*After the hospital scene where Elliot apologizes to Olivia*

I am livid. I understand Kathy is not doing well and I am being heartless for thinking of myself right now but how can I forget?

How can I forget that he just left me, no explanation, no goodbye. I am angry. I am so angry.

Yet I want to be able to forgive him. How many times have I thought of what I would do if he was standing in front of me again? I just want my friend back but I don't know if I can get over being mad.

I am so thankful to my work for pulling me away. I want to think about anything else right now.

Carisi is talking about the case, about Sasha being in protective custody. I am following but barely…my mind is a mess.

My phone rings…it's Stabler. I am relieved, that's surprising.

I answer, and then I am filled with dread.

The entire walk up to the ICU I have been trying to think of what I am going to say. What do you say?

I see him standing there and I pause. I am dreading this moment. I need to be here for him but I don't want to be. I am sad for him. I am devastated about Kathy. This is hard for me too.

I start to walk towards him. He turns around, he looks at me with relief. As mad as I am at him I am thankful to give him that reprieve in this moment.

He hugs me hard. I feel his body shake with a sob. My heart melts for him as tears well up in my eyes. I say, I am so sorry.

He holds me for a long time. I give him this moment. He pulls away, wipes his face. He clears his throat and shakily says, "Thanks for coming, Liv." Then walks past me around the corner.

I stand there, stunned for a minute. Did I really drive over here for him to just hug me and walk away?

I close my eyes and let that settle in my brain, in my heart. I am going to try to not hold that against him right now. He's grieving.

For the next couple of days I immerse myself in work. I immerse myself in Noah. For a few days I feel better. I start to forget, I got over him once. I can again.

I go to the funeral. I check in with my colleagues about how her case is going but other than that I try to forget. I try to forget that my friend is going through this tragedy and I don't know how to help him.

Kathleen messages me on Facebook, asking me to meet her for lunch. I do, she wants to do an intervention.

I do…and the jerk lets out this cryptic I love you….I love all of you.

I am sick. I have wanted to hear that for years and years.

He walks away again, from me and from the intervention. I am done with it.

He calls multiple times the next week. I know I should answer it. I know during the intervention I asked him if there was anything I could do for him, and now I am not even answering his phone calls.

Two weeks go by and I am immersed in work. I am spending a lot of time in the office and not a lot of time in the field. The squad notices and I can see the looks but they don't say anything. Thank god. Then one day, I hear a knock on the door.

I say come in and who strides through the door but Elliot. He walks in with purpose and closes the door right behind him. He walks right up to my desk and his face is stern. I have seen this look before many times. It is strange to see him mad at me after all these years. 10 years ago this would have just been another of our little arguments, but I can tell he is boiling.

"I know you're mad. You have every right to be mad Olivia, but how dare you walk into my apartment and participate in an intervention with my family."

I am shocked. He is mad, and he is not quite yelling but his words are fire. He is in my office though and I must maintain control. I cannot let him get out of hand.

"Elliot, I am not sure that this is the time or the place for this conversation." I stand to assert my authority here but my words are soft. "You're grieving and I understand that but you cannot come into my office like this."

He strides around the desk coming close to me. "How am I supposed to have this conversation with you if you won't answer your calls? I can't show up at your apartment because I don't know where it is."

I have seen these eyes before. His eyes are soft and they are pleading with me.

I turn away and take a couple of steps. "You know you're not the only one going through something right now. I was over this and then you just show up out of the blue." My voice waivers.

I am turned away. I can't look at him.

"Why the hell do you think I left?"

I flip around and I am a foot away from him before I could even think about it. "I..don't…know."

I maintain eye contact during each of those words, and he doesn't break my gaze. His eyes soften me suddenly, I can see the anger dissipate from him, from me.

"You don't know, do you?" He looks with a slight tilt of the head and an expression that says do you even know me?

I let the question slip into my gaze, trying to make him understand. He continues, "Olivia, I was trying to be faithful to my wife."

I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have wanted to know that we are on the same page in our feelings but right now it feels wrong.

I place a hand on his chest, half wanting to connect with him but half keeping him away. "Okay," I exhale what seems like years of stress over this one sentence. "Maybe we start over."

I look up at him and his face breaks into a smile. I realize it's the first time I have seen him smile in ten years.