Free Bats
A delivery of fresh produce includes a pair of bats that get loose in the DiNozzo house. The cats and dogs freak out; the kids think it's funny; Tony and Ziva just want them outside where they belong. June 2029
"Hey Ziva! The boxes of fruit and vegetables from the farm market are here," Tony called out to his wife as he carried a large box of produce into the kitchen and placed it on the counter by the sinks. Anthony carried the second smaller box and placed it next to the one his Abba put on the counter.
Anthony started to open the carton that he'd carried, "Did Ima order strawberries? I thought I saw some blueberries too."
Asher poked his nose in the opening for the carry handle on the box that Tony placed on the counter and sniffed. He could smell some of his favorite fruits and vegetables.
"Asher!" Ziva moved the dog away from the box. "Sit… good dog. You will get a treat after I clean the produce and get it sorted to put away."
She lifted the flaps on the larger box and jumped back as something exited the box in a hurry. A black blur flew towards the family room. Tony looked in the box and a second thing flew out, causing him to let out a yell.
"Damn! What the heck was that?"
Asher followed the second flying creature as it headed to the family room; he barked as he chased the flying critters. Daisy lifted her head from the dog bed where she was sleeping and soon joined Asher in barking at the flying black things.
Callie and Lightning were on the back of the loveseat trying to jump at the flying creatures. Ziva tried to hush the dogs as she also tried to get a look at whatever the two flying objects were. LJ and Tali came from their rooms and the twins ran in from the playroom.
"Oh cool, they are bats!" Rivka spotted one of the flying mammals as it landed on the rail for the vertical blinds by the sliding door to the patio.
Tony grabbed the broom from the cleaning supplies closet in the laundry room; Anthony picked up the large posterboard that LJ brought home with his science project from earlier in the school year. Beth and Tali grabbed towels from the spares on the shelves in the laundry room.
One of the bats flew into the window next to the sliding door and fell onto the sill, temporarily stunned. Ziva lunged at the same time Simba pounced. The curtain and rod fell with a loud clatter and the bat took off again. Simba bound after it with Callie and Patches right behind him. Lightning crouched on the back of the sofa.
Ziva swore under her breath as she handed the curtain rod and the rolled curtains to Riv to put on the kitchen breakfast nook table. Asher ran after the bat that flew down the hallway to the front of the house. Tony raised the broom hoping to get a shot at pushing a bat towards the sliding door where LJ waited, ready to slide the door open if a bat happened to fly that way.
A bat flew towards the light fixture over the piano; Anthony used the posterboard as a fan to try to get the bat to fly towards the glass door. Tali's sheet music scattered about the area with the moving air. Tony stood by the hallway opening ready to use the broom to swipe at a bat.
Asher, Tali, and a bat came back from the front of the house; Tony swung the broom and managed to make contact with the flying mammal. The bat deflected off the broom and landed in Ziva's hair. Callie took a flying leap from the back of the loveseat towards Ziva and landed on her back.
"Ziva, hold still," Tony raised the broom.
"Anthony D. DiNozzo Junior, if you swing that broom at me, I will find a paperclip and…" Ziva glared at her husband as she winced from the cat claws digging into her back. "Someone get this damned cat off of me!"
Tali threw the towel in her hands over Callie causing the calico to panic and sail over Ziva's head to the end table by the loveseat. The bat flew at Anthony; he used the posterboard as a fan again. The edge of the posterboard caught on a section of the vertical blinds pulling several of the vanes out of their hanger clips.
The second bat flew right at Lightning who was now crouched on the back of Tony's recliner. She freaked when the bat nearly hit her face and jumped at the nearest section of the opened vertical blinds. Cat and vanes fell to the floor in a heap. Daisy poked her nose at Lightning to see if the cat was okay, but the poor thing was so scared she swiped Daisy's nose with her front claws. The Border collie yelped in pain as Anthony ran to his dog.
"Bad Lightning," he scolded the cat who dashed under the loveseat and hissed at the world.
Beth yelled at her brother, "Leave my cat alone; she got scared by the bat. She didn't mean to hurt Daisy." She got down on her belly to look under the loveseat, "Commere, Lightning… it's okay kitty. Anthony didn't mean to scare you. Come on pretty girl…"
Tony spotted one of the bats on the light and fan fixture on the family room ceiling near the television area. He climbed on the coffee table and raised the broom to brush the bat off the fixture. The bat started towards the glass door.
"OPEN THE DOOR LJ!" Tony shouted to his youngest as he jumped from the coffee table onto the loveseat. Several magazines slid off the table to the floor.
Beth stood up just as her Abba came over the back of the loveseat. Tony dropped the broom and tried to twist to avoid his daughter. Beth saw her father coming at her and dove to the floor. Tony flopped over the back of the loveseat with his head hanging down the back and his legs hanging towards the seat cushions. Callie jumped on Tony's back as the bat flew over the loveseat; her claws dug into his back.
"La'azazel!"
Ziva burst out laughing as did Tali and Anthony. LJ pulled the door open, and one bat flew out followed by Asher, Daisy, and Simba.
Tony, still draped over the back of the loveseat, muttered, "It's not funny… I could use some help here, Zee-vah…"
Rivka picked up the towel that Tali had thrown over Callie when she was on Ziva's back. She moved slowly and managed to snag Callie who let out an annoyed squeak. Riv wrapped the cat in the towel quickly and made sure to cover the cat's eyes to get her to let go of Abba. She tugged to get the calico to release her claws from Tony's shirt.
"OW! She's shredding my back," Tony complained. "Get her off… please."
LJ forgot to close the sliding door and the bat flew back in followed by the dogs. Simba zoomed in behind them. The bat flew towards the television; Simba and Lightning jumped towards the loveseat and end table. Simba hit a pile of books and slid with the books to the floor. Lightning bound across Tony's back and launched herself from his buttocks at the bat.
Tali and Anthony could barely stand up from laughing so hard. Ziva looked around for the bats; one was clinging to the fireplace stone. She didn't see the second one immediately, but when Lightning launched from Tony's behind, she spotted the bat on the lamp on the end table by the sofa just as the white cat hit the lamp.
Asher started barking again when the cat knocked the lamp onto the sofa cushion. The bat took off towards the fireplace. Daisy, her snout still bloodied, barked at the fireplace, watching both bats cling to the stones.
Beth picked herself up off the floor and grabbed the broom, intending to help shoo the bats towards the sliding door. Her hand slipped and the broom handle whacked Tony on the side of the head as he was trying to roll himself off the back of the loveseat.
"Sorry, Abba," Beth cringed as the broom handle cracked against her Abba's head.
"It's a good thing I have a hard head," he quipped to keep from saying what he really wanted to shout out. Ziva would have his hide if he dropped the f-bomb in front of the kids.
Ziva glanced in her husband's direction at the thud from the broom handle hitting his head; she could tell by the pained look on his face that he would probably have a knot on his head shortly. When he quipped instead of cursing, she knew it was bad. She felt badly for him; she would get him an ice pack as soon as the bats were out of the house.
Beth handed her Ima the broom. Ziva moved it slowly near the bats. One bat fluttered onto the broom.
"Open the door, LJ," Ziva moved as fast as she dared with the bat-laden broom. The dogs and two of the cats followed close behind. Outside on the deck, she shook the broom and brushed it against the red-tips that were along the deck rail to loosen the bat. It flew off in the direction of the hedge at the side of the yard.
"That is one bat gone from the Bat Cave," she joked as LJ let her back inside. "Where is the second bat?"
Tali pointed to the fireplace, "It hasn't moved, Ima. It's just hanging on the stone on the fireplace."
"Good." She handed the broom to Tony since the second bat was up higher than the first. "I think you will be able to reach that bat better than me."
Tony nodded and moved by the fireplace. He repeated the slow-motion swiping that had worked for Ziva and got the bat to move to the broom on the third swipe. He carried the broom across the family room carefully, directing LJ to open the glass door.
The bat flew off in the same general direction as the first one. Tony stepped back inside and looked around. He started laughing; the family room looked as though a tornado had come through. Ziva glared at him at first and then she also started laughing.
Books, papers, lamps, sheet music, vertical blind vanes, animals, and people were scattered all over the room in various states of disarray. The kids looked at each other and burst out laughing with their parents.
"You do realize that nobody will believe us if we try to tell this story," Tony spoke between peals of laughter. His head hurt and his back hurt but the whole incident was rather funny.
Ziva wiped tears from her eyes, "I think I will tell the farm market that we appreciated the free bats, but two is plenty."
The seven DiNozzos laughed so hard their faces hurt afterwards.
A/N Loosely based on real life event posted by a friend on Twitter (Thanks Doe!)