The Ending ATC to The Desciple
A/N: I have always struggled with this episode. This is Kitty's last episode. Of course, I want to believe that she didn't leave and S 20 was just a bad dream. However, cannon dictates otherwise. And for this one tiny little fic I will go with cannon. This is in response to a request from Themarshalswoman09.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I just like to spend time with them. No other profit to be had.
M&K
"Oh, Matt!" Kitty exclaimed as she saw Matt standing the doorway of the saloon, looking so handsome with a smile on his face. "Are you… I mean…"
"I'm home, Kitty." He moved a little further in, looking around. "Uh, I know you're closing and all but…"
"I'll get you a drink." She started towards the bar but he stopped her.
"Actually, I'd just like to talk for a little bit. I mean, if you're got everything done…."
"I do." She smiled. "Let me lock the doors and put this box up." Quickly, she closed and locked the front doors then grabbed her receipts box and hurried it into her office, quickly locking it in the safe. Grabbing a bottle of her best, she went back into the saloon to find Matt standing in the middle of the room looking around him. "You ready?"
"Yeah." Matt nodded as he moved over to the table she'd been sitting at and pulled out a chair. "I think we need to talk, Kitty. I mean, if you don't mind."
"I don't." She answered as she grabbed a couple of glasses and then moved over to the table, taking a seat in the chair he'd pulled out for her. "Thank you." She murmured as she waited for him to take his seat. Uncorking the bottle, she poured a drink for each of them and pushed his over in front of him. "Now." She locked gazes with him. "What's wrong. You not planning on staying or what?"
"No," he picked up the glass as he shook his head but didn't take a sip of it yet. "No, I'm staying. I realized while I was out there that I belong back here. And I didn't say anything was wrong."
"You didn't have to." She answered pointedly. "I know you well enough to know something's wrong without you saying it. So why don't you say it and tell me what the problem is."
Matt finally took a sip of his drink, setting the glass back down on the table before saying anything. Several long moments went by in silence but Kitty waited. She was an expert at waiting on Matt to talk or show up.
"I've made a decision, Kitty." He finally spoke. "It's probably not what you want but…"
"I want you to be safe." Kitty stopped him. "I want you to quit being a target for every spoiler in Kansas. And yes, I want you to be with me. But, I guess, you're going to tell me I can't have the last one."
Matt shook his head and looked down at the floor, hoping to find the right words to tell her. "Kitty, you know how I feel about you. I…"
"Do I?" She stopped him. She'd been so happy to see him standing in that doorway, but now, after the elation of that moment had settle, the pain and hurt and unhappiness was rapidly moving in to replace it. "Matt, ever since you left town I've sat right here in this saloon, every day, worried about you. I didn't know if you were alive or dead or if I'd see you again."
"I know, Kitty." Matt answered softly. "And I know that wasn't fair to you."
"No, it wasn't." Kitty agreed. "It wasn't this last time and it wasn't the other hundreds of times you did it. But I dealt with all those times because I love you. However, I'm getting the sense here that you don't feel the same." Kitty was fighting with everything she had to keep from breaking down into tears at the thought of that.
"No!" Matt's head jerked up. "Oh, God, no, Kitty. Don't ever think that." Matt hastily reassured her. "I love you more than anyone in this world. That's not what this is about."
"Then what, Matt?" Kitty was now growing confused. "I mean you disappear for a long time and then come back and tell me you want to talk but you don't say anything. The last time you did this was when…" She stopped remembering how he'd acted when he came home from Arizona. "Is… Is there someone… someone else?"
Again Matt shook his head. "No, Kitty. Honestly, it's not anything you're thinking. I do love you and there is no one else in my life but you. But there is something else." He looked down at the empty spot on his shirt where his badge normally hung. "Kitty, I'm taking my badge back. I realized while I was out there in the middle of nowhere that's simply too big a part of me to just give up."
"Even with your arm still a sling?" Kitty questioned. "Even knowing that you're vulnerable that way?"
"Yes." Matt nodded. "Even then. Kitty, I know it's hard for you to understand. I'm not sure I fully understand it myself, but I'm just not ready to give this up. Or maybe it's not ready to give me up. I don't know and I don't know if it matters. It all ends up the same. I cannot quit my job and I can't marry you or keep the promises I made to you about marrying.
Those were promises I had no right to make. In my defense, I did intend to keep them. When we were young, I was positive that I'd be tired of this thing by now and you and I could settle down but I can't. Not yet. Maybe in a year or so…"
Kitty finally took a drink out of her own glass before getting to her feet. "I'm going to douse the lights, Matt and then we're going up to bed. It's late and I'm tired and I think I've heard all about this that I want to tonight."
Matt frowned at her as he got to his feet. "You mean, you still want… I mean even after…"
"Matt, I love you." Kitty smiled up at him. "I always will and I will always want you. Okay?"
Matt grinned, the worry he'd been carrying eased at her words. "Okay."
Early the next morning, while Matt still slept, Kitty rose and quietly got dressed. She had some arrangements to make. What Matt had told her last night, had made up her mind for her. She'd been trying to make a decision but with Matt gone and things up in the air, she couldn't do it. But Matt was home now. He'd made it clear he was not going to choose her over his badge. 'A year', he'd said. She doubted that.
'Maybe,' she thought, 'I shouldn't have taken him up with me last night. Maybe I should have told him last night what I plan to do.' But no sooner did she think that then she shook the notion away. She needed last night to hang onto. It would be something no outlaw could steal or kill. She had a feeling Matt had needed it too.
Going downstairs, she saw her new bartender just coming in. "I've got to go down to the telegraph office." She told him. "I'll be back in a little while."
"Alright, Miss Kitty." He nodded as she turned and walked out.
When Kitty reached the telegraph office, she sent a wire to a woman named Hannah. "I'm ready to make a deal. Come soonest. Kitty." She also sent a wire to Julie Blaine, New Orleans. "New dealer coming your way soon."
"You want to wait for replies to these, Miss Kitty?" Barney asked as he read the puzzling messages.
"No." She shook her head. "There won't be any."
Leaving the telegraph office, Kitty walked slowly down Front Street looking around. Dodge had grown since she'd first arrived. People had left and people had come. Same with businesses. Much like the stages that used to come through twice a day before the train station was built.
Kitty knew, she'd grown too. She'd gone from a poor saloon girl to a not so poor business owner. She'd like to think that she hadn't changed in the last 19 years but she knew she had. Aside from her finances and her figure, she was wiser now. Stronger in a lot of ways. She knew she had Matt to thank for a lot of that. He'd given her his strength when she needed it and had always encouraged her in what ever she did.
Kitty smiled just then, thinking of a certain gold mine that he definitely hadn't encouraged. The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come. She'd have plenty of time later for memories. Right now she had other chores to attend to.
Returning to the saloon, Kitty went back upstairs to her room. Matt was just finishing up getting dressed.
"Kitty? Why didn't you wake me?" Matt asked as he tugged on his boots. "I should've been up and gone long before now."
"No." Kitty shook her head sadly. "I'm the one that should've been gone before now."
END