Hey, readers! This is a short fic about Starfire and what I think goes on in her head. There are mentions of somewhat mature topics in here. Not NSFW or anything, just kind of heavy topics. This is written in the 2003 Teen Titans because I despise TTG.

I don't own the Teen Titans.

Happy reading!

Starfire was sitting up in her bed, stroking the sleeping Silkie on her lap. It was very dark outside, and the only light was the dim lamp next to her bed. She would have replaced it herself, but she did not know how, and she kept forgetting to ask Cyborg.

It was probably something around what Earth people had labeled as one A.M. Starfire had been waking up at this time very often lately, and she was unsure of what was the cause, and it confused her. Whenever this happened, it was often accompanied by unpleasant thoughts. They were not nightmares- as they only came after she had woken up. It confused her greatly.

She guessed everyone else in Titans' Tower was sleeping- Starfire probably should have been in slumber as well. There was a possibility that Robin was up- Starfire didn't even know if he slept at all. His spare time was spent obsessing over the Titans' worst nemesis- Slade, better known as Deathstroke. The one-eyed madman had that effect on Robin.

Starfire was always a cheerful girl, bubbly and bright and full of smiles. But, under the surface, there was almost infinite pain. But she refused to display this. Starfire felt that her friends were more important than her own feelings. She did not want to be selfish. They had provided her with a home and a family. The fact that her powers were obscured if she ever experienced any strong emotions with the exception of anger also prevented her from truly saying what she needed to say. The last thing she wanted to do was weigh her friends down with her own emotions, both in battle and within the Tower.

Although the wounds were bandaged, they still bled. Starfire had escaped to Earth after six or more agonizing years of slavery and torture, inflicted upon her by her very sister, who had lost her position on the throne to Starfire after getting a disease that rendered her unable to fly. Bitter and burning with jealousy, she had negotiated in secret with the Citadel and gotten her little sister sold to them. Ever since the future princess of Tamaran had been sold, the grand rulers of the planet had not been amused, and from then on Tamaran became a war-ridden planet, dropping their previous morals and peaceful ways, destroying all who dared to try and hurt their kind.

While held captive by the Citadel, an horrendously evil alien terrorist group, Starfire had been burned purposely, daily, made to work until she passed out from sheer exhaustion, beaten mercilessly, and gang-raped nearly every day. Her Tamaranean abilities had enabled her to heal several times more quickly than humans, but every day the injuries would happen again, and it was agony. There was not a single day of happiness for the poor alien, and she felt endlessly guilty about her sister.

Then, after the Citadel engaged in a war with another alien species, Starfire had been freed from slavery but taken captive by an eccentric group of alone scientists, the Psions, along with Blackfire. The two had been experimented on, having solar energy injected into them at frightening amounts in order to see how much they could take. Needless to say, the rival siblings were unable to absorb it all, and the loose energy remained within them, which gave the two the unique ability to release solar energy called starbolts from their hands and eyes.

Starfire had freed herself easily after receiving this talent and graciously freed her sister. But unfortunately, Blackfire still seethed with fury against Starfire, and the traumatized and lost young teen was forced to flee to Earth, where she'd become a Teen Titan.

Starfire shifted in her bed, her long, pink-magenta hair draped over her shoulder and tucked behind her ear, picking up her beloved bumgorf, placing a baby pink blanket over him, and setting him gently on the ground, gazing at his sleeping form with loving eyes. Silkie never failed to make her happy.

Being in the Teen Titans with kids just as different and misfits as she was- was a dream come true. Starfire had instantly felt connected with them all, and they all treated her well.

But she felt there were still gray areas.

Robin was her boyfriend, and she loved him, and he loved her. Ever since their kiss in Tokyo, they'd been pretty exclusive, not bothering to hide their relationship. But he was just a little bit...distant. Starfire was well aware of Robin's struggles with his hallucinations and mental problems caused by Slade among other things, but she just wished he would talk to her every once in a while. She only wanted to help. And she wished he wouldn't snap at her whenever she tried to.

Beast Boy- they were best friends. He was the one who'd introduced her to Silkie, and Starfire was the only one Beast Boy had ever really opened up to. Robin was reserved, Cyborg was always busy working on some new, upgraded aspect of the Tower, and Raven was...well, Raven. That one spoke for itself. The green changeling had told Starfire of the things that troubled him in places nobody ever saw, like the harrowing insecurities about his looks and personality, the trauma of watching his parents fall to their deaths in the boating accident that orphaned him, the icy days with the much older Doom Patrol, where he had been seen as nothing more than a kid, some circus animal that was just for show. And most of all, his heartbreak caused by the villain-hero Terra. He was easy to talk to and listen to, and he made her laugh just as much as she made him. But somehow Starfire just couldn't open up to Beast Boy in return. The words would always get stuck in her throat and she'd just have to choke them back down. Beast Boy was a disturbed individual and she certainly didn't want to weigh him down with her own problems, not a sweet, fun-loving kid like him.

As for Cyborg, he was a surface friend. Starfire referred to him as such because while he was enjoyable to laugh and joke and cook with, they couldn't mange to go any deeper than that. It felt like an unspoken agreement. They could talk about missions, exchange jokes, learn Tamaranean (Cyborg), and play "video games" together, but for some reason, going any further than that didn't feel like an option. Maybe it was just her, but there still felt like there was a thin wall in between the two.

Raven was the only other female member of the Titans, which had initially made the Tamaranean think that they would be able to bond. But no. Not in the slightest bit was that the case. The cold empath refused to go shopping with Star, try her Tamaranean dishes, or even spar with her for combat practice. Raven did not approve of the revealing clothes Starfire wore, telling her placidly that they were fit for a dancer rather than a superhero, although Starfire had explained several times that solar energy was how she stayed useful during battle. It was also why her pajamas could be considered skimpy, as she was wearing a rose-colored tank top with spaghetti straps and black shorts that barely made it past her thighs- which the sorceress also expressed her displeasure for. Raven had made it very clear that she thought Silkie, Starfire's pet, was gross and shouldn't come near her. Raven was isolated, and cold, and that was the end of it. They had moved past the completely-ignoring-each-other's-existence stage after switching bodies thanks to the eerie Puppet King, but Starfire sensed that the girls still had a long while to go before they could really consider themselves "close."

The other earthlings she had tried to engage with outside of the Titans were quite strange. They used nonsensical expressions such as "It's raining cats and dogs" and "wild goose chase" when there were in fact no domestic animals falling from the atmosphere or the pursuit of the very large, loud ducks called "geese." Starfire did not know how to approach any of them. There has been boys who had told her that she was "hot" with "nice melons" and that they would "tap that" when her bodily temperature was normal, they did not tap anything, and she did not possess the green earthly fruits.

Humans were confusing. She was glad that the majority of the Teen Titans were not fully human, Raven being half-demon, Beast Boy being mostly animal, and Cyborg being mostly mechanical. Robin was the only earth species she could understand, and even then she still failed to figure out some of his behaviors.

So, that just left Starfire. Alone with her thoughts. Every day, all the time.

While Starfire was just beginning to feel drowsy, Silkie, with his beady eyes open on the ground, made a babbling and gargling sound. Starfire, startled, leaned over the side of the bed to see green slime dripping down his mouth.

"My little bumgorf is hungry?" Starfire cooed softly, wrapping her thin, tan hands around Silkie's middle. She needed to take her mind off of bad thoughts anyway, and this was an excuse to get out of her dim bedroom. Silkie happily garbled in response, which the green-eyed alien took as a "yes."

"Alright. I shall take you to the kitchen!" Starfire whispered sweetly, swinging her long legs out of the bed and cloaking the drooling creature in his blanket that Starfire had sewed herself. She adjusted herself so that she was slightly hovering over the ground to make as minimal noise as possible. She didn't want to arouse anyone.

The door to her room opened automatically as she flew up to it and as quietly as possible made her way down the dark hallway, cradling Silkie, to the kitchen that sat inside the main room, where the massive screen remained dark and glassy, and the computers Cyborg had recently updated hummed peacefully as they charged themselves. Upon entering, she placed Silkie on the counter tenderly.

"I will gather my stash of Zorkaberries for you," she promised Silkie. "Stay right there, Silkie!" Starfire flew over to the refrigerator, pulling open the door and peering inside the cold box. She did not understand how humans kept their food cold in a big box. On Tamaran, they did not eat cold food. The first time she had come to Earth and tried ice cream, she had eye-beamed it because it was too "icy" and gotten the strawberry mess all over a very ticked off Raven.

"Zorkaberries, where are you?" she whispered to herself, pushing aside a sausage sandwich wrapped in foil labeled "Cyborg" and an energy drink called "Gatorade" she guessed belonged to Robin. Finally, behind a pitcher of lemonade she had helped Beast Boy make, she found her bucket filled to the brim with the sweet, cerulean Tamaranean fruits. She squealed gleefully, took the container from the fridge, and flew it over to Silkie, who drooled on the counter excitedly. "You may consume your fill! I have grown these berries just for you. They have even been made chilly in the cold box." She grinned, and Silkie slithered into the bucket and began to eat loudly, sweet-smelling juices flowing out of the sides.

"I will be- right here." Starfire informed Silkie, and she took a seat on the ground right beside the counter, legs crossed, the appliance towering over her. She would wait for Silkie to finish eating and enter his slumber again, and then she would go back to bed and...attempt to sleep.

"What are you doing up?"

Starfire jumped, making her eyes glow chartreuse and sizzle just a little bit. She quickly got up on her feet and turned around.

Robin stood in the doorway, wearing a plain white T-shirt and long black sweatpants, his trusty mask still on his chiseled face even at this time of night. He looked at Starfire questioningly.

"Oh. Hello, Robin." Starfire ventured carefully. She smoothed her bangs behind her ears sheepishly.

"My bumg- Silkie was experiencing the need for food, so I have satisfied his hunger." She paused tentatively. "Why are you conscious at this hour?"

Robin tilted his head and stared at the alien, studying her, and Starfire's face grew hot as she remembered the outfit she had on. Robin did not make a comment on it, however, and instead replied, "Just 'cause."

Starfire smiled awkwardly, and she slowly turned back around to find Silkie leaking blue juice from his mouth and eyes shut, breathing softly.

"It seems my Silkie is now asleep." Starfire noted nervously, using his blanket to mop the residue from his face and once again wrapping him in it. "I shall be going." She lifted her feet from the ground and began to fly back to her bedroom, trying to leave as fast as she could.

Robin moved toward Starfire, and she stopped mid-air. "Look, Star, I've woken up tons of times out of nowhere- and most of the time the things that woke me up weren't good things. Are you sure you're okay?"

How had he noticed? Was it visible on her face that she was not feeling well in spirit? Well, no time to think about that now. He already knew. But if she passed it off as no big deal, then maybe she wouldn't need to trouble him with her issues.

Starfire set down the sleeping Silkie back on the counter. "Perhaps I am not okay. But it does not matter. My feelings should be of no worry to you, as I am aware you are troubled enough already. I shall go back to bed, yes? Silkie is asleep now, so there is no-"

"What's wrong?" Robin's voice dropped to a tone of concern, and Starfire cringed. She had failed to refrain from worrying him.

"Robin, I am fine. The bad thoughts will depart from me soon. They have never ceased not to. May you please trust me?"

Robin eyed her disquietly, moving toward her and taking her hands in his. "You can tell me, you know. If anyone knows something about bad thoughts, it's me," he reassured her, a tinge of pain in his voice.

Starfire almost dropped her front right there. Her hands in his made her feel amazing, especially after he had been giving her what earth people called "the cold shoulder" for some days. But she caught herself. Everything she'd gone through would have been too painful to share anyway, no matter how much she wished to.

"There is nothing to tell," she answered him, diverting her eyes from his open face and keeping her voice as steady and blank as possible. "I wish you pleasant dreams. Do not let the insects who reside in your bed bite!"

And with that, she took off, Silkie in her arms.

Maybe Starfire would tell him about her troubles later.

When it was a better time.