They found him on the beach, barefoot, shirtless, and throwing a makeshift net into the surf.
Jim had heard the whine of the transporter but didn't look up. He pulled the net in hand-over-hand and ran into the surf knee-deep to gather it up. He had caught a few fish, but smallish ones. They would be enough for lunch with the wild herbs and fruit he had gathered.
"Captain?" Spock watched Jim untangle the two blue-scaled fish and carry them over to a large, flat rock to scale them. Jim's shoulders, back, and arms were sunburned over a deepening tan. He used a 4-inch knife and gutted the fish, and washed them in the surf.
"These will make a nice lunch. Sorry, I don't have enough for you, Bones. But there are some herbs and fruit, Spock, if you're hungry." Jim smiled up at them through a wet strand of wavy hair that fell across his forehead. The top layers of his hair were sun-bleached and longer now that he had stopped the regulation trims. It gave him a boyish, younger look.
"We're not here for lunch, Jim."
He skewered the fish with a thin branch that had the bark peeled off. "Then what do you want, McCoy?"
"You've missed several staff meetings, Jim."
"Yeah, what about it?"
The two officers in uniform looked at each other. Spock stepped forward. "Your crew—"
Jim stood up and looked from human to Vulcan. "Crew? I have no crew. Ask the governor if you have an issue. I'm going to cook my fish." And he walked behind the rock to the small fire he had going, out of the wind.
Spock made another attempt, standing by the fire. "The Enterprise—"
Jim just smirked as he turned the fish over. "What do you think is going to happen, Spock? The ship will just suddenly have a never-ending energy source and we'll all fly off together, crew intact? In case you haven't noticed, more than half of my crew joined the civilian colony. They elected their own governor. They don't need a captain, so, I'm fishing."
"You walked off in the middle of the night without telling anyone. We looked for you and when we couldn't find you Spock used the ships scanners. You're miles from the colony out here!"
Jim looked up at the doctor. "That's kind of the point." He sat back down on the rock and tested the fish for doneness. "Almost, about another 5 minutes."
"In case you haven't noticed, Captain, some of your crew didn't join the colony, and they are expecting their Captain to act like one!"
Jim just shook his head a little and sighed. "I appreciate your concern, gentlemen, but as you can see, I'm fine. I have what I need. I didn't just walk off, I packed a bag with some things and took a long walk. This is where I ended up. It's nice here, don't you think? The shore, the trees with fruit I can eat, the waterfall a little way inland, so fresh water, and the sea to provide. So, I'm fine, Bones."
"That's not the point, Jim."
"Then what is the point? You tell me what I am supposed to do. Lead a crew of a ship that is sooner or later going to burn up in the atmosphere? You think we're going to build another starship? Enforce the laws of the Federation? THERE IS NO FEDERATION!" He didn't mean to be threatening, but the words came out of him as he stepped forward, almost into the doctor's face. McCoy didn't back up but stood his ground. Jim closed his eyes and took a deep breath and picked up the fish and finished cooking them in silence.
"Spock, you want to talk to him?"
The Vulcan could feel Jim's pent-up frustration, his anger and pain through their link if he opened it, but had no logical solution. Everything Jim had said was true.
"He has made up his mind, Doctor." Spock watched his human friend eat the fish off the stick with his fingers. "The Enterprise remains in orbit. As such, someone must be in command, until the Enterprise no longer exists. If you are relinquishing your command, Captain, then I must assume command. Is this your intension?"
Jim took a bite of the orange-colored fruit and watched the sea for a while.
"Doctor, may I have the time to speak with the Captain, in private?" When the doctor did not respond he added, "Please, Leonard."
"Fine, I'll wait over here." The doctor waked off down the beach, irritated at Jim's behavior, but having no solution of his own. Jim was hurting, but what could replace the Enterprise in Jim's life?
Spock took off his boots and gathered the net.
"What are you doing?"
"If the Enterprise has no need of you, then she has no need of me."
"What do you know about fishing? I though you grew up in a city in the middle of a desert."
"The concept seems simple enough." Spock untangled the net and found a few vines to repair the tear he found.
"You're a vegetarian, you don't hunt anything, to eat."
"The fruits and plants will not appear on your dinner table by themselves."
"I don't mean that—you don't believe in hunting animals for consumption."
Spock waded out into the surf and threw the repaired net in an over hand cast as if he had been doing it for a lifetime. Jim just watched in stunned silence, as the Vulcan hauled in five good-sized fish, more than enough for all three of them to eat. "I suggest you keep them on a stringer in the surf to keep them alive until you need them tonight."
"But you're not going to eat them!"
"No, but if you are planning to live here with me then I must also provide for us."
"What!? Who said anything about you living here with me?"
"Am I not a capable companion for you?"
"No! I mean, yes, of course, but you're not going to live here with me!"
"Why not? Am I not T'hy'la?"
"Look, Spock, I came out here to be alone—and I'm not even sure what that word means-"
"Yes, you came here to be alone, to brood, because you lost your ship, as if the universe has ended."
"I'm not brooding, and what would you know about it?" Jim was beginning to suspect what Spock was trying to do, but couldn't stop himself from becoming angry.
Spock strung a small vine through the gills of the fish and weighed the end of the line down in the shallow surf with a large rock.
Spock stood up suddenly and grabbed Jim by the arm, not gently. "You think you're the only one that lost? I lost Vulcan and Earth. I lost two worlds! My parents, my friends, on two worlds!" Spock let it show in his face, trying to reach Jim through the human's own deep sadness. Then he let the human go and Jim turned away, shivering in spite of the hot sun.
"Spock, is everything, alright?" The doctor's concerned voice came through the communicator. He was down the beach several hundred feet.
Spock answered with his own communicator. "You need not be concerned, Doctor. I will stay here with the Captain for a while, if you don't mind. May I suggest you return to the ship? I'll bring him when I can."
Jim heard but just shook his head. "No, you won't."
Spock watched the doctor dissolve in the whine of the transporter and turned back to Jim. "I blame myself."
"What?" Jim was watching a small sand creature crawl along by his foot.
Spock joined him on the flat surface of the rock. "It was my duty as T'hy'la to help you, and I failed."
"I told you, I don't know what that word means."
"Yes, you do. You told Captain Garth of Izar what the word means."
"What? Garth of Izar was insane."
"Yes, and it is my duty to keep you from the same fate."
"I'm not crazy, Spock. I'm just…"
"Tell me, T'hy'la."
Jim had promised himself he would not allow himself to grieve over what could not be changed, but felt his eyes fill with tears. Or maybe it was just the wind and salt air.
"What's the point? We can't change any of it."
"No, we can't, but we still have need of you. They still need you, Jim. To see you, to live with you. They are hurting too. And your absence contributes to that hurt." Spock said the words like a prayer. "I need you."
Jim closed his eyes and listened to the surf.
"And that is what the word means." Jim felt the heat of the Vulcan's gentle grip on his arm through the sunburn.
"Like a fever." Jim wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, but the tears still fell. "Your skin always feels like you have a fever."
"Without our homes, our worlds, our ship, we are all lost, Jim. Don't add to that loss by staying away from us. Come back to the colony with me, please, Jim."
"Trying an emotional appeal? And saying 'please,' as well?"
"It's all I have left. Is it working?"
It was hard to say but Jim got it out. "I feel like I failed them." Damn, what was wrong with him, he hadn't cried even when Sam died, or when Edith…
"No, T'hy'la. You did not fail us. You kept us all save and alive against overwhelming odds, just as you always have done."
"Garth of Izar?"
Spock smiled then, a small smile, but with great feeling that filled his eyes. "You told him we were brothers."
"And you said I spoke 'figuratively' and with 'undo emotion'."
"But I agreed with you, did I not, T'hy'la?"
"So it means 'brother'?"
"I could live here with you, my brother, for the rest of your life, but what would it do to Bones?"
Jim smiled back. "He'd worry about us, incessantly."
"And make a nuisance of himself."
"Invading our privacy—"
"Hanging around, telling us what to do—"
"Ok, ok, I get the point."
"So you'll come back with me?"
"Can we stay here for a little while?" Jim asked wishfully.
"For as long as you need, T'hy'la, for as long as you need."