A/N: just a little something I was thinking of.
TW: mentions of drugs, abuse, lots of Tony slander.
Canon until 3x11. This is what I think could have happened if Nicky got out of Max earlier and Lorna never met, let alone married, Vinnie.
Let me know if you enjoyed this! :)
/
all of me
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind?
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright.
After spending two whole months in Max, Nicky really needed some fresh air. Or drugs.
She knew that she couldn't make it without at least one of those two things, because that part of the prison was suffocating, and she needed air. There were only two things that could give Nicky air: actual oxygen or heroin.
And man how she loved heroin.
But she was getting clean, she had been clean for three years now, and she wasn't going to ruin that. But. But. That new inmate, that Stella girl told her how she got heroin. And she really, really hated the way she got it. Sure, Nicky was a big fan of sex without commitment, but this was a whole other level. She couldn't do that with a guard. Not even for heroin.
Could she?
Well maybe, if she closed her eyes and pretended that it was someone else… but no. No, no, absolutely no. She wasn't going to break her record, she wasn't going to disappoint Red and her family and… but fuck, heroin was good.
Nicky let out a frustrated groan and she pulled her hands in her big, straw-colored hair, and she buried her head in her knees. She needed to be strong. But man, how she loved heroin. Three years, though. She had been clean for three years, it would be oh-so-stupid to break it now.
Besides, she couldn't let Red down. She just couldn't disappoint her one more time. Nicky was sure that Red despised her already for getting thrown into Max because of stupid drugs. And the Russian woman had offered her help so many times, and she always replied that she was feeling fine, that she didn't need it.
What a lie.
But Red's rage, that she could handle. Because they were family, and even if they fought, they always found a way to make it better.
The only thing that was really stopping Nicky from throwing herself into that broom closet and getting the heroin was Lorna. The thought of that sweet, tiny, maybe a little psychotic girl alone was good enough for her.
She wanted to get out of Max as soon as possible, and that was why she was doing all the cleaning, and she also refused to bring Burset a blanket. Her morality told her to bring the poor woman a blanket, but the thought of getting out of Max was much stronger.
Nicky knew that Lorna was already mad at her. Well, when they took her to Max, the young girl was more worried than mad, but once she skipped by the initial state of shock, she must have been mad. Oh, so mad. Nicky knew that Lorna despised drugs even more than she despised Chino from West Side Story.
And she despised him a lot.
But Nicky had a plan. She was going to get out of that horrible place, and she was going to have Lorna back. She knew that the sweet girl had been reluctant to be with her, but that was because she thought she was betraying a man who didn't even know her.
To be honest, Nicky was a bit worried about Lorna's mental health. Nicky knew that Lorna was a pathological liar, and she needed to lie whenever she was feeling especially uncomfortable. But she also knew that Lorna never lied on purpose. Well, not completely on purpose, at least. When she was feeling uncomfortable, or like she needed to prove something, she lied. It was pathological, and the only time Nicky fell for it was when Lorna told her about Christian.
Nicky actually felt sorry for him, because it must have been horrible to be stalked, but on the other side was mad at the whole system, because Lorna didn't deserve prison, she deserved some really good medical cures, she deserved to be fine.
Nicky knew she could handle Lorna. She loved her so much. Neither of the two girls knew that, but Nicky loved Lorna exactly the way Lorna wanted to be loved.
Digging her nails into her palms, Nicky let out another frustrated sigh as she laid down on her bed – if that hard and cold thing could be called a bed – staring at the ceiling. She needed to repeat that in her head like a mantra, or she would have failed. I don't need that, I don't need that, I don't need that.
But she wanted.
Nicky loved Lorna so much more than she even realized. Yet she remembered the endless sleepless night when she had to sneak into Lorna's cube that she shared with Boo and hold her close, dry her tears and murmur soft words into her ear. She remembered every single time she had to tell Lorna that she was worthy of love, even if Christian wasn't the right guy.
God, Nicky hoped that Lorna would have never needed the right guy. She hoped so badly that the tiny brunette could reciprocate her feelings, so badly that it hurt.
Yet, even with her psychotic side, Nicky loved her. Though, she didn't love her in spite of that, she loved her because of that too. And also because she was the sweetest girl she had ever met in her life.
The door of her cell slammed open, and Nicky was snapped out of her thoughts, that were pretty much all revolving around Lorna and how much she loved her.
Nicky lazily lifted her eyes and she saw a guard – the one who promised her drugs in change for sex services – and instantly shuddered. Two short minutes of her mind filled with Lorna and she was done. Done with needing drugs. She could resist it, she wasn't going to break her personal record.
"Nichols?" the guard asked. Nicky raised her head, and her four bunk-mates glared at her.
"That's me," she replied, trying to hide the disgust she was feeling towards that woman.
"Come with me, you're getting out," the guard said.
Nicky felt her jaw dropping to the floor.
What?
The guard let out an annoyed snort, and she rolled her eyes. "Look, I don't have all the time in the world. Get the fuck up and come with me, we have to be back in Litchfield before dawn."
"That's like a fucking fairytale advice from the ol' wise man," Nicky snorted, repressing a chuckle. No one else laughed. Nicky rolled her eyes and grabbed her grey jumper, and then she jumped off her bed. "Alright, let's go."
/
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
Nicky was truly thinking that there was some kind of god up in the clouds as she watched the Maximum Security building disappear behind her as the van slowly proceeded towards the much more familiar prison.
That was her second time of coming back from Max, and this time she was feeling much more anxious. The previous time she was still having her friends-with-benefits relationship with Lorna, and she wasn't bothered about feelings. Feelings were buried deep inside her, and she was just too scared to fuck everything up to even try to bring them up.
But this time, this time she was going to do things right.
"You ain't gonna recognize anything when you get back," the girl at the wheel was blabbering as she drove. She was a petite Latina with long, black stripes of eyeliner at the sides of her eyes. Nicky vaguely knew her as Maritza, but she wasn't really sure about her name.
"Yeah?" she asked, just because if the girl kept talking, then she just had to pretend that she was listening, and she didn't have to talk.
"Yeah, we are like doubled up since when you left. There is a whole bunch of other girls, and they are like waiting and staring at us since this morning, but they won't let them in yet, but they already doubled the beds, and most of them are Latinas, but I don't really like them, no one does. Oh, and Chapman is like a gangster now, and she is gone all crazy, and she is broken up with the tall one with the deep voice. Oh, and Daya had the baby, but they arrested Cesar and she doesn't know where the baby's gonna stay… a lot of shit happened, you know?"
"Please, shut up," one of the new COs said, rubbing his temples tiredly.
/
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose, I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you.
Nicky thought that she was really dumb when she even considered accepting the drugs from the corrupted guard. God, she was really thinking of throwing away three years of being clean for just one little dose in change of sex favors?
Nicky shook her head violently, trying to get that image out of her head. She really didn't need that.
She rested her head against the cold glass. Maritza was talking again without any pauses for air, and Nicky was starting to miss Doggett.
But then there she is again, with memories of Lorna running all over her mind. Memories of her soft skin under her hands. Porcelain, warm skin that Nicky loved to caress over and over again. She remembered how soft it felt when she kissed the valley between her breasts, the pulse point on her neck, the way she trembled and shivered in pleasure when Nicky touched her.
Nicky could see clearly in her mind the tattoo on Lorna's side, she could see every small freckle around her nose, she could remember the taste of red lipstick and the way Lorna breathed out her name.
Nicky remembered their first time, when Lorna was so unsure, and they didn't know each other too much. She remembered that Lorna was scared at first, and a little confused, but she trusted Nicky. She remembered how it felt so right, so good, but at the time Nicky didn't even considered that she may have felt that good because she was starting to feel a much deeper connection with Lorna. She remembered that after, when Lorna was quietly cuddled up in her arms, she whispered in her ear that she never felt this good, and that she usually had to fake it. Nicky didn't say anything. She just kissed the top of her head and kept her closer.
But Nicky also remembered their last time in the chapel, when Lorna told her that she couldn't do that anymore, because it felt like cheating on Christian. She was so mad after that she acted like a bitch for months before she realized that Lorna wasn't engaged to him. And then she felt bad both because she didn't notice that something was wrong with her friend and because she was mad over a lie.
Yet, her favorite memory was when she was lazily stroking Lorna's hair and holding her close in Lorna's bed. It was movie night, so the two of them were alone into the cube, just snuggling and enjoying each other company. Lorna was half-asleep, and she wasn't fully realizing what she was saying – to be true, Lorna didn't realize what she was saying half of the time even when she was fully awake.
Nicky still shivered when she thought about what Lorna told her that day. It feels so nice to be with you Nicky because I know you wouldn't force me into anything. Not like Tony did, all rude and angry when he forced himself into me. I was disappointed because I thought that he would have been like Tony from West Side Story, and instead he was—he was horrible, Nicky.
And when Lorna tried to babble something about West Side Story, she just chocked in her own sobs at the memory. And Nicky had hold her close, so close that she almost squashed her lungs, but neither of them cared. Nicky promise her that she wasn't allowing anyone near Lorna ever again. Never, ever in her life she would have allowed somebody to hurt Lorna like Tony did.
And she kept her promise.
"Hello? Are you alive? Do we need to send you to Psych?" the tiny Latina girl said, aggressively waving her hand in front of Nicky. The former junkie was snapped out of her thoughts once more, and Maritza snorted annoyed. "Come on, my shift is over. I have to show you around."
"I know how things work 'round here," Nicky snorted.
"Oh, no believe me, you don't," Maritza said, starting to lead Nicky into the prison.
/
How many times do I have to tell you?
Even when you're crying, you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you.
Nicky was alone in her bunk. She found out that she will be bunk-mate with a woman called Lolly – what a stupid name, who the fuck calls their daughter Lolly? She thought – but no one seemed to be around. The dorm was completely empty.
She wondered what the hell was going on as she walks around the prison. Everything seemed so familiar that it hurted. God, she thought that it was so pathetic, but she was actually happy to be back in prison. The walls were covered with weird graffitis and everything was a mess, probably problems due to overpopulation. Even the kitchen was empty. There were no Latinas working with disgusting meals, no nothing.
When the sound of footsteps approaching interrupt her thoughts, Nicky almost jumped. She sort of hoped that it was Lorna, but she could recognize the petite Italian by just her footsteps, and those weren't hers.
"Nicky?"
"Chapman?"
Nicky turns around, and she can't take a few steps that she is enveloped by long arms and her nose is buried into Chapman's shirt. "Woah, tryina suffocate me here, Chapman?" she chuckled, slightly pushing away.
"Nah, just happy you're back," the girl replied, with a smile.
Nicky hated to be actually nice, but she truly missed that place. "Yeah… I'm happy to be back, too. What's this mess, though? How many fucking people live here?"
"Too many," Chapman snorted. "Though it seems like nobody's around here now."
"Yeah, where is everyone? I kind of hoped that—"
"Pipes? Come on, you have to see this! Everyone is in the lake, there's this big hole in the fence and—Nichols?" Alex Vause looked slightly confused, but she shrugged. "Doesn't matter, I'm glad you are back. But you've got to see this. There is this big hole in the fence, and everyone is outside in the lake… you've got to see this."
Nicky didn't even question anything, she just followed Vause and Chapman out of the prison, in the garden, and she wonders what the fuck was going on. And then, when she saw the hole in the fence that Vause was talking about, a laugh escapes her lips.
Chapman squirmed something, grabbed Vause hand and ran to the lake, leaving Nicky behind. The girl didn't matter, though. She knew that she was fifty meters away from Lorna, and that scared her. But she was also so happy. So happy that it almost hurt.
Yet, she was suddenly shy as she started taking small steps on the grass. Inmates were running all around her, trying to reach the lake before anyone could notice, but Nicky knew that they still had plenty of time before Caputo could even think of doing something.
She walked a little and suddenly, she was out of the prison. She was out. The fence was behind her, and the lake filled with inmates was just in front of her. Nicky's first instinct was to just run, run away and never look back. But she knew that they would have caught her after two hours, she had no friends outside the prison. Besides, Lorna was in the prison.
That was the whole reason why she didn't run.
Instead, she carefully studied the lake, looking for the tiny Italian she was looking for. She saw the Latinas laughing with each other. She saw Boo and Doggett laughing together and splashing each other and she wondered what the fuck happened there. She saw Chapman and Vause making out in the water and she had to hold back her gag reflex. And everyone else was there. The weird, oily-haired girls that used to idolize Doggett. The black girls. Crazy Eyes chatting with a psycho-looking blonde. The tiny, almost bold black girl hand in hand with the talkative and quite annoying girl with the absurd surname.
And then her.
Lorna.
Lorna, wearing only her trousers and bra, splashing Yoga Jones and Norma with water. Her makeup was gone with the water, but there was still a slight shade of red on her lips. Her laugh was pure bliss for Nicky's ears. Alabastrine skin covered in water, the tattoo on her side perfectly shown, the delicate features of her ribs making Nicky shiver.
That was her Lorna. Happy Lorna, sweet Lorna. She was just so careless in that moment, just enjoying the present. Just her, her crystalline laugh and her soft eyes.
Nicky knew how much tears had been spread by those soft eyes. One thing that always surprised her about Lorna was how many tears she was able to produce. When she was crying, it was like her tears were drowning in tears. Yet, Nicky didn't love her any less. She thought that Lorna was incredibly, stunningly pretty even when she was crying, and she had told her that every single time.
And then, before Nicky even realized what was happening, Lorna had turned around, trying to chase Yoga Jones to splash her with water, and instead she spotted Nicky. Their eyes met. And Nicky was home.
.
Lorna was trying to splash Yoga Jones, and she was quite annoyed, because the old woman was much quicker than her, and it didn't make any sense, because she was younger and supposed to be more skillful at those things.
But whatever, she had a job to do.
Just when she was about to lose Yoga, Lorna lifted her eyes, trying to see if there was a quicker way to get her. Lorna's dark eyes scanned the riverside, looking for some kind of easier way to splash the woman.
She quickly listed all the things she saw, because it was more practical. So, trees, the broken fence, the sand, bushes, Nicky, rocks…
Wait a second.
She looked back.
Oh, God.
Nicky,
Lorna's breath got caught in her throat as she squeezed her eyes to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. But the bush of straw-colored hair, the posture of the woman, the way she was staring at her. That was Nicky.
Lorna felt a rush of adrenaline running through her veins.
When Nicky was sent to Max she spent so much time depressed and trying to not fall over the edge. She wasn't even mad at Nicky for the drugs, because she knew that Luscheck had sold her somehow. She tried to meet some strangers, but after one of them suggested to get married after like five minutes, she decided that she couldn't do that anymore.
Because she loved Nicky. She was in love with Nicky. She just wanted to be with her forever, like in the movies.
When that thing happened with Tony, he had told her so many bad things, and she used to thought that nobody could ever love her. He had hurt not only her body, which had been sore for a whole week, but also her mind.
But then, Nicky came around. Nicky held her when she cried, Nicky comforted her, Nicky loved her so much, and she never showed her how grateful she was for that. Not only grateful. She was in love.
She still wasn't sure that she was worthy of love, but she knew that somebody loved her. And the fact that somebody was Nicky Nichols made her days a thousand times better.
Lorna wanted to run to Nicky, hug her, possibly kiss her and never let go, but suddenly Boo appeared into her sight and splashed her with all the strength she had. The wave hit Lorna so hard that she fell back into the water, and when she emerged was fuming. Literally.
"Boo! That's not fair, like, at all! Ya're not supposed to do that 'cause I wasn't payin' attention and besides, I have better stuff to do."
"Yeah? Like what?"
Lorna pushed her away, and she started walking towards the riverside, walking around the inmates and looking straight into Nicky's eyes.
She used to wish that her life could be just like in West Side Story, she wished that she could find her Tony one day and be his Maria. But after that Tony, Lorna was broken, shattered in a million pieces and firmly convinced that nobody was going to love her. And now, she had Nicky. Nicky who loved her and that she loved just as much.
Lorna wasn't sure that she was worthy of all that love, and she knew that Nicky was scared of dealing with feelings as well, but she didn't care. She knew that they would have figured everything out together, because they were friends. Maybe more than that. Because they were soulmates.
Only an insane person would have chosen a Tony over a Nicky.
And Lorna surely wasn't insane.
Right?
.
Nicky kicked her shoes off, and she took a few stumbling steps towards Lorna, wanting nothing more but enveloping her in her arms and never letting go. But Max must have had messed up pretty bad with her head, because she seemed unable to take two steps without stumbling and falling.
When she finally made it in the water she felt a few pats on her shoulders, from Gina and Norma, and she waved at them confusedly, barely recognizing them. All she cared of was Lorna.
The cold water danced around her ankles and it sent a shiver up her spine, but Nicky didn't stop and stumbled towards Lorna until the water was wetting her waist. She looked down, worried that the lake could have been filled with leeches. Fortunately, no leech seemed to live in the lake, and the thing scratching her ankle was just a piece of plastic.
She was just wondering about how many shitty things end up in public waters when she raised her head and a tiny, yet pretty strong, body collapsed against her. Nicky heard a happy squeal, and then slim arms were sneaking around her shoulders and a nose was nuzzling her neck.
Nicky could recognize Lorna just from that. That hug was more than enough for her. She wrapped firmly her arms around Lorna's back, lifting her from the ground. That was even easier than she thought, since they immersed in water. She held Lorna close, her hands sneaking on her thighs so that the smaller girl could tangle her legs around Nicky's waist.
"That's you!" Lorna squealed, refusing to let Nicky go. She didn't got back with her feet on the ground, but she pulled away slightly and cupped Nicky's cheeks with her hands. "Oh, my God you are so pale, Nicky! Are you sure you are okay? Oh, I missed you so much. And also—also I thought about stuff—and –and I really, really want us to be a thing, ya know? I—I couldn't stand being away from you for so long, and I love you, Nicky. I love you so much, and I'm sorry if I—if I…"
Nicky cut her off by kissing her. Lorna whimpered in surprise, but then she tangled her hands in Nicky's puffy hair and she brought her closer with a content sigh.
Nicky thought that this was exactly how she wanted to feel for the rest of her life. With Lorna in her arms, kissing her knowing that she loved her, and she was loved back.
"I missed you ramblings so much, kid," she admitted with a chuckle, kissing the top of Lorna's nose and causing her to giggle. "God, you are the cutest thing, Lorna."
"I love you," Lorna repeated.
"You told me that," Nicky chuckled, kissing her lips once more. "And I love you, too, kid."
"No, but it feels so good to finally be able to tell you, ya know?" Lorna replied, still firmly enveloped in Nicky's arms. For the first time she was actually taller than the older woman, and it felt powerful.
Nicky pecked her lips one more time. "I know what you mean."
"I just—I just want to be with you, but I'm not sure—I'm not sure if I'm good enough for you, I don't—I—"
"Lorn, shut up," Nicky softly said. "You are way more than enough for me. You are the sweetest, funniest, cutest girl I've ever met, I could never think that you are anything less than perfect to me. Besides, you deserve so much love, kid. After all the shit that man put you through, you deserve so much better."
Lorna smiled at her shyly. She wrapped her arms around Nicky again and pulled her in for another hug, holding her as close as she could. She buried her nose into the crook of Nicky's neck, and she left a small kiss on the skin she found there. It was freckled. Lorna loved Nicky's freckles.
She was planning to spend her whole life like that, with her arms and legs holding onto Nicky, with her eyes closed, just listening to the soft noises of the lake and to Nicky's slow, steady breathes. That was home.
Instead, a big wave of water hit them both.
Nicky – who was already having some troubles holding Lorna for so long – stumbled back and fell into the water, collapsing with Lorna on top of her.
They were submerged by cold. Nicky held Lorna close and opened her eyes, trying to see the brunette woman. Her vision was blurry under the surface, but she spotted the porcelain cheeks and soft, dark eyes looking for her as well. Nicky raised her head and pressed her lips against Lorna's forehead, but she didn't kiss it properly not wanting to choke in a lake.
They hit the surface again, a giggling mess, both dripping with water. Lorna just held herself closer to Nicky, who didn't know how the fuck did they end up where the water was just barely under their chins. To be true, Lorna's head wasn't under the surface just because she was still holding onto Nicky.
"Boo, you asshole," Nicky snarled, when the woman approached them with a grin.
"You are getting weak, Nichols," Boo teased her. "A small splash and you're done?"
"Hey, it's good that you are back," Yoga Jones said, and Gina agreed. Norma didn't speak, but she just hugged Nicky – and she had to hug Lorna as well, because the girl didn't want to let go of Nicky.
"It's good to see ya, guys," Nicky honestly replied. "Well, I'm not so sure about you Boo, but…"
"Fuck you," Boo replied.
"Do it yourself," Nicky replied, smirking.
Lorna gasped loudly.
"Been there done that."
"What?" Lorna snapped.
Nicky giggled and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Just kidding, kid, I could never with this one."
/
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind.
Nicky hit the surface once again, trying to untangle Lorna's legs from around her neck. The plan was that the brunette had to climb on her shoulders and Doggett on Boo's shoulders, and they would have had a little playful fight, that Nicky expected to win.
"Told ya so, ya can't beat us," Doggett smirked, high-fiving Boo.
"You are just lucky," Lorna said.
"Yeah, if I hadn't been starved for two months, I'd be in much better shape than this," Nicky said shaking her head.
Lorna's eyes were immediately on hers. "What? You weren't eating well, in there? Oh, but you should be checked by a medic, those things never end well. You know, my sister stopped eating once and…"
"That's not the case, kid," Nicky assured her, kissing the top of her nose. Lorna seemed unsure, but one more kiss from Nicky calmed her a bit.
Nicky looked around nervously. She was looking for a redhead Russian in the crowd.
"Oh, come on, do you really think she would join us in the water?" Boo raised her eyebrow. "I'll be damned if I ever see Red getting messy."
"There she is," Gina added, pointing at a spot on the riverside where Red was chatting with Mendoza. Nicky didn't see her earlier, but now she did. And meeting Red's gaze for the first time in so long sent another shiver down her spine. That woman was her mother, blood or not.
When Red saw her too, Nicky could spot the shock on her face, that was also reflected into her own big eyes.
"C'mon," Lorna playfully tapped her arm, "go see her."
Nicky pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, whispered and I love you and then she started walking back towards the sand.
She started running as soon as the water wasn't too deep, and she didn't stop until she found herself wrapped into Red's arms. She held her compulsively, and she couldn't stop herself from crying. This felt like home. It was right.
"Oh, Nicky," Red said in her strong Russian accent. "Why do you always have to be so damn stubborn?"
"Don't know, Ma," Nicky spoke, blushing in shame. "But I don't want to let you down. I'm clean, and the drug wasn't even mine. It was fucking Luscheck."
Red pulled away slightly and cupped Nicky's cheeks, looking straight into her eyes. And she knew that Nicky was telling the truth. "I know you aren't lying, and I'm so proud of you, doch'"
Nicky felt herself tearing up, and Red promptly brushed away her tears, leaving a motherly kiss to her forehead.
As soon as she was sure she wasn't going to cry anymore, Nicky let out a soft chuckle and moved her dripping hair from one shoulder to the other. "I got you all wet, Ma," she said. "Now you just have to dive in with us."
"On my dead body, Nicky," the Russian warned her. But Nicky was already starting to drag her towards the water.
/
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose, I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh-oh
Give me all of you, oh
Later that night, Nicky was exhausted. She was laying in her bunk-bed, listening to Lolly and her new two bunk-mates snoring lightly. She would have hated that if it wasn't for the small girl curled into her arms, sleeping quietly.
Lorna looked even smaller when she was asleep, curled up on herself like a kitten, hugging the stuffed owl that Nicky bought for her at the commissary. Her head was rested on Nicky's forearm, and her nose was nuzzling Nicky's neck.
The younger girl looked so peaceful, away from all the pain and horror she had to go through during her life. God, Nicky was still raging when she thought of what had happened with Tony. Lorna still had a small scar on her wrist, caused by that douchebag holding her too tightly.
Nicky pushed the bad thoughts away, because now she was with Lorna. She was there to protect her from anyone, and to make her happy. Nicky wrapped tightly her free arm around the brunette Italian, who emitted a content sigh and snuggled closer to her.
.
Lorna woke them both up at three in the morning, because of a nightmare. She woke up crying and yelling for help. Nicky was up before she could even open her eyes, taking Lorna into her arms and holding her as close as she could. She rocked the brunette, pressing soothing kisses to her temples until Lorna's breath slowed down, and the tiny Italian was finally able to brush her tears away.
"Had a bad dream, kid?" Nicky asked, brushing her hair soothingly. Lorna shyly nodded into the crook of her neck, making deep breaths.
"T-Tony," she confusedly babbled, "I d-dreamed 'bout Ton-Tony."
"Was that ass hurting you, kid?"
"No, uh, he was—he was tr-trying to hurt—to hurt you," Lorna whispered, and she clutched her firsts around Nicky's wrists. Her dark eyes met Nicky's big ones, and the older woman could clearly see a glimpse of psychopathy in them, but she wasn't afraid. She knew how to deal with that.
Nicky pulled Lorna onto her lap, cuddling her and pressing soft kisses to her forehead and nose. "It's okay, Lorna. I'm right here, and he is not going to hurt me. And I would sure as hell kick him in the balls if he even dares looking at you again. But that won't happen, because he is in jail now, kid. And he is not coming back, baby. He is not."
Lorna nodded her head, sniffling. She believed Nicky.
"Come on kid, you have to distract yourself a little," Nicky ruffled her hair. "Talk to me about something, won't ya?"
Lorna looked at her in disbelief through the darkness; nobody ever asked her to talk. They used to call her psycho, or insane, or sick whenever she said what was going on in her head. She had plenty of things she wanted to talk about, yet she chose to go soft.
"You know I can speak a little Italian?" Lorna asked, with her weird accent that Nicky loved so much.
Nicky raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
Lorna nodded proudly. "Course I do, my Mamma taught me a little," she said, "And my Papà taught me too. You know that you have two ways to say I love you in Italian?"
"Yeah?"
"Yes, that's the kind of I love you that you would say to Red, 'cause you love her in a motherly way. And you say ti voglio bene in those cases," Lorna said to her. "And then there is the other one. The kind of I love you that I would say to you."
Nicky brushed her bangs away from Lorna's eyes. "And how do you say that?"
"Ti amo," Lorna said, looking straight into Nicky's eyes. "I love you, Nicky."
"I love you, too, sleepyhead," Nicky said, and Lorna actually yawned. Nicky helped her laying down again, and Lorna snuggled into her arms once more, her nose buried in Nicky's throat, her head resting between her collarbone and her chin.
Nicky was lazily stroking her back, holding back a yawn. "Ya know, when I was in Max, the only thing that kept me safe was thinking about you."
"Hm?"
"I thought about you all the time, and—there were some bad people who sold drugs, and—"
"Nicky?" Lorna worriedly interrupted.
"Don't worry, kid. I didn't take them, because I was thinking about you. I didn't want to disappoint you, I wanted to be good for you. And it's been a real hell, because I couldn't breathe almost all of the time. But you were always in my mind, reminding me that I don't have to—give up," Nicky's voice cracked a little. Lorna turned into her arms and kissed her gently.
"I'm so proud of ya, Nicky," she said. Then she snuck her cold fingers under Nicky's shirt, drawing hearts on her smooth skin. It wasn't sexual, it was just intimate. Lorna never got to reciprocate Nicky's sexual attentions, but she was still good at making her feel loved. When her fingers reached the long scar between Nicky's breasts, the straw-haired woman let out a small gasp.
Lorna knew why.
"You don't have to be ashamed of your scars, Nicky," Lorna whispered. "You take care of mines all the time, let me do this for you, let me take care of you," she said. "I love all of you, Nicky. All your scars, everything. Ti amo, and that's not going to change. You are my everything."
Nicky nodded, blinking furiously to make her tears go away. She wasn't very convincing, though. Lorna felt her tears and brushed them away with soothing kisses.
And when their eyes met, Nicky knew. She knew that Lorna wasn't completely psychotic, she was sweet, she was savable. She could save her. Nicky knew that if she was on her own, Lorna would have probably gone over the edge by now, but this wasn't the case. Because Lorna was letting Nicky taking care of her, and Nicky was allowing Lorna to do the same.
"Ti amo as well then," Nicky said, giving her an Eskimo kiss. Lorna giggled, and the cuteness of her lover made Nicky smile inside. The older woman snuck a hand under Lorna's shirt as well, rubbing gentle circles just around Lorna's belly button. She knew that it calmed the petite Italian so much.
"That's not how you say that," Lorna said, but she didn't say anything else. Well, besides just one more sentence, barely audible through her sleepiness. "I'm glad you are back, Nicky."
"Yeah, me too, kid," Nicky said, pressing a kiss to her lips and then to her forehead. "Me too."
/
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard.
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose, I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you.
I give you all of me
And you give me all of you.