For as long as he can remember, Eren dreams. He dreams of a life he hasn't lived but remembers with starting clarity, of a world that doesn't exist but still feels so familiar it aches. Even when Eren knows it's not real - it can't be, right? - he can't help but feel somewhat nostalgic, like he has been there before.
People he knows, that are the same but at the same time different. Family he has, but that still feels he has lost somehow. Eren's existence is a constant state of deja vu, feeling emotions he doesn't recognize with actions that are forghein but feel familiar, of meeting new people he's sure he has known for a lifetime already.
Most of the time, the dreams feel more like memories, and everything is so, so normal, that when he wakes up, he has to sort them out with real life.
Eren wonders sometimes, if anyone he has met that exists in his dreams has gone through the same thing, if maybe this isn't as weird as he thinks it is. He doesn't ask, doesn't want them to think he's crazy. After all, who would believe him if he said he dreams of them all being soldiers in a war against human-eating titans that look like something out of a nightmare? That they were trained to kill since their teenage years, that they flew through the air as they slayed each and every one of them. That most of them died in painful ways.
No, Eren can't ask them if they dream, if they remember - they can't be just dreams, they're too real, they hurt too much - and he doesn't want them to, either. Life inside the walls was nothing more than survival. It wasn't really living, having the constant fear of titans breaching the walls and finally killing them all. Eren's glad it's over.
Still, Eren wonders. Why does he dream? Why does he remember? Why does he relieve a life of suffering and fighting that must have happened thousands of years ago, why is he stuck in the memories?
He doesn't know.
There are times when Eren has trouble distinguishing his dreams from what's real. It has happened, that while talking with someone - either Armin, or Mikasa, or Jean, or anyone else - he remembers something, a memory of a life long past, and it's so clear, so mundane, so normal. Eren has to snap out of it, remind himself there are no titans to kill, no war to win. There are no 3DMGs to practice with, no hand-to-hand combat training. There is no sitting at a table in the mess hall together as they eat precious meat before a big expedition, there are no inner jokes of a time spent together in the barracks during their training. There are no mass funerals for their lost comrades that died outside the walls. There's just this new, mundane life, with a peace sometimes Eren doesn't understand. How can humanity be at peace, when there are titans?
Oh, right. There aren't any titans, not anymore. They slayed them all, he fulfilled his promise.
A promise.
Eren made a lot of promises back then. To kill all the titans, to stay alive, to come back to him.
Levi.
Eren doesn't know if Levi is someone he made up to cope with the horrors of the world he dreams of, or if he was as real as everything else, if he exists in this life just like Mikasa and Armin do.
A lot of his dreams involve Levi, one way or another. The dreams when Eren is younger, Levi is a hero, a legend for Eren to latch onto. If someone like Levi exists, then there's hope for humanity, there's hope for them to be free.
Later, once he joins the Corps, Levi becomes a tangible being, someone Eren gets to know as a person, rather than a symbol. Someone Eren falls in love with. His later memories are plagued by Levi. When he helps Eren with the 3DMG, when he cuts him out of his titan form, when they eat together at the mess hall, rubbing elbows and stealing food from each other's plates. When they fall asleep in Levi's bed despite their orders for Eren to be locked up in the basement every night. The looks, the kisses, the touches, Levi becomes such an important part of his dreams Eren becomes acquainted with him despite never meeting him in his life.
His heart squeezes at the thought of Levi being a mere figment of his imagination. Eren couldn't have created someone so complex, so infinitely different than himself and at the same time so similar, right? He wouldn't be able to create someone that complemented him so perfectly like Levi did. Even if he is one of the only people from his dreams Eren hasn't met already, there's no way he's not real.
Right?
Sometimes, he's not so sure, after all.
He tries asking Mikasa once, while they were out getting groceries. Eren remembers her and Levi being related somehow, if only distantly, so if there was anyone that recognized the name, it had to be her. At least, that's what he thought.
"Levi? No, I don't know anyone with that name. Why? Did this Levi threaten you or something?" as usual, Mikasa's immediate reaction is to assume he's in danger. Eren guesses some things don't change, even if it's been thousands of years.
"No, Mikasa, no one's threatening me," he says with a roll of his eyes. She worries too much. It's not like he's a child anymore, he can take care of himself. "I was just asking," Eren sighs, trying to mask his disappointment. "Does the name really not ring any bells? Nothing at all?"
"No, Eren, I don't know anyone named Levi," she eyes him with a worried expression, and Eren pretends he doesn't notice as he tries to decide which piece of meat is better.
After that, he doesn't try to ask again.
Eren lives his life as normally as he can when everything remembers him of an apocalyptic world. He goes to school, he plays sports - nothing can top using the 3DMG, but then again, sports don't make a habit of using hooks, strings and gas to make people fly - he goes to parties, helps with the house chores. Levi seems to have rubbed off on him even in his dreams, because Eren has become kind of a neat freak of his own, something that still baffles anyone who's met him, since he can also be really messy.
"It's not the dirty things that bothers me. I just need to have a clean space to live in, you know? As long as I clean it up afterwards, I don't mind getting it messy," despite his friends disbelief, Eren thinks it's completely reasonable. Then again, he supposes there wasn't much of a cleaning standard when he was off killing titans, so maybe his friends are onto something there.
No matter. Eren tries to live as normally as he can, and one of the things that give him the most normality is cleaning. His Captain would be proud.
If he even exists, that is.
Ah, Levi occupies his thoughts too much for someone he has never met before, even if the dreams make it seem like Eren is the one who knows Levi the most.
It's not like he can help it, anyways. Over the years, he has learned to fade the dreams to the back of his mind, since he has to take care of his current life and all, but it's always there, like an afterthought that insists on staying. There is never a moment when Eren isn't aware of that particular moment in humanity's history, one that seems to be forgotten - out of fear, or ignorance, he doesn't know.
Perhaps it was both. Eren doesn't blame them.
He wishes he could forget about the horror the titans brought to humanity as easily as they could.
He cannot though, and Eren has learnt to live with that.
Perhaps it is better that way, he idly wonders, so at least someone remembers what used to be. So someone knows how far they've gotten since the titans, how far they can still go. So someone knows that humanity will stay strong no matter what, that they won't lay down and die.
"Eren, are you even listening?" Armin's questions brings him back from his thoughts, the ones that often catch him in their grasp. His friend doesn't even look surprised anymore. He's gotten used to Eren's daydreaming as much as Eren has grown used to the memories.
"Nope," he says with no shame and a small grin. Armin sighs, obviously expecting an answer like that one, and repeats the question. He's talking about that project they have to turn in for tomorrow. They'll be meeting with the remaining of their group at a coffee shop they all like despite being as far away from campus as it can be.
"I have to go back to the apartment to pick up some books, but Jean's getting there in half an hour. Meet you there?" it's Eren's turn to sigh, as he always does at the prospect of meeting up with Jean. It's not that he dislikes him - they have fought a war together, they are brothers in arms, whatever kind of dislike he may harbor towards Jean pales in comparison - but Jean always manages to get a rise out of him anyways. Just like the old times. The only difference is that now, Jean has to rack up his brain for more insults, now that he can't use the titan shifter ones. Not that Jean remembers them, anyways.
"Yeah, sure," he says in the end, standing up from where they're sitting on one of the grass patches from campus.
"I'll be there soon, okay? So try not to kill each other, at least until we finish this project," Eren waves him off, and Armin, knowing that's the best he'll get, rolls his eyes and walks in the other direction.
Eren has to take the subway to get to the cafeteria, but he thinks he'll be on time enough for Jean not to bitch and moan about it if he hurries. If not, Eren can always make up some excuse, right?
His thought trail stops when he spots a black tuft of black hair. Eren's eye zero on it, he'll always recognizing that undercut everywhere. He had carded his fingers through it countless of times, after all.
Before realizing it, Eren is pushing past people, apologizing half-heartedly as he tries to reach his destination. Even if it's not - please please please, please let him be real - Eren has to know. Has to make sure.
"LEVI!" he calls out, sounding a lot more desperate than he wants to, but too busy with other matters - like Levi, he's here, he's right there! - to care, and sure enough, the person with the undercut turns around, looking for whoever called out his name.
Eren's breath catches in his throat when he sees Levi's face. He looks exactly the same as in his dreams. Eren shouldn't be surprised, he has meet enough people in real life after dreaming about them for years for it to be a novelty. But as always, everything regarding Levi hits him harder than anything else does.
He keeps pushing, keeps trying to get closer, and Levi is still looking at him. His face hasn't changed from that default pissed off expression he always has, but Eren knows him well enough to recognize the widened eyes, and slightly raised eyebrows. Somehow - is it possible? - Levi recognizes him too.
Eren pushes harder.
He doesn't want Levi to leave, he doesn't want to lose this chance to see him, after all this time. And Levi recognizes him, he remembers. Eren can't let go.
But Levi waits for him. He doesn't make a move to get closer, but he doesn't leave. He waits for Eren to get to where he is, panting by the effort of having pushed his way through a mass of people trying to get to the trains, and waits for him to catch his breath, not once looking away.
"Levi?" Eren asks once his heart has calmed enough, his tone hopeful and disbelieving.
"Yes, though given how you shouted it across the station, it seems like you already know my name. Eren," something inside him explodes when Levi says his name, and before nothing else can be said he's crushing the man in a hug, clinging to him as his chest tightens because he's here, he's right here, he's real. "Oi, brat."
"I'm so happy," he whispers near Levi's ear, like he can't believe it - it's not a dream, Levi's not going anywhere, Eren will make sure of that - and Eren hears him sigh before slowly hugging him back. "You're the first I've met that remembers."
"Yeah, me too," Levi sighs again, holding Eren just a bit tighter. "Thank fuck you're real. I thought I was going crazy, for a while."
Eren smiles as he huffs out a wet laugh - is he crying? Whatever, Eren doesn't care, Levi is here.
"You and me both. But I knew you were real, you had to be. There's no way I could have imagined someone so perfect."
"That's disgusting, don't ever say something like it again," Eren smiles, knowing Levi doesn't mean it. At least not all that much.
"I missed you," he says instead of answering to the well known banter. They have time for that later. Because there will be a later.
Levi doesn't say anything, but he doesn't need to. After all their time together, after all the battles fought side by side, Eren knows he means the same just by looking at him.
After a while, someone passing by cusses at them, telling them to go fuck elsewhere, and Eren laughs, delighted - people think he and Levi belong to each other too, even in this lifetime! - but complies when Levi squirrels out of the embrace and leads Eren to a less crowded corner of the station.
He gives Eren his number. It's a practical thing, and yet Eren commits it to memory as soon as it's on his phone, eyes shining in happiness as he gives Levi his own number. They have to part ways - Levi has a meeting he has to get to, and Eren, regrettably, does have somewhere else to be as well - but at least now Eren knows Levi won't disappear. Not again. Not this time.
For the first time since he can remember, Eren is happy for dreaming of a life so full of suffering and death and sacrifices. Because as long as it gets him Levi, it's completely worth it.
(Forty minutes later, Eren is more than a little late by the time he gets to the cafe, and he indeed has to face Jean's wrath.)
(He doesn't care one bit.)