Author's Note – Quidditch League Round 6 Entry

Team: Tutshill Tornados

Position: Chaser 2

Prompt: Sirius Black and James Potter (Chaser 1)

James Potter and Marius Black (Chaser 2)

Marius Black and Arabella Fig (Chaser 3)

Additional prompts: memories (word), teal (colour), guilt (emotion)

Word count: 1,395

Trigger warnings: None

FYI: AU story – when Dorea would have been 60 James was 20, so I'm pushing Dorea's birth year back 4 years AND keeping her alive so events coincide the way I want them too.

Extension used: 2 of 5.

Potter of House Black

James sat beside the koi pond that took pride of place in his grandmother's garden. The entire family had gathered at Potter Manor for her 60th birthday and behind him he could hear the gathering just hitting its stride. Tonight, however, he wasn't in the mood to celebrate. They had just come home for the summer holidays a week ago after a year that had culminated in the worst memory of James's life – the night where he had saved Snivellus from Moony after a stupid prank on Sirius's part. James had so many conflicting emotions flowing through him that he was having trouble sorting out his thoughts. The usually soothing koi pond, lined with vibrant teal tiles, was not having the desired effect this evening. As James watched one of the plants inside the pond sway gently in the water, he pondered the current state of his emotions.

Anger had been at the forefront, but it was flash anger at most. Quick to anger and even quicker to calm down, James knew his heart wasn't weighed down by any anger he might be feeling towards Sirius or the situation in general. No, far more crippling than that, James's enjoyment of the evening was being waylaid by a terrible amount of guilt. Even the word struck a chord in his heart, making his already pensive expression settle fully into a frown. He felt guilty for their treatment of Snape, that Sirius would even think this was okay. He felt guilty for not treating Snape like the problem to be ignored that he was, instead going out of his way to hurt him. He was guilty of not being the staying hand to Sirius's, at time, dark streak. This wasn't a prank and Snape's life was not up for debate, to James at least. More than anything, he felt guilt whenever he thought of the potential repercussion to Remus, should he not have caught Snape before he made his way down the tunnel. Remus was currently still mad at Sirius, but he would come around eventually, whereas should he have hurt Snape he never would've forgiven Padfoot or himself. It was these thoughts that drove James to seek peace outside in the cool evening air.

"I see I'm not the only one looking to escape the party tonight," he heard a voice speak behind him. Turning around, he saw Uncle Marius walking towards the bench he was sitting on. A gentle hand on the shoulder asked permission to sit and a small, sad smile granted it, the elder Black man sitting beside James with a sigh.

"So," Marius said, again breaking the vulnerable silence. "It is your grandmother Dorea's birthday, none of us have seen you in a year, and yet here you are avoiding all and sundry. Pray tell, what has driven you to avoid the company of your most loved grand uncle?"

"Uncle Marius, you are my only uncle," he responded, rewarding Marius's efforts with a softened expression. He was not yet ready to allow the events of the last week to move into his long term memory – that would mean he'd have to deal with the guilt he was feeling, and James still chose to wrap himself in the emotion instead.

"That doesn't mean I can't be the one you love the most," Marius responded with a chuckle. "If you knew intimately of your other Black uncles, I'd still be your favourite."

Another beat passed, both men staring into the depths of the calm pond. Teal was said to represent open communication and clarity of thought. Perhaps he might gain both, he thought, staring at his hands as a reflection of the stone's colour danced along their planes. Taking a deep breath, James took power from that which danced in moonlit technicolour across his gaze.

"Uncle Marius, how do you move past guilt and yet still take important lessons from an undesirable memory?" he asked his grandmother's brother, realising with the smallest sense of hope that, of any Black or Potter that may have found him, Uncle Marius was certainly one who would not be short of understanding. In fact, his own experiences would offer him a unique perspective, one that James rather desperately wanted to understand.

Marius took a second before responding, likely weighing his words. James could feel his gaze on him; heavy, but not punishing, for which he was thankful. At last, his uncle spoke. "James, if I can give one piece of advice to answer your question, it would be that the key to moving past any guilt-ridden feelings or thought you might be having is that you don't." At the look on my face, he rushed to continue. "That's the point, wouldn't you say? To feel guilty as part of your learning on the matter is to acknowledge the severity that you may not otherwise attach to the situation."

This struck a chord with him anew, as he'd been thinking something very similar when he had been wallowing earlier. This even had opened his eyes to the impacts of the Marauders' actions. "But what about if you carry guilt, not for your actions, but for the actions of someone very close to you?"

"Ah, has Sirius gotten into another scrape again?" Uncle Marius asked, chuckling when he turned to his uncle quickly, surprised he'd seen through him so easily. "James, I can think of nobody else on Earth, with the exception of the intelligent Ms Evans, who creates so much feeling in you. Now, some would say that level of feeling, of taking ownership of guilt that is not yours by way of action is taking on too much."

"And what do you say?" he asked, all of a sudden eager to know if he still had his uncle's good opinion (which was a ridiculous thought, as only 6 people on Earth knew of the incident with Snape).

"I would say, knowing you and your friends the way I do, that I understand where the guilt is coming from. You mightn't have been involved in a specific situation, but you certainly weren't ignorant. It's why the guilt is threatening to overwhelm you," Marius commented lightly, the tone and inflection in his voice never changing. "But I also think that you're human, and to make mistakes is to validate that humanity."

"That's something at least," he quipped lightheartedly, forcing a similar lightness to his voice that he still did not feel truly.

"James, you can't forget that memories were moments once. They weren't recollections that you could cast your mind back on if you wished, they were real, lived-in spaces of time that you were reacting to with no forethought, simply because you cannot give forethought to life's moments when they haven't even happened. The point of feeling this sense of guilt now is to acknowledge it and move on. Leave your memories in the past where they belong and incorporate the lessons this guilt has taught you when preparing for the new moments you will encounter."

He placed his joined hands thoughtfully against his bottom lip, pondering what his uncle had said. "That...actually makes a strange amount of sense. Thank you, Uncle Marius."

"It's what I'm here for James," the older man replied with a shrug. "All the moments I've lived and memories I've created have to serve some purpose. Now, will you be okay on your own if I go back inside?"

He nodded, turning to pull his uncle into a hug. Uncle Marius held on as James had gone to pull away, which gave him an unexpected rush and induced him to double down on the affection as well. Eventually the two Black men, one by name and one by blood, separated, nodding at each other as they both turned to their individual pursuits once more.

As Marius returned to the party, James's gaze went back to the pond, wondering at the simple power imbued in such a stone. Perhaps the teal gems had worked their magic, perhaps Uncle Marius was indeed the wisest man of James's immediate family, who knew? All James could say for certain was that the guilt was a tad easier to digest from that point onwards, almost promising that he could look forward to his first full night's sleep in days this evening.

Memories are made from the moments we live, indeed.