Mistakes Sting

Synopsis: At just 19, Bella had the man of her dreams - but she threw it all away because she convinced herself to wake up. Flash forward four years she's regretting her decision more than ever, wishing she could go back to sleep. She's more in love with him but maybe she's too late. Rated M, Lemons in later chapters, canon couples.

Characters aren't mine.

Enjoy

ONE

Four years ago

I am about to destroy this.

Destroy us.

Destroy him.

Destroy me.

Everything was about to be obliterated.

"I love you," he kisses my bare shoulder, pulling my back tight to his chest.

Sweat still lingers on my body from the passionate sex we'd just finished. It had been earth shaking. Stopping had felt like a crime. I wanted it to continue. I wanted this to continue. I loved him more than anything else.

I was almost 20.

He was 23.

"I'll never stop. With all that's in me I'll love you, Bella," he drops another kiss entirely unaware of the weight it's leaving behind.

God I love you too.

For five months he'd been mine. I'd barely gone a day not thinking of him. Each morning I'd wake to a text, each night I'd go to sleep sending one. He'd send me flowers, he'd surprise me after classes. Everything about him was perfect, which is why it had to stop. I couldn't do this to him.

We met at a bar. He was with his friends and I was serving drinks. I'd thought he'd never notice me in a million years. But when a guy by the bar got a little too handsy as I was clearing glasses, Edward intervened. He'd shoved him away, taking my hand.

He'd told the man I was his girlfriend. I'd be in such shock that he'd even cared enough to help, let alone call me his. I remained shocked when he took me for pizza after my shift. When he spent all night getting to know me, insisting I let him take me on a date.

It didn't even cross my mind he was the definition of rich. Not until months later when he took me home to meet his family. When he showed me the mansion, the cars, the membership to the country club, the private jet. I was way out of my depth in my Walmart purchased jeans.

But in spite of all the fortune, I felt like I was the richer one. For having him by my side. But my selfishness had run its course. I was on a beer diet attempting to drown in champagne.

The Moet was running empty.

He could achieve so much more without this weight. Without the baggage. I wasn't prepared to lasso him down. Not so young.

He has dreams. It's not too late for him to chase them and in the long run he would thank me for the sacrifice. For giving him the get out of jail free card. I just had to make him believe it.

"I love you," I whisper, "but we can't do this."

His plans were big. Bigger than this. He would rule the world one day and I would be unworthy. I was a freshman starting out, he was preparing to leave college behind and follow in footsteps made for him before he could walk himself.

He'd one day come to own his father's company.

I'd be left behind in the dust.

"Babe?" He sits up confused staring down at me.

Covering my chest with the blanket I sit up too. He'd set up a picnic in the boot of his car, overlooking all of Seattle. Romance was all or nothing for Edward. He'd completely swept me off my feet, never dropping me.

Tonight was my goodbye.

"I just can't do this. I have to break up with you," I whisper, "you know this wasn't going to ever last."

"What the fuck do you mean?" He shakes his head.

I swallow back bile. Threatening myself to do this as I had planned.

Reminding myself hurting him now would save him pain down the track.

"I mean you have huge things ahead and I am going to get in your way," I say, "I am going to hold you back."

"What? That's not true at all," he sighs, "you can walk beside me. Not behind."

"I can't," I say, "we can't continue this. Not when…"

He cups my face, pressing a kiss of desperation to my lips.

He'll never know how close that alone came to changing my mind.

But it was made up. I was doing this because I love him.

Some of the most difficult decisions we make are to protect others, regardless of how much they hurt us in the process.

"I'm sorry. This is what I want," I say, "I can't deal with the pressures that will be put on you. I'm not strong enough."

"I won't put any pressure on you," he begs.

"Edward. I can't be the woman who follows you into a corporate world. Your family owns hotels. I can't follow you around to check mints on pillows," tears escape my eyes, threats to fall now coming to fruition.

"Then don't," he shakes his head.

Just spit it out.

"I can't do it because…" I take a large gulp of air.

"Do it because I love you. Let me be with you. These past few months have been the best of my life," he whispers desperately.

"I'm pregnant, god damn it," I snatch my hands free and shrink away from him.

I'm ashamed.

Now

Little legs straddle my stomach, hands on my face.

They push at my cheeks until my lips pucker, an exhausted groan slipping through.

"'Mummy," a small voice giggled, "fishy."

I slowly open my eyes to see my son looking down at me, highly amused.

"I told you to stop playing with my face," the croak of my voice is laced with my lack of sleep.

"I'm hungry," he sighs dramatically, falling sideways onto my mattress.

"Nice to meet you, hungry. I'm your momma," I wrap my hand around his small ankle, squeezing playfully.

"My name... not hungry," he sits up on his knees, energetic for 6am, "my name is Gage."

"I know. I gave you it," I say, "can't we just sleep a little longer, little man?"

"No," he crosses his arms, pouting, "you pinky swore."

I didn't.

"Who taught you that again?" I ask him.

"Aunne Rosie," he says.

I can't wait till my best friend has kids of her own. I have so much payback to catch up on.

"Remind me to yell at her," I sigh while sitting up.

"That's not nice," he leaps from my bed, his feet hitting the wooden floors.

The sound which made my heart soar. Little feet down the hallway, often followed by the roar of his toy trucks or his self made plane sound effects.

"Yeah well she deserves it," I mutter.

I let my son guide me into the kitchen, letting him instruct me to make toast with spaghetti dinosaurs. I ignore the mess he's making at my dining table with his lego blocks while he eats.

Mum rule one:

Pick battles.

The doorbell buzzes and I look down at my attire. An old football jersey, belonging to the person of my past, falls to my thigh. But to run back upstairs and back… well they might be gone. Or worse Gage will answer it despite my hounding for him to never answer it without me.

"Be back," I ruffle Gage's messy copper hair as I race past him.

The cold hits me as soon as I pull the hard wood open. But it has nothing to do with the weather. Chills are the usual response I get from him.

"Bella," he smiles at me, "are my children ready?"

Staring up at his face I blink confused. After all this time I still found myself struggling to speak when he looked at me like that. The crooked grin he'd passed onto my son in full glory before me.

His eyes assess me, travelling down my body and back up to my exhausted face

Did he just check me out?

I look like a truck dragged me down the street. He hadn't seen me in this shirt since that night we won the finals. Edward had been a football player.I would drive him wild wearing his shirts. I'd never given this one back.

I'm imagining it.

"The kids? The weekend away?" He points back at his car.

"Weekend away?" I gasp and hit my head.

"You forgot," his eyes narrowed.

"Fuck no. It's just," I step back motioning him to follow, "I had a long night. Come on in."

"I can't. Tanya is in the car," he motions to his fancy Volvo, where a blonde woman stands staring at her phone, chewing gum.

Just the influence I want around my kids.

"Wait huh. You're introducing someone to them?" I ask confused, slightly irritated.

Edward and I had split years ago. Agreeing to coparent, agreeing to put feelings aside so he could pursue his dreams. I'd convinced him that being just a mum with a little town job got me through, but I think I was still working on myself.

I wanted to make sure he got to see through his ambitions. And he did. Despite his hesitation I'd managed to convince him that I'd carry the load so he could do his fair share when he could.

We have both had our fair share of dates, he just didn't know about mine. I'd often avoid telling him. I'd never once explicitly told him I was dating. He however wasn't shy about it. Despite our ventures, introducing new people to our kids was a line we'd agree to discuss crossing when the time came.

"She's met them already," he shrugs.

"Wait. Sorry," I hold a hand up, truly pissed now, "you introduced some stranger to my children."

"Our children," he shakes his head, "don't make this a big deal."

"Why didn't they tell me?" I look back toward the kitchen.

"I bribed them not to," he admits, "look we have to hit the road."

"Well Brielle is sleeping still. She was sick all night," I snapped over my shoulder as I headed to the stairs, "your son is in the kitchen building China with lego and spaghetti. Fix him up and send him up. I'll change them and have them ready for you and your majesty."

"Bella. Don't be like that," he huffs.

"I'm being like nothing," I look back at him from halfway up the stairs, "I'm happy for you."

"You don't look it," he raises an eyebrow.

I try my best to flash a smile at him. Only I fail. It's sarcastic and bitchy. Because how dare he not discuss bringing someone into their lives without running it by me. So I could answer their questions and comfort them.

Twins had come as a massive shock to the both of us. I insisted he pursued his career despite his reservations. He travelled a lot for work, but when he was around his kids adored him. He was the perfect father. He supported them financially and made sure I was never too out of my depth.

I settled for floristry at a local store, with great hours and flexibility for the kids. When Edward was in town he had them every second weekend and two week nights a week.

Handling two four years old was tough.

Handling their father was just plain difficult.

Especially when I never for a second stopped loving him.

Thanks for reading!

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