"How many books do you have?"
"Two. You?"
Barry stared blankly back at Chris. "What do you mean how many books we have? The rest. We have all the rest."
Chris looked to Leon who was staring pointedly at him, his complexion red with frustration.
"I have seven," Josh chimed in.
"Oh, that's game." Barry and Josh stood up to high five each other across the table.
Leon threw his hand of cards down angrily. "Jesus, Chris. How could you suck so badly at a game? We lost five times in a row."
"That's just in this game," Josh reminded, clearing away the empty beer bottles littering the table top.
Chris stacked his two books of cards face down, mirroring Leon's frustration. He wanted to play Texas Hold 'Em again, but Barry literally had all of his money. He had nothing else to bet that he didn't want to risk losing. Playing Spades seemed like a welcomed change at the time.
"Look, Spades isn't my thing."
Barry nodded in agreement, thumbing through the small collection of cash in his hands.
"You suck at poker, you suck at Spades- Is there anything you don't fail at, Redfield? I'm surprised you can do your job," Leon jabbed, folding his arms across his shoulders petulantly.
Josh threw up his arms in defeat. "Here we go again."
Chris leaned forward in his chair and squinted at Leon. "You wouldn't last a day at the BSAA."
Leon waved him off. "How could it possibly be difficult to do anything with five other people backing your six? There's 300 bullets flying at one zombie at any given time."
"The hardest thing about your job, Kennedy, is not fucking the girls you come to rescue."
Chris did not succeed in bristling him. Leon sat up proudly. "I didn't sleep with all of them. Ashley Graham got cut."
Chris applauded his moral steadfastness slowly. "One girl."
Leon rolled his eyes upward in recollection. "And Hunnigan. But I definitely slept with your old partner, Jill."
"Bullshit," Chris returned through a burp, brows flying up in surprise.
"Oh, and Jessica."
"Who hasn't slept with Jessica?"
Leon continued, counting off his fingers. "Ada."
Chris sighed. "Ok, Leon."
"And Claire."
Barry pushed away from the table.
"I will fucking flip this table to get to you, Kennedy," Chris warned, wagging a finger at him.
"And Sheva is pending." The words had barely left his mouth before Josh was looming over him, fists balled. Leon threw up his hands in surrender.
"Sorry, Josh."
"You're so full of shit. Despite all your escapades and womanizing, I'm still consensus favorite."
Leon shook his head. "You're nobody's favorite, big guy. All that muscle and you still need Seal Team 6 to help you through your day."
Barry looked perplexed. "All this over a few hands of cards?" He ousted his cigar on the coaster under his glass and finished the rest of his beer in a swig. "Goodnight. I'm not interested in playing referee again."
He flagged out his jacket draped over the back of his chair and slipped into it. He nodded to Josh before dashing out the front door.
Leon and Chris sat across from one another with folded arms, unyielding. "I'll bet you five large that you'd get killed being me."
Chris flared up. "Professional babysitter?" He spat. "You're on!" He held out a hand to stop Josh who was hurriedly making his exit after Barry. He stuck out his other hand to Leon.
"Josh, we need a witness."
Josh sighed heavily, relenting.
They shook hands.
"O six hundred, tomorrow," Leon informed.
"O dark thirty," Chris countered, baring down on his hand. Josh broke past their hands as though he were unclasping a seatbelt strap.
"See you guys next week."
Chris leafed through the manilla envelope in his hands, pouring over his mission brief. Rather, Leon's mission briefing. There was an earpiece, a handgun, a PDA and picture of the victim, the wife of a high profile South American politician.
He ogled the picture. She was a Spanish bombshell in a tangle of legs and hair. "Mrs. Eva Bonnevista. At your service." He slipped in the earpiece and tucked the gun in his waistband. He felt particularly naked in simple jeans and a dry fit shirt, but it helped with maneuverability.
Of course, she had been kidnapped. Of course, her kidnappers had whisked her off to a remote village no one had ever heard of before now. He scoffed at the prospect of dodging rocks from this primitive society. He jogged long the trail toward the village following the guidance of the GPS. Her beacon was flashing feverishly just inside the log cabin before him. No one was in sight. This was going to be so easy. He would save Princess Peach in record time and meet up with rescue like a Norse god with her draped over his shoulders. He was going to go through this whole mission with Meek Mill on loop.
Leon toggled the doorknob to the briefing room and let himself in, forty minutes late and unapologetic. What the fuck time exactly was O dark thirty? A group of five heavily geared men with assault rifles gawked at him. He slammed the door shut behind him, awkwardly adjusting his vest and knee pads. The geared weighed a ton.
"Captain Kennedy. Your new Alpha leader." He saluted the group at full attention. No one responded to him in kind.
A bald man on bended knee dared to question him. "Where's Captain Redfield?"
Leon waved him off. "Sorry I missed the meeting. You guys know where we're going? Yes? Good."
He held open the door and gestured with his gun down the hall. "We've wasted enough time already."
No one budged. The bald one spoke again. "Do you even know what the objective is?"
Leon shrugged carelessly. "Rendezvous with Delta, take down giant creature smashing up the place, report. Amiright?"
The bald one shook his head at his oversimplification.
"You." Leon pointed directly at him. "What's your name?"
"I'm your commanding Lt, Dylan Merz."
"So, You're the beta wolf."
Merz balked. "What?"
Leon rolled his eyes. "This is already frustrating. Let's just go. The Humvee isn't going to wait forever."
Reluctantly, the team filed out the room, stealing passing glimpses at Leon in his ill-fitting BSAA gear holding the door open.
Chris flanked the cabin door and readied his gun, counting down from three before he rushed the door like a charging bull.
"Oh my God!" The damsel in distress flew up out of her chair and held up her hands over her head. She was in a tattered floor length evening dress. Her jewelry was still swaying in her ears and her heels were coupled in one hand.
Chris raised his gun to the ceiling and checked the room quickly before coming over to her.
"Are you hurt?"
"Mr. Kennedy?"
Chris' expression stagnated immediately. "Mr. Kennedy? No, no. Chris. Call me Chris."
She was definitely the one in the picture. But he had to ask. "Eva Bonnevista?"
She dropped her arms and looked at him incredulously. "Are the wives of other South American diplomates here as well?"
Oh, God. This kitten had claws. "Let's just get you out of here, okay?" He led the way out the door boldly. Suddenly, every villager on the island had surrounded the cabin.
"What the fuck!"
Chris backed into the cabin and slammed the door shut. "Where did they all come from?" He shoved a table up against the door and spun around looking for another means of egress.
Eva folded her arms and tapped her foot, unimpressed. "They've been here the whole time. I don't know how you missed them."
"Yeah, yeah. Later for that. I don't have enough bullets."
Her eyes flew open in panic. "What are we supposed to do?"
Chris flew around the cabin wildly. "Get the fuck out." He looked up at the sunroof over head. "Here."
He linked his fingers and prepared for her to step into his hands. She started back at him blankly.
"What do you expect me to do?"
"Open the latch to the sunroof, climb out onto the roof then give me a hand."
She looked him up and down. "Really. Is it that simple? How much do you weigh? Like two-o-five? I'm sure I can muscle you up," she said sarcastically, running her hands along her hips.
"I'm built for form, not function."
The front door began to protest the table. He was running out of time already.
Leon spoke to into a static filled earpiece. "Hunnigan. Come in, Hunnigan."
A light tap on his shoulder. He looked back at Merz and raised a finger.
"I'm trying to get a mission update."
They were staged around the corner of an emptied casino. The bioweapon they had come eradicate was in the center district, growling and pawing away at the evacuated businesses.
"We report to command! Who the fuck is Hunnigan?" Merz whispered harshly.
Oh yeah. There was no Hunnigan. "Hey, yeah. Sorry."
"One more thing."
"What?"
"We move as a single entity."
He had said that about the three times Leon had advanced silently without telling them to fall in behind him. By the time they noticed he was gone they were a good block away from him.
He rolled his eyes in defiance. Merz watched in horror as Leon began to shed armor. The knee pads came off last and joined the tactical vest and waist holster.
"What are you-"
"Just stay on my six! Move!"
With the weight loss, Leon shot out from behind cover and sprinted across the parking lot with his surprised team trying to keep up, all the while the giant bioweapon was tracking them with its eyes.
"Incoming!"
A car went flying after them, wiping out two team members. Leon didn't break stride as he slid across the hood of a parked car and rolled behind a dumpster for cover. Merz and the last surviving two members fell in behind him, out of breath and terrorized by his tactics.
Unphased, Leon jutted out an expectant hand toward the men, eyes locked on the raging Bioweapon.
"Rocket Launcher."
"Mr. Kennedy! What are we going to do?" Chris' confused company was turning about at every bang on the hut they were in.
"We stick to the plan!" Chris wove his fingers and gestured for her to leap up to the roof.
"What about you?"
Chris shook his head. "Don't worry about me. I can handle these carnies."
Eva nodded. Without another word, she sprang into his awaiting palms and marveled as she soared up to the sunroof with ease. She was enamored by his show of strength by the time she had scrambled onto the roof. She peered down to look after him just as the door gave way to the attacking villagers.
"You're the bravest man I ever knew, Mr. Kennedy!"
"It's Chris!" Came the shouted correction.
She nodded and dabbed a tear from the corner of her eyes. "I pray that they cannibalise you only after they've killed you!"
His startled response was lost in the crack of gunfire.
Leon felt heat traveling across his palm when Merz slapped it away viciously. He flagged his hand as he looked back at him in surprise.
"We don't have a rocket launcher, you simp!"
"Then hand me a grenade!"
Merz pointed back across the parking lot they had sprinted from. "You left them! Along with your bulletproof vest! That's it! I'm calling for immediate extraction."
Leon sprang up and snatched away Merz's radio. "You cant!" He protested, football spiking the radio onto the asphalt. "I am the captain now! I've got this."
Leon holstered his side arm. He had heard rumors of Chris' raw strength. If Chris could punch a boulder, then surely a well-placed wheel kick would fall this organic Titan. He was sure of it. It wasn't too late to take this mission back. Merz would believe in him. The remainder of his team would believe in him. More importantly, Chris would lose the bet.
He took off with reckless abandon toward the bioweapon. It was a good 8 feet tall, humanoid golem with a pulsing center, begging to be targeted. Leon locked in on that as he leapt across from car to car through wake of destruction alight with fire. As he came within striking distance, the golem turned to face him. Leon took flight, superman punch cocked back and ready to fire.
He handed between the hands of the creature who dismissed him like a piece of lightweight trash. He fell in a crumbled heap, unconscious.
The moment he fell still, Merz commanded the team to close in and open fire, concentrating on the throbbing orb. In moments, the creature had fallen, the mission was complete, and Leon was being air lifted to the hospital.
Chris thrashed, stabbed, and shot his way toward the exit. He parried pitchforks, back hoes, watering cans and shovels. He mashed fallen bodies under foot. As he exited the hut, he noticed Princess Peach outside, barefoot, stiletto in hand braining her own fair share of hostiles.
She crashed into him dramatically once all hostiles were down. Chris caught her exhausted body in his arms. She was even hotter sullied with the spattering of contaminated villager.
"You were incredible, Mr. Kennedy," she huffed, batting her feathery eyelashes at her hero.
Chris tried to remain stoic and professional. "Let's get you to the extraction point, Mrs. Bonnevista."
Chris was impressed. Leon always crowed about utterly impotent or how much of a liability these hostages were. Ashley Graham was a thirsty little tease with a fetish for mediaeval cosplay. The fat little German boy he got back from a drug lord the year after cried loudly and attracted unwanted attention.
But Mrs. Eva Bonnevista hobbled along behind him clutching her weapon of choice: a single black stiletto he would gladly drink champagne out of. But not on duty. And not before it was sterilized, and void of human remains.
"Mr. Kennedy…"
Chris bristled but did not correct her again.
"I have to say, the stories I heard about you being a ladies' man don't appear to be true."
Chris stopped in his tracks and turned to face her, insulted. Firstly, there were rumors about Leon being a ladies' man in a professional setting and secondly, he wasn't selling it?
"I am very handsome," Chris defended, jabbing a finger in his chest.
"That doesn't make you charming."
"You're a married woman, Mrs. Bonnevista."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "To a 75-year-old man who cannot consummate his marriage because he is religiously prohibited from taking aids."
Chris shook his head. This was all just too much. "Fine." He pulled out his earpiece and threw his sidearm to the ground. It was empty anyway.
He spread his arms out wide in invitation. "Take me."
Her lips smashed against his. He felt her thigh ride up along his leg. This was a mistake. But it was one he would make as Leon, not Chris.
Several weeks later…
Leon sat across from a glowing Chris. He had been smiling stupidly at him all night. If he didn't know any better, he would think that he was flirting with him. Josh and Barry batted their eyes back and forth between the two, cards in hand.
Barry set down his hand and ran his fingers through his hair. "Ok. Let's just get this over with so we can get on with our lives."
"Leon owes me 5 large," Chris blurted excitedly.
A sigh steamed out of Leon. He tried to whip his hair out of his eyes but his neck brace made that difficult. He sent up a puff of air to do the job for him. He was still sporting some faded bruises and his left arm was nestled in a sling.
"Could you have some class, please? At least finesse them."
"Oh, I plan to," Chris returned. He cleared his throat.
"As you all know, Leon lost the bet. He spent the last 2 weeks at Occupational Therapy while I was received graciously by the South American government. I got honorary citizenship, a medal of honor, and free resort stay. And a letter from Mrs. Eva Bonnevista." He whipped out an envelope he had been nursing all night and tore it open.
"To Whom It May Concern:
Mr. Kennedy will always be welcomed in our country as a true brother and ally of the people. While my time with him was brief, he did not fail to impress with his professionalism, rivaled only by his raw strength. He did not treat me as a damsel in distress and did not dismiss my competence as an assistant, as the rumors about him tend to express. As a lover, he was cautious and considerate though entirely underwhelming despite his best efforts. I do not fault him for this. He excels as an agent and there his skills remain. Please consider our countries forever allies going forward.
Yours,
Eva Bonnevista."
Chris sniggered though the whole reading.
Josh scrunched his face in confusion. "Chris…I gather that she lauded you as an agent, but she basically said you were a mediocre lover at best on official letterhead…"
Chris' grin broadened. "She thinks I'm Leon!"
Josh and Barry joined him in riotous laughter. Josh slapped his knee and Barry didn't apologise for the playful shove that nearly knocked him from his chair. Leon made no reaction though he was silently seething. That was going to be in his file forever. He stiffed in his chair and threw an envelope across the table at Chris when the laughter had died down.
"There's your 500 dollars."
Chris snatched up the envelope. "500? Leon, five large is five grand."
Leon shrugged. "How was I supposed to know that? We never settled on an official number."
Chris soured. "I should beat the difference out of you."
"Well, if you do decide to, I have excellent health insurance now thanks to your stellar work. But should you damage those hands of yours, know that you have none, because you were fired."
Chis balked. "What?!"
Leon blew the pesky strand of hair from his eyes again.
"Yeah, turns out I didn't do so great as you. That stool pigeon Merz went straight to the powers that be after we landed. So yeah, no job, no health insurance." He shrugged again. "Basically, one woman on record thinks I'm a trash lover but you got me a promotion, an honorary citizenship, and my insurance is paying for this," he paused to raise his arm with a wince, "meanwhile you're a jobless lummox that sucks in the sack. I'd consider this a win for me if I'm honest."
Silence.
Barry looked up from the card table, aghast. "Oh my God! That was a terrible idea!"
Josh leaned over to his friend and patted his arm reassuringly.
"I will go in on Monday. Sort this out." He gathered the cards into a neat pile. Barry leaned over and politely closed Chris' loose jaw.
"Meanwhile, let's play Go Fish and give Chris a chance. He needs the money."