves pure were delusional. When it came down to it, everyone was capable of horribleness. Some had a better hold over themselves, but that poison would always lurk deep inside. Humans were not made to be perfect, they were all faultless beings. That was why Kira was childish, because he couldn't see the darkness of the world. He thought himself the bringer of salvation, when in all actuality, he was just like the rest of the masses. Weak and broken.

And, a perfect world, a world with only goodness and kindness, how could Raito imagine such a thing? He supposed the brunet had lived a rather privileged life. He had been sheltered, he had only been exposed to the best of humanity. Everyone had praised him, worshipped him, held him in high regard. Because of his father's life, sure, of course he had known of criminals. But had anyone ever hurt dear Raito? Criminals weren't just bloodthirsty murderers or greedy thieves. What about those who abused others? What about the people who lied, and tricked, and deceived just to get their way? What about the demons who killed with soft words and beating hearts? All humans were capable of evil, some crimes just weren't considered jail worthy.

L ran a careful finger down his cheek, soaking up all of his shine and beauty. Raito mumbled something and attempted to lean into the touch but L quickly pulled his finger back as if he had been burnt. No, the time to act was now. He couldn't get even more caught up within this beautiful enigma. Raito would be the death of him one way or another, and L was hardly ready to meet his maker.

'In another life maybe.' He mused gently to himself, taking a spare pair of handcuffs out of the dresser and carefully placing Raito's hands on the headboard above them. They clicked into place, sealing his fate. He'd struggle, L knew that, but this was necessary. It would look like the pressures had finally caught up to this boy, it would seem as if he had become overwrought with the guilt of what he had done. He was young, after all, genocide was something that should weigh heavily on this sprite's pure soul. It didn't, of course, because he was a cold-blooded monster, but no one saw him the way L did. L knew him, and that was the trouble.

Perhaps in another life, if their fated meeting had been different, L could have loved him. He did anyway, because he didn't love the Raito everyone else did. He loved the Raito that existed inside. He loved him despite his masks and lies, he loved the little demon that struggled to break free. He loved his twisted mind, his deliciously wicked ways. He loved the dark side of the moon, because it was a spitting image of his own true nature. Yes, L loved Kira because he was no more than himself. L knew killing must weigh heavy on his mind because it was like a pile of boulders on his. Not a day went by where he didn't despise himself for his life. He hated the choices he had made, who he had become, but he couldn't help it. Maybe it was a sob story to some, the little orphan Annie who had had nothing else in his life. He had been found under a bridge, malnourished and shivering from the London cold. He had been taken in and loved, but there had been conditions. Warm meals and a bed didn't come without a price. He had made a deal with the devil, he had sold his soul to Mr. Wammy in order to survive. He had had to become the best, the greatest. He was the breadwinner, he was Mr. Wammy's shining star. He had brought him infamy and success, all because he knew how to be a monster. He knew how to be one too well. He knew how to clinically study crimes, his vast mind was able to look into all the darkened nooks and crannies that normal people would flinch away from. He knew how to come to his own dark conclusions about criminals, because his mind worked the same way. If he had not been brought onto the other side, who could say what would have become of him? If the situation was different, perhaps him and Raito could have been on the same team...

But, no. He sent people to their death without batting an eye, and he was praised for it. He was given gross amounts of money for it. He sacrificed people for the greater good, and though it was for the greater good, it was still a sacrifice none the less. It was all about laws, and morals, and how you could twist something to your vision. Because of circumstance and perspective, he was the good guy.

But when it all came down to it, he was just as much a monster as Raito. When the filters were stripped away, all that was left was a beast. It's what everyone was really. At the root of everything, people would do whatever they could to survive. To win. If L had had parents, he would have betrayed them in the blink of an eye if it meant victory. That was his Achillies heel, and how he had said he understood Kira. Winning was a necessary, it was his ambrosia.

So, yes, he loved Raito. He loved him more than the sun, he loved him more than he had ever loved anyone. He adored him and his warped mind. But he didn't love him more than winning. He could never love nothing more than victory.

His chest rose and fell steadily, with life. He was alive, he was so real in this moment that L almost felt like a ghost looking at him. He soaked this moment up, he would cherish it for the rest of his life. Raito would always be his, and L would always be known as the man who could see inside of the monster. They were both such treacherous beings it made him sick, and he closed his eyes shut as he leant down to brush his lips against the brunet's. Raito was so warm, so sickly sweet, so addictive. He was his own personal brand of heroin, and as his mouth met his L was almost tempted to shoot up again. But the high wouldn't be worth it, he knew, so he enjoyed the quick fix while he had it. His tongue traced the bottom of Raito's lip before he pulled away and the boy whispered. It was the kiss of death. It was a weak apology, though L knew Raito would never forgive him. It was too late for forgiveness, and that wasn't what L wanted.

Adrenaline overpowered him, and in one fatal movement, the pocket knife in which he had had hidden behind his back suddenly became lodged in Raito's forearm. The boy jerked awake with a gasp and blood shot out onto L's face.

"Ryu?" Raito croaked out, his hazy eyes going wide. "Wha-"

L shook his head, what was done was done. There was no going back now. He forced his hand to regain it's tight grip on the handle and he pulled downwards, almost as if opening a lever to the underworld, and Raito let out a howl.

"Shhhh." L tried to soothe, watching as gore fell onto the previously unstained white sheets.

"S-stop this." Raito cried, the chains jangled as he vainly attempted to jerk away from L. "It hurts!"

L narrowed his eyes, looking into Raito's panicked umber ones as he pulled the knife out. It made the most disheartening squelching sound and he frowned, this was more disgusting than he had imagined. His limb was in tatters, utterly destroyed as blood gushed from the open wound like some grotesque waterfall. Some of it splashed onto L, and he flicked his tongue out to taste. Sour. Just like Raito's insides.

"You're h-hurting me!" Raito choked out, gnashing his teeth. "You'll kill me-"

"I know." L answered solemnly, before impaling the blade into his other arm. Raito's eyes went wide with betrayal, and primal terror.

"Help!" He screeched out, his throat emitting the most horrendous croaking noises as the knife sliced through skin and muscle. L grimaced when he scraped bone.

"No one can hear you." He told the boy through gritted teeth, exhaling noises as he let the knife fall onto the stained sheets below. It was done. Now it was just a matter of time. "The walls are sound proofed Kira, don't you remember?"

"Ryu-I'm n-not...I'm not Kira, damn you!" The brunet cried, writhing and shaking. It was horrifying, for a moment Raito was just like everyone else. The walls and masks and disguises were thrown out of the window. Raito Yagami was discarded. All that was in front of him now was a brittle, frayed mess of nerves and fear. Raito really was a human, nothing more and nothing less. The air was thick with dread, and L almost choked. Raito was terrified, and L wanted to comfort him, but how could he when he was the terrorist?

"I-is this what this is all about?" The brunet panted. "I'm not Kira! Let me go, please! I-I can't die!"

"Are you afraid to pay for your sins, Kira-san?" L bared his teeth, turning away as he could not bear to gaze upon Raito's anguished eyes any longer. "I told you death was the only punishment suitable for you."

"I'm not Kira!" Raito let out a strangled breath as he laid dying, and L wrung his hands together. "Please!"

"Begging will do no good." L said shortly. "This is what you deserve."

But who was he trying to convince?

"Please." Raito uttered weakly, and suddenly impassioned, L turned around and grasped the bloodied boy in his shaking arms. He wanted to be close to him one last time, he wanted to drink up his greatness, his life, so that it could haunt him for an eternity.

"It will be okay." He murmured, holding onto him as if he was his lifeline. He heard his breathing grow shorter, and his muscles went limp. It would...no it wouldn't. It would never be okay.

"Why...?"

"I had to." L murmured, kissing his head. "At least you aren't alone. Can't you see I did this for both of us?"

But he did not. This was a selfish outcome, but it was the only way. L had done this for himself, but when had he ever done something for someone else? This was just another mark on his soul, this was just another monster he had devoured.

"No...Ryu..." He struggled, those once intelligent eyes going bleak and glassy. L sighed. The once god-like mortal had fallen into a trap he could not escape from. But then again, who could escape destiny's tapestry?

"You deserve it." He muttered, rolling onto his back and huffing out a short laugh. The room filled with nothingness, and his vision went blurry as something hot and wet dipped down his cheeks. He curled in on himself, gasping and wheezing with abandon. It was over. It was all over. His back hit the limp form next to him and he let out a wet-sounding sob.

It was over. But he was still alive. So everything would be okay, right?

Raito, Kira, was gone. All of that light had been snuffed out in less than a few moments. L had been the bringer, and the destroyed. Sometimes he had thought that Raito was made especially for him. Could he not decide then whether he lived or perished? L was the most powerful force in the world, Kira was nothing to him. It would have been an insult to die by Raito's hands. Right?

He felt as empty as Raito's corpse, now that he was gone. He wouldn't let himself feel the regret, but he knew it was there. It was only overshadowed by the sweet taste of victory. He had won their game at long last. The price? Only half of his soul. L could live without. He had already quieted his conscious many moons ago. This was nothing.

But Kira hadn't been nothing. Raito had left his mark on him, as L had him. The only difference was his wounds weren't visible. But L felt Raito's treacherous claws inside of him, they latched onto his being, and even now that the boy was dead his claws never retracted. His eyes fluttered as he wept, and thought of what might have been.

He must have worried himself into a slumber, for the last thing he remembered before he fell into unconsciousness was Raito murmuring his forgiveness.

One month later, they captured Higuchi Kyosuke with a Death Note. Kira's weapon. No more murders occurred, and L told himself that it was because Raito had died. He told himself that he had won.

But there was a whisper of doubt, and it haunted him. Just like Raito's soul.