So Alive In My Head, an elena of avalor fanfic

So Alive In My Head

By Laura Schiller

Based on: Elena of Avalor

"What died didn't stay dead
What died didn't stay dead
You're alive, so alive

And if I didn't know better
I'd think you were singing to me now

(…) I know better
But you're still around"

Taylor Swift, "marjorie"

Dia de los Muertos rituals in Nueva Vista traditionally took place on the beach at sunset, so that believers could float their decorated altars out to sea. It was a beautiful evening this year, warm and clear, the water reflecting every shade of orange, pink and purple from the clouds. Marigolds, sweet and spicy food offerings, and burning candles scented the air. A mariachi band was playing and people were dancing: the living on a wooden stage set up for the purpose, the dead floating above them. Marzel and Marisa were visibly enjoying their first festival on land, laughing as they supported each other's wobbly steps. Naomi was teaching Gabe the Norberg Jig as Mateo clapped and cheered them on. Francisco, winding down from the catharsis of completing his mission in honor of Los Tres, was slow-dancing with Luisa, her head resting lovingly on his shoulder. Above their heads, the blue-white silhouettes of Raul and Lucia were doing the same thing, spending time with their parents or parents-in-law in the only way they could.

Elena sat in one of the folding chairs nearby, watching them. She looked over at her little sister sitting beside her and smiled, hoping to share the bittersweet moment, but Isabel's eyes were troubled as they met hers. The twelve-year-old had been as excited for the festival as any of them earlier, but as the evening went on, she'd become quieter and quieter.

"What is it, Isa? Is something wrong?"

"I've been thinking about what you told me earlier."

"That I can see ghosts today, you mean?"

Isabel nodded. "Do you … do you ever talk to Mami and Papi?"

"Yes. They even saved my life once." Elena briefly told her the story of how she had been trapped under a rock fall in a Maruvian ruin once, and how her parents' encouragement had inspired her to use her locket to free herself. Isabel turned pale, but said nothing; she had survived her share of adventures and could probably imagine what it had been like.

"They're up there right now," Elena added, gesturing in the direction of the dance floor. "Dancing with Abuelo and Abuela. I can see them."

Isabel's eyes followed her gesture, but of course, all she'd be able to see was empty air. In a very small voice, barely audible above the music and laughter around them, she asked: "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Elena shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess … because I wasn't sure you'd believe me? Abuelo didn't, at first. Neither did Julio and Carmen when I told them."

"Abuelo knows about this already?" Isabel's eyes widened. "The Guzmans know?"

"I couldn't help it," Elena retorted, feeling put on the spot and not enjoying it. "Ghosts come up to me and basically haunt me until I agree to help them with whatever unfinished business they have, and then I have to translate, even when people stare at me like I'm going crazy. Ask Abuelo where he and I went earlier. It's his secret, not mine, but let me tell you, it's a seriously mixed blessing sometimes."

Elena was a fairly confident girl who did not embarrass easily, but her magic was her weak spot. She hated how much the Amulet had changed her, how it had set her apart from everyone else in ways she still didn't understand. (Almost everyone; thank the spirits for Mateo.) She'd wanted to protect Isabel from the darkness of her thoughts, but had hurt her instead without even trying.

"No one … ?" Isabel's hands tightened on the armrests of her folding chair. "I'm your sister. Why wouldn't I believe you? And how could you talk to Mami and Papi without me? You leave me out of things a lot, but I didn't think you'd leave me out of this."

She stood up, smoothed her marigold-printed mourning dress, and walked away along the shoreline with a dignity that seemed to belong to someone much older.

Elena's breath caught with the full force of her regret. She'd never considered her spirit-sight as anything but deeply, painfully private, but if she were in Isabel's place, she would be furious right now. What could she possibly say?

"Isa, wait!" She jumped up to follow her. "I'm so sorry. I was only trying to protect you!"

"You always say that!" Isabel swung around, her small hands clenched into fists. "Protect me from what – our parents?"

"From the way it feels." Elena's voice broke as a sob escaped from her throat. "When you can see them and talk to them, but not touch them … when you know they'll be gone when the sun goes down and there's nothing – nothing – you can do … " Her eyes overflowed until sand, water, sunset, and Isa's face were one watery blur, and she was too disoriented to keep walking. "That's what it was like the first time I saw them. I'm used to it now, honestly I am, and I'd rather see them like this than not at all … but I thought you at least should get the chance to grieve like a normal person instead of ... well, whatever I am now."

She could hear Isa gasp in horrified sympathy, and when she wiped her face, she could see that her little sister's brown eyes were wide open. She took a tentative step toward Elena and held out her arms.

"I didn't know … but if it hurts that much, you still should've talked to me. I'm not a little kid anymore. Even if I can't fix it, I can still listen."

"You're right," said Elena through her tears. "I should have. When did you get so mature?"

She wrapped Isabel up in a tight hug, rubbing her back and rocking from side to side with her as their parents used to do. Their presence was so strong that, for a moment, it felt entirely natural to hear their mother's voice in her ear – until she realized exactly what was happening.

"Mijitas," said Lucia sadly. "We never meant to cause you so much pain."

Elena looked up. Over the course of their argument, she and Isabel had gone quite far along the shoreline, but their parents had always sensed when their daughters were hurting, and apparently they still could. Raul and Lucia had flown after them and were hovering nearly at ground level, arm in arm. Even with the last rays of the evening sun shining through them, Elena saw the love in both their faces.

"I know, Mami," she murmured. "Isa … they're here."

"They are?" Isabel frowned, hopeful and skeptical at the same times, as if she suspected Elena of making it up. She really did need to repair the trust between them, but how?

"Say, Elenita," said Raul, smiling mischievously even at a time like this, "Why don't you tell Isa we hear every prayer that's said in front of our altar? Including that time she confessed to us about those explosions she's been setting off in school."

Elena repeated this word for word.

"That was one time, and we cleaned everything up again!" Isabel blushed, covered her face with both hands, then removed them as the realization hit. "Oh. That really does sound like something Papi would say."

"Over here," said Elena, gently turning Isabel's shoulders so they both faced in the right direction. "Hello."

"Mami? Papi?" Isabel said in a near-whisper, stepping forward and holding out her hands to what she perceived as the empty air. "Can you … hear me?"

Lucia and Raul reached out to her in return, but their ghostly hands fell right through her.

"I've got so many questions," the young scientist exclaimed. "What's it like in the Spirit World? Is it anything like the books say? How do the ofrendas work if you can't actually eat … oh, sorry, was that rude?"

Their parents shared a laugh of pure, loving amusement at their younger daughter sounding so much like herself.

"Not at all," Raul assured her. "And to answer that last question, the spiritual counterparts of the food should be showing up at our house any moment now. Couldn't you make that bowl of cherries a little bigger next year, by the way?"

"Ay Raul, you're as bad as Papa!" Lucia patted her husband's arm. "And as for what the Spirit World is like, Isa, you'd better ask your sister. She's been there before."

As Elena translated, Isabel folded her arms and gave her older sister a very pointed look, as if to say: What did I say about keeping secrets? Elena shrugged and held up her hands in response. I'm telling you now, aren't I?

"Goodness, Isa, you're so tall," Raul chimed in, changing the subject like the peacemaker he was, seeing that Isabel's head was level with her shoulders. "Every year I can't believe how much you've grown."

"I know," said Isabel once Elena had translated. "I'm taking a college class. Engineering with Professor Ochoa herself, can you believe it? I almost quit at first, but Elena encouraged me, and now I'm glad she did because it's amazing."

"I can believe anything where you are concerned, my little genius," said Raul, bowing extravagantly in midair.

"We're so proud of you both," added Lucia. "And we love you, always. Whenever you have doubts, please remember that."

Her bright eyes rested on each of her daughters in turn. Elena thought of her own doubts, which haunted her every time she used her broken Scepter of Light, and wondered how much her mother knew about the battle in which it had been broken. But this was Isabel's moment, not Elena's, and she was firmly resolved to keep it that way. Besides, she had the feeling Lucia had just answered all her questions without her having to ask. She translated for Isabel in as clear a voice as possible.

The sky was already indigo in the east, and the first stars were coming out. The sun was barely visible as a thin golden sliver on the horizon. Dia de los Muertos was almost over; their parents had only a few moments left before they had to return to the Spirit World.

"I wish I could see you," said Isabel. "Just once."

And why shouldn't you? Elena thought, with fierce determination. It wouldn't be the first impossible thing she'd done. "Hold on. I've got an idea."

She drew the Scepter, wrapped one arm around Isabel's shoulders to keep them both steady, and channeled all her willpower into the blue jewel. Its magic had been erratic ever since she'd used it to kill Shuriki, either because she'd used too much power, or because an artifact of light magic wasn't meant to take a life. But surely the powers that be would understand that she wasn't using it for revenge this time? This is for Isa. Don't you dare glitch out on me now.

"Envision."

She looked head-on at the two ghosts, taking note of every detail as if for a painting: the neat line of her father's moustache and the way he combed his back, the way her mother's curly ponytail swung along with her earrings, the pink of her dress and the indigo of his uniform, the warm browns of their skin and hair, the way they held on to each other like two trees with their branches intertwined … When the Scepter's projection appeared above the sand, it wasn't blue or transparent as the ghosts appeared to Elena's eyes. It was as vibrantly colorful as the living couple had been.

Raul blew a kiss in his daughters' direction. Lucia put one hand over her heart. The illusions did the same.

Isabel sobbed, reached out for them, stopped herself, and clung to her big sister instead.

It only lasted a moment. As the sun set, leaving only a paler streak of blue against the darkening sky, Raul and Lucia vanished in a burst of white light. At the same time, the Scepter flickered, purple lightning bolts shooting across the jewel. This was far from the first time Elena had used the thing today, after all. She knew the symptoms all too well by now – dizziness, double vision, headaches – but she still had a narrow escape from collapsing on the ground.

"Whoa, whoa!" Isabel kept her upright, which wasn't easy given their size difference. "Elena, what's wrong?"

"They left," she croaked. "And, um … I think I overdid it with the Scepter. Nothing serious, though."

"You're impossible." Isabel shook her head with a look of that profound irritation that can only be caused by the ones you love most. "If I say I forgive you, are you gonna stop burning yourself out on my behalf?"

"Deal," said Elena. "Now, uh … could you help me back to the palace, please, or find someone who can? I think I need to lie down."

"I'll call Gabe," said Isabel, carefully stepping out from under Elena's arm and finding a boulder for her to sit on. "He's better at heavy lifting."

"Hey!"

Elena aimed a light punch at her little sister's shoulder, but due to her dizziness, hit the empty air instead.

Isabel's quiet laughter as she ran off in search of Gabe told Elena everything she needed to know.

She'd been forgiven. They were still sisters. She hadn't lost the most precious thing in her life after all.

Important as it was to honor the dead, she must never forget to honor the living as well.