In case you do not know, Tara Gilesbie's My Immortal is an epic story infamous for being the worst fanfic ever written. Nominally a HP fic, it only very loosely resembles the Harry Potter universe, if you're squinting and perhaps drunk as well.
The main protagonist is "Ebony/Enoby Darkn'ess Dementia Raven Way", a gothic ("goffic") vampire and one of history's most infamous Mary Sues. The story begins when she starts dating Draco Malfoy, whose canon personality is replaced by an unhealthy dependence on validation from Enoby. Their relationship is complicated by a love triangle with "Vampire Potter", Draco's former boyfriend. While the original Harry Potter was brave and loyal, Vampire is, to put it bluntly, a whiny bitch who cries often. The supporting cast includes "B'loody Mary Smith" (apparently somehow Hermoine), who serves as Enoby's chief cheerleader among the side character "goffs" who do nothing but hang around Ebony, "Professor Sinister" (Professors Trewlaney and Sinistra somehow mixed into one character), a "goffic" Japanese vampire who teaches "Deviation", and "Hargrid" (Hagrid or possibly Cedric Diggory), a "little hogwarts student" who is also a Satanist in love with Ebony.
The main antagonist is "Volxemort", who for some reason wants to force Ebony to kill Vampire Potter by threatening to kill Draco. Volxemort is helped by "da Death Deelers", mainly consisting of "Snap and Loopin" (Snape and Lupin), two lovers who spend more time sexually harassing the protagonists then they do teaching their classes. Hogwarts' Principal, "Dumblydore", repeatedly fails to fire them for their perverted behavior towards their students, possibly because he is too busy suffering from headaches and alzheimers, and it falls to the "Mystery of Magic" to send most of Hogwarts' staff to "Azerbaijan".
I copy-pasted the entire text of the original My Immortal (including the hacker chapter) and fed the .txt file to Botnik, then used the resulting predictive keyboard to write a sequel to My Immortal. I added most of the periods (the keyboard almost never gave me proper punctuation since Tara used it so rarely). Because of they way the keyboard works, I had to do most of the capitalization myself. The paragraph breaks were added in afterwards to make it easier to read.
Draco wuz putting sumfing strong and then I went to the concert hall while Volxemort disapaerd and then Draco shrieked and he started to cry tears of blood and then I ran away angrily as his glock touched Voldemort and hedwig started 2 cry tears of blood and then Voldremot stopped singing to Draco and Vampire came 2 Raven 4 cideo camera ).. Hargird kept shouting angrily and I had watched koz I remembered that we started tiling out 2gther sexily jeus 666!11 Hufflepuff bak den omg!111 Raven fangz 4 da idea!1
" what are they wearing a blak leather thong underneath them somefing!1 " Snap asked menacingly. I gasped. Suddenly Volxemort came! Everyone tarted at him bondage. Justin disapaerd. Draco was there!111 Suddenly Volxemort flew away. I gasped. Snap and Loopin was masticating to Draco …..
" I thought you didn't have any gofik ppl at each udder " I screamed sexily at draco.
" no plz don't kno wut is in azkhabian " said Lucian all protective and then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily.
" what is Ebony dark'ness dementia raven way to kill thou doing torture story bichez!1111 " he yelled at me. I started crying tears of blood and then Voldremot stopped fighting. Dumblydore ran away angrily while Satan and black eyeliner and Vampire were depressed.
" Draco please don't fucking kill us!1 " screamed Hedwig as Volximort nd posrs flaming da story concerted us!111 Trevolry said reassuredly we were going 2 da concert. xblakxtearx. It wuz Serious and Profesor Sinister and Vampire Potter glamming with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt
" Draco please you fucking bastard " said Loopin by slitting his wrists with a little hogwarts student … I fell down and I started laughing crudely to the common room and Vampire ran in2 da room screming and then suddenly someone knocked on the door and den Loopin gasped ….Volfemort and Vampire were depressed koz sosiety basically sux.
Fangz 4 helpin me wif da chapta im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait 4 da fukking students!
" I told him bondage wer gpffik with Vampire all sensetive " said Lucian holding stuff from abercrombie and fitch anyway!1
Then suddenly Dumblydore came into hogwarts wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111
Suddenly Volxemort came into hogwarts wif B'lody Mary Smith
" omfg Enoby ur alive!111 " she shouted sexily. They were naked and everything started having lotz of visions reviowz!111 I gasped koz dey wer prolly sensitive and Draco and Diabolo came into mission especially hot topik to shop 4 ur in4mation
" Lumpkin werz becoming tears of depression 4 helpin agen with Vampire yet!11 " shouted Willow that fucking pervs
" Snap and Loopin were almost shot!11 " said B'loody Mary Smith and I laughed evilly.
Suddenly Volxemort came into my coffin and drank some fucking preps in a depressed way but suddenly someone jumped up to your thighs sexily and den Drako and Loopin and Vampire were there practicing about them
" oh nuffin " said Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fuck. Volxemort flew away crying tears of Snake 's office wiv Hedwig in front of Snaketail.
Suddenly Serverus came in angrily dropping dis chapta
" I asked Profesor Mcgoggle!111 an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire came to contort me wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 " he whimpered angrily as he smokd a cigarette sexily and then suddenly Volxemort came in angrily with his broomstick depite bra oldz!111 That they had a headache and he started singing a cover of his shit nd he said that we were ruining blak congress wiv James almust mcr would be ugly
" omfg letz go lizzen 2 gc and kut ourselvz 666!11 " said Willow but suddenly Volxemort flew away cackling tears of blood and then I ran away angrily coz I was wearing a gothic blak nightmare b4 and I went outside again sadly with Vampire now!1
" no Draco sadly over her long black leather shirt again in milk " shouted Profesor Slutgorn!11 I gasped koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sexy that way. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in an emo leather jackson with a matching miniskirt that said Enoby Way. I gasped. Suddenly Volxemort came from behind them!1 I started crying blood al selective.
Vampire and B'loody Mary Smith and Draco and Diabolo came flying towards eachother naked 666!11
" you ridiculus dondderhed!111 " shouted Professor Sinster. I gasped. I gasped. Snap and loopin gasped. Dis is coz hes christian and vampire is in love wif me. Suddenly everyfing went blak. I panik so fucking depressed and I sucked too. Suddenly Volxemort came into da balls of Draco and I started shooting him with my blak gun
" oh my fuking god!1 " shouted Professor Sinster. Volxemort cowered and started screaming and running to me and I laughed at him for having sexwith Snape and Lumpin cronvrese preps
" omfg no their broomsticks rolled up suicidally " said b'loody mary smith suddenly.
"(geddit coz im goffik ) " I screamed sexily and den we went 2getherto kill thou.
Fangz 2 suzi 4 da norse and the time Igasped ….I Morty Mcfli!
For all I know, this takes place immediately after the original story's forty-fourth chapter. I can sorta see the elements pulled from the original. There's lots of: ineffective villain Volxemort running away, B'loody Mary Smith, lewd shit, outfit descriptions, and people crying tears of blood.
If people enjoy this I might make more. Thanks to Achille Talon, author of the Botnik-produced Harry Potter and the Rest of the Sentence, for their helping me figure out Botnik's system.
And BTW I will nut updat until I git 5 god reviuws!1111 666