Summary: Nothing feels more right to Raven than the feel of the lightsaber in her hands as she practices under Bastila's tutelage. But Bastila feels nothing more keenly than the power imbalance between them as she teaches Revan things the amnesiac Sith Lord lessons she already knows, even if she can't quite remember them.
Neither can remember ever wanting anything even half as much as they want to kiss each other.
There is No Ignorance (Peace is a Lie)
The lightsaber sliced cleanly through the dermacrete block and Raven grinned over at Bastila. "It's amazing how the lightsaber's design hasn't changed in centuries, yet it's still cutting edge technology."
Bastila rolled her eyes and restrained the urge to groan. It wasn't Raven's first awful pun since she'd picked up the lightsaber and it wasn't likely to be the last. "Why do I feel like you aren't taking this seriously?"
"Oh come on, Bas, lighten up." Raven's smile gentled and she shut off the lightsaber. "I'm taking this seriously, I promise. I just... love to see your beautiful smile too."
Huffing, Bastila nodded to the dermacrete blocks - once a single block - that had clattered to ground after the blue practice saber had cut it in half. "Set it up and go again."
Raven nodded and put another block on the stand. Turned the lightsaber back on. Then she repeated the clean slice from before, creating two perfectly identical halves from the original whole.
They'd spent practice the day before going through the basic slicing, stabbing, and slashing motions that would form the basis of the katas Bastila intended to teach Raven next. The blocks of dermacrete and were to ensure she'd perfected the motions. But of course, Raven had the motions perfected long before she'd ever picked up the practice saber the training master had issued her.
Because her name wasn't Raven. It was Revan. It wasn't even a major name change. They'd just flipped the vowels around.
The Masters had told Bastila the purpose was to ensure that the name was similar enough that Revan would instinctively respond to it and accept it as her own. But different enough that it wasn't likely to trigger any remaining memories from before the... incident.
"So what's next? More slicing or..." Raven interrupted Bastila's train of thought.
Grounded her in there here and now.
"Well, I should make you repeat all of that with your off hand," Bastila interrupted, "but I suppose it won't hurt to start you on your first kata instead. Stand aside and I'll demonstrate."
Obediently, Revan left the training mat and stood, watching eagerly, as Bastila took her own saber from it's hook on her belt and ignited the golden-yellow blade. "This incorporates a few motions I haven't taught you yet, so you'll be running it blade off until I'm satisfied. Understood?" She waited for Raven's hasty nod and then moved to the back corner of the training mat, orienting herself towards the opposite corner.
Bastila stood there a moment, letting herself take a moment to just breathe. Felt for the Force flowing through her. And then she raised her blade and held it out horizontally in front of her, arm bent and not straight.
A straight, stiff arm led to unhappy joints, whispered the voice of one of Bastila's former masters in the back of her mind. Keep loose, don't overextend. Trust the Force to guide you.
Her arm came up in a wide arc, slashing backwards as her whole body turned in a circle. Halfway through the circle she brought the blade back around to draw it down in a forwards slash as she her body came to a stop standing sideways to her beginning position. She then brought the lightsaber up parallel to her shoulder and stepped to the side as she sliced downwards. Turned, stabbed back in the direction she'd come from. Faced forward again and performed three quick figure eights with the hilt - blade flickering before her eyes - before moving into a punch forward with her fist, blade horizontal. Swung the blade over her shoulder as she twisted backwards, then pulled the same motion in reverse, ending with the hilt up instead.
This continued through several more permutations, edging the equivalent of two steps forward, one step back, until she finally reached the far end of the mat.
"Now, I'll repeat that slower and then..."
"Actually, I think I got it. May I...?" Raven gestured and Bastila nodded.
Once she was out of the way, Bastila watched as - saber off - Raven perfectly completed the first kata.
It was entirely possible her form was minutely better than Bastila's.
"Run it again," Bastila said. "Saber on this time."
Of course, Raven's form really is better than Bastila's.
(She's not quite sure when it got so warm in the salle.)
Raven beamed. "I guess some skills really do carry over. It's a lot lighter than vibroblades I'm used to, but the premise is the same."
"Well, show-off, do it another ten times." And, since Raven wanted a smile so badly, Bastila gave her one. And then tried not think about the fluttering sensation in her chest at the way Raven gazed at her.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
Raven had felt, when she'd picked up the practice saber for the first time, like it was meant to fit in her hand. There was a rightness in that moment, like after the Swoop Races when she'd taken Bastila's hand in hers, helping the other woman keep her balance after she burst out of the force cage, having overwhelmed the force inhibitor around her neck.
"Who are you supposed to be?"
"Apparently, I'm the distraction for your big escape."
Raven might have been a little in awe. And a lot smitten.
The feeling was clearly not mutual, but at least Bastila seemed tolerant of her flirting. Her really terrible flirting, if Raven's being honest. She just... enjoys puns too much.
Another day, another lightsaber lesson. They're finally done with the katas, which... Raven knows she's picking things up too fast, even for knowing how to wield a vibroblade like a pro. She's trusting in the Force for now, but it concerns her a little regardless.
It unnerves Bastila, for all she pretends otherwise.
Today Bastila is switching off attacking and blocking with her. Strike-block, strike-block, strike-block, ad nauseum.
"I can't imagine why anyone would choose clubs over swords," Raven says, after a long silence grows unbearable.
"Because they're pointless?" Bastila asks, innocently sly.
Raven fumbles her next block, startled that Bastila stole her punchline. Her arm hairs sizzle from the near miss of Bastila's saber. But it doesn't actually hurt her.
Bastila smiles and Raven desperately wants to close the distance between their mouths. She's never seen Bastila look so mischievous before.
"Nice to finally hear that rapier wit of yours, Bas," Raven teased, with a grin.
"Well, I suppose you aren't the only one having fun with this," Bastila admitted.
Raven grinned, taking her turn to strike. "Awww, you do want to be friends after all. That's not a problem with the whole no-attachment thing, is it?"
"Yes, well... there are worse people to be bonded to and..." Bastila easily blocked the strike. "The Jedi prohibition against attachment is a warning against allowing one's feelings to become all important to the detriment of others. Friendship, or any other type of relationship, is not disallowed."
"Good to know," Raven said, more than a little relieved. "Why don't they just say that, though? Relationships are attachments. Not weighing attachments as more important than one's responsibilities might be a mouthful, but it's a lot less likely to be grossly misinterpreted."
Strike-block.
"I don't know," Bastila admitted. "Perhaps the Jedi would benefit for a stronger tendency towards straightforwardness. Though perhaps what seems obtuse in Basic were more to the point before translation?"
"Maybe..." Strike-block... and Raven can't take it anymore. She parries Bastila's next strike with a different block, following it with a strike of her own.
"You're learning fast," Bastila says, having rushed to block the attack in time.
"I don't understand why? There's never been anything special about me before." Raven hated not understanding. Ignorance could only be cured by knowledge, but when you were ignorant about why you were learning so fast... where did you find the answer?
"Perhaps the Force requires something of you? It flows very strongly through you," Bastila offered.
True enough, but not an answer.
"Perhaps," Raven agreed.
She shouldn't flirt back. Bastila knows this.
Not just because Raven is truly Revan. That she's a murderer and a Sith Lord. That she is the antithesis of everything Bastila was told a good Jedi should be.
But because Bastila knows the truth and withholds it. Lies to protect the truth from her.
Yet every day's clash between their lightsabers draws the bond between them closer. Binds them more strongly. And Bastila wants, desperately, to know just how deep within them that bond might reach.
How would it feel if they kissed? Would she feel the echoing sensation of her own mouth against Revan's even as she felt Revan's against hers?
She cannot learn that answer. She cannot abuse her... her position of power that holding the knowledge Revan... Raven lacks grants her.
And so, after every lesson completes, Bastila hurries away to shower and meditate. Repeating the code again and again.
If she says it often enough, perhaps she'll find the peace it promises her.