A/N: I do not own Harry Potter, but I do like to play in the sandbox. This story is dedicated to u/AaronAegeus of reddit. He poised a question that plagued me until I wrote this. I hope that you enjoy. The two word title was inspired by The Princess Bride, of course.
Mostly Dead
Howart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, 24, June 1995
Harry let go of the cup, but he clutched Cedric to him even more tightly. Looking at where he appeared, he sighed notably with relief before spotting Dumbledore, and latched on to him desperate to get his attention.
"He's back, Harry whispered. "He's back. Voldemort."
"What's going on? What's happened?"
The face of Cornelius Fudge appeared upside down over Harry; it looked white, appalled.
"My God – Diggory!" he whispered. "Dumbledore he's dead!"
The words were repeated, the shadow figures pressing in on them gasped it to those around them… and then others shouted it – screeched it – into the night. "He's dead!" "He's dead!" "Cedric Diggory! Dead!"
"Harry , let go of him," he heard Fudge's voice say, and he felt fingers trying to pry him from Cedric's limp body but Harry wouldn't let him go. Then, Dumbledore's face, which was still blurred and misted, came closer.
"Harry, you can't help him now. It's over. Let go."
"He wanted me to bring him back," Harry muttered – it seemed important to explain this. He wanted me to bring him back to his parents. …"
'That's right, Harry … just let go now. …"
"No!" Harry shouted, and in his desperation, his magic lashed out at everyone within a ten-yard radius, pushing them all back.
Within that ten yards surrounding Harry a familiar golden dome appeared. Harry carefully laid Cedric down on his back, before rising. He began to pace back and forth as best he could.
Harry was still riding high on the adrenaline from the events of earlier. He needed a solution and quick.
"Dumbledore! What's the meaning of this? The boy has clearly gone round the twist! Aurors!" Cornelius Fudge shouted in impotent rage.
"Now, let's not be hasty, Cornelius. Young Harry has just suffered a traumatic ordeal." Albus Dumbledore said placating.
"Minister! The shield is a physical barrier. It won't let us pass!" Auror Dawlish shouted as the rest of the Aurors present set a perimeter around the dome.
Meanwhile, within the dome, Harry continued to pace back and forth while glancing at Cedric periodically, and muttering to himself about time which a memory of his childhood came to him.
It was Summer 1990. Mrs Figg was out of town at the moment, and the Dursleys were forced to allow Harry to accompany them on an outing to one of the local public pools.
Harry clearly had never been before, and didn't even know the first thing about how to swim. Never mind that he had didn't even have a swimming costume. Having only ever been provide Dudley's cast offs, he'd be swimming in any pair that would have been available.
Uncle Vernon sat him off to the side of the pool next to the deck chairs that they had acquired for themselves, and relatively hushed tones instructed him that he was to keep to himself, and insure that the dregs kept well and clear of their belongings.
So, he did that, and whilst the two whales and giraffe watered themselves. During which time, he bore witness to a CPR class that the life guards which he found absolutely and utterly fascinating.
In the present, Harry knew what he was going to attempt to do, quit pacing and approached the still form of Cedric Diggory.
The first thing that Harry did in regard to Cedric was to reach over and gently, move his fingers over his eyes to lower his lids.
The second thing was to arrange Cedric's body. He insured that he was lying flat on his back, and arms were to his side.
Third, he approached the body from the right side, so he placed his right arm beneath his neck, using his left he tilted the head backwards to ensure that the airway was clear. Next, Harry reached up, pinched Cedric's nose, took a deep breath and leaned forward.
"What the bloody hell is Harry doing?" Ron Weasley shouted while leaning forward trying to get a better look at what was happening.
"It appears he's attempting CPR." Hermione said, simply, yet somewhat in awe.
"What's CPR, Hermione?" Ron said, never taking his eyes from what was going on in front of them.
"Cardiopulmonary resuscitation." Hermione stated knowingly.
"That's bloody mouthful!" Ron said incredulously, clearly not understanding what the words meant.
"Language Ronald!" Hermione said, as Harry leaned in.
"Looks like Cedric's about to get a mouthful, too!" Ron said somewhat aghast, and when he watched almost disgustedly.
"Cardiopulmonary resuscitation or CPR is muggle science, Ronald. It's thought that if someone had recently died, by performing CPR: breathing into the mouth a set amount of times, combined with chest compressions directly over the sternum, that recently deceased person can be revived." Hermione said in her usual rapid-fire sort of exasperated way just as a collective groan came from the crowd.
Harry sealed his mouth over that of Cedric and exhaled fully, before removing his mouth briefly before taking another deep breath, and repeating three more times just as he remembered what the lifeguards had done, all the while turning his head slightly so that Cedric's torso was in view watching as his chest fell again as the air left his lungs.
After Harry had finished the four breaths, he placed his ear over Cedric's mouth in the hopes of hearing him breath on his own, which of course he did not.
Harry sat up, now, and reached down he placed a couple of fingers below Cedric's breast bone. Once he found the sternum, he placed his right arm directly over it, and his left over that, interlacing his fingers, and locking his elbows. He began chest compressions, counting aloud.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 , 7 , 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15." He said to himself just as he remembered the way the life guards had been taught.
"DAWLISH! Get our people in there and see to it that this madness is ended, at once!" Cornelius Fudge ordered.
"Minister, we're doing everything that we can possibly and legally do! There is just too much power being funneled into that shield. Honestly, we've never seen anything quite like it." Auror Dawlish said.
There was a second collective groan which drew attention once again which drew Cornelius's attention back to the occupants of the shield, and he watched in horror as Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived leaned in to molest his fallen competitor.
"Do something Dumbledore, or you will have the full weight of the Ministry accompanied by that of the Wizengamot falling down upon you!" The minister raged, shaking at him his furious fist.
Harry was tiring and tiring quickly. The adrenaline that kept him going was starting to eb from him, and it was seeming all for naught. He had already finished ten sets of four breaths followed by fifteen compressions, checking both his breathing and pulse without the desired results.
Nearing exhaustion, now, and also nearly bereft of any ideas, it came to him. Remembering Fleur in the maze, and the red sparks. The red ones from the Vermillious were harmless, but the Baubillious; or white sparks, were far from harmless.
He quickly stood as best he could. Harry stumbled briefly, now feeling the painful effects of Voldemort's Cruiciatus lingering in his synapses. He pulled his wand, pointed it at the still form of Cedric Diggory, and incanted.
"Baubillious!" Harry screamed, pushing as much of his remaining magical energy into the spell before collapsing, and the shield surrounding the two of them collapsed.
Lying on the ground Harry managed to land in such a way that his head was facing that of Cedric, and only he noticed the steady rise and fall of Cedric's chest.
The first thing that Harry Potter noticed was a combination of all color coming into focus, sometime referred to the color white. As his mental acuity began to sharpen, so too did his vision. Being ocularly impaired without aid of his glasses being somewhat of a hindrance, he noticed some familiar shapes.
Slowly, he recognized the shapes enough to know he was, once again, in the hospital wing. He reached over to where he knew the bedside table to be, retrieved his glasses, placed them on his face and watch the world around him come into focus.
What Harry hadn't expected was that he was not alone.
"Morning Harry!" Cedric said cheerfully.
"Cedric! Wait! Am I dead?" Harry asked, somewhat worriedly.
"Most definitely not! Nor would it seem am I, and for that I thank you. I am in your debt!" Was Cedric's quick reply.
"Don't worry about it. Glad I could help." Harry said humbly.
"You don't understand, Harry. In the Wizarding world, saving someone's life is a rather big deal." Cedric said seriously.
"I would think doing so would be a pretty big deal whatever world you're in or a part of." Harry quipped.
"Well yeah, I suppose you're right. But in the Wizarding world, I owe you something of a life debt, now." Cedric finished somewhat seriously.
It was at that moment that the doors to the Hospital Wing opened up, and in rushed the headmaster.
"Good morning, Mr. Diggory, and Mr. Potter. It does this heart good to see the both of you healthy and hale." Albus said genially.
"Morning Headmaster." They replied in unison.
It was the level of enthusiasm that brought Madam Poppy Pomphrey from her office, and quickly to the beds of her two patients.
"What's all this ruckus in my hospital wing? Oh! Good morning, Headmaster." Poppy said somewhat
"And a fine morning to you, Poppy. I was just greeting these two gentlemen. What is their prognosis?" Albus inquired.
"Both of them should be fine to return to the general public. This morning, in fact. I'm sure that they would like to have breakfast with their peers. Mr. Potter, however will be on some pain reliever potions for the next week or so. Just until the after-effects of Cruciatus exposure diminish." She said.
This brought smiles to both boys at hearing of their impending release.
"Excellent news, then." Albus said, before turning to Harry. "Mr. Potter, following your breakfast, I would very much like to request that you join me in my office to discuss events following the third task. We've much to cover, and I would very much like to introduce you to a device called a pensieve. Its utilization is for viewing memories. The password is Mars Bar, today." Albus finished before begging off and making his way back to the door.
Poppy, for her part, quickly headed back to her office before reappearing with a vial of pain relief potion for Harry, which he quickly downed, and only briefly made a disapproving face.
"Potions were never intended to taste good, Mr. Potter. It reduces the inclination towards dependency." Madam Pomphrey admonished slightly.
"You'll never find me wanting to willingly take any of them!" Harry said, the disgusted look still on his face.
"Excellent. Well, the two of you are free to go as soon as you're dressed. Come see me as soon as any discomfort more than you can tolerate presents itself, Mr. Potter."
"Of course, Madam Pomphrey!" Harry said, smiling at the matron.
Harry and Cedric, both, made quick work at getting dressed before exiting the confines of the Hospital Wing. Once in the hallway, Cedric spoke somewhat softly.
"Listen, Harry… about you snogging me in front of the Triwizard Tournament." He said, seriousness in his tone didn't reach his eyes.
"But Cedric, you're so dreamy!" Harry said sarcastically, batting his eyes at him in mock swoon, and attempting to do his best Romilda Vane.
The two of them made their way slowly down to the Great Hall, trading jibes back and forth and laughing amicably. The two of them remained completely oblivious to the others in the hallway giving them wide birth, and in some instances changing direction to avoid the both of them.
It wasn't until they entered, and noticed that all conversation stopped instantly that either of the two of them noticed anyone else whatsoever.
"GET AWAY FROM MY MAN, YOU… YOU HOMEWRECKER!" The rather angry catlike voice of Cho Chang screamed before approaching the two of them at rapid velocity.
"Cho?" Harry and Cedric said in unison, before cracking up again.
"THAT'S RIGHT, ME. You remember me, your GIRLFRIEND!" Cho said, finishing with a scream. She latched onto Cedric possessively.
"Talk to you later, Harry." Cedric finished lamely.
"You most certainly will not be talking to that, THAT SCARLOT MAN!" Cho shrieked before dragging him off.
Harry was left standing at the door all alone, now. He could clearly hear derogatory epitaphs being muttered amongst his classmates as he made his way through the hall and took his usual seat.
"Poofter." Seamus muttered to Dean from a few spots down the bench.
"What was that, Seamus?" Harry asked.
"You could've confided in your dorm mates that you were a bit bent, Potter. It's common curtesy. We sleep in the same room. We use the same shower, for Merlin's sake!"
"Um, Seamus? I'm just not into you, mate. You'll find the right bloke." Harry finished with an appearance of sincerity.
"Who's looking for" Started Fred.
"… the right bloke?" Finished George from slightly further down the table.
"Seamus seems to have been feeling me out for interest." Harry finished with a smile towards the twins.
"Malfoy!" The twins said together joyously.
"WHAT! I'm not gay!" Malfoy screamed from across the hall at the Slytherin table.
"Clearly, you are." Harry said.
"Where's your proof, Scarhead?" Draco said, clearly offended.
Harry had enough of his so called nemesis. He stood, and decided to address the school.
"Let's take it step for step. You weren't the first magical person that I met. That goes to Hagrid, up there." Harry said, waving to his friend sitting at the teacher's table, who waved back.
"What does that have to do with me, Potter?" Draco asked warily.
"You were the first magical kid, that I met. At Madam Malkin Robes for all occasions. Didn't leave the best impression going on about blood within the first minute. Once you discovered who I was on the train, you couldn't offer your hand quick enough. Of course, that was after you made an even worse second impression by insulting everyone in our train compartment, first. Is it any wonder that after the sorting hat instantly placed you in Slytherin that I asked for anywhere else when it say that Slytherin would make me great?" Harry finished, and noticed death glares from the House of Slytherin directed; not at him, but at an utterly obvious Malfoy.
"Still doesn't prove I'm gay, Potter. You're reaching." Draco said, somehow feeling smug.
"We're getting to it. For anyone who knows me, and that is limited to my dorm mates, the Griffindor quidditch team, Ron Weasley and Hermione Grangers or knows of the constant taunts that I have been subjected to by Mr. Malfoy, here, I'm sure you also know of how often he has approached me, peacocked for me in attempts to gain my attention, and in some odd sense of rivalry. Honestly, I would clearly categorize his words and actions bordering on that of a stalker. He has clearly show signs of obsession. Harry finished his statement looking around the hall, seeing nods from across all tables before finally; once again, laying eyes on the subject of his audible dissertation. Harry paused briefly, knowing that Malfoy couldn't let that go.
"I'm not obsessed with you, scarhead!" Malfoy attempt of denial was a weak one.
"Me thinks thou doth protest too much, Mr. Malfoy. To summarize my observation of your behavior towards me, there are three other matters that clinched it for me tighter than my arse cheeks when you're near. Crabbe and Goyle are the butch to your bitch. Since day one at Hogwarts, the two of them follow you absolutely everywhere; do whatever you say, just like doting little boyfriends."
"Is that one?" Fred started.
"Or one and two?" George finished.
One and two." Harry said simply.
"What's the elusive number three?" The twins asked in tandem.
Mr. Malfoy uses more hair products than any wizard short of Gilderoy Lockhart. Well, before his untimely accident during that nasty business in the Chamber of Secrets." Harry said before sitting down, and began loading his plate while the collective Great Hall murmured their agreement.
Moments later, Harry was engulfed in a frantic bone-crushing hug from behind, his vision obscured by a mess of familiar curls that could only be one Hermione Jean Granger.
"Oh Harry. I was ever so worried when you collapsed after reviving Cedric. I'm afraid that most of the Wizarding world got the wrong impression about your attention. Of course, my parents being part of the medical community I was made aware of CPR and how to use it. They had sort of mandated that I know those sorts of things whenever we went swimming, be it at home, the seaside or beaches while we were on Holiday." Hermione said somewhat rapidly while her head was nestled in the crook of his neck.
"CAN'T BREATHE!" Harry managed to rasp out.
"Easy there, Hermione. We've only just got him back out of the hospital wing. We can't have you send him rushing back there, just yet. Morning Harry!" Ron said while taking a seat across from his two best friends, loading his plate while immediately tucking in.
Hermione eased off a bit, and began loading her own breakfast plate for the day. Not nearly as high as Ron, but she was quite hungry so managed to get a little bit of everything that she normally would eat. She found it best to load her plate first off less that Ron greedily take everything for himself.
Soon, the gossiping petered out in exchange for the eating of breakfast. After a few minutes the ravenous children slowly began to hit that plain of being sated. It was at that moment that owls started to appear; and with that, the morning mail. Mail was retrieved, and with that the morning edition of the Daily Prophet.
One after the other, people retrieved their papers, read articles, and once again suspicious glances were levied towards Harry. It wasn't until Hedwig had flown into the Great Hall with his own copy of the morning edition.
"Harry, it's on the front page! Can't miss it!" Hermione said, looking up from her copy of the paper in total disgust.
Harry took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then blew it out. He was trying his best to remain centered and focused. He opened the paper, and that's when what he saw drew him in and he knew that this article was the epitome of biased.
NECROMANCY AT HOGWARTS
By Rita Skeeter
Dear Readers,
It was at the conclusion of the third and final task that this reporter witnessed deeds most foul. I cannot yet come to grips with the acts 'Most Unseemly' that I bore witness to following the return of the final competitors from wince ever they had returned. What I can do for you, dear readers, is to accurately portray the news.
Harry Potter, a boy of twelve years old, returned to the grounds of Hogwarts, but he did not do so alone. He returned with the deceased body of Cedric Diggory, the true Hogwarts Champion and unfortunate co-champion of the Triwizard Championship albeit posthumously.
You heard me correctly, posthumously. You see, it is with a heavy heart that I am to report that Cedric Diggory returned to Hogwarts in body only.
Upon asked to let go of the body, Mr. Potter refused. In fact, he lashed out, erected a shield around the body of our fallen champion and himself, and performed some arcane Muggle ritual known as Cardio Resurrection.
I am unfamiliar with the techniques of this branch of dark magic, but apparently it involved some quite intimate time mouth-to-mouth combined with which witnesses could only describe that Mr. Potter appeared to reach into the chest of Mr. Diggory and massage his very heart.
Who knew that Muggles had such vast and dark magic at their disposal, dear readers? At the conclusion of the ritual, Cedric Diggory's body stirred, and he rose; not as an Inferi, but something altogether unknown.
Dark times are afoot. There is a necromancer at Hogwarts. We here at the Daily Prophet will keep you abreast of the goings on as we find them.
First, he closed the paper back up, placed it on the table, and repeated the breathing exercise that he had done prior. He smiled to himself, before looking at Hermione. That was as far as his composure went.
"Hermione?" He said, calmly. Some among the Griffindor table would venture to say that his calm had been too much, and it unnerved them beyond the pale.
"Yes, Harry?" She asked somewhat hesitantly.
"The colossal dumbfuckery that is the group hive-mind collective of the Wizarding world of Magic Britain astounds me. They're… they're… I'm at a loss. Help me out?" Those that surrounded him on that day would note that during that brief statement following the reading of the article didn't sit well because of his calm demeanor.
"Daft morons?" Hermione said, reaching but hopeful.
"Cynically put, but apt!" Harry said after a long moment of deliberation.