For anyone who is just coming across this story, you really ought to read Muselover1901's stories. The stories are so good! Muse posts her work on Tumblr, AO3, and on Fanfiction. And honestly, she's an incredible writer! She mostly writes ZenYuki, but if you go through her stories, you'll find a friendship fic or two that are also worth your time. She's written less than ten stories, so you could easily go and bingeread her writing in one day and have a fun time. She does a lot for ANS, and her writing is unbelievably amazing. So, do go check out her stories on whichever site you'd prefer, and you'll be in for a lovely time.
For Muselover1901, I hope you really like this story! I know prior to this I have never written horseback riding that I can recall, so hopefully, I did a good job writing this for you. I usually try to write appreciation gift fics for people that I haven't talked to as much, but I clearly failed at doing so this time. And it's because I wasn't going to let our friendship keep me from letting you know just how incredible you are! I still really love your stories, and I did recently go back and read the three that I gushed about back in January, if you remember? I just reread them this past week, and sat down with merely a Google search and some great friends to steer me in the right direction as far as how horseback riding works, so hopefully, this turned out okay? I just want to let you know that I really appreciate all you do for this fandom, for the Server, for what we are doing now, for your stories; you are part of the reason that the ANS fandom is beautiful and wonderful! I really hope that this story brings a smile to your face, and is a wonderful start to your week.
It's different, not necessarily in a bad way to approach a horse, knowing that for once, it isn't another mission, nor for riding lessons. Instead, it's a slow day, and an even slower moment. The horse whinnies softly, as Zen approaches it, hand already resting flat next to the mane, petting the horse, calming her down.
It's surreal, because Shirayuki isn't about to hop onto the horse, and ride towards some place in dire need of an herbalist or head somewhere for research. It's a moment of quiet possibilities today, and yet, now it's Zen who will be up there with her. And that is somehow even more nerve-wracking than normal.
It's one thing to ride by herself, let her and the horse almost feel like one creature, as chances reach out upon each other, and a new path is laid out before them, a much easier and quicker way for Shirayuki. A destination that the horse may not have known for any horse, she climbs up onto.
And it's different than riding with Mitsuhide or Obi, where there is nothing but solid friendship between them. Mitsuhide, a brother that Shirayuki had never known before that one day, just inside of Clarines, and Obi, a home that she'd never anticipated.
Zen carries a special kind of home within him, a light not unlike a candle lit up in his heart, a place to find warmth and light, a reminder to keep going. Yet, Zen isn't merely a normal friend, hasn't been really the whole time she knew him, even when she'd convinced herself quite well that she wasn't falling in love with him.
And she worries that somehow stepping onto the horse will be a shared moment of warmth, of intimacy, of baring too much of her soul to him at once. There is minimal distance up there, and she knew her heart wouldn't race sitting in front of Izana, or at least not out of something that's so hard to define, but with Zen, her heart may hammer against his back.
She may feel as if they, for a moment, are as close as a married couple, body and soul, almost like riding with just a horse, one being instead of two or three, if you counted the horse. It's a little pool of anxiety that slides up her throat, but she doesn't show it. She knows how much Zen was excited for today, how he'd count their days off as exceptional days, and how he'd always wanted to ride with her.
She'd felt too vulnerable, the first time that she'd traded carriage for horse, to share that with Zen, felt as if there needed to be some time in between, and then after that experience, after realizing how bonding riding a horse could be, she grew a little nervous to share that with Zen, a little unsure of where that would take them.
Sometimes recently, she wished she could hold it off to marriage, make it seem less intimate for the moment, and hold it off until a moment where it felt right to do so. Yet, Shirayuki knows that if she doesn't do this, she'll keep pushing it back, and it might never happen. It's not like she doesn't really want to ride a horse with Zen; she does! It's just hard to get over that little bump in the way.
And Zen climbs on with all the grace and the ease of someone who has been riding a horse for years, someone who knows just where to place his feet by muscle memory and instinct than anything more attentive. And he offers a hand.
With nerves and the horse's height, it feels like climbing a mountain to get up behind Zen, and somehow when her hands slip around his waist, and pull herself closer, Shirayuki wonders if there was any way to deafen her heartbeat, to let herself feel less like she's holding onto Zen, give or take in life.
Zen is so undeniably warm, and where sometimes Mitsuhide is too tall, too muscular, or Izana too strangely adult, Zen is somehow right where he needs to be. She doesn't feel like a child sitting up here behind him, and she doubts she would feel so, even if she were in front of him. She just feels safe, and for a moment, Zen rests his hand overtop of one of hers: a gentle reminder that he is here with her.
And then he moves the reins, and she watches behind Zen's back as the ground seems to disappear beneath them, as if they are floating on air, as if they are on top of the world, looking down, as if they are racing by with only the trees to remind them that they are alive, on earth, brushing past. It's unreal, and as Shirayuki's hands tighten around Zen's waist, a steady reminder that beneath the thrill of it all, Zen is the one in front of her.
It's not Obi, nor Mitsuhide; it is definitely not Izana. It is Zen, and he is warm and safe. He is the one guiding the horse, with years of experience at doing so. It is Zen that helps her stay steady, and it is Zen that is half the reason for her racing heart. The other half is the horse beneath them.
It's no longer nerves that makes her heart race, but the thrill of it all, the wonder of experiencing this with Zen, the proximity that keeps her and Zen so close that distance feels like an unknown object, an unsuspecting number. And when the horse slows down, Shirayuki's heart hasn't quit racing, because it is still Zen up here in the saddle with her.