Four months after The Ridonculous Race…
New York. Oh… New York. The city now infamously known as the new hotspot for reality TV production and episodic filming. After the final Ridonculous Race episode aired on TV, many reality TV shows followed pursuit, migrating their filming and production to New York City. An incredibly strange phenomenon quickly dubbed, The Ridonculous Migration. On top of all that, the city became the go-to location for a handful of reality TV cast members, more specifically, cast members of The Ridonculous Race. So much so, in fact, a group of dedicated fans came to a consensus that, for once a year, they hosted a "Welcome Reality TV Superstars" convention near Central Park. For the most part, it consisted of fans attending and buying merchandise from the crew members hosting the yearly events. But… there were a few instances where actual, notable cast members showed up to sign autographs. What a totally dramatic universe, where reality TV is highly praised. Insane.
And, as everybody expected, whenever a celebrity showed their faces to the public, tabloid journalists made sure not to miss this golden opportunity…
"Geoff! Brody! Wait up!" A rather nosey and hyperactive journalist ran up to them with her trusty cameraman behind her. Compared to the cameraman's casual wardrobe, the journalist dressed in a professional business attire. Maybe a little too professional. Wearing a white dress shirt neatly tucked in her black office pants as she walked in heels, she could easily be mistaken as a weather reporter. Rather odd given that she worked under a gossip magazine…
"Oh, hey babe! What's up?" Geoff answered, as him and Brody turned around with their usual, laidback smiles.
"Lookin' good in that outfit! And your name?" Brody winked.
"Greetings, Geoff and Brody. My name is Lily. A great pleasure to meet you both!" She shook both their hands ecstatically.
"Ohhhh smack! Is this live TV, dude?" Geoff's eyes widened in excitement. "Yoooo, what up!" He waved to the camera. "To all my peeps back home, me and Brody are kickin' it back at NY-Ceeeeeeee! WOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Yeaah-uh brah! Come through, dudes!" Brody joined Geoff in his waving. "Because we gonna' throw a big par-tay! WOOOOOOO!"
"Boys, unfortunately, this is not live." Lily shook her head, but then quickly flashed a smile. "Buuuuut, keep that energy up because I have a few, fun questions to ask you both!"
"Ahh, sweet!" Geoff grinned. "Ask away!"
"First question…" She scanned her tiny notepad, flipping through stacks and stacks of pages. "How does it feel being crowned winners of The Ridonculous Race? How'd the afterparty go?"
"That's two questions, ma'am…" Brody pointed out, smirking teasingly. "But…BRING ON THE QUESTIONS!" He pumped both fists in the air. "Me and the boys been kickin' it back lately. Par-taid like craaaazy, brah. Then, we went on a rad double date. Geoff brought Bridge. I brought my girl MacArthur."
"Bro, bro, remember that wicked backflip MacArthur pulled?" Geoff gripped onto Brody's left shoulder with one hand.
"At the VIP? Dude, dude, wasn't she killer?" Brody gushed, fist bumping him. "She choke-slammed the security dude like he was a flimsy mannequin. Wicked!"
"Wild chick, bro."
"Seems like you two had quite the blast, I must say!" Lily flashed an ecstatic grin, leaning her microphone closer to their mouths. "Say, any plans regarding reality show biz?"
"Nope!" Brody grinned back. "Me and the dudes are just chillin'. Enjoyin' the millions. Right, Geoff?"
He fist-bumped Brody. "Right on, dude."
"So, Geoff," the reporter turned towards his direction. "Rumors has it, a new Total Drama season is currently in development as we speak, following after Pahkitew Island. New host too, allegedly. You, personally, had your TV debut on the very first season: Total Drama Island. Did you miss it? Are you still in contact with any of the cast members? And, if given the golden opportunity, would you return for the new seventh season of Total Drama?"
The surfer dude rubbed his chin, eyeing the camera with full concentration. "Man, do I miss it? A little. Owen was the man though! Dude knew how to par-tay! We still chat online from time to time. Gwen too, but she's doing her Fumblr thing. No biggie. Hmm, Tyler and DJ are the dudes too! We keep up. And would I return for the new season? Pfft, yeah I would!"
Brody crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. "Brah, we already won Ridonculous. We don't need to win again..." Upon rubbing his chin, he quickly snatched back his statement. "But COUNT ME IN! WOOOOOOOOO!"
After high-fiving Brody for the millionth time, he turned towards Lily, grinning. "Hey! You should apply for the new season! You'd make a killer contestant!"
"Oh-totally!" Brody nodded his head.
"I'll think about it…" Lily flashed a smile, already imagining the publicity she would receive on such a massive reality show. "Actually, what an interesting proposal indeed. You know what? Yeah! I'll be adding Total Drama to my bucket list! Speaking of Total Drama… Geoff? You've been aware of Noah's fall from grace as of late, correct?
"Fall from grace?" Geoff scratched his head. "No comprendo."
Lily pulled out her notepad, flipping through pages in a flash. "According to our numerous sources, a leaked, blurry video surfaced online. A fan recorded a supposed Noah raining money on some homeless person on the streets of New York." She glanced to the left, then to the right, then back at the surfer duo, lowering her voice. "Allegedly, Noah even took his pants off, and mooned him."
"Dude, that's craaaaazy," Brody's jaw dropped. "If true, no one deserves to be mooned."
"I never knew my little Noah would have it in him," Geoff rubbed his chin. "You said the video was blurry. Could it have been just some lookalike?"
"And that's why I'm here. To crack the case!" Lily declared ecstatically. "Our professional photographers had scanned through the video, attempting to analyze who the person in the video actually was. However, we weren't able to figure out any of their faces. We determined the clothes the homeless man wore: a dark-cyan buttoned shirt, tan-green pants, black hair. However, we couldn't pinpoint the clothes the supposed Noah wore that day. Too out-of-focus and blurry. However, we were able to unblur… his square butt! Cool, right!"
"Woah." Geoff's jaw opened. "That's some high-tech stuff."
Brody shared his awe. "Has technology gone too far?"
"Anyways…" she continued. "Our mission today is simple; all we must do is, match the square butt from the video with Noah's current butt shape and see if they match. I have a keen eye when it comes to butt matching. Don't ask why."
"Woah, you're thinking of pantsing him?" Geoff raised an eyebrow.
"No-no!" Lily hurriedly assured. "Let's just say… I have a plan. Don't worry, it's legal. Nothing morally wrong." She winked. "Any chance you've seen Noah lately. According to our sources, Noah and Emma were reportedly spotted in Central Park. Can you confirm?"
Brody rubbed his chin. "Hmm. Think they're at Busy Street Hotel. That's their usual stay."
"Excellent." Lily and the cameraman glanced at each other, prepared for their… usual stakeout. "Well, we best be going. Have a wonderful afternoon, surfer bros!"
"Wait! How do you plan on finding his hotel number?" Geoff paused their rushing.
"Let's just say… I know my way around hotels," she winked creepily.
"I see nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong at all! Carry on, bros!" Geoff gave a supportive, yet oblivious thumbs-up.
"Ride on, ma'am!" Brody and Geoff waved goodbye as Lily and her trusty cameraman dashed away into the busy streets, past the typical heavy traffic…
New York, right?
"Jordan, look!" Lily signaled the cameraman to strut faster, planting her face into a glass window outside of a local coffee shop, salivating like a hungry dog. "Caramel Macchiato, extra-caffeine edition! I WANT IT!" She panted.
"We gotta focus on our mission." Jordan, the cameraman, shook his head. "Meaning, no caramel macchiato extra-caffeine edition for you."
Lily continued eyeing the coffee counter inside the shop. "Jordan, last time you drank espresso, you threw up all over my carpet. You have no say in this."
"Look, how about this," Jordan gently held her shoulder. "We get a good photo of Noah's butt; I'll buy you a caramel macchiato."
Lily turned around sassily with both hands on her hips. "Extra-caffeine edition?"
He sighed. "Yes. Caramel macchiato. Extra-caffeine edition."
"Perfect," she playfully fist-bumped his left shoulder. "Let's go capture Noah's butt. We still recording?"
"Oh-yeah!" He nodded.
"You gonna edit our footage, right?" She muttered with an awkward smile. "Don't forget, I need to maintain a professional image here, Jordan-boy."
"Don't worry," he teased, chuckling. "You'll totally maintain a professional image after our Noah scout…"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Please don't sarcasm me."
"And please don't call me Jordan-boy."
Rolling down the curtains, Noah laid on a queen-sized bed, resting his head over his palms, awaiting Emma's arrival. The antique-themed hotel room were dimly lit with candles, neatly propped on a cabinet adjacent to the bed. Calculated and precise, just how he preferred.
Upon hearing a knock, Noah rushed towards the front door, unlocking it while briefly peeking outside.
"Emma!" Noah briefly hugged her, cautious not to wrinkle her lawyer-like business attire. "Gee. Better call Emma, am I right?" He remarked.
"I… don't get it," she jabbed, playfully smirking. "Look, interview had me so gosh-darn fatigued. I need to lay down. Scoot!" She gently shoved him to the side, walking and leaping towards the bed as she expressed a relieved sigh. Once on the bouncy mattress, she removed her heels, hurling them across the room, not wanting to interact with them again. At least, for now. "Finally, I can breathe!" She exclaimed.
"Gee, what did the heels ever do to you?" Noah joked, shutting the door.
"Oh-gee, how 'bout you stop saying 'gee' and give me a dang massage?"
"Sure. Only 'cause I'm feeling nice today." He laid down alongside with her, both facing each other with tired eyes. "So, how'd the interview go?"
"Ha! I aced it. I just know it," she tenderly twirled his soft hair with her fingers. "What 'bout you, Noah-bear? Any reason why you chose this hotel again? I'm a modern package, not an antique store."
"What can I say?" Noah lowered his voice while playing with her silky hair. "Maybe I am an antique store."
"That… wasn't clever, nor funny," she playfully shuffled his hair around.
"Shut up. I'm tired…" Upon gazing into her eyes, Noah leaned his head in, reaching for a kiss as Emma slowly closed her eyes in anticipation.
Until…
"Hello?" A loud, feminine voice was heard outside the door, accompanied by rumbling knocks. Their intimacy suddenly interrupted by Ridonculous Race fans, most likely.
"Ugh. Can you answer that for me?" Emma muttered, rolling her eyes. "My feet are exhausted."
"Whatever." Noah hesitantly rose from the bed, walking towards the door, unprepared for what was next to come upon opening it…
"Greetings!" Lily waved hello, immediately shaking his hand as her trusty cameraman stood behind her, pointing his professional camera towards an annoyed Noah.
"Hey Noah, who is it?" Emma peeked outwards, only noticing Lily's thick, black-frame glasses.
"Ahh, great. Paparazzi." He jabbed, monotone as ever.
"I just want to ask you a few questions, then we'd be out of your butt-I mean… hair!" Lily awkwardly grinned after mistakenly mentioning his butt.
"No." Noah slammed the door, startling her by his sudden, yet expected reaction.
"Great. Now what?" Jordan continued pointing the camera at a pondering Lily.
"Chill out," she smiled confidently. "I got a plan. Time to bring out the snipers…" Upon noticing his eyes widened open, she facepalmed, expecting better from her coworker. "It's a figure of speech, Jordan."
"Who was that?" Emma asked, still laying on the bed.
"Paparazzi."
"Yikes." Rolling over to one side of the bed, her phone vibrated inside her pocket: a notification. "Oh-wait, hold on, just got a text from…" Reaching and grabbing it, Emma scrolled through her phone, locating her new message buried under a cluster of advertisements. "The employer? Wants me to join her at a coffee shop for a brief chat if possible. I wonder what that could be about?"
"Already secured the job on the same day? Impressive." Noah laid on the bed. "Where to?"
"At… Little-lina's Café. Right across the street."
"Whatevs," he faced away from her. "Guess fun time is delayed. Again."
"Don't worry, Noah-bear," she pecked his cheek while struggling to wear her painful heels yet again. "I'll be back for fun time. Promise."
Little-lina's Café. Quite nouveau in contrast to the neighborhood's love for antiquity. Also busy, unsurprisingly, with multiple customers walking in and out of the shop every minute.
Lily and Jordan patiently sat at one of the tiny, circular tables, waiting. Not for Lily's caramel macchiato extra-caffeine edition, but for Emma…
"Jordan, you seriously slapping a restraining between me and coffee?" Lily hissed, repeatedly tapping the floor with her heels. Seconds later, after her legs were fatigued, it drove her to repeatedly tap the table surface with her finger. "My body needs my daily dose of caffeine, or else… you're getting a good old kick in the nuts!"
"No." Jordan fired back, sitting straight and stern, also crossing his arms. "Not until we capture Noah's butt in 4K. By the way, how do we plan on accomplishing just that?"
Lily laughed, readjusting her glasses as she mentally prepared a lecture. "Quite simple, really. All we require is Noah to bend over. Once we acquire that unflattering position, we snap a photo of his behind, and the rest is history. I just need that one bent-over photo. Then, we compare it with the bent-over butt in the leaked video, and voila! Confirmation that it was indeed Noah who rained money on that homeless person!"
The hungry cameraman rubbed his chin. "Yeah, but that's still circumstantial evidence. I mean, Noah isn't the only one in the world with a square butt. No one's gonna believe us."
"Oh-but that's where your wrong, Jordan-boy," Lily rubbed her hands together, smirking. "See, I've carefully analyzed the shape of Noah's butt after re-watching Ridonculous Race, and trust me, his butt… is special. Whenever he bends his butt, it slants at a perfect 90-degree angle, thus presenting us with the pointiest butt ever seen. Trust me, that butt in the leaked video had to belong to Noah. We just need a photo. Just one to confirm our conjecture."
"You are one creepy lady, to say the least."
"Hey! True journalism knows no bounds," she bragged. "Regardless, I have an idea…"
As soon as she paused, Emma walked inside the café in a surprise, sitting down at a table nearby, alone, waiting for her supposed interviewer. Lily and Jordan glanced at each other, silently nodding as she walked over to Emma's table, sitting down across from her. Her sudden appearance caught Emma off-guard, instantly stuffing her phone in her pocket.
"Um, who are you?" Emma raised an eyebrow.
"Greetings! You must be Emma! A great pleasure to meet you!" Lily extended her hand forward, prompting a puzzled Emma to awkwardly shake her hand.
"Wait, you are one of the interviewers, right?" She leered.
"I am. Well, relatively speaking…" Lily flashed a massive grin.
"So, is there a reason why I've been called to meet at this specific café, coincidentally right across the street from where I'm currently staying?" She glared at her, already highly suspicious.
"Oh-my, what a coincidence indeed…" she awkwardly paused, pondering. "Anyways, I just have a few questions-"
"Before we begin," Emma stood up from her table, slowly walking away. "I need to use the restroom."
"Sure."
As soon as Emma dashed away, Jordan zoomed towards their table, sitting where Emma sat, right across from his journalist buddy.
"I got a brilliant idea. Just, hear me out," Jordan rambled as she laid her chin on her hand.
"I'm all ears."
"We try… my magnet idea."
"Oh-geez, not this again," she facepalmed. "Jordan, we've already discussed this during our last stakeout. Your toy gun is dumb, and it sucks."
"First off, it's not a toy. Secondly, it'll work this time. Thirdly, it'll save time," he countered. "Instead of snapping photos, why not snatch Emma's phone? Remember when you told me earlier that Emma has two phones? One personal and one for business? She could potentially have photos of Noah's butt stored in her personal phone gallery. I use my magnet gun under the table, sucking her phone out of her pocket, and voila!"
"Sure, why not?" Lily rolled her eyes. "But only if my initial plan fails. Just because your stupid magnet idea came from Lotion's 11, doesn't mean it's guaranteed to happen I-R-L."
"Actually, it's Lotion's 12. Get it right, Lily-pad," he stuck his tongue out.
"Whatever, same thing."
Seconds after they both stuck their tongues out at each other, they noticed Emma finally stepping out of the restroom hallway, catching Jordan off-guard as he returned to his table in a flash. Emma walked back to her table in confusion, across from Lily.
"Um… who was that?" Emma raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, don't worry about him. He's… my boyfriend. Yeah," Lily lied, already mentally gagging at the thought of her good-friend Jordan being "her boyfriend". Jordan noticed her mentioning the word, "boyfriend", and he immediately shook his head in disgust.
"Riiiiight…"
"So, I just have a few questions I'd love to ask you…" As soon as Lily wore her glasses again, Emma instantly recognized something fishy…
Those thick-framed glasses. The same ones that she saw peeking out the hotel doorway…
"Wait a sec…" Emma squinted menacingly. "You're that paparazzi woman that spoke to Noah half an hour, weren't you? How did you get my number?"
As soon as Emma called her out, Lily waved a brief go-signal to her cameraman. Once signaled, he pulled out a magnetic weapon; its design reminiscent to a taser. As he activated his magnet with a push of a button, he aimed the weapon downwards, covertly under the table. Within just a second, Emma's phone flew straight out of her pocket as if a vacuum sucked it out.
Ultimately, and shockingly, his magnet idea was a success, much to Lily's disapproval on such a "foolish" device. Emma remained clueless, already wanting to rush out the café upon catching Lily red handed.
"Silence? Figures. I'm leaving. And don't reach out to me again. Or else, I'm lawyering up." Emma stood up, walking out the door in aggravation. Lily and Jordan faced each other, smiling; they just scored a jackpot.
"Ding! Ding! Ding!" Lily blurted out in excitement, ready to unravel any potentially unflattering photos stored within the phone.
"Wait a sec…" Jordan abruptly paused her celebration. "We did all this planning, all this scheming, and we completely overlooked the fact that her phone could have A PASSCODE?" He shook his head. "Top-notch foresight there, Lily-pad."
"Lemme see…" Lily snatched the phone from his hand, turning it on. And with a simple swipe, the phone automatically unlocked itself.
Wow.
"Would you look at that?" Lily chuckled. "No passcode? Guess the almighty beings above wanted the plot to move forward after all."
"Count yourself extremely lucky," Jordan held his arms crossed. "Now, let's get diggin'."
Lily opened Emma's photo gallery, tapping on the "goodies4me" file, uncovering a… juicy abundance of content. "Looks like we've hit the jackpot. We just need to avoid full-on nudity. Remember, we need to keep our headline somewhat PG for a potential CNN For Kidz gig. An appeal to children means higher revenue, am I right?"
Jordan peeked from behind, eyes wide open, and yet, remained stoic. "Besides those on top, yeah, any of the ones below would do…"
Noah remained laid down on the bed, playing a mobile shooter game with his good old buddy Owen. With no gaming headset on his disposal, no voice exchanges were made. Just silence, with the occasional back-and-forth texting. Not Noah's favorite genre of video games, but it helped pass the time while waiting for his Emma.
Good news for him, a sudden knock was heard on his front door, interrupting his gaming session. Smiling giddily, he leaped out the bed, strutting towards the door, swinging his hand forward dramatically, ready to unleash the fun hour…
Upon slamming the door open, he soon realized that fun hour would have to wait. Instead, he was bombarded…
With bad news…
"Noah, you need to check this out," Emma pulled her phone out of her pocket, hovering the screen in front of his face. "You're being cancelled on Twitter."
"Uh oh." He replied puzzledly, unable to read whatever was going on. "What is it this time?"
She skimmed through the tweets, summarizing the ordeal for him. "Seems like you got exposed for… having a pointy butt? And… #pointynoah is trending?" Upon reading further, she gasped at the sight of… his butt. Two butt photos, in fact. One from the leaked video, and the other stolen from her phone. Both photos side-by-side, exposing not only his pointy buttocks… but his raining-money incident. "Wait, how did they get my photo? And why were you flashing your buttocks at some random homeless person?" She briefly paused, instantly panicking as she felt something was missing from her coat pockets. "And-wait, oh-my-gosh, I just realized… where is MY OTHER PHONE?"
Noah's eyes widened open, frozen in place, with both remained standing at the doorway. "We've been played…" he blurted out. "Emma, who was the person you just met?"
"The journalist woman with the thick glasses," she instantly realized.
"Emma!" He facepalmed. "Great. That was the one and only time I mooned somebody. And now my butt is trending on Twitter."
Emma rubbed her chin. "Who exactly was that homeless man in the video?"
"I'll tell you later. But, right now, I have an idea…" he added. "Wanna do your favorite thing in the world?"
Emma smirked. "You mean… lawyering up?"
"No, I meant, delaying our fun time."
"Oh-shut up." Emma rolled her eyes, still could not believe the schemery that the seemingly gleeful journalist pulled. They both walked back inside, shutting the door in defeat.
AN: Oh-would you look at that? My very first one-shot story! I will admit, this was quite a… weird premise to begin with, lol. Definitely wanted to test myself as a writer since I have not attempted a TD one-shot before. Personally, I had quite a lot of fun writing this one.
This also marks the first time ever writing Noah and Emma (and also, Geoff and Brody lol), so let me know how I did, regarding their portrayals! While they are not my favorite characters, they are still enjoyable with an underrated dynamic between each other.
Also, for those that read Bakuhatsu Island (my all-OC fan season), this one-shot fic basically shares the same universe, with the events from this fic occurring before Bakuhatsu Island (basically, a prequel. Sorta, lol). Oh, and yes, this Lily is the same Lily from Bakuhatsu Island, in case you were curious. Check that story out as well and let me know what you think! While, yes, it's an all-OC season, I can guarantee that it's not as predictable as it seems. Trust me… ;)
So, any closing thoughts? Did you enjoy it? Let me know what you think! I'd love to know your thoughts in the reviews!