Remus didn't want to go to Hogwarts and he knew it. he'd spent ages looking for a place to sit, until finally he gave up and asked two dark haired boys if he could sit with them. they agreed, and without giving them a second glance, he curled up in a corner and fell asleep.
he woke up to the sound of a loud argument. "can you please shut up!" he groaned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. he surveyed the people around him. the two boys from before were right there, now joined by a scrawny kid.
"ah sleepyhead awakes!" one of them grins, this one has chin length black hair and flashing silver eyes. the one with glasses and hair sticking all over his face snickers.
"i wouldn't have had to had you not woken me up with your yelling" Remus growled.
"I think we're going to get along just fine" the boy with the glasses grinned, surveying Remus.
Remus reached the platform early. The Scarlet Steam Engine called 'The Hogwarts Express' was already on station. He gleefully smiled, thinking he would have his choice of compartments. Then he remembered, he was a teacher, if he wished he could go anywhere he liked.
He could almost hear James shake his head and say "teacher Moony. wow i never saw it coming"
"He can do anything he likes! anything!" Sirius would have replied.
The last time Remus had been on this platform the boys had been with him. James had been with Lily, very much alive. Peter would have been scuttling around something, very much happy. and Sirius would have been smirking somewhere, very much (comparatively) innocent.
Remus climbed onto the train, his feet taking him down a familiar and well worn path. before he knew it, he found himself standing outside the compartment. the very same one he had sat in, every year since the end of the first. it had been dubbed the Marauder's compartment.
Remus went inside, and sat down where he always sat. across Sirius, next to Peter and diagonal to James. and then joined by the girls in seventh year.
His fingers reached down and brushed the side of the seat, finding the inscription. in fifteen years the metal plating hadn't been changed.
The memory came flooding back, before he could stop it.
"do you realize this is our last time on this train?" Lily had asked.
"I hadn't thought of that" James had replied, turning to her.
"I've sat here, every year since first" Sirius muttered.
Lily playfully scowled at him. "I remember that." she laughed. "dumbasses" she threw in.
"we should do something." Peter declared. "to commemorate us"
"thats actually a good idea!" Marlene agreed.
Alice nodded. "lets write something somewhere" she suggested.
It had been Dorcas' idea to pull out the metal base of the seat. Lily's expertly placed charm began inscribing it.
"Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs" Began Sirius.
"and us!" Dorcas interrupted.
"Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and the Girls" amended Sirius.
"are proud to present" Peter continued.
"The Hogwarts Batch of 1978" James finished.
Remus smiled as Lily's immaculate handwriting finished the sentence.
Remus didn't realize when he'd fallen asleep. the memories kept on coming, his brain happy to supply a lifetime worth or suppressed joy.
He remembered meeting The Marauders for the first time. He remembered coming up with the name and the shock it had given dear old McGonagall. He remembered James asking Lily out countless times. He remembered her finally saying yes. he remembered a story of hidden smiles and loud laughs, of gentle tears and stolen kisses.
The last thing he saw was The Potter Wedding. James and Lily had both wanted to get married on the anniversary of their fist date. that day unfortunately was right after a full moon.
Both of them had said they would reschedule but Remus had been adamant they have it on the day, and even showed up early to help.
By the end of the ceremony however, he had been feeling terribly weak.
Everyone had gone, only a few people remained.
Remus stumbled on his feet, and hoped no one had noticed. Sirius was drunkenly proclaiming his love for a statue while Frank and Alice tried to drag him away. Marlene and Dorcas were dancing to non existent music. Peter was missing.
Lily however didn't miss anything. She and James had been sitting in a corner giddily having an animated conversation, presumably about their future. One glance toward him, and he gave in to her question.
The newly wed couple walked to him. "What's wrong?" James asked.
"I feel like there's a dementor around here" he muttered.
"Have some chocolate" Lily said, her green eyes sparkling, repeating the same words he had said to her in third year, when she had fallen ill. "Eat it, It'll help" she grabbed a chocolate arrangement sitting on nearby table and gave him a piece. He nibbled on it and smiled.
"Any better?" asked James.
"Very much" Remus said. James was asking him a silent question, and he answered. The Caring Fool broke into a grin.
"Good to hear it," He said, his face hovered in front of Remus.
suddenly the memory stopped. Remus knew what happened next, but it never came. instead it was wretched from him, replaced instead with one where he was standing in the ruins of a cottage, a box of chocolates falling from his hands and the spiraling feeling of betrayal, their faces still right in front-
Remus' eyes flew open as bickering voices filled his ears. "QUIET" he ordered. the voices fell still. he quickly cast a flame charm on his palm (a nifty trick he learned from Lily) and turned to survey the children in front of him
A bushy haired girl, two redheads, a scared looking boy and-
Remus nearly fainted. James Potter was sitting in front of him. but it didn't make sense James potter was a lot older and dead. He was sure James' thirteen year old self was a hallucination until the boy opened his eyes. Lily's eyes.
'Harry' he wanted to whisper, but it died on his tongue at the look on Harry's face. absolute confusion. he didn't know who Remus was at all. Ignoring the stabbing pain he felt, he took his job as a teacher and responsible adult.
"Responsible" he heard Sirius snort. "right."
Ignoring him, Remus said "stay where you are" and got to his feet, making to leave, but the door opened on its own and out stepped a dementor.
The memories flooded the back of his mind. a destroyed cottage. dead bodies. teh stinking feeling of betrayl knowing it wasn't just anyone oh no, it was Sirius. Sirius had betrayed them. But it couldn't have been. James was saying something about changing it to Peter. that was nearly as bad. not Peter. poor little peter who didn't know anything. would he rather it be Sirius? sharp sassy clever Sirius who was James' best friend. or was it him. was he the keeper and told and then had it wiped from his head? or was it-
Harry fell over, unconscious, snapping Remus out of his daze. "none of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks" he snapped at the dementor.
it didn't move.
Remus cast a patronus at it, still not at his best. enough to make it a corporeal one. even if he had been he wouldn't have just like he hadn't for the past 12 years. just wisps that sent the darkness away. he didn't know if he could bear so see the wolf- Moony- again.
The bushy haired girl sat and the red haired boy down next to Harry. the girl began slapping his face. "Harry! Harry! Are you alright?" she asked.
Remus ignored how alike he and James looked with his eyes closed.
"Yeah" Harry said. "What happed? Where's that — that thing? Who screamed?"
Naturally Remus wasn't surprised to not hear a baby's babbling words from his mouth, but he was a little thrown when he heard a thirteen year old James Potter from 1973.
"No one screamed." The Red Haired boy tentatively said. Remus suddenly realized what Harry was hearing. He pushed that thought from his mind, because Lily Evans Potter's screams were not something he wanted to talk about. He reached into his bag.
"But I heard screaming-"
The snap of the chocolate Remus had pulled out made them all flinch.
"Here" he handed it to Harry. swallowing, he prepared for his next words, tearing his eyes away from Harry's because he knew is he looked the thousands of times Lily had said those words to him (or vice versa) would come flooding back. "Eat it. it'll help"
Harry took the chocolate. "what was that thing?"
"A dementor" Remus responded, handing out the chocolate to everyone, starkly reminded of all the times he did the same for the Marauders. "One of the Dementors of Azkaban."
The children all stared at him. "Eat" he repeated. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me"
he left the compartment, unable to bear James staring at him with Lily's eyes and not a hint of knowing.
a/n: thats kinda sad? also kinda happy? sappy? idk. i've been writing a lot of these things from sirius or remus' POV post 1981 because apparently now i like slightly angsty stuff. i did one for sirius, but i haven't posted it yet lol
anyway i hope you liked it love from ana ️