I messed up the canon timeline to fit in what I wanted. Bear with me! Au-ish

She's back again after god knows how long. She's happy with her choices, most of the time. Nothing has given her more pleasure than doing the kind of work she was doing now but she couldn't deny the toll it took of her. So she decided to take a break, a little break just to see old friends, to rest her mind and her soul for a little while. She was human after all. She was Alex Cabot, nothing but human.

It wasn't easy but she managed. Calling Olivia was her first thought. She didn't have an apartment in NYC anymore so she booked an Airbnb for a week and texted her long lost friend. Or more than a friend? In any case, It had been a minute.

Alex herself decided that no contact was better since their relationship was always kind of messy. She knew what kind of life she wanted to live and she knew that Olivia wanted something completely different. She wished nothing but happiness for the brunette but she would be lying if she said she was afraid to know what had been going on in Olivia's life. She had purposely kept herself off any contact with people from SVU because she couldn't bear to know. Was Olivia happy with another person? Was she living together with someone else?

Whatever happened Alex could not blame her. She wanted her to be happy and have the family she always wanted, right? Right, Alex told herself. She'd be the perfect friend and be happy for Olivia. So she texted her letting the now Sargent know she was in town and she'd love to meet her. Alex thought about going to the precinct first but got scared. What if Olivia was mad at her? Texting was safer. After five minutes she got a reply back.

I can't believe I'm hearing from you, Alex. God, it's been so long. Of course I'd love to meet you. I'm working all week but we can meet after my shift? It would be better if you come to my apartment, though. There's someone I want you to meet.

That was weird, Alex thought. In the past, Alex and Olivia were always a little too afraid of intimacy. Going to each other's apartment took a long time to happen. And when it did happen - that's when the lines between co-workers, friends and lovers became all blurred. Maybe they were always aware of the feelings they had for each other and those feelings scared them off for as long as they could take. Maybe now Olivia did not feel all that much for her and intimacy was easier. Even more so, Olivia wanted her to meet someone. Probably her new partner. That hurt more than Alex expected. Again, she knew she had no rights over Olivia. What was done was done. Alex swallowed her sorrows of being considered just another former friend - a distance memory of a fast lover - and replied to the brunettes' text agreeing to meet her at her new apartment.

The day approached fast and before she knew it she was following the directions to Olivia's new apartment.

"Hey!" Olivia greeted her beaming.

Alex could not remember the last time she had seen the brunette so happy. Whomever Olivia had found to share her life with was doing a good job of keeping her in a nice mood. Last time they had seen each other Olivia was so sad. It was right after the whole Elliot situation. Alex remembered feeling like the worst person on earth to be one more person in Olivia's life leaving her. She was interrupted on her musings by suddenly being engulfed in a bear hug.

"I can't believe you're here, Alex. I missed you so much.", Olivia said with her head buried in the blonde's neck.

Alex breathed in her smell before coming up with an answer. She had promised herself not to cry but it was already getting hard to keep her promise since her eyes were already tearing. She didn't expect to feel so emotional but holding the Sargentt in her arms made her remember all she had left behind.

"Olivia, I - God, I missed you too."

They finally pulled apart and Alex could see that the brunette's big brown eyes were also wet. Still, she had a big smile on her face.

"Look at us getting all emotional!"Olivia said laughing, "Come in Alex, please."

Alex was so entranced by how beautiful Olivia was that she didn't even pay attention to the new apartment. Happiness looked good on Olivia. She looked stress free, peaceful. Even the way she moved was different.

"I've made quiche, I hope you like it."

"You're cooking now?" She asked, surprised.

"A lot has changed, Alexandra." Olivia said. Even though she sounded a bit less excited, Olivia was still smiling

"It has indeed. I wanted to say - I need you to know that I'm sorry -."

"Alex, please. I've told you before. You do what you have to do. It 's your life." Olivia said looking straight into the blonde's eyes. She looked sincere. Still, Alex felt the need to explain herself.

"Yes, but I didn't need to completely disappear from your life. Again."

"Maybe it was for the best. I know I have a hard time letting you go. I guess it's not easy on you too."

"You have no idea."

They heard an alarm noise that took them out of their trance.

"It's the quiche. Look, Alex, we're ok. Seriously. Let's have fun tonight, ok?I have so much to tell you but let me get the quiche out of the oven first before I screw it up. I'm still new to this whole homemaker life"

They moved to the kitchen and while Olivia was busy finishing up the meal Alex had time to look around. The apartment was definitely an upgrade from her previous one. More modern looking and bigger, as much as New York City would allow. It looked more homely than Alex was used to. Before, when they met at Olivia's old apartment, Alex would often comment on how bare her rooms were, especially the kitchen. Olivia always said that she didn't see the point in making it more like herself. I don't even spend that much time here she used to say. Now, everywhere she looks she sees Olivia. She can't point out exactly what it is but she sees it. The colors, the way things are organized. The kitchen is full of fruits and vegetables, her favorite wine sits on the counter right next to a brand new expensive looking coffee machine. Olivia lives here. Olivia is happy here. Alex can feel it.

She wasn't paying attention but Olivia was still talking.

"...taught me how to make this and I swear, 'Lex it's so easy that even you could make it." She finished saying while placing the quiche on a plate to serve.

Alex didn't hear who had taught her how to make the dish but she assumed it was the mysterious person who was responsible for Olivia's new found happiness.

"Should I be offended?" She said playfully.

"I'm not the one who almost set her house on fire on multiple occasions."

"No, but that's because you didn't even use to try. At least I went for it."

"That I can't deny."

They moved back to the living room where the dining table sat in the corner. Taking their meal and drinks, Alex realised that the table was already made.

"Only two sits? So the mysterious person I'm meeting today is not going to eat with us?"

Olivia laughed loudly.

"He's already eaten. He's resting now."

"He?"

Alex's mind started running wild. For some reason that was her worst fear. Olivia was never comfortable being completely out - especially at work. She remembered the long conversations they used to have. Olivia's argument was always the same. You don't even want anything serious, Alexandra. Which was true. Their relationship, whatever that was, was always based on Alexandra's fear of commitment but also on Olivia's fear of coming out.

In Olivia's defense, she never pressured Alex into something she didn't want to. They had different plans. At that time, Alex was set into taking her chances in politics. Olivia kept dreaming about a family while being one hundred percent committed to her job. They were in love but they were in different places all the time. After that life only got more complicated. Witness protection program, Congo and later the complete disenchantment with the law. Olivia had her own share of trials and tribulations.

They ended what didn't even begin in relatively good terms. She wanted to believe they had somehow got used to these long periods of no contact. Alex knew it was a dick move, though- the disappearing acts. In reality, she was scared that if they kept in touch she'd feel the need to be more than an old friend. She was scared of her feelings. In a way, Alex just kept running.

In the back of her mind Alex knew this was about to happen at some point. Olivia was an amazing person. It was only a matter of time for her to find someone who could make her happy and share her dreams with. A house that looked lived in. A family in a very traditional sense of the word. Still, Alex could not help but feel the deepest sadness in her chest. Or was it regret?

She had a man. A man who could provide her the life she always wanted. The life Alex could never give her.

Before Olivia could say who the mysterious man was they heard a sound. A deep scream followed by crying. Sounded like a baby.

Olivia smiled at Alex before excusing herself to go inside the house where the rooms were. Alex was in shock. She looked around and felt like an idiot. There were baby pictures all over the living room. Baby toys laying in the corners. A baby bottle sat innocently at the end table. Before she could process what was going on, Olivia came back to the living room carrying a baby boy.

He looked cranky - much like any baby when they just wake up. With long black hair, big brown eyes and wearing a onesie filled with little blue trucks the baby laid his head on Olivia's chest. She could still see the tears who had been freely falling just a couple of minutes ago.

"I guess he wanted to meet you, 'Lex." Olvia said beaming, looking down at the child.

"Wow, Olivia! I don't know what to say."

"Meet Noah." She said looking up at her with her own big brown eyes shining with pride. She picked up one of the baby's tiny arms and waved it in Alex's direction. "Say hi to mommy's friend, Noah."

"You have a baby." Alex stated.

"I do.I really thought you'd know by now but judging from your face I guess I still got to surprise you?"

"Very much so. I mean, I'm surprised. Not that I don't think you can't be a mother - I mean, you are. Well, if anybody could be a mother that's you and…"

"Alexandra, you're rambling."

"I am. I am, Liv. I - You look so happy. You wanted a child for so long. I'm very happy for you."

Olivia managed to smile even brighter. The baby was now getting bored with all the adult conversation. .

"I know, Alex. He makes me so happy. Hold on a minute, I'm just gonna get his bottle." She started moving to the kitchen while still talking to Alex. "It happened out of nowhere. I was not prepared, not the least but here he is and it's been amazing."

She returned with a much happier looking Noah in her arms, now sucking on a bottle filled with what looked like juice.

"And what about..." She was afraid to ask. She was still scared to find out if Olivia had someone else in her life.

Olivia interrupted her before she could finish her thoughts.

"I know what you're gonna ask. There is no father. It's a long story. In fact, it's not that long...I met Noah during a case. Time passed and I was fortunate enough to adopt him. If I didn't believe in a higher power I sure do now. He entered my life in such a messed up time, 'Lex. A real blessing."

They sat down at the table and Alex began serving them since Olivia still had baby Noah in her arms.

"He looks so much like you."

"Everyone says that. I suppose it's true. Maybe he'll change as he grows, who knows"

"Yeah..So..uhm"

Olivia, who had been busy looking at Noah with adoration, looked up to Alex and gave her a lopsided smile.

"Ask what you really wanna ask, Alexandra."

Olivia knew her too well. Alex thought she could hide her undeserving jealousy well but she was wrong. Olivia could see right through her. Alex sighed deeply before starting.

"Are you seeing someone?" She asked. Time for the truth, she thought. It was the same every time they fear that this time around she would not be welcomed as she was used to. That their time had passed and only memories were left.

"Are you seeing someone, Alexandra?" Olivia asked, looking at her with a defying glare.

"You know I'm not."

"Right." Olivia scoffed ."Cause then you wouldn't be here."

"That's not true, Liv."

Even though they tried to tell themselves their relationship was one of respect for each other the reality always came had hurt one another. Each one in their own way. They were both hurting about things they had done in the past. Things they kept doing in the present. The reality is that they desperately needed to talk. To get things off their chest but that never happened. Maybe because they were both too afraid. Scared of different things but scared nevertheless.

"Whatever, Alex.. I'm sorry, I know you didn't come here to fight. I know I don't want to fight. I miss you too much to waste my time over fighting. How long are you here for, again?"

Olivia suddenly sounded like the Olivia she had left behind and not the new peaceful mother of a brand new baby boy she met not even an hour ago. The thought of having something to do with her change in mood gave Alex chills.

"I have four more days." She said, looking down at her still full plate.

"Right, that's right." Olivia tried to sound animated again, "You're in a short schedule. I get it. The important thing is that you're here. You're here, you look good. Healthy. I worry about you, 'Lex. I always worry about you."

"I know."

The baby was still in Olivia's arms and seemed content in looking at the two going back and forth as long as he had the bottle with him. Olivia continued:

"I don't know where you are and - Well, you know. So, to answer your question…"

"You don't need to, Liv. I mean,I have no right to ask."

"Bullshit, Alexandra. I was just being - I don't know. I want to tell you. Well, there's not much to tell, is nobody right now."

"Right now?"

Olivia started messing with her hair, her signature I'm slighted ashamed but I don't regret anything move - before speaking again:

"I'm going to tell you now 'cause I know you'll be at the precinct soon and I don't trust Fin enough to keep his big mouth shut." She said in one breath.

"Oh no, I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"You and that new blonde detective, right? I knew it! The moment I saw her. She was falling all over you, Liv. Oh my God, Olivia! She's what? Fifteen years younger than you?"

"Alex!"

Olivia was not surprised by her assumption. It was true, Amanda was a bit over infatuated with her, especially in the beginning. When Alex had last visited them she was still very much in what Olivia called her fangirling stage, "I don't appreciate you calling me old, you know."

She was laughing now but Alex was still sure that Amanda was her dirty little secret.

"No, take your mind out of the gutter. Amanda is a sweetheart but I'm not talking about her. Would you let me explain before interrupting?"

"Right, right. Go ahead."

"Ok, this is back in the day stuff. Do you remember Cassidy?"

"Cassidy? Brian Cassidy"

"Yep."

"What's with him?"

"That's it. That's who I was with before. We ended just a couple of months before I got Noah."

"Cassidy?", Alex repeated like she had not heard the first three times.

"Yes.", said Olivia trying but failing to sound confident.

"Brian? Brian Cassidy?"

"Yes, Alex.. Brian Cassidy, ok? It happened." Olivia flipped her hair and took one long gulp of wine.

"It happened twice." Alex remembered her.

"No! That was a one night stand." Olivia vehemently stated.

"A hell of a one night stand because when I arrived in SVU after it was over he was still bummed out about it."

"You have no right to make fun of me!"

"I'm not trying to make fun of you, I'm just...surprised.", said Alex truthfully.

"I know. Trust me, I was surprised too."

"But it's over?"

"It is. It's very much over."

Olivia sounded like she really was missing whatever her and Brian had going on.

"Well, I'm sorry."

"No, you're not." She grinned at the blonde. "You hated Cassidy."

"I didn't hate Cassidy. I just - he was a bum, Liv. I'm sorry. Maybe he's changed -"

"Not much". Olivia interrupted her, "but he was good to me, I guess. We had a good time and it ended when it was supposed to."

"And now you have Noah", she said, pointing to the baby who was almost falling asleep in the arms of the brunette.

"That 's right. Now I have Noah." She smiled at the baby before continuing. "What about you 'Lex? Any old one night stands?"

"You know, the usual."

Olivia laughed, "So, nothing serious?"

"Nothing serious.", she agreed.

"Are we fated to get old alone, Alexandra?" Olivia asked. It was meant as a joke but in a way, that was a concern. Were they really meant to be alone for the rest of their lives?

"Well, you've got Noah now."

"I do. But he's gonna grow up. You know what I mean, 'Lex."

"Of course I do." Alex knew it was time to get real. They've been skipping this conversation for too long. Looking at a brand new life in the form of a chubby baby boy gave Alex the courage she needed to do what she wanted for so long. Life's too precious but also too short. Everything was still too messy, still too complicated but wasn't life always like that? They didn't have all the time in the world anymore. She decided to take a chance.

"I love you, Olivia."

She didn't plan to say it but it seemed like an appropriate time.

"Alex…"

"You know it's true." Alex was still the same cocky lawyer she had been before. She knew she was right. It was about time they laid it out.

"Our timing is always off but I need you to know that." The blonde concluded;

"I - You're right."

"I am, usually." Alex agreed with a smile.

Olivia took one arm out of Noah's little body and locked her hands with Alex's.

"I love you too. Always."

They stared at each other's eyes for a couple of seconds before Noah started stirring, breaking their moment. Olivia returned her arms to Noah, rocking him in her lap.

"I don't know if our time is now, Liv. I really don't. But maybe we could try it?"

Olivia looked up from Noah and smiled. They'd always be there for each other, she knew that. She had fears and doubts, sure but she was also older. Wiser. The last few months with Noah gave her the clearity she had been lacking. There was always something missing in her life when Alex was not around. Maybe they could make it work. Maybe this was their time. And if it was not - well, they still could meet next time in a retirement home.

"We could try it, Alexandra. I would love that." Olivia agreed.

This was not how I had planned this story to go but that's how it ended up happening. I guess the whole blurting out I love yous from a certain bald-headed old man inspired me. Hope you liked it! I wish I could say this is the beginning of something but it isn't. I'm too lazy to write chapter fics. This story will definitely continue in my mind, though. I hope it does in yours too.