Okay my dudes, WHAT WAS THAT EPISODE?!Like for real
That
Was
Insane

Okay anyway. Per my usual angsty brain, I decided to take Cordell's clearly suicidal state after his wife died to explain the "one bullet" comment from "Duke".

This scene takes place after the Intervention and Emily bathroom scene.

Please enjoy and let me know what you thought!

TW: Mentions of insanity, suicide attempt, general depression and bad feelings

~TH~

Cordell seemed even more agitated when he came out of the bathroom than he had been before.

"Cordell," The Captain stopped him in the middle of the room and Liam wondered if confronting him in this way would cause more harm than good. "Listen, I don't think you should go out right now. We're not talking about sending you away, we just think you need a break-"

"Don't you understand I can't." Cordell snapped, a mix between broken and angry. "I-I can't hurt anyone else. I-I could have killed them!"

Liam sighed, watching his brother with growing concern. When he had received the call telling him that Cordell had passed out while driving and wrecked the truck, a

feeling of fear he hadn't felt since Emily's initial death rose up. He was assured everyone was okay But the fear still lingered. He couldn't lose anyone else. Not the kids and certainly not his brother.

"Cordi you messed up yes, but if you just take some time we can figure something out, okay?"

"No- no you don't understand! I don't remember it happening. It's not just that it happened it's that- I'm going crazy and I can't-can't do this. I have to leave ! That's the only way I can fix this!" Cordell ran a hand over his face and in that moment, Liam believed that his brother had in fact lost his mind.

"Listen son," the Captain held out his hands placatingly, "we'll figure something out. But I'm not sure being undercover is what's best for your right now."

"You're not going to let me go."

James looked at his partner, "Walker I don't think leaving is what you need right now."

"Fine." Cordell's eyes roamed over his family in a way that seemed disturbingly final and marched out of the room.

"Cordell!" Bonham shouted after him. "Cordell you get back in here right now."

The elder Walker brother didn't stop as he shoved out the door.

Bonham stood up, "Cordell!" he shouted.

Abilene put a hand on his arm, keeping him from chasing after his son.

"No, we can't just him run off! He almost got the kids killed!"

"Dad, let me talk to him." Liam stood up. "Just, let me talk to him, okay?"

Bonham tightened his jaw but sat down, his arms crossed angrily across his chest. Liam nodded his thanks and hurried to find his brother.

As soon as Liam stepped outside he felt his shoulders slump. He was beyond concerned for his brother. Something didn't feel right about this whole thing. But Stella was very clear about what happened, and August agreed. They wouldn't lie. Liam didn't feel right about the whole situation, but both kids had the same story and his parents confirmed it. Maybe Cordell had lost his mind. Emily was his brother's life. It was understandable but... he was confused by everything that was happening.

"Cordi!"

The bunk house was empty. Liam frowned and called his brother's name again. He looked over at the table in front of the couch and saw the majority of Cordell's gear with one vital piece missing. His gun.

Liam felt bile rise as he slammed through the back door. "Cordell!"

He finally breathed when he saw his brother sitting with his back to the wall. All of the blood drained from his face when he saw the way his brother was sitting.

"Cordell?" It came out a little more than a whisper.

His brother's head jerked up, his hand tightening around the standard issue glock.

"Cordi what-" He took a step forward only for Cordell to flinch back further against the wall.

"Stop. D-don't-" Cordell was barely breathing.

Liam stopped, holding his hands up in a placating manor. "Hey man, just breathe."

"No you don't understand I-I can't do this. I can't-can't stay here. Not now- not-"

"Cordi you just need to breathe for now, we'll talk about everything else later." He paused a moment staring at his wide-eyed, pale faced brother. Cordell's hand twitched, bringing attention to the gun. "Hey, you, uh, wanna give me that?"

Cordell looked down at the gun in his hand as if barely realizing it was there. His grip tightened, turning his knuckles white.

"I-" his voice shook and his eyes brought a crazed energy, "I can't stay don't you understand I ca-can't stay. I have to leave." He made eye contact, his eyes widening in a plea for understanding, "You have to let me leave!"

Liam's heart was hammering in his chest. "Hey, hey Cordell let's- let's think about this. Just give me the gun and we can talk about it."

"N-no, I have to do this. I-I can't, I can't h-hurt anybody else."

"Hey, hey, you won't. You'll be fine. Everyone's fine just-"

"No- I, I no. I just- I need- I need to not hurt them. I need to not be here. I-I can't." His trembling hand brought the gun to rest under his chin.

"Cordi!" Liam choked on the word. Cordell didn't move, just sat there trembling, hand clenched tightly around the gun. "Cordell don't- I know you're hurting but your kids need you- I need you."

He shook his head, gun never wavering. "No. No. I'll just hurt them."

"You won't. We won't let you. It'll be fine. We can get through this."

A bit of the madness receded as Cordell once again made eye contact. "Please Liam, I need to do this." There was clarity in the pleading eyes that startled Liam more than the madness had.

"Cordell please," He said quietly, nearly a prayer, "Just- just don't do this."

The older brother didn't lose eye contact as his finger moved towards the trigger.

Without thinking Liam threw himself at his brother. He slammed into his side, shoving the gun out from under Cordell's chin. The shot sounded and Liam didn't dare to move. He was half laying on his brother afraid to know, or worse, see what had happened. Afraid to see where the shot had landed.

Cordell wasn't moving under him. Liam's ears were ringing and his heart was beating so hard he couldn't tell if there was another heartbeat other than his own.

As the noise around him calmed Liam began to hear the sound of life beneath him. He pushed himself up, eyes landing on the gun a couple feet away. He crawled towards it, noticing now that the bullet had struck deep in a tree. Liam released a breath he didn't know he was holding when his hand gripped the gun.

"Doesn't matter." Cordell's voice spun the younger brother around. He immediately feared that he had missed something, that Cordell had somehow succeeded in his original intent. The older brother looked unharmed and Liam nearly slumped with relief.

"Only one bullet. If you're gonna do it only take one bullet. Keep's ya on point. Can't afford distractions. Get the job done first time." Cordell still hadn't moved, sitting slumped against the back wall, eyes staring out sightlessly.

Liam felt sick as he checked the gun, not finding much relief when it was empty. He tossed the gun towards the tree and approached his brother.

"Cordi?" He said quietly. His brother didn't answer, still staring ahead. "Cordell!" Liam shouted, standing over him.

Cordell's eyes finally turned upward, still hazy and unfocused. Liam felt frozen himself, looking at his older brother's eyes which held a pain and brokenness that Liam couldn't even begin to describe or even understand.

"Cordi -" Before he could finish whatever his mouth had conjured up, the door to the bunkhouse swung open with a resounding bang.

"Walker?! Liam?!" James shouted as he came to stop outside of the door, glock held up and ready for confrontation. His hands slowly dropped as he took in the scene and put away his gun.

Liam watched as the man's eyes swept over Cordell and then found the gun where it had landed by the tree.

"Liam?" James said again, now much quieter.

Liam cleared his throat, glancing back at his brother before his eyes flicked back to the other ranger. "Cordell will be taking the out of town job."

Cordell's eyes, which had dropped when James arrived, now snapped up, showing the tiniest bit of hope.

"Liam are, are you sure?" James seemed hesitant, understandably so, but Liam knew it was the only way to keep Cordell alive.

Liam nodded with more confidence than he felt. "We can both talk to the Captain about it." His eyes were once again drawn towards the gun and bullet hole ner the base of the large tree. James's eyes followed his, understanding dawning on his face with a flash of horror. "I'm sure we can find a way to convince him that this is... best."

James nodded, "I'll uh, I'll go let them know."

When the ranger left, Liam reached down for his brother. Cordell's dull eyes flicked up and he hesitantly accepted the outstretched hands.

Once the older brother was on his feet, he swayed for a moment before regaining his balance.

"I-I think I should lay down." Cordell said quietly. Liam nodded, helping him into the bunkhouse where Cordell collapsed onto the couch.

Liam could see Cordell slipping away almost as soon as he was lying down.

"Cordi?"

"Hm," Cordell gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Never do that again. Please."

Cordell didn't answer, simply curling more in on himself as he fell into something between sleep and unconsciousness.

Liam went back outside, picking up the gun, intending to keep it with him until absolutely necessary. He looked at the glock, his hands trembling at the memory of the day's events. No one could know. He couldn't do that to Cordell. It would only make things worse. But he had to ensure that it never happened again.

He couldn't lose Cordell anymore than Cordell could lose any of them.

~TH~

So that's that. We'll see if I write anymore. We have three weeks after all *sobs*.

Let me know what you thought!

Or rant about the episode and how Stella is literally gaslighting her father and made him think he's crazy. ANYWAY

Until next time!

God bless,
Jamie