Immortals don't die.
Immortals are forgotten.
-x-
Sometimes, Xiao couldn't shake the feeling that he had been supposed to do something but no matter how many times he wondered about it he couldn't remember what it was. An irritating, nagging thought for somebody who had all time of the world to ponder about its nature. It was more or else always with him, as certainly as breathing, and accompanied him deep into the darkness of his fights so that he didn't feel the solitude sneak up on him.
Strangely enough, Xiao felt deeper restlessness when he stood on top of the highest point of Wangshu Inn, overlooking the wide plains stretching before his eyes to where the horizon kissed the earth. The wind up here was rustling the leaves of the thick branch he was holding onto and playing with Xiao's hair softly, whispering words he couldn't understand into his ear.
Xiao reached up to brush his cheek with his gloved fingertips, wondering about the familiarity he felt from this touch. His heart was aching for something he didn't know (anymore).
Being alone wasn't a problem, hasn't been a problem for centuries past. Due to the accumulated karmic debt, Xiao preferred being alone, wrestling with himself and his demons anyways. The silent company he couldn't name, a fleeting memory following him in the back of his mind, made being alone very difficult so that Xiao often set out by himself, strolling through the Guili Planes as often as he climbed Qingyun Peak to breathe its high air or bathing in the tranquil waters of Mount Aozang under the gaze of bleak moonlight. These activities distracted him for short moments before being alone turned into being lonely.
But if he was used to solitude, why did it irritate him so much?
(He didn't remember the loss that made him hurt.)
-x-
-x-
Heroes live through story and song.
The singer's voice gives them immortality.
-x-
The song of wind and freedom came naturally to Venti's lips, forming the memories into words for others to listen. It had taken a lot of time to get used to this new body but thanks to it, Venti knew he'd be able to carry on the legacy of the people that had fallen in the war for Mondstadt, singing about their fight and efforts for generations to come. But he also mourned their losses this way, the angry emptiness inside him loud thanks to the God of Time's help (a story to be told a different time).
Venti had believed it would always be like that, the two of them side by side in Mondstadt, living through the days. After all, she was the God of Time - but that was the catch. She was the God of Time, not the God of Eternity, and so, one day, she said: "There will be a time I will be forgotten like everything and every being is forgotten."
It was an ominous promise, a strange thing to say. Mondstadt was peaceful, Teyvat not covered by war. Venti had felt at ease.
"But I'll remember you", he said. "I will sing songs and remind the people. We won't forget", Venti promised. And yet, not even songs and story retained the God of Time in the minds of Mondstadt's people, erasing her completely to dust, her legacy lost forever.
Some things were naturally forgotten, no matter how worth remembering they had been. No matter their past impact on individuals. No matter the consequences.
Venti feared that there might be more things he could forget despite the songs and stories he had. If he wasn't wearing the face of his first friend, would he forget him too?
Forgetting was such a terrible thing.
-x-
-x-
Through the rites of passing one moves on,
and makes one's peace with loss.
-x-
The last time Xiao had gone down to Liyue Harbor had been a solid while ago. Not that time mattered a lot to an immortal, compared to whose life human life was as short as the beat of a butterfly's wings. That was the reason why they paid close attention to time and time periods
(ironic that there was no God of Time?)
and Xiao did not.
"You're preserving memories." Xiao disliked mingling with humans in fear of accidentally spreading his curse or the like, or maybe he had had other reasons for curling up in his room lately. The 77th director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor was an exception somewhat because she understood a lot of things other people closed their eyes to. "Can you help me?"
Hu Tao smiled ghostly and lifted her shoulders into a shrug. "Can I? What does a yaksha like you need help with? What is the price you want to pay?"
The corners of Xiao's mouth twitched, and he shook the feeling of deja-vu that was trailing his every step ever since he entered here. Why did the question about paying prices seem familiar to him?
"I think I forgot something." He crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"Well, if you forgot, then it couldn't have been that important." Hu Tao angled her arms against her upper body, her eyes shimmering with excitement. "Except of course it was!"
"I don't know." He explained the feeling that had been haunting him reluctantly at first, not sure if trusting the director was the right choice in the end, and he was ready to leave the parlor when Hu Tao suggested he might be followed by a malicious ghost and happened to notice its presence times again. He didn't have the time to be playing this mortal's games.
"Ay ay, don't get angry! This is grave business indeed." With a jump across the table that sent ink and papers flying, Hu Tao managed to grab Xiao by the sleeve and pull him back into the chair before he fully got up and jumped back into her seat, growing more serious as if she hadn't just made a mess of the desk. "Did you recently lose somebody close to you?"
Xiao immediately answered "Yes" but then paused, confusion getting hold of him, making him wonder about his quick reaction. He couldn't recall – who had he lost? Since the days of the Archon War Xiao had been alone most of the time and apart from Rex Lapis Xiao could not remember any recent deaths that would've had greater meaning to him.
So why his answer?
Hu Tao crossed her arms in front of her chest and closed her eyes, nodding.
-x-
-x-
...?
-x-
Venti's kisses could be as soft as a summer breeze or as wild and untamed like winter storms and Xiao loved all of them. Mortals said that you could need your loved one like you needed the air to breathe and Xiao learned that his tormented soul could cry in two voices now, one in pain and one in longing. And both of these could be soothed by Venti's presence, by his words and by his touch.
Xiao didn't know how he could've been blessed by the Anemo archon not once but twice already. One day during one of his casual visits, Venti stretched out his pinkie and asked: "Promise we'll stay together, forever?" and then, instead of untangling their pinkies after the promise, he pulled surprised Xiao closer and had their lips meet for the first time in a series to follow.
Loving Venti was easy. They maintained both their freedom, both holding their individual shackles of destiny in heavy hands as well but contrasting to that bonding voluntarily as Xiao and him exchanged a set of rings in a ritual meant for only their eyes. The moon, the stars, the silent waters and nocturnal breeze were their only witnesses.
These were their promises to each other.
-x-
-x-
Mondstadt had once had two gods but over centuries, one of them was forgotten.
Another decades later and nobody remembered the other one either.
-x-
Xiao had never been to Mondstadt ... right?
He had run all the way from Wangshu Inn over plains, through gorges and forests without batting an eye at his surroundings, and now stood before the waters surrounding Mondstadt, this unbearable feeling of missing something by his side again. He thought he had to say something, say even though he was alone, and forced himself to get a grip. What was wrong with him? Why the hurry, why into foreign territories?
Why did he feel like he needed this?
Xiao followed the shore to the bridge and entered Mondstadt unseen, jumping from rooftop to rooftop which were so very different from Liyue buildings. From up here he spotted someone with flaming red hair walking by down below and with a jump landed on the street, naming the person that he had never met before as he got up from his crouching position: "Diluc!"
The man stopped, turned, their confusion mirroring each other's. Why had Xiao called out, why given up his hiding?
"Have we met before?", Diluc asked.
"No." Xiao reached to his head. His head felt like it might burst any moment. "Have we?", he asked.
"I feel that saying 'no' to this is wrong, but unfortunately, I have no recollection." Diluc shook his head. "Excuse me. I'm in a hurry." Xiao watched him leave. It wasn't for him to stop him from leaving.
He wandered through Mondstadt in search for something he didn't know, soon longing for a high place where the wind would play freely with his hair. Climbing Mondstadt among the houses was like ascending when one took the stairs and on its high end there was a cathedral and before the cathedral a great statue. Xiao stopped in front of it, put his head back and looked up at the hooded figure who had their arms outstretched as if to accept an offering or maybe offer something instead. His breathing grew irregular. The irritation grew heavier.
Remember?
"Blessings be with you, Traveller!", a voice interrupted him, snapped him out of it. Xiao lowered his head and looked at the blonde nun next to him, blinked several times to focus his attention to her. "Are you looking for the wind's blessing? Please, extend your hands!" She took his hands gently and Xiao felt healing magic clear some of his exhaustion away. He hadn't even noticed that he was tired. "You look like you've travelled for a long time. Why don't you stay a bit in Mondstadt and rest?" The nun had a pretty smile that invited him to like her and her touch was gentle, caring. Maybe that was the reason why he chose to speak up.
"Do you know someone named Venti?"
"Venti?" She stilled but shook her head. "No, I fear nobody by this name is here in Mondstadt."
"Barbatos?"
"Huh?" She let go of Xiao's hands as if she burnt herself, her eyes widening at this name. All colour was drained from her voice. She flinched back.
"Is he bothering you?", a third voice joined their conversation and the girl almost bumped into this newcomer. This nun was the complete opposite to the one Xiao had been talking to, her eyes hard and judging, her face unsmiling.
"No, Sister Rosaria. I'm ... I'm suddenly feeling so dizzy."
"Don't overwork yourself. It's not worth it." Rosaria kept her watch on Xiao but the yaksha looked up to the statue next to them, his restlessness flaring up again.
-x-
-x-
Learning from the past to shape the future.
Sometimes, sacrifices are the only way to move on.
-x-
The walk to the border between life and death wasn't a place for mortals to be but Hu Tao promised they wouldn't go in deeply this time. The place where forgotten memories rested was elsewhere and far away from where ghosts left the world.
While walking in the strange light, Xiao felt freed from the presence for the first time ever since it joined his side and immediately noticed how used he had grown to having it around. Being without the nagging in the back of mind was like being naked.
"Haya ... look at you. Nothing what happens here is eternal. Time goes on." Hu Tao snapped her fingers against his cheek and brought him back to whatever reality they were walking in. Well, nothing was eternal for a mortal anyway, Xiao guessed.
The place of forgotten memories was a forest, much to Xiao's surprise. The trees here ... they were covered in leaves, but most memory shards were broken. Incomplete. Of course, they were remnants of something forgotten, left here to stay this way. There was no sound in this place other than Xiao's and Hu Tao's footsteps over the ground, the complete silence soothing and at the same time - unsettling. This was not the kind of peace Xiao was longing for.
(The kind of peace he wanted was the sounds of the Dihua flute)
"Go on. Look for it. I'll be waiting here." Hu Tao manifested her spear, rammed its shaft into the ground and leaned against her weapon. Xiao hesitated.
"How do I know what I'm looking for?"
"You forgot it for a reason. You will find it if it's fated."
So he was looking for something (he didn't know what) to restore a memory (he didn't know what either). Maybe it was a good thing that he had all the time of the world.
Xiao didn't know how long he searched, how many broken memories he had brushed his hands through, how much forgotten pieces he caught a gaze on. These were mortal thoughts, mortal past, ideas. One beat of a butterfly's wings.
And then there was a name that made him stop. Made him reach for the shard and look at it.
Venti.
And there was a contract.
-x-
-x-
...
-x-
Venti loved a lot of things.
He loved the clear blue sky, the people dancing and singing in joy,
he loved the animals' sound and travellers going around,
he loved the wrinkles in Xiao's face, his devotion and love nothing could replace.
He laughed for the day and lived for the night and loved to be held when his loved eyes cried.
Between Barbatos and Venti, the wind and the nameless bard, there was what he wanted to remember and memories he wanted to discard.
Not Xiao - Xiao he wanted to hold closely and forget the world with him in the hours when it was only them two. Sometimes, Venti thought about how Morax realised the people he had gifted with Visions cared little for them, and then Venti looked at Xiao, his gratefulness, how soft-spoken he was, the gentle touch of embrace or the trust of letting Venti touch him, and he knew that he didn't regret giving this Vision. He didn't regret loving Xiao.
He loved caressing Xiao's cheek, imagined how his fingertips brushed away all past stains of blood, sweat and tears. He loved playing with Xiao's hair, whispering the wind's secret words to him because he knew that Xiao was listening intently and Xiao would always remember.
Remember.
When somebody loved, somebody remembered. No matter how small, a loved one might recall a detail thought forgotten.
And then.
"One day, you'll forget me." Venti had not meant to say it bluntly. He had thought about telling a story about how forgetting was part of the process as well and there might come a time where he would leave and never come back for reasons he couldn't tell Xiao. And that Xiao had nothing to blame himself for and that he might find someone else to be happy with after Venti. He had not meant to say it this directly.
Xiao, whose head was resting on Venti's lap, opened both eyes, frowning up to him. "What do you mean?" He sounded alarmed.
"Oh, that was just a thought. Because ...", Venti trailed off and averted his gaze from these watchful eyes that would see through every lie, through every fear. With Xiao, Venti was strong. With Xiao, Venti was weak as well. He was reckless by his side but at the same time he feared the loss, feared the damage. Would it have been better if they never had this?
"Venti." Xiao sat up with a jolt and took Venti's face into his, gently forcing him to look at him again. He brushed his thumb of Venti's lips, collected his thoughts to say what was on his mind clearly, to get through to him. "I will never forget you. As long as I breathe, I promise that it will not happen." He leaned forward, his forehead touching Venti's, and their breaths aligned to one.
Venti felt his heart breaking a little bit more.
-x-
-x-
Exchanges are made with things of equal worth.
For taking a memory, one has to leave one.
-x-
With the contract in hands, Xiao remembered and with the memory, a pained scream escaped his throat. With the scream, the trees in the realm of forgotten memories dropped their leaves at the same time, the broken shards exploding into splinters of sand the moment they touched the ground. Xiao fell to his knees with the noise, clinging to the contract in his hands, the words written on there his last hope.
He remembered.
He remembered who he loved - Venti, Venti - and he remembered where he went - Venti, why? - and he knew where to go.
Xiao also knew that he could only pick so much memories to take with him. The rest of them he would need to make anew, to replace the forgotten ones. And when he felt Hu Tao's hand on his shoulder, he opened his eyes and let go of the contract that said: "Exchanges are made with things of equal worth. For taking a memory, you have to leave one. The contract states as thus: When the time comes, you will forget the Anemo archon Barbatos completely, including the time spent together. In exchange for this you will be allowed to keep your feelings of that time as part of yourself."
-x-
-x-
Some contracts left spaces up for interpretation.
If it said to exchange a memory for a memory but never said in proportion one to one,
then the party may use the loophole to decide the proportions as they see fit.
Yanfei says, divide it into fifty fifty!
-x-
Of all prisons Venti could've chosen, he had picked a cave deep in the earth, away from everything he loved in order to protect it from the danger. This place was cold, the stones that were the walls without any greenery, the sunlight would never reach here. The only thing Venti had to penetrate the darkness was an orb of all-consuming flame that illuminated the surroundings, though there weren't any surroundings and only the inner world Venti carried with himself all time. The flame orb was his source of warmth too
(though he'd love to feel Xiao's arms around him instead)
It was better so. For all the things he loved, he could never bear the thought of destroying it once again, with these hands that were meant to protect.
(Like Xiao's hands but the other way around - Xiao's hands had killed when they shouldn't, Venti's hands not yet but were destined to)
"Venti."
Venti's head flew around when he heard the familiar voice and he gasped. He stared, unbelieving. He couldn't believe his eyes. Had hoped but had dreaded.
When Xiao let his mask disappear and took a step forward, Venti jumped to his feet and stretched out an arm, shouting: "Don't come closer! Leave!" He grabbed the flaming orb and pressed it closer to himself, trying to contain the flame inside his heart from burning up and injuring Xiao. Who would've thought - that Venti would destroy everything loved through loving it too much? Who could've known that the flame of passion would manifest to the outside and burn there?
"Venti." Xiao stopped. They simply stood there some distance apart, Xiao looking at Venti but Venti turning his face away to the scorching flames of the orb instead, extended arm into Xiao's direction trembling.
Leave. Please leave.
Please don't leave me alone.
"Venti." Xiao was so relieved. Relieved that Venti was alive. Relieved that he finally remembered. "Venti", he repeated his name like a chant.
"Xiao, please. I'm dangerous!" Venti's voice betrayed him. Betrayed the hot tears that made hissing sounds when they landed on the flames. Cruel sounds in the silence down here. "I told you, forget about me!"
"Why?" Xiao came closer. Venti whipped around, shielding the orb with his back now, both hands on it, shaking his head violently, his braids beating his throat. He didn't want to hear it. He wanted Xiao to leave.
He wanted Xiao to stay.
"Venti, did you want me to hate you for this?" Xiao gripped his chest, threatening to tear his top's fabric. His face scrunched up too. "I don't. Venti, I love you!"
"Why?" Venti was shaking. His entire body was shaking. "WHY? Xiao, why didn't you just forget me and LEAVE? Why are you here? Why? It could've been worse. I could've been worse. At any time I could -"
"Nothing is worse than losing you." Xiao was close now but if he felt the flames from behind Venti's back, felt the heat waves that seemed to grow hotter with every minute, he didn't show it, he didn't flinch. Xiao needed to take two, three more steps and he'd touch Venti with his outstretched arm.
Xiao took another step.
"Even if I happen to destroy another world like I destroyed Khaenri'ah? Even if Teyvat might burn because of me?" Venti's voice trembled, broke away. He was crying. He loved the world, the clear blue sky, the life in it and he wouldn't want it to burn again because of him.
He loved Xiao.
Xiao closed his arms around him tightly, wrapped him into an embrace and pulled him against his chest, burying his face against Venti's neck.
"Who cares?", he asked against Venti's skin. "Let the world burn. What meaning does it have without you in it?"
He, too, was crying.