"Pet," Bellatrix ground out. The conversation, or rather argument at this point, was going in circles. The witch felt like she was lost in a maze, and the person that could offer her assistance was only leading her down the wrong path. "What was I supposed to do?"
Hermione's hand fisted in her wild mane. She had put in the excruciating amount of work in order to tame it for her date with Bella, but her frustrations had long sense been taken out on it at this point. They hadn't even made it out of the door yet.
"What part of you can not confrigo the television do you not understand?!"
"It wasn't working," Bella replied petulantly. She felt her chest begin to rise heavily. If only we still had some fire whiskey…
"It FROZE!" Hermione yelled. Normally she was the more collected of the couple, and Bella would have made a comment on the fact if she were not growing tired of the charade.
Bellatrix turned around with her arms crossed, fingers running over the ridges of her corset anxiously. Was putting her back to Hermione a good idea? No. The brunette liked to get to the bottom of things right off the bat. Bella understood why, but right now she just wanted the yelling to stop.
"Can we just-"
Hermione put a hand on Bella's elbow and forced her to turn around. The grip wasn't rough, though it was also out of the realm of gentle.
"NO! You can not keep breaking everything I own-"
"We own," Bellatrix replied with a glare. Their fights always turned out this way. When Hermione was proud of her, she would be her hard working, reformed girlfriend. Any other time, Bella felt like she was being singled out as the former death eater with a heinous past. She was not just one; both of those things were parts of her.
"JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING IS NOT WORKING! You HAVE to learn how to control your anger."
For a second, Bellatrix took in Hermione's face. She was red with anger, eyebrows scrunched together with fury. Her jaw was clenched in a way that looked painful. Bella loathed the look on her love's face. Usually, if anything, she would be the one bringing a smile to break the expression after an upsetting day of work at the ministry.
"Sometimes I swear you are not even trying anymore."
Bellatrix knew it wasn't meant to be heard. The words were muttered so quietly that she was certain Hermione had not meant for her to her them. The thing is… she did.
"I'm not trying?" Bella asked, head tilted to the side. Her voice held no emotion. Bella blinked, watching as regret slowly slithered its' way over Hermione's face. "Are you serious?"
"Bella-"
"Are you FUCKING SERIOUS?" Bella kicked the side table she was standing near and it hurtled into the entertainment center. "I'M NOT FUCKING TRYING?" She flicked her heel out of her shoe and kicked it across the room before repeating the act and breaking a lamp.
She never let lose like this anymore. It was frowned upon amongst the mentally sane. It felt good to behave recklessly, and just as addicting as she remembered. Muscle memory took over and Bellatrix took out her wand.
She threw a wordless spell at what remained of the tv, yelling, "I did everything you said to do, and IT STILL DIDN'T WORK." The next spell went to the coat closet, busting a sizzling hole in the panelling near the door knob. "It's not like we could, I don't know, MAGICALLY RESTORE IT!"
A hole in the back of the couch. The love seat being shredded to pieces. "I do so much for you," Bellatrix bellowed. "It's funny how you think I don't give a damn." She started chuckling then, which soon crescendoed into a bull blown cackle. The coffee table was in pieces. "I am in the fucking middle of muggle London, all because your father is sick. I have been trying, TRYING, to adapt. This isn't a simple move for me and you know that! I am changing my entire way of thinking."
Bellatrix couldn't feel the frustrated tears trailing down her cheeks. "I was brought up to hate the people living in the flat just next to us. Violence was how my sorry excuse of a father showed love." The last word was spat with venom. During the wars, the most violent one was the most praised. Nothing was too much. Everything was too little." Bella looked down and finally noticed her tears when a lone drop landed on the hand that grasped her wand. "I have never been good enough."
She used to be so powerful. Bellatrix Lestrange, now again Black, was in history books. She had set records. Hermione wanted to help her, no, she wanted to change her.
A heart shattering scream clawed its' way out of Bella's throat. She raised her wand arm high in the arm, eyes wide with her teeth bared angrily. "I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH!"
Her arm was going down, a random, destructive spell ready to burst forth from its tip. She was tackled into the wall, resulting in a much smaller blast that only caused a hole in the wall. Out of instinct, Bellatrix's wand shot up and into the force of her disrupter.
Bellatrix had her want pointed harshly into Hermione's jugular for only the briefest of moments until her girlfriend flenched so hard that a tremor when through her entire body. The younger witch stepped back and tripped over a broken piece of wood from one of the tables. Her eyes were wide with fear, the only expression that was able to hurt the infamous Bellatrix Black.
"Love, I-"
Hermione scrambled backwards, which just so happened to be in the direction of the front door. "No, you promised that you were done hurting me."
Bella moved forward quickly and reached out for the brunette's wrist. "Please, I wasn't there, just-"
"I said NO!" Hermione pushed Bella's arm forcefully enough to make the witch release her grip. "How does it feel to be the one being at the brunt of things?"
They both knew Bellatrix had done far worse than pushing people around. Many wizards and witches alike were still terrified of her, and the second war had been over for years now. Hermione had had worse done to her when she was in her prime…
"I made a promise, but so did you," Bellatrix replied desperately. Tears were flowing down her cheeks more readily now. She moved around Hermione and slammed her own back against the door. "You promised you would never give up on me. I am trying to be better, so so hard, but I'm not perfect. I wouldn't have actually hurt you. You know that. Please, you have to know I have at least worked on myself that much."
Hermione listened to the distraught rambling, but that did not change what had occurred. "I-"
Bellatrix fell on her knees and pushed her face into Hermione's stomach. "Please, I can't do this without you. Don't leave me." Any of her ancestors would have killed her on the spot. A Black did not beg. They didn't even need to ask for things. What they wanted, they got. It was as simple as that. Stooping down to this level was unbecoming of someone of the most Ancient House of Black. Bellatrix did not give the slightest damn.
"Bella, look up."
Bellatrix felt pathetic as she turned her chin up, arms still wrapped around Hermione's body. Every part of her feared letting go; it would be all to easy for the other witch to walk away.
"I am not leaving you." Bella launched up and squeezed Hermione's torso tightly. "I'm not done." Bella pulled back enough to look at Hermione. Her face was no longer red, but her eyes were bloodshot and full of tears. "I think you need to go spend some time with your sister."
Bellatrix frantically began to shake her head and her mouth was floundering. "B-but you said-"
"I am not leaving you, but that doesn't mean I'm forgetting what just happened. You destroyed the apartment, and you could have so easily fallen into your old ways." Hermione took a deep breath and a couple tears fell past the damns that were her eyes. "I know how hard you have been trying, and I am sorry that I have not been understanding enough of what you are going through. However, I can't be your crutch. I will support you in any way I can, but you have to want to do this for more than just me."
Bellatrix stared at her girlfriend for a few seconds. They had spoke about this before. Hermione was her driving force in fighting every part of her that wanted to go to the dark side. Her forehead touched Hermione's, allowing her to feel how hard the brunette was trying to not cry. The upper part of her body was shaking, and it was all her fault.
"P-please don't blame yourself. I know this isn't what you want, but I think it will help you in the long run. You are trying; I know you're trying."
"What about your dad?" Bella asked, unable to contain the sniffle that followed her words.
"I will owl you if he gets any worse." They both knew he was near his last leg. It was a muggle illness, cancer, and he refused any magical help. Hermione's parents were proud of how far the had climbed the political ladder, truly. Her dad just wanted to die the only way he thought he would have been able to, saying it was unfair to every other person battling cancer.
"Promise?"
"I promise."
As painful as it was, Bella forced her body from Hermione's. She went to their room and manually packed her things. Magic just didn't feel right to use at the moment. When she came back out into the living room Hermione was wiping at her eyes.
"It'll be good for you," she said quickly. Hermione sounded like she was trying to convince herself as much as Bellatrix. "They are dealing with the same thing. Maybe they can help you more than I have been able to."
Bella's eyes were on the floor. Draco had had the easiest transition. He was still ridiculed, but he had Harry Potter on his side. People had seen him fighting an inner battle more than they had seen Bellatrix. Cissy… she had never been big on blood supremacy, simply following it because she was scared of receiving the same punishment that Bellatrix and Andy had.
Bella's hand was on the door when arms suddenly wrapped around her torso. Soft lips pressed to the nape of her neck even though messy hair was in the way. "I love you. Remember, this isn't good bye."
There was a thump as Bellatrix let her head fall against the door. It would be harder if she turned around. She squeezed one of Hermione's arm, saying, "I love you too. I will be here when you need me to be."
Once she was out of the flat, and the door was closed, Bellatrix leaned against it. Unbeknownst to her, Hermione did the same thing on the opposite side. They both let out the remainder of their tears.
Bellatrix made a silent vow: I am going to get better, not just for you, but for our future.