A/N: (Originally posted on archive of our own on 15 July 2021) Firstly, I wanted to express my sincerest sympathies to Naya Rivera's friends and family. I can't imagine what they are going through. I feel devastated and am randomly being reduced to sobbing, and also feel like her loss hasn't really sunk in for me yet, and I am a fan who has never met her. I also can't believe it's been seven years since Cory died, his loss is still so present.
I want to thank Naya for the inspiration she has given me personally, more than she'll ever know. Naya, as a person of colour, and giving a respectful LGBTI representation on mainstream TV, her legacy is so important. I am in awe of her talent as a singer and an actor, dancer and author. I felt really connected to her from watching Glee and being able to relate to Santana's struggles, but became really attached to Naya after reading her memoir, which was so deeply personal and just brave. And the accounts of her nearest and dearest only confirm for me what a wonderful person Naya is, as a family member, friend, and mother. Strong, brave, bold and honest, qualities I highly value. Naya you are awesome! Thank you for making every day for me just a little brighter because I could watch you, or hear your voice, or check your insta status! The world is a colder place for the loss of your sunshine!
This story is a getting together/ hurt comfort scenario between Finn and Santana, there is a storyline, but there's a fair amount of smut too. I meant no offence- I had written 90% of (the first 3 chapters) before Naya went missing. While Naya was missing, I was looking for news updates every 4 minutes or so, and was making myself crazy. I eventually went back and edited this story as a way of coping. Since the news of her loss, I am bouncing back and forth between listening to my favorite Naya performances, particularly 'If I die young' and the video of Naya and Josey singing Skimarmarinky doo and bawling my eyes out.
Writing this story helped me, I don't know if reading it will help anyone else. I try not to judge the way people grieve. In the fantasy in my head Naya and Cory are together and happy and so are Santana and Finn.
Consistent with the series up to season 4 episode "I do"
Except:
1. Rachel takes Brody to the wedding, and while she's trying to be respectful about not making out with him in front of Finn, Finn is still shattered. This also means that the scene at the start of the episode where Rachel meets Finn for coffee and Finn confesses to her that he kissed Miss Pillsbury didn't happen, nor did Rachel's speech where she tells him to 'pretend to be the supportive best man'.
2. Quinn is not having a bi-curious moment (not that I didn't love that in the actual episode 😊). Santana's loneliness is increased by seeing Brittany and Sam together.
3. Finn and Rachel don't perform a duet together, and the conversation they had right before the duet in the episode where Finn says no matter what, Rachel's still his girlfriend, likewise does not take place.
4. Santana is wearing a dark red satin strapless dress, with a side split, rather than what she was wearing in the episode.
PS- While I generally detest storylines that make a cannon gay character suddenly not gay, based on the way the characters are written and acted I have always felt that Santana has unresolved feelings for Finn. So, I don't think her hooking up with Finn necessary constitutes a break with canon- but feel free to hate it if you want to. I do actually explain/ justify why I'm playing it this way.
Synopsis: A drunk and depressed Finn hooks up with a drunk and depressed Santana at the Will and Emma wedding… well the reception that went ahead despite the lack of nuptials anyway. I originally intended this as a one shot set over 2 days, but I've continued to make it longer, so I'm not sure at this stage. While there are references to Brittana (Brittany/ Santana) and Finchel (Finn/ Rachel) and Bram (Brittany / Sam) and Klaine (Kurt/ Blaine) this is very much a Finntana story.
Finn sat at the bar knocking back his fourth whisky on ice. He was still trying not to gag because he was shocked it could taste this bad. How do adults drink this shit!
He wanted to feel the burn of it going down his throat. Eventually I'll feel numb.
He was trying not to watch Rachel and her new boyfriend on the dance floor, but it was hard not to. Why couldn't she have left him in New York? He's at NYADA, so he must be a better singer than me, and he's all handsome and toned.
To hell with this!
To hell with everything!
Maybe I'll just blow out of here, I mean there's no wedding now… because of me.
Maybe I'll just take a long drive in the night air, at a hundred miles an hour with the windows down and just see what happens…
Finn stood up and skulled the remainder of his drink.
Santana strutted up to the bar. He'd seen her earlier but he'd failed to notice the strapless, dark red satin dress she was wearing then, probably because he was caught up in her announcement that Miss Pillsbury had fled the scene.
"I'll have a Martini," Santana spoke to the middle-aged bartender.
"Can I see some ID?" She asked.
Santana fished into her purse for what must have been a fake ID, "Rosario Cruz, 25, I may or may not be related to Penelope."
"Thanks," Said the bartender and busied herself preparing the cocktail.
"Rosario," He smirked, "long time, no see."
She smiled wryly before asking, "You leaving?" As she saw Finn getting his jacket on.
"Yeah," He said, "I've had enough."
Her hand reached out and slid down the length of his arm, stopping at his wrist, "Stay."
Finn stopped, considering it for a moment.
Why the hell not, Finn ordered another whisky.
"How many have you had?" She asked, actually sounding concerned.
"Not enough," He replied flatly, it still hurts.
Santana did a double take, as if she was shocked somehow.
"What? No snarky comment," He challenged her rudely.
She was calm and shook her head, and in an amused way said, "Nah, it's no fun kicking someone who's already down."
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On closer inspection, Finn had dark circles under his eyes, he looked haunted, like he'd hardly slept in days. And he was slurring his words a little.
He's hanging by a thread.
"Since when do you drink?" She asked, trying not to sound like she was his mother.
He sighed, gesturing with his head to the dancefloor, "Since Rachel brought her new boyfriend as her plus 1."
You're ten times the man he is!
So, Finn was drowning his sorrows. She could get with that, she was somewhat the same. Santana only had to look at the Aryan Sex Convention on the other side of the dancefloor between Britt and Lipsy McChapstick to be reminded of her own desire for a drunken stupor.
"Brody?" Santana thought of a string of sneers to cheer Finn up, "he's like a Ken Doll."
Finn looked down, forlorn, "Yeah." As if he'd thought she'd meant Brody was perfection.
That was an insult, Finn!
"I meant, made of plastic and hollow inside," She corrected.
Finn just did his half smirk thing, that she was finding adorable all of a sudden.
Santana was being honest about Rachel's boy toy, while appeasing Finn, "And seriously, he's like shiny and waxed all over. Unless he's some kind of Olympic swimmer or Bonds underwear model. That is not normal behavior."
Finn chuckled, smiling into his drink, "I've missed you."
She grinned a little sadly, "I'm trying to avoid the Blondie Snugglefest happening over there." Gesturing with her chin at Britt and Sam. She knew she sounded bitter, "Sam could probably get Britt's whole head in his humungous mouth."
Finn looked over at the young lovers.
He raised his glass, "To getting too drunk to care that my recently ex-fiancé has already moved on!"
"I'll cheers to that!" She agreed, clinking the glass on glass.
Needs more gin!
"He's so dull," Santana went back to her dilemma, "as someone who dated Lips McGee, I spent the whole time Frenching him so I wouldn't have to listen to all the boring shit he says!"
Finn clearly wasn't entirely comfortable with the 'sledging your ex's new beau' game she was, "Come on, Sam's our friend."
"Whatever!" She took another long swallow of her cocktail. Santana knew the look on his face, "Spill, Hudson, what did you do?"
But he chose to play dumb, "What do you mean?"
But Santana was having none of it, "You're wearing your gassy infant look."
Finn's brow crinkled, not understanding in the slightest.
"That's Finn Hudson for 'I'm guilty'," Santana let him know, "so, what did you do?"
Finn froze as if scared she really did know something.
"Or don't tell me," She teased, "I can probably guess."
Finn shook his head slightly, "No, I don't think…"
"You somehow think this is all your fault."
Finn gagged on his whisky and began coughing.
Getting warmer. Finn looked like, whatever it was that he'd done, he thought it was really bad, "Tell me you didn't sleep with Virgin McNeat Freak before Mr Schue got to."
She was trying for humor more than he actually meant that comment. But, Finn stared at her wide eyed and full of panic for a moment as if considering if she really could read his mind, "What?!" He finally said, "No!" but he was clearly troubled over her words, "Wait… you think Miss Pilsbury is a …"
Santana nodded, "Wouldn't be surprised," She raised an eyebrow and grinned deviously at him.
Finn couldn't contain his amazement, "But she's like thirty something…"
Santana explained it to the country boy, "When Doe-eyed McClean ran the Celibacy Club she used to make little comments and frankly, that only confirmed what I already thought."
Finn was embarrassed and so shocked he seemed ready to jump out of his skin, "But still… like never? Didn't she marry that dentist?"
Santana was self-satisfied, "Sex is messy, or have you forgotten?" God, she loved to remind him of the time they slept together. Now she just couldn't help herself.
The way Finn's head snapped around and his nervous look let her know he was remembering back.
"We shouldn't be talking about this," Finn tried to redirect the conversation back to PG-13 territory.
Santana's expression said 'suit yourself' as she made eye contact with the bartender to see about another cocktail since she'd finished the last one already.
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Finn was back to blaming himself for the lack of nuptials right now. Santana seemed amused by the whole thing.
He didn't mean to, but he uttered, "This is so much worse than I thought."
No wonder Miss P freaked out so much.
Mr Schue is gonna hate me.
"What did you do?" Santana asked, in an 'out with it' kind of way. Like a parent.
But he couldn't get the words out. He was too ashamed.
Santana seemingly let it drop, "Let's talk about you."
"There's not much to say, when Mr Schue gets back, his Glee Club is no more."
"I said you," Santana pointed out his obvious avoidance. "If Berry can find a life-size Ken doll to date, then I'm sure you can find someone too."
He looked over at Rachel, she was sitting with Brody now, and laughing at something apparently funny that Mr Plastic had said.
I don't want someone, I want her. He took a long swallow of his whisky just letting it burn.
Finn felt sick, maybe it was the booze, but he kind of didn't think so.
"I need some air," Finn mumbled as he retreated, he tried to loosen his bowtie because he literally couldn't breathe. He found the nearest exit. It was twilight by now, he was alone and the cold air on his cheeks was refreshing.
He had been thinking back to their motel tryst a little bit, only because he was trying not to think about Rachel so much, and he really didn't have any other comparisons. And Santana being Santana, probably knew it too. He couldn't think about Quinn that way anymore, he truly felt that the chapter with her had come to an end.
He heard the door snap a few minutes later. He looked out over the balcony, not even bothering to see who it was.
"I bet the worst thing you've ever done…"
It was Santana.
"… wouldn't even make my top 10 list," She sounded like she wanted him to make a game of it.
That's probably true. That made him smile, "Like what?"
Santana thought for a while, taking a long swallow of her new cocktail.
"The first time I kissed Brittany, I told her that I wanted to practice so that when I got with guys I would know what to do."
Finn thought that was amusing more than bad, "When was this?"
"Start of freshman year."
"Brittany believed you had never kissed a guy in ninth grade?" Then Finn realized they were talking about Brittany, so maybe he shouldn't be so astonished.
"Britt believes everything I tell her," Santana stated plainly, then she looked sad for a moment and then she shook it off.
Finn was unimpressed, "That isn't that bad."
"It is if you trick someone that gullible into having sex with you," Santana shot back.
That is bad, but he didn't say it, he couldn't attack her.
But he knew what she meant. Finn had never pursued Brittany the way just about everyone else on the football team had, he'd kissed her once at a party freshman year, but when she wanted to take things further, he turned her down, she seemed so childlike to him, it seemed wrong somehow.
Santana uncharacteristically kept confessing, "I told her sex between girls didn't count." Santana looked far away from a moment as if remembering back, sadly, "You know Britt was cheating on Artie the whole time with me, but I said it wasn't cheating, because the plumbing is different."
Finn honestly didn't know how to respond to that.
"I'm shocking you," She observed sharply.
Finn was still at a loss for words.
"Sometimes I think Britt's so… stunted, it's never going to be… equal," Santana admitted despondently.
Then she went quiet as if that was the first time she'd ever consciously thought that, or said it out loud perhaps.
Finn nodded slowly in understanding.
I've got nothing to lose.
"Since your being so…" Finn tried to articulate what he wanted to say in a way that wouldn't make her stop, "…upfront, can I ask you something?"
Santana smiled cheekily, "I'm half in the bag and my tongue is loose, proceed at your own peril," Santana warned.
At least she's still in good humor.
Finn was up for that, "Junior year, my Mom's wedding, you seemed in to me."
Santana crossed her arms defensively, "Where's the question?"
"Did you really want to date me?" Finn finally asked. Ever since he'd learned about Santana's orientation many months later, Finn had wondered why she'd done that, because he really had thought she meant it at the time. "Or were you just looking for… you know… a way to keep hiding?"
At the time, Santana seemed really hurt when he didn't want her. And even after Finn had broken up with Rachel and he'd picked back up with Quinn, Santana's response was to give him mono. Then she broke up Sam and Quinn only to drop Sam a few weeks later.
Santana really stared at him then, her eyes flicking up and down trying to ascertain his motivation. She wants to know why I still want the answer. Years later.
She spoke plainly, "No, I meant it," Her face softened.
He knew it was a sad question, but he had to know, "Why?"
Frankly, he'd lost his mojo. Santana Lopez was walking sex, a woman so powerful and stunning everyone seemed bland by comparison, if he'd managed to get her attention, he wanted to know how he'd done it.
"When we had sex, I didn't really care about you," Santana readily admitted, "beyond thinking you were cute if a bit dumb."
Finn was wondering if he was going to regret asking her for brutal honesty.
Santana chuckled, "Brittany said if I took your virginity, you'd love me forever," Her tone said, she thought that was a load of crap.
I do love you.
"So, what you're saying is…" Finn made a joke of it, though he kind of meant it, "you wanted to go out with me, because I had wowed you with what a stud I am," He smiled afterwards, had he been able to, he may have punctuated his words with a poke to her ribs.
Santana laughed hard, but tried to stifle how ridiculous she thought that was, "You had no clues at all," as if she thought it were just obvious.
Ouch.
One more thing I suck at!
I need to get out of here!
Finn looked at the door.
Santana confessed, "Honestly, I think it backfired."
Wait, what?
Is she saying what I think she's saying? Having sex with me made Santana love me forever?
Finn didn't think that could be right, but he wanted to be sure, "I don't understand…"
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Just tell him.
Do it! She admonished herself.
What she wanted to say was, Finn, you were the first guy who… the only guy actually… who has ever asked me if I was okay… during sex.
But then she chickened out, "You didn't seem to care about me, after."
"You know I do," Finn corrected her, "I told you as much during Lady Music Week." He smiled, "You're awesome," He repeated his words from a year ago.
But what she really wanted to say was, You're the only guy I still feel that way about, even now. You're the sweetest guy I know, Finn. I just wish you could see that.
But then there was the fear. Whenever Santana Lopez went to let her guard down, show her weakness, some self-preservation instinct would stop her. Can you trust him not to hurt you? And she'd freeze up.
They could hear the music from inside now. Sam was playing guitar and Brittany was singing back up, it was 'Shelter from the storm.'
"Bob Dylan?" Santana was surprised, "Mr Schue, who knew?" Santana stepped in to him, gesturing that she wanted to slow dance. He could smell her perfume. And Finn obliged, putting a hand around her waist, and taking her hand in his.
She was right up against him now, letting his warmth envelope her. She put a hand on his shoulder, and rested her chin on the other side. It was clearly not what he was expecting, but he seemed to revel in the closeness of it.
He heard Sam sing, 'Come in she said I'll give you shelter from the storm'
"Mr Schue told me why this song," Finn informed her, "he said it reminded him of Emma before they ever dated, because he has always gone to her for advice and she always helped him," Finn explained, "but one of their early dates they were going to watch a movie, some Bruckheimer action thing, anyway, when Mr Schue went to put it on, 'Shelter from the Storm' was playing on some show when he turned on the TV, and Miss P said she liked the song, so Mr Schue asked her to dance to it."
"That's sweet," Was all Santana murmured in his ear.
She just swayed in time to the music not really waltzing, since Finn wasn't so good at it anyway. She held him tighter against her, their chests were right up against one another now, and she could feel the heat of his body.
"A taco addict, who had one too many… liposuctions?" Finn reminded her of all her insults towards him when the New Directions were facing off with the Trouble Tones.
Santana moved to stare into his eyes again, looking sheepish, "You know I didn't mean that, I was just mad."
He clearly wanted to understand, "Why were you so mad?"
Mr Schue had made us the Rachel Berry singing group. But you'd always been the force that keeps the Glee Club together, Finn, but you'd failed me and Mercedes, repeatedly.
But what she said was, "Because life is unfair," Santana shrugged, "Or because I'm a bitch, pick whatever answer makes you feel better."
Finn insisted, "It just seemed like you were really attacking me, personally." He explained, "Attacking Rachel would've made more sense, but why were you so upset at me after you left New Directions?" He really seemed to want the answer.
Santana stopped to think.
It was obviously still bothering him, "Was it because I called Brittany an 'idiot'?" Finnonce asked.
Santana shook her head, "No, I mean she forgave you pretty quickly, and frankly that's what made her join the Trouble Tones, which was what I wanted," Santana freely admitted, "It wasn't really about Glee Club."
That appeared to confuse him, "If it wasn't about Glee Club, then what was it about?"
"Well sort of," Santana was struggling to speak, with was an unusual shade on her, "You all knew the truth about me, so when I dumped you guys for Shelby's group, I knew you'd all be pissed, so I was extra stressed that my secret was going to get out."
Finn nodded, that did make sense. "But you seemed so pissed at me, specifically." He kept insisting.
Oh God! I really want to tell you the truth, but it just feels like bearing my soul. Santana became awkward, just do it! You know you can trust Finn.
Santana let all the emotions play out over her face, while she warred with herself.
I felt bad for leaving, so I pointed out that you also hate being second fiddle to Blaine to make you understand how I felt always being in the background. And then I advised Rachel to wait rather than have sex with you. I said it was because you're terrible in bed, but really, I liked being the only girl you'd had sex with, it meant I had a special place in your life, and it could still be real between us. And when that didn't work, I tried to make you feel insecure about your body and your relationship with Rachel so you might not want to.
When I say it all like that, I'm a really big bitch!
She finally spoke the words she'd been dreading with a tinge of sadness, "If only you had wanted me back, I could still appear to be straight."
It wouldn't have mattered that I constantly thought about women or that you were the only guy I had any sexy feelings towards, if you'd have me, no one would know a thing, and I would have been fine, everything would have been easier.
She watched it play out on his face. He was slow to comprehend her meaning, but he got there.
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What?! She is saying she still had feelings for me in Senior Year?
That seemed crazy. Then why insult the shit out of me? When Finn was at his worst, even now, Santana's burn about him riding on Rachel's coattails for the rest of his life, still stung.
Santana sounded irritated, "I honestly don't understand how you can love Rachel, but I never doubt that you do."
"So, you were jealous?" Finn said casually, not wanting a confrontation, "Weren't you and Britt all… happily ever after by then?"
"What do you want from me, Finn?" Santana finally snapped, "I'm a bitch! Other people's happiness pisses me off!"
That's a cop out, Santana. Your attacks always mean something. He'd never even considered that was the reason. Does she still have feelings for me even now? He wondered, but didn't dare ask.
Santana was being honest, he wasn't going to back her into a corner. He'd made his own mistakes.
"I am really sorry I outed you," Finn apologized.
Santana tensed up at the mention of it.
Finn said what he'd wanted to say for a long time now, "I was pissed at you, and it was in the moment, but I knew what I was doing…"
He could feel her pull away.
He tried to explain, rushing, knowing she might bolt at any moment, "I really didn't get it at the time, why it was so bad," Finn admitted, "I figured everyone already knew, and you'd come to thank me one day."
Santana was still tense, "You thought I would thank you," Her voice was icy. But she didn't flee the scene, she stayed to listen to his apology.
"But I was wrong," Finn knew he wasn't that ignorant guy anymore, "I get now that when people are hiding, it's not that they are just afraid needlessly, their loved ones have made them feel like… they can't be open."
Santana nodded, but remained silent.
Finn continued to barrage her with his guilt-ridden words, "I could have ruined your life. I mean, some kids get sent to those 'straighten out camps', some… their parents kick them out. I didn't know what situation you had at home," He hoped she could sense how sincerely sorry he was.
She nodded sadly to the truth of those words, it brought him back to those 'it gets better' videos.
He kept filling up her silence, "And when you're still in high school, you're so dependent on family."
Tears welled in her eyes, and she looked away, as if pretending she wasn't getting emotional. Santana would swear dust blew into her eye before she'd admit to crying.
"I'm really sorry, deeply sorry, Santana," Finn conveyed his regret, staring into her eyes, "I love you, and I don't want anything bad to ever happen to you."
He pulled her into a bear hug, and was pleasantly surprised when he didn't meet any resistance. He felt her reciprocate, squeezing him back.
After a long time, he pulled back so he could watch her reaction as he said what he'd wanted to say to her for over a year now, "And I'm sorry about your Abuela."
"I know you are," Santana said, she was silent a long time, they were still embraced, "I just wish…" She huffed hopelessly, rather than finish her sentence, before shaking her head.
"One day," He tried to be optimistic, cupping her cheeks so that she was staring right into his eyes so she could feel how much he meant every word he said to her.
But Santana pulled away sharply, "You're still freaking me out with all the eye contact," She made light of it all, "It was bad enough in that motel room, I finally let you be on top, and you get right up in my face, and tell me you think I'm beautiful…"
"I meant that," He cut her off, remembering that part fondly.
"Then after you outed me, you get right up in my face with your Cyndi Lauper…" Santana was only faux annoyed recalling it now. "And now you're right up in my grill again!"
Finn joked, "Am I making you cry?"
Santana ignored him, "I can't take this shit, Finn!"
Santana pushed him away from her and started to go back inside.
"Santana," Finn called back to her.
He stopped her in her tracks.
Finn spoke to her back, "It's okay to feel things, you don't have to push them away."
Instead of leaving, Santana took a few steps until she was right at the edge looking out at the stars.
You don't have to push me away just because you like me.
Maybe it was because Finn was only staring at her back, or because they were alone or he felt safe, but he let go, "I kissed Miss Pilsbury," He suddenly confessed. "She was freaking out and I was just trying to calm her down."
Santana turned to look at him, but she didn't react as if shocked or anything, which helped.
Finn couldn't contain the sense of panic he felt, "Like a week ago, which I guess, only succeeded in her freaking out even more now…"
"And now you think this is your fault," Santana's face conveyed that she could see how it all made sense.
Finn kept speaking a mile a minute, "Then Mr Schue came back, and she didn't tell him, and now she hates me for making her lie to him…"
Santana asked him a very pointed question, "Did you let her know you were going to tell Mr Schue?"
"I suggested it, but she said 'no', so I agreed to that," Finn explained.
"That's good," Santana agreed.
"How is that good?" Finn questioned, his heart was beating so hard now, and he just kind of exploded. "I just feel like the worst person alive!"
Santana came back to him and held out her hands. But, he didn't deserve kindness.
"And I just know I'm the reason for her running off," He added, "Mr Schue is gonna hate me forever."
"I think you're overreacting," Santana put a comforting hand on his arm.
"Why else?"
"There could be a million reasons," Santana explicated.
She was so calm about it all, which actually did make him feel a tiny bit better.
"Finn, Brutal Honest Bitch, here," She reminded him confidently, "I'd tell you if I thought this was your fault," she sounded sincere, "Miss P has a whole heap of crazy behaviors, big events where she's the center of attention… it might have nothing to do with you."
Finn felt sick, "Do you think I should tell Mr Schue? Just come clean, before she tells him?"
She was adamant, "Hell to the no!" She became animated, talking with her hands, "Their relationship is for them to sort out, stay out of it, and say nothing."
"But I just feel so bad," He admitted.
"I know you do," Santana was surprisingly comforting, pulling him into a hug.
Finn just felt so heavy, like he couldn't hold himself up any longer. Could she hold him if his legs were to simply give way?
I'm so tired.
Before Finn even knew what was happening, he felt Santana's hand behind his head, as she dragged him down to her lips. She was warm, and he could taste the gin, and her lipstick. She only used her lips to suck on his lips, but she was opening her mouth to him. Finn was too dazed to do anything. He just let her. Then he remembered how nice this felt. Finn hadn't so much as kissed anyone since he'd broken up with Rachel eight months ago, until last week, and that was a peck. He hadn't felt able to try again yet. Finn closed his eyes and tried to just feel. Enjoy the soft, warm, contact of her connecting to him. The whiff of her floral shampoo. The silkiness of her hair, to stop thinking and just sense the world. He joined in, he tasted and he touched.
Santana finally pulled back, opening her eyes, to gauge his reaction. Finn was still for a few seconds.
I just want to feel different.
Then Finn let go, of all the voices in his head telling him he was worthless. He gripped her waist and pulled her against him hard. He brought his lips to hers again, and just kind of let loose, he was all over her, his tongue swirled inside her mouth, and he felt her teasing him in response. And Santana wasn't put off by it at all.
It felt different. Santana was nothing like Rachel, she was all sensual and sexual, where Rachel was sweet and romantic. Santana was sucking on his tongue and tickling him. He felt hot and bothered, and could feel his heart pounding in his throat, among other places.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
"This is a motel," Finn whispered into Santana's ear, "We could get a room upstairs."
This is crazy!
Santana's into women.
But she said she still has feelings for me.
Santana's eyes flickered wide for a moment. As if she was surprised at his offer.
Her silence freaked him out, I've blown it, he thought before immediately going into damage control mode, "I'm sorry, I know I'm not what you go for anymore," He tried to cover his embarrassment.
He turned to go back inside. Berating himself in his head, You're such an idiot! And such a desperate loser that you are throwing yourself at an out and proud lesbian!
Then, why did she kiss me?
But she tugged on his arm, "No, let's do it."
He felt a sinking feeling, like he couldn't quite believe it, "Really? Are you sure?"
She just nodded, the way she had when she hugged him after he'd sung her 'Girls just want to have fun.'
And then Finn allowed himself to feel just the slightest bit happy. He hadn't felt joy pretty much since he'd broken up with Rachel. Directing Grease had its moments, but this was something else.
I need you.
Finn kissed her again, just a peck, "Wait five minutes, I'll text you with the room number."
She nodded, "Okay."