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Carry On: Remastered

Dean felt that urge again, the one he had been feeling ever since Sam had left to find Eileen. It had been a day since they had gained free will, he was no longer bound to any destiny, he was allowed to live his own life. But as he looked around the bunker, from where he sat, he felt the loneliness hit him time and again, that's when that urge to find her hit him as well, the one person who had never judged him for his hunting lifestyle, the one whose pictures he would still sometimes view as he slept, the one whose memory he so cruelly took.

Lisa Braeden.

He had loved her and that's why he wanted her to never remember him again, his life was cursed, her life was not. The one year he had spent with her was something he still treasured, although he missed Sam, he had started to move on to an extent with her and Ben. He had even started planning to marry her eventually. Of course, Sam was not aware of these details, otherwise, he would've kicked Dean out of the hunting life the moment he knew.

At long last, he gave in to the urge to meet her, even if it was just to get a glimpse of her face. He needed to see her just one last time, for closure, to carry on, he said to himself. He knew he would not like the sight he was about to see, she would've most likely moved on, having no memories of him or their time together. But he didn't care.

He grabbed his jacket, wrote a note for Sam, and decided to leave his stubble as it was. He got into his car, took a deep breath, and drove out of the garage. He had a long drive ahead of him, it would be late at night by the time he would get there. Doubts and questions and hesitation were his constant companions as he drove but he didn't turn back even once.

He stopped the car in front of her house, there was a light in the living room, she hadn't slept yet and he didn't know what to say to her. He sat in the car for a few minutes, his eyes closed, trying to calm his beating heart before getting out and slamming the door behind him. He breathed in the cold night air. He quickly walked up to the house and knocked on it, the way he knocked on it nearly a decade ago, and waited.

The door opened and Dean's eyes widened as he saw the person greeting him, it was Ben but he was so much older. He was as tall as Dean was, with a chest as broad as his. But what shocked Dean was how similar his face was to Dean's own. Ben had his jawline and nose, with the same close-cropped hair. He struggled to speak for a few seconds, he had always suspected this but he never asked Lisa about it considering she was always evasive on this particular topic.

"Uhm, hello?" Ben asked, clearly not understanding why an absolute stranger was standing outside his home without saying a word.

Dean cleared his throat before speaking, "Hi, is there a Lisa Braeden here?" he asked, suddenly struck by the fear that something might have happened to her.

He saw Ben's expression darken slightly as he said, "Well, it depends. What do you mean by 'here'?"

Dean frowned, "I don't understand. Is she here or not?"

Ben folded his arms across his chest, "Look, she's not been well for the past few years," Ben started to explain and Dean felt his heart plummet as he continued, "The doctors say she's suffering from a sort of psychosis ever since a car accident that happened nearly a decade ago. I can help you out with whatever it is you need."

Dean closed his eyes momentarily, he could guess what was wrong with her. She probably still remembered some glimpses of their year which must have confused her, and since Castiel's memory wipe included everyone who knew about him and Lisa, people probably thought she was crazy. He sighed deeply before replying, "She was a really close friend of mine, do you think it'd be okay if I could just meet her?"

"What's your name?" he asked, slightly suspicious of the stranger on their doorstep.

"Dean Winchester."

Ben looked at him appraisingly for a few seconds before saying, "Well, it ain't gonna do you much good, but by all means."

Dean nodded at him gratefully as he opened the door wider to let him in. He walked inside slowly and entered the living room. It made his heart clench as he finally saw her. She was older but no less beautiful, the white streaks of hair only seemed to enhance her looks but it was the look on her face which broke his heart. She was sitting on one of the plush armchairs with a vacant expression, staring outside but not really seeing anything. He felt tears prick his eyes as knelt down on his knees next to her. He could feel Ben watching them from behind him. He touched her hand lightly, "Lisa?" he asked, his voice thick with sadness.

Lisa slowly turned her head and met his eyes, something flashed across her features, something akin to recognition because she lifted her hand and cupped his cheek gently. He heard Ben take a sharp breath behind him, clearly surprised. Dean felt too shocked to react but she didn't move her eyes away from his, she slowly ran a thumb along his lips and her eyes widened suddenly, "Dean?" she croaked.

He could feel his heart beating in his throat as he spoke, "It's me, Lisa, it's Dean. You still remember me?"

Lisa didn't answer his question as she burst into loud tears and fell onto his shoulders, clutching him tightly, burying her head into his neck as he had done a decade ago. She whispered into his ear between her sobs, "I thought I was going crazy, Dean. They told me I was crazy but I knew it was real, I knew it was all real. I knew you…. knew you loved me."

Dean held her tighter as he felt a tear run down his own face, "It's okay, Lisa. It's gonna be okay. I'm here, I'm not gonna leave you."

And he was going to stay true to his word this time, he was not going to leave her, he was going to stay. This was surely the heaven waiting for him, he could now carry on.