Here is another little short fic I did a while ago. I wrote it before the episode Look At The Flowers aired. I know we were all hoping for something different than what happened in that episode. Hope you like this anyway.
Carol brushed her finger over the trigger. She stared blankly at the gun in her hand. She squeezed her eyes shut as she sucked in a breath.
She had considered making her way back to Hilltop, knowing it would likely be empty of life since the fire. Ultimately, she decided anywhere was good enough. It didn't matter anyway.
This was it. The end of the road.
She had always wondered if she'd end up like this. That the losses would pile up too high and she'd opt out. She never could have imagined how far she would have to fall before it happened.
There was nothing left now. Every bridge she had burned. Every friend had turned their back on her. Even Daryl could barely stand to look at her.
His assurance that he would never hate her warred with these thoughts she had. It didn't matter. She knew he wouldn't be able to forgive her. How could he?
Tears were blurring her vision now and reached a hand up to swipe at her face furiously. The time for feeling sorry for herself had passed. All that was left was for her to pull the damn trigger. One final time.
Carol frowned down at the gun and lifted it. She considered it a moment more before levelling it to her temple. Her hand was shaking as she tightened her finger over the trigger.
Damnit! Why couldn't she do it? There was nothing left for her. This was what she wanted, what was best for everyone.
"Stop!" came a sharp voice from her right.
Carol gasped in surprise and turned to the voice.
The gun dropped to her side.
Lydia.
The girl's face was aghast as she stood there staring at the scene she had happened upon. Her eyes were filled with tears and her mouth hung open. Her eyes followed the line of Carol's arm and rested on the gun she still clutched in her hand.
A determined look took over her face and she struck out with her stick, which she must have found where Carol had left it nearby. Carol gasped as the stick connected with her side, making her grip slack on the gun. It hit the ground with dull thud. Lydia wasted no time and stalked forward to pick the gun up. She looked down at it, still looking shocked before looking at Carol again. There was accusation in her gaze.
"How could you do that?" she asked with a tone of disgust.
Carol flinched and frowned. Why did she care?
Lydia glared at her now.
"How can you be so selfish?" she asked this time.
Carol's frown deepened.
"Selfish? I don't…" she replied, not understanding.
Lydia shook her head.
"You're really going to do that to Daryl?" she asked with anger blazing in her eyes.
Carol's mouth dropped open, taken off guard. That's why she was upset? Because she thought it would hurt Daryl?
Lydia started to pace in front of her, and Carol vaguely noted how much it reminded her of Daryl.
"You know these few months have been hell for me. For you too, I know. But the one thing that's kept me going. The one person who's been there for me when no one else was, is him," Lydia ranted with wild eyes, still pacing.
"He's been like… Like the Dad I never knew I missed having," she continued, seeming to struggle with her words. "And now you decide to do this? Don't pretend you don't know what this would do to him!"
Carol flinched at Lydia's shouted words. Inside her gut was screaming at her that the girl was right. Her death would crush him. Especially now after such a huge loss. The other, darker part of her was saying that was bullshit. The best thing for Daryl would be if she died. He'd never have to deal with the fallout of the trouble she caused. Lydia's face hardened and she stepped closer to Carol.
"Well, I'm not going to let you do that. Not to him. More importantly, not to him!" her voice broke on the last utterance of 'him', letting Carol know immediately who she meant.
Henry.
The tears broke free from her eyes now with the thoughts of her long-gone boy. Lydia brought the gun up, pointing it at Carol.
"You're coming back with me," Lydia announced in a clear voice this time. Carol managed to raise a brow.
"Why would that motivate me? I'm the one trying to die, remember," Carol asked with a bitter smile. Lydia smiled tearfully back at her.
"Because despite what you think, I know you and I know you would never make me kill you."
Carol didn't reply but her agreement with the statement was obvious. Lydia made her walk beside her, the gun still pointing at her but very loosely. Carol didn't know where they were going. She hadn't really paid attention to where she had ended up in the first place after she left Negan at the pikes.
They walked for what felt like an hour. The surroundings didn't change much, making it difficult as ever to know where the hell they were. It wasn't long until they spotted figures up ahead. She felt Lydia tense beside her.
Carol was able to make out who it was soon. Daryl with his bow trained on Negan, who was kneeling with his hands bound behind his back. Carol noticed the pikes marking the border now and she frowned, noting Alpha's missing head.
As Carol and Lydia grew closer, Daryl turned with his bow up to the sound of their approach. She saw him frown and then watched as he appeared relieved as he recognised them. He looked between them with a furrowed brow, his eyes no doubt noticing the gun pressed into her side. Negan remained silent on his knees. He looked relieved too, but his gaze settled more on Lydia. Carol was able to acknowledge that the man seemed fond of the girl, after his show of protecting her.
"What's this?" Daryl questioned, not specifying what he was referring to, but it was quite obvious either way. Lydia spared a glance towards Negan, a strange look on her face before she addressed Daryl.
"I found her out there," she began and moved the gun away from Carol's side to show him. "With this."
Daryl's eyes settled on the gun in Lydia's hand and Carol knew he would recognise it immediately as hers. The one that had caused multiple arguments between them. His eyes flicked to hers briefly, his expression unreadable. Lydia tossed the gun in Daryl's direction and it landed in the dead grass in front of him. Daryl and Negan both looked down at it with mild interest.
"She was going to use it on herself," Lydia revealed quietly, but loud enough for everyone present to hear.
Daryl's eyes snapped back up and when he looked at her, Carol felt her heart break at the disappointment on his face. She couldn't keep looking at him, so she turned her head to the ground, ashamed.
"Let's get going. We don't know how many straggler Whisperers made it out of the fight," Daryl said, and his voice was stony, deliberately masking his true feelings. Daryl tugged Negan up to his feet and the man offered no protests. He paused and then bent to pick up the gun that still lay in the grass. He tucked into the back of his pants. He nodded his head in an indication of direction to Lydia and Carol. Telling them to go ahead of him and Negan. Where she wouldn't have access to the gun even if she still wanted it.