Kagami feels hollow.
She felt hollow as she closed the door of the locker room. She felt hollow as she walked out of Françoise Dupont. She felt hollow as she made her way down the stone steps at the entrance of the collège. The sound of her shoes making contact with the ground made Kagami feel especially hollow —the only sound that rang in her ears. Said shoes carried her to Tatsu's red door. Eyes found the car's window, Kagami grimaced at her own reflection.
She clutched Tatsu's handle and swung the backseat door open, hoping to flee from her own eyes.
Her head hung low, eyes on her lap, as she closed the door. Slowly, she lifted her head to face the window and the collège's front gates. She took a deep breath before turning her eyes forward.
"Take me home, Tatsu."
The collège disappeared as Tatsu moved forward.
Kagami exhaled.
Her hands found their way into her fencing bag and she slowly retrieved her phone from the bundle of clothes and protein bars. She steeled herself as her phone lit up. The screen read 6:09 against a familiar picture Kagami had taken that day at the San Martin Canal. They were seated at the canal's edge, Adrien's chin smudged with ice cream and Kagami smiling giddily at having caught this momentary clumsiness. Adrien, oblivious to the desert decorating his face, grinning at the camera and leaning close to her. She pursed her lips as she felt a pang to her chest, and opened settings with a decisive press of the home button. Their twin smiles disappeared from her lockscreen, replaced with an old picture of the Eiffel Tower— one she had taken when she'd first arrived in Paris. She'd grown accustomed to it by now, but the large monument had seemed so mystical when she first saw it.
A sense of exhaustion came over her and she let her neck fall backwards. Head falling on the seat's headrest, the car's ceiling filled her vision.
Had this been a mistake?
Kagami had always been rational. Her mother valued logic above all, putting her stakes only in what she could hope to benefit from. Mother had taught this principle to Kagami at an early age, and Kagami had taken it to heart. She put a lot of effort into her passions, assured that her work would pay off. She took her future seriously, recognizing that it would reflect all of her present decisions. She didn't goof off or blow off responsibilities. She did her best to control her sometimes reckless personality. She wasn't disobedient.
And she certainly didn't waste her time in mindless relationship games.
But here she was now.
Kagami had gone about dating Adrien the way she did most things: straight to the point, and with a set goal in mind. She had been decisive, and she wasted no time dancing around her feelings, thinking that it would pay off, like all other things had in her life. Sitting alone in a car, heartbroken, had not been the outcome she predicted. Could she have miscalculated?
Somewhere inside herself, she understood that she had been very clear about her feelings, and had worked hard to maintain their relationship– at times, even foolishly bended some of her values just to get closer to him. Adrien had been the one to lie, and had always been more apprehensive with his affection, like he was holding back and holding on at the same time. Right now though, Kagami doubted herself.
She'd never been the type to, but maybe while she was blinded by her affections for Adrien, she'd lost herself.
Her mother would be disappointed. Kagami hadn't exactly told her of their relationship, and thinking of the times she did stuff she would disapprove of just to spend time with Adrien, Kagami wasn't sure if she wanted to.
God.
Kagami had been so eager to get closer to Adrien, and latched on as soon as Adrien began to reciprocate her stares, she had acted foolishly hadn't she?
Her eyes eventually found the window again, but she regretted it as soon as her eyes laid on the glossy dark waters of the San Martin Canal.
She saw the green leaves of trees painted on the water's surface.
Something coiled in her chest.
"Tatsu, stop."
Suddenly overcome with emotion, Kagami pushed the car door open and exited onto the aligned stone slabs of the sidewalk. The door closed behind her, body facing the canal. A breeze swept Kagami's bangs out of her face, drying the prickle of tears at the edge of her eyes. She walked closer to the canal and peered at her figure reflected on the water, her hands bunched in her skirt. The water was too far away for any of her features to be distinguishable but she stared at her reflection– her head of dark hair a blob dancing on the canal's ripples. Her fists slowly unclenched and she lowered herself to the canal's edge.
As her eyes followed the ripple of the water, Kagami wondered if getting overly self conscious about this break up was what was irrational. Obviously most relationships ended, and she couldn't expect her first lover to be her last.
A memory of telling ladybug her and Adrien were meant to be crossed Kagami's mind. She grimaged, cringing at the memory. Kagami had said it with bold certainty, confident that there was something special between them–an understanding she'd never experienced with anyone else. She hoped that maybe… that would be the case, once Adrien was ready he would apologize and realize what she had long ago.
He didn't trust her now though, so what assured her he ever would.
Maybe the wound was too fresh to wonder about the future.
Kagami closed her eyes and felt another gust of wind flutter against her eyelids. She stood back up and began to walk along the canal.
As she walked further and further from Tatsu, she began to realize another issue.
Was she going to ignore Aidren?
She had told him she didn't want to stay friends. Adrien's distrust had stung her deeply– she had, after all, put a lot of energy and time into their relationship, and just returning to their old dynamic felt wrong. Were they just supposed to not acknowledge any of the remaining tension?
Adrien hiding stuff from her would sting regardless of their relationship, she cared very deeply for him– friend or over. Kagami had to remind herself: don't waste time and energy on fruitless efforts.
If Adrien wasn't gonna let up, Kagami would stop giving him the time of day. The opportunity to hurt her. She felt justified in her harshness, though Adrien was one of the only friends she'd ever had. Kagami began to wonder if any of this would seem ridiculous to someone more understanding and emotionally intelligent– Kagami admitted she felt short in that regard.
She admittedly was too caught up thinking of ways to figure this out to pay much attention to her surroundings. Mid thought, something slammed into her, or rather she slammed into someone. Kagami stumbled backwards, almost losing her footing but catching herself at the last minute. As soon as she regained her balance she looked up at the offended party to apologize. She was met with a familiar pair of blue bell eyes. Before she could muster up a 'sorry', Marinette beat her to it.
"Kagami! I'm so sorry! I was distracted and wasn't looking where I was going."
Her face was somewhat obstructed by boxes stacked on her arms- which she noticed were now off center.
"I'm sorry too, Marinette; I was also distracted."
Marinette readjusted the boxes.
"No, it was probably more on me. My limbs seem to have a mind of their own, a lot of people have fallen victim to my clumsiness."
Marinette's face scrunched embarrassment.
"Well you are the one carrying boxes, I just bypassed pedestrian etiquette in my mindless daydreaming."
Kagami could make out Marinette's smile even with the obstruction to her face.
"That's just like you to think getting distracted is a lapse of 'pedestrian etiquette'."
She chuckled at Marinette's phrasing of 'pedestrian etiquette'. Marinette's eyes peered at her quizzically.
"Are you alone, Kagami?"
"I am."
That seemed to confuse Marinette as she looked around Kagami.
"I don't mean to pry, but why are you walking down the San Martin Canal?"
Kagami looked back to the canal's waters.
"I suppose...", She tried to find an excuse as she faced Marinette again,"I thought the walk would be some nice, light exercise." Marinette raised an eyebrow at her.
"Right after fencing? Shouldn't you be having a meal?"
She was surprised that Marinette had any knowledge in the dietary guidelines of athletes. She'd never mentioned partaking in any active hobby to Kagami.
"I was just trying it out. ''
Marinette still seemed confused but shrugged and didn't press further. Kagami's eyes shifted to the boxes Marinette was still carrying.
"And you? Is there a reason you're walking down a canal with an armful of boxes?"
Marinette seemed to remember what she was holding as her eyes flickered to the packages in front of her.
"Oh, right. I'm just making a delivery for the bakery."
Kagami was now the one to question her with a raised eyebrow.
"On foot? With that tall of a stack?"
Her expression turned sheepish
.
"Bad idea in retrospect, considering my clumsiness and all."
Kagami couldn't help but smile.
"What if I help you?"
Marinette's eyes widened.
"With my delivery?"
Kagami nodded.
"What about your light exercise?"
"Whether it be going home or making a delivery I'm still walking."
Marinette's cheeks pinked. "Oh, uh, guess you're right."
She approached Marinette and reached for the top couple of boxes, taking them into her arms and waiting for Marinette to readjust emher/em arms again.
"Okay, it's only two blocks from here."
Marinette began to walk and Kagami moved to follow her pace.
"Do you often make deliveries for your parents' bakery?"
"When they need to be done yeah; it's my way of helping out."
Kagami looked at her profile, her pigtails more hastily tied than usual and her cheeks a paler pink than she was used to.
"Have they been keeping you busy?"
"Ah, no more than usual."
Marinette met her eyes momentarily and Kagami wondered if those were eyebags under her eyes.
"They try not to be too demanding."
"Really?... Have you been testing lately?"
She saw Marinette turn to her and could almost feel her puzzlement.
"Uh, no?..."
Marinette faced the walkway again.
"Why do you ask?"
"I just haven't heard from you lately."
There was a pause.
"I've just been caught up in some stuff."
Kagami sensed she didn't want to elaborate so she kept her questions to herself.
"Well, It's nice to see you, even in a somewhat odd situation."
"I'm glad to see you too."
Her smile became soft.
"I haven't seen much of you either, but I understand you've also been… busy."
The silence that followed hung for a second too long. Kagami wasn't sure how she should interpret that— she'd never explicitly told Marinette about her and Adrien, but they hadn't really hid their affection.
"I…" Kagami sighed. "Yeah, I have been distracted with other… stuff."
The silence continued and Kagami considered even noting the weather to fill it. Before she could stew in the silence any longer, Marinette cut through it with a boldness she wasn't accustomed to seeing from her.
"How are things with Adrien?"
Kagami suddenly felt very insecure and the packages of pastries in her arms felt heavier.
"We weren't very subtle were we?"
Marinette considered her question.
"You two have been getting pretty chummy for a while."
"... I can see what you mean."
"You know, it's okay. I just really hope you don't drop me, so you guys better not stop hanging out with me."
Marinette's attempt at lightening the mood was stunted by the tension. Kagami was too preoccupied with finding the right response to care.
"Well, of course, I wouldn't abandon our relationship for Adrien."
Kagami was too consumed in her nerves to notice the change in tone of Marinette's silence.
"You don't have to worry about my schedule being full though."
Marinette laughed.
"Kagami, it's natural for couples to spend a lot of time together, you don't have to make time you don't have for me. Don't worry, I have other people I can get orange juice with."
She swallowed.
"I don't doubt you do."
They approached a crossroad and Marinette turned, Kagami following after her. She let it out before she decided against it.
"What I meant to say, is that you don't have to worry about my schedule being full anymore."
Marinette stopped abruptly but Kagami expected it. Her expression was hard to decipher.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that", Kagami stepped closer to her. "Adrien's no longer going to be taking up my time."
Marinette's eyebrows slowly furrowed, she searched her face and Kagami hoped Marinette couldn't make out her insecurity.
"You…"
"We did."
She faced forward once again.
"It's been the case for all of a half an hour."
"Oh, God, Kagami, I'm so sorry."
Kagami turned to shoot her a frown. Marinette shut her mouth before she could begin her rambling. She might not be feeling like herself but she still wasn't below taking her pity.
"Obviously I'm still processing but quite honestly, the break up actually happened last night."
"Oh."
"I won't need to see him until our next fencing lesson so I'll have time to figure something out."
They finally continued to walk.
"I mean, I bet Adrien will make an effort to keep things friendly."
"That's exactly what I fear."
"What do you mean?"
Kagami kept her eyes forward.
"I'm not planning on keeping our relationship as friendly as it was before."
She hoped she didn't sound bitter.
"That bad, huh?"
"Adrien made his decisions so I made mine."
Kagami definitely sounded bitter.
"Well, then I guess you should start making time for another juice date."
Marinette's smile felt reassuring. She slowed down and stopped in front of a pair of glass doors. Kagami could make out a lobby from the large windows on either side.
"We're here by the way."
Kagami went ahead and opened one of the doors, holding it for Marinette who had the taller stack of boxes. Marinette allowed her act of chivalry and entered, Kagami following behind her.
She looked around the lobby as Marinette advanced to the front desk, eyeing the cushions taking up most of the room, and wondering who had thought buying several loveseats for such a small lobby was a good idea. Marinette returned before Kagami could criticize the internal design further.
"Okay, we should be able to just go up and knock on the door."
They made their way to the elevator and Marinette pressed the button to the fourth floor. They stood in silence for a few seconds.
"It wasn't just me that noticed the disgusting orange loveseats was it?"
Kagami smirked
"I also noticed their incompatibility with the room, though I was more worried with the amount of floor plan they took up."
Marinette scoffed, "More like incompatibility with my eyes."
This time Kagami actually laughed.
The elevator doors opened and they made their way into a hallway lined with numbered doors.
"Okay, I think it was apartment 127."
They scanned the doors until finding it: apartment 127. Kagami knocked and they waited for an answer. Kagami could hear the muted sound of rock music and laughter. Finally, the door's handle shook and the door swung open. A short woman with brown hair dyed red stood at the entrance, her eyes taking them and their armful of boxes in.
"Oh, the pastries are here!" The woman pushed the door open further, and turned her head to the apartment.
"Arthur! Come help me with the pastries." The woman turned back to them "Sorry, lovelies, I'll get those off ya in a sec."
A man poked his head before joining the four of them at the entrance. He was significantly taller than the woman but had the same red hair.
"Those smell good", he grinned.
"I can assure they taste just as good", Marinette responded, sugar sweet, in what Kagami guessed was her customer service voice. The woman and man reached out and took the boxes from them and Kagami was glad to have the weight off her arms. She stretched them out as the woman looked through her wallet and placed some bills in Marinette's hands. "Thank you, have a nice day, ma'am."
"Have a nice day too, ladies."
Marinette smiled at them as they closed the door. Then she also stretched her arms with a sigh.
"Okay, let's go."
They entered the elevator, returned to the lobby, and then exited the apartment complex.
Marinette turned to her. "Thank you so much, Kagami, people don't tend to order so much so it was probably for the best I ran into you."
"It wasn't a bother," she could feel the smile on her lips, "It was also nice to catch up with you."
Marinette grinned at her.
"Well, I guess I'll see you at another time. You should probably call Tatsu, you've had enough exercise for today."
"Oh, are you my trainer, Marinette?"
"I'm your friend, so I'm more important."
Kagami couldn't argue with that. An idea popped into her brain and she pursed her lips.
"Let me walk you home, Marinette."
Marinette blinked at her.
"Walk me home?"
"Yes." She nodded awkwardly, "Walk you home."
"Shouldn't you be home by now?"
That made Kagami pause— it was true her mother would figure out her absence pretty soon.
"It's fine, I'll just text my mother."
"But you must be tired, I really wasn't kidding about the exercise thing."
Kagami disliked when people coddled her, but Marinette's worry did actually make her feel cared for.
"I'll be fine, Marinette, I always make sure to carry extra protein bars in my bag."
Kagami paused and furrowed her brows. "That is unless you'd rather walk home alone, I'm sorry if my request was brash."
Marinette shook her hands.
"No, no, I just didn't want you to over exert yourself. I know you always give it your all at your fencing practices."
While Kagami had had a tiring day, Marinette's company has helped both the ache of her muscles and her chest.
"I'm not that tired, besides," Kagami moved to stand beside her, "we haven't talked about our juice date." She was rewarded with a bright smile.
"Okay, fine, if you're sure."
Marinette began to walk and Kagami was right beside her.
"You know, I've always wanted to ask you where in the world you found a red lamé?"
"Well, Marinette, I pride myself in my dedication."
They fell into step with each other, letting the conversation flow naturally. As they made their way through the streets of Paris, Kagami listened intently to Marinette's rambling about old fabric dyeing techniques she'd been looking into. They finally found their way to Marinette's doorstep and they waved each other goodbye.
She was aware she might return home to a lecture, but as Kagami saw Marinette enter her home, she recognized she felt better.
Marinette rested her back on a chimney, her eyes raking over the other rooftops, waiting for an unexpected attack to pop out of them at any second. Chat was similarly seated next to her, though he didn't seem quite as on edge as Marinette felt.
Now that the duo had to worry about Shadow Moth, Marinette felt like she was on edge as soon as she transformed. Chat sensed her unease, and regularly attempted to ease her tension with a lighthearted joke. Marinette appreciated his efforts, but she also didn't want to be distracted —just in case.
She drummed her fingers on her lap and wondered if maybe they should move to a higher vantage point. Maybe they should start making their patrols more active, circling the whole city instead of just moving to a few locations and watching. If there was going to be an akumatization tonight, Marinette hoped it would appear already. Now that she had a gaggle of kwamis to look after, Marinette's responsibilities seemed to have doubled. She really couldn't slack off in her schoolwork, or her duties as class rep, or her obligations to the bakery— she knew wedding season was coming up so her parents were going to really need her help. That wasn't even mentioning all of the personal issues Marinette didn't know how to tackle. She seemed to have been able to keep a low radar so far, but any second now her friends would figure out the earlier day's events.
Marinette really didn't want to think about Juleka's reaction.
Marinette's thrumming speed up.
Chat must have seen the anxious twitch of her fingers.
"You know, it's getting late, there probably won't be any trouble tonight."
Her eyes flickered to the blonde.
"We haven't checked the south-eastern side of the city."
"I can go check on my way home."
Marinette thought about protesting, but she could make out the worry etched onto the line of his eyebrows. His mop of hair caught her eye, messier than she was usd to— almost like it was drooping. She wondered if she wasn't the only one having a hard time.
"You go to school so you should probably get home and rest."
"You also go to school", Marinette noted.
Chat's replying chuckle felt empty.
"I'm not going to be sleeping anytime soon ." Marinette hoped it wasn't defeat what she heard in his voice. She regarded his usually vibrant eyes, now dulled with an exhaustion Marinette could recognize.
"You too huh?"
Chat broke eye contact to look out at the Paris scenery. Marinette did the same, gazing at the endless darkness of the sky.
"It's been a hard week."
She could only hum in agreement.
Her suit protected her from the cold, but Marinette's face felt icy in the night's dropping temperature.
"Is it a personal problem?"
"Well, I think Shadow Moth has both of us on edge, but mostly yeah."
Chat fiddled with the cuffs of his gloves. She'd always been a proponent of keeping everything private, only revealing what was necessary, but something about Chat's frown bothered Marinette.
"I can listen."
Chat's head shot up, his expression one of surprise. Marinette tried to convey comfort through her own expression.
"Really?"
"As long as you keep it vague. I've been told I'm a good listener."
His responding smile was small, but Marinette was glad for it nonetheless.
"Well, um, okay."
Marinette relaxed against the chimney and Chat changed his posture to face her more.
"I started seeing someone recently."
Marinette's eyes widened but she kept quiet.
"We were friends beforehand and I realized I liked her, so I thought it would be a good idea." Chat exhaled. "I'm Chat Noir though, so we couldn't keep it up."
Understanding washed over her.
"She was pretty upset, and now… she told me she no longer wanted to have any type of relationship."
Chat's eyes stared at the ground(rooftop rather.) Marinette reached for him without thinking. Chat looked at the hand she placed on his shoulder, and then at her. His eyes told her he received the message:
I understand
She leaned in and hugged him. They sat like that for a few seconds, enjoying eachvother's warmth, before they separated.
"I think you're right. We should go home."
Chat nodded and they both stood up, still facing each other.
"Chat… I know we can't exactly hang out, but you're my friend, so if you need anything..."
Chat nodded.
"Thank you, ladybug."
They shared a smile before going their separate ways.
Marinette was later than usual. The classroom's tone felt different than yesterday, and Marinette read it immediately. She apologized and took her seat, trying not to meet anyone's eyes. She could feel Alya's on her all hour though, but she kept her eyes forward. All of her attention was focused on Mme. Bustier, Marinette throwing herself into the coursework to try and ignore the impending questions. The scratch of graphite on paper worked as a background to Mme. Bustier's voice, and it did a good job at keeping Marinette's mind occupied with work.
So much so that Marinette almost didn't hear the bell.
She stared through the paper in front of her, her fingers tightening around the pencil in her hand. She could feel more eyes on her now.
Recognizing that she could no longer ignore Alya, Marinette picked herself up from her hunched posture and turned to her. Like she predicted, Alya was looking right at her. She didn't attempt to decode the emotions in the hazel of Alya's eyes.
She stood up and Marinette knew to follow. Mylène, Rose, Alix, and Juleka were behind them as they made their way out of the classroom. Alya stopped next to a bench and sent Marinette a look, communicating to her that she should sit down. Marinette complied.
She studied Alya's face, and Marinette disliked that the tension in it looked more like worry than displeasure— Marinette didn't want to lie to Alya when she was looking at her with concern. Alya sighed and she sat beside her, the other girls sitting around them. Marinette thrummed her fingers, waiting for Alya's words.
She directed them at Alix though.
"Alix, would you like to tell Marinette what you told me?"
Alix met eyes with Marinette before facing Alya.
"Recently I heard something from Mylène about Marinette."
She blew a bubble with her bubblegum and it's pop unsettled Marinette.
"I think she knows what I'm talking about."
Marinette sighed before rubbing her arms self consciously. She looked around at their faces— they were waiting for her but Marinette didn't know what to tell them. She remembered the walk she'd had with Kagami some days ago. Kagami had noticed her exhaustion so soon, she could only wonder how long it must have taken her best friend.
"Do you not want to tell us what happened?"
"Um, no, no, I just… It's just complicated, I'm not sure I'm even done processing what happened."
Alya placed a hand on her shoulder. They all understood.
"I, well. I'll tell you."
Marinette took a deep breath and tried to work out what parts she had to modify.
"You guys know I've had feelings for Adrien all year. For months I've had this giant crush on him." He heard some hums of agreement.
"These past few months I've actually begun to talk to him, and for a while now we've been friends. Somewhere during that time, I started to get to know different sides of Adrien, and my feelings deepened. I began to think that maybe he could actually like me back. I felt like we were finally connecting... But I think I've slowly come to realize that Adrien doesn't think about me like that." Marinette could hear her voice lowering so she coughed and looked up. "I had to come to terms that Adrien liked someone else, loved someone else." She tried not to think about Kagami's words.
"Luka, he was always so sweet. With Adrien, I felt like this spluttering blubbering mess." She sighed. "No wonder he didn't like me back, all of my clumsiness gets turned up to a hundred around him. Even once my stuttering calmed down somewhat as we became closer, I feel like a mess around him even now."
Alya scoffed like she'd been the one to be insulted.
"Marinette, you're so incredibly smart and clever. You're also kind and you don't hesitate to help others. If Adrien hasn't realized that yet then that's not your fault."
She tried not to think about how Adrien was all of those things, but more. Or how Kagami was also all of those things, but yet they still…
Marinette didn't let herself dwell on it.
"That's something Luka would have told me."
Alya fell silent.
"Luka made me feel like I could just be. It was easy to talk to him, and when he told me he had feelings for me… I felt like maybe we could work."
Her eyes flickered to Juleka, but her expression hadn't changed much.
"My feelings for Adrien were hard to ignore though. I think Luka could tell."
"I really did like Luka. I just, I feel like I got him caught up in my emotional mess and hurt him."
Marinette stopped thrumming her fingers and dug them into the fabric of her pants.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys. I've been busy and I haven't been able to reflect on the break up yet." Marinette looked around all of them, their faces sympathetic.
Rose stood up and wrapped her arms around Marinette. She pulled back and Marinette could see tears rimming her eyes.
"You don't have to apologize to us, Marinette."
"Yeah, it sounds like you've been having a rough time", Mylène piped up.
Alya's hand slid from her shoulder to her back. Marinette appreciated the act of comfort.
"Thank you guys, for being understanding. I just need some time."
"Of course, Mari, just tell us if you need some hang out buddies to turn your brain off with." Alix didn't join them in their huddle around the bench, but her smile was softer than her usual smirk.
"Of course", Marinette grinned, she could feel the mood lifting. "If any of you would like to get your butts kicked in Ultimate Mecha Strike III, you know who you can call."
Rose and Mylène giggled, parting from Marinette so she could look up at them better. Marinette couldn't tell them everything but she genuinely felt her mood lift.
The bell rang.
Marinette felt like now she could scratch that off her list of things to worry about.
She was about to stand up as the other girls smiled and made their way back when she turned to Alya. She was staring at her intensely, like she was analyzing Marinette.
"Uh, Alya? We should make our way back."
Alya continued to stare at Marinette. Marinette swallowed and clutched the edge of the bench. Finally, Alya crossed her arms and stood up. She didn't move to make their way back though.
"Alya, we're going to be late."
"You're still hiding something."
Marinette's mouth shut. Alya just continued to bore holes through her.
"H-Hiding something?"
"Luka knew you were in love with Adrien since before. He would have been fine with waiting for you to get over him."
"But I couldn't, okay. I was hurting him and we couldn't-"
"Marinette, I'm your best friend, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
Marinette wanted to say she couldn't actually. She bunched her fist in her jacket instead.
"If this is about me not being the one to tell you, I already apologized. I really am sorry, but I just wasn't in the right headspace."
"When you're not in the right headspace your emotions tend to spill over. You're not the type to stew in your feelings." Marinette narrowed her eyes at her, annoyed at how factual she'd made it sound.
"Don't act like you know everything about me, Alya."
Alya's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Marinette swallowed.
"I mean…" She sighed.
"Again, I'm not in the right headspace. Let's just go to class." Marinette left and didn't look back to see if Alya followed.
After class, Marinette shot some smiles at the girls. She apologized to Alya but she could tell she wanted to press further. She left before Alya could protest.
Marinette entered the bakery and greeted her parents, masking her mood with a bright smile.
"Hey Maman, hey Papa."
"Hello, sweet buns. How was your day?"
Marinette circled the counter and joined them behind it.
"It was alright. Mme. Mendeleive started rambling about this guy called Louis Le Prince near the end of class. It was hard to follow but apparently he invented the camera before Eddison."
Her mom smiled fondly at her.
"I didn't know that. I hope that means she didn't assign you any homework."
They smirked at each other.
"You'd be right, Maman."
Marinette didn't say she was slightly disappointed about it. Her mind needed a distraction. And almost like she'd read her mind, her mother perked up, her expression somewhat sheepish.
"Would you be a dear and help us out with an order for waffle cookies. Me and papa are working on decorating a wedding cake."
Marinette grinned at her mother.
"Of course, Maman."
Her mother informed her of the specifics for the order before making her way back to her husband.
Marinette set her bag down on a corner and rolled up her sleeves, plugging in her headphones before reaching for the bottles of ingredients and bowls she would need. She scrolled through her Jagged Stone playlist as she plugged in the waffle iron, once finally settling on an album, stuffing her phone in her back pocket as she found her way back to the table. Marinette tried to get lost in the mindless task of measuring and mixing, making sure to be very meticulous so her mind could only focus on teaspoons of vanilla and cups of flour. These tasks were second nature to her anyway though, so eventually her mind wandered.
Marinette hoped that she'd be able to smooth things over with Alya tomorrow, but she knew how stubborn she could be— Alya wouldn't stop questioning Marinette.
Marinette was so tired of the lies. She'd been lying to Alya almost the entirety of their friendship, and Marinette hated that she was getting better at it. She could just continue to lie to her, it was probably what she would end up doing, but what if Marinette didn't? What if she just told her the truth.
Marinette fumbled with the mixer before pouring her mixture of ingredients onto the mixing bowl. The sound of the mixer competed with the loud music of her headphones, but more thoughts kept crawling into her mind.
Marinette would admit that at times she wished she didn't have to.
It would be so nice to confide in someone who understood what being a highschooler was like, and who also had some experience with the whole superhero thing.
The danger was obvious though.
She'd be putting Alya's security at risk, and hers as well of course.
So much was at stake so she couldn't even entertain the thought.
That the weight of being Paris' greatest superhero while being a seventeen year old high schooler was finally dawning on her.
The mixture of ingredients quickly turned into dough, and she began to scoop up balls of it with her fingers, morphing them into walnut sized balls.
How could Marinette be Marinette when she had to be ladybug? She had dreams she was trying to pursue, as well as responsibilities as a student and daughter. However, she also had a duty to Paris to protect its people. The reality was one she couldn't afford to forget.
These days it felt like she had to be ladybug more and more, her persona bleeding into her everyday. Maybe it was all the hiding and lying that was slowly becoming part of her personality.
Her fingers dug into the dough a bit too hard and ended up making a hole through the ball of dough. She sighed at the tiny doughnut in her hands before reshaping it.
Trust was such an important part of relationships but there was no one Marinette could trust with her secret. And as ladybug continued to dominate her life, Marinette felt as if she'd never be able to invest herself fully in one. Marinette couldn't giver herself whole if she had to hide half of herself.
She began to line the dough balls, checking the waffle iron.
Marinette hoped she'd be allowed to just be her soon enough. She could dedicate all her time to progressing in her aspirations, accomplishing her responsibilities, and maintaining her relationships.
She sprayed the waffle iron with cooking spray.
Leaving ladybug ...meant leaving Chat Noir too though.
Her eyes studied the dots of cooking spray on the iron.
Fingers pressed into the dough as she placed them along the iron. She lowered the lid slowly.
Maybe… just maybe, they'd find each other after.
The smell of the cookies crisping began to waft over her, Marinette leaned against the table, propping her arms on the surface and closing her eyes as she focused on the smell. The kitchen was warm, and she could hear a bit of the tune her Maman was humming through her headphones. Jagged Stone's guitar began to quiet down.
It could be that they would never see each other again after that.
Her gaze dropped to her hands, knuckles white with flour and fingertips sticky with residue dough. Her left thumb reached for her right hand and she began to fidget with her ring finger. How did Chat's miraculous look when he wasn't transformed?
Marinette wondered if she'd be able to recognize it. After all, she doubted anyone would be able to recognize her superheroine persona shining through her fumbling civilian identity. Was Chat just as exuberant in real life? Her mind pondered what kind of teenager Chat would be like. He probably had a lot of friends, and he was probably a bit of an attention seeker. Marinette's face softened. She bet he was insufferably kind. His friends were very lucky, they could enjoy being Chat's friends without the weight of thousands of people's lives on their shoulders.
If they met without the masks, would they be friends?
She flattened her hands against the table, tracing circles with her fingers on the flour dusting it. The next song on her playlist began to start. The sweet smell of the cookies continued to fill her nose.
Actually…
Marinette sniffed the air.
"Eek-"
She tried to find the timer somewhere, realizing she hadn't even taken it out. Scrambling to lift the waffle iron lid's, Marinette bumped into the table, her hip bone knocking against the table's edge. She yelped and clutched her hip. Too late, Marinette realized the uncapped vanilla extract bottle. She tried to stop its fall but the bottle tumbled and knocked against a bowl before falling on its side. The dark liquid spilled onto the wood immediately, and Marinette panicked as it pooled around bowls.
"Marinette?"
She only responded with a strained chuckle as she lifted the bottle off the table and regarded the pool of vanilla.
"Sorry, I just spilled some extract."
Her mother glanced from the wedding cake.
"Oh, honey, clean it up before it stains too badly."
Marinette nodded and rushed to find some paper towels to absorb the extract. She pushed the bowls out of the way and pressed the paper towels onto the table, the white paper quickly turning dark even as the pool of liquid disappeared. Her eyes scanned the room for a rag as she replaced the paper towels. Her hands reached for the nearest one and took it, scrubbing at the surface, praying that the stain would lighten if she placed it next to a window.
Suddenly, Marinette remembered what her original plan was as the air turned bitter. Her hands fumbled to open the waffle iron, revealing the now overly brown cookies. She plucked them off the iron and placed them on a cooling rack. As she reached for the last one, her pinky brushed against the hot metal and she hissed, biting her lip and scowling as she rubbed at the burn.
"Today is not my day", Marinette mumbled.
Her mother shot a glance in her direction again, her brows painted with concern. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"
"I'm fine, Maman, just a little burn." Marinette sighed. "I'll be right back."
She left her parents in the bakery, climbing the stairs to her home. She pushed the door open with her body and found her way into the bathroom.
Marinette opened the faucet and slid her red pinky over the cool water. The change in temperature helped the pain and she exhaled deeply.
Her eyes found her reflection on the mirror and she couldn't help but scowl. She'd been donening a 'finals week' kinda tired on her face– cheeks pale, eyebags deep, and pigtails almost coming undone– but now she also had flour dusting it. She couldn't wait for this week to end. It was still the middle of the week though, so Marinette guessed she'd need to work extra hard to make it speed by. Her other hand found the faucet and closed it. The towel bothered her skin as she toweld her hands dry, but she hoped it would calm down soon enough. She made her way out of the bathroom, and turned to the kitchen. Swinging the cooler open and scanning its interior, Marinette took a napkin and plucked an ice cube off the ice rack. She closed the cooler before swinging her body onto the counter— her Maman wasn't here so no one had to know.
The ice was a bit harsh on the burn, but Marinette was looking to numb the pain so she pressed tightly against her pinky. A quiet chuckle passed through her lips.
It'd be neat if she could have some numbing ice for other aspects of herself.
As she jokingly wondered how that'd work, she realized her mother was calling out to her.
"Marinette!"
She blinked at her Maman's voice but made her way to the stairs, poking her head down to the bakery.
"Yes, Maman?"
Her mother appeared from around the corner.
"There's a girl here asking for you, honey."
Panic rose up her throat. Was it Alya? Marinette wasn't ready to confront her, and she needed time to come up with something to feed to her.
"She brought you some orange juice."
Marinette frowned at her mother. Orange juice?
Tension left her face.
Her Maman knew Alya pretty well, so Marinette supposed it'd be weird of her not to just tell her it was Alya.
Making her ways down the steps, Marinette looked around the bakery. A blue bob and white jacket was the first thing she registered.
"Kagami?"
The girl was standing somewhat awkwardly in front of the counter, two plastic cups in her hands.
"Good afternoon, Marinette." Kagami's greeting smile was stiff on her face.
"Hey, Kagami." Marinette responded simply, she walked towards her, and weaved around the counter. She swept her hand over her cheeks.
"Sorry I was just baking."
"You look fine, Marinette."
"Really? I remember a few days ago you mentioned I looked pretty bad."
"Well, you do look tired."
Marinette shook her head. "I can't argue with you on that."
The logo on the plastic cups Kagami was carrying was familiar.
"So did you just drop by to give me orange juice?"
Kagami brought the cups up to her chest.
"Well", Kagami shifted her weight from one foot onto the other, "I was hoping you'd have some with me."
"Oh"
"Then in that case." Marinette turned to her parents, who were probably already listening,
"Can I finish the cookies later?"
"Sure, honey, just cover the dough up."
Marinette nodded and signaled Kagami to follow her. They walked past the counter and into the actual bakery, Marinette took some wide plates and lined the dough balls on them. She took some saran wrap and covered them, setting them off to the side. She swept her hands together to shake off any remaining flour and turned to Kagami.
"Okay, follow me."
She led her around the corner and to the stairs. Kagami glanced around.
"So this is what leads to your actual home?"
She followed Marinette up the steps.
"Yep. The first floor is just the bakery."
She pushed the door open and moved to let Kagami in first. Kagami took her home in. The white couch decorated with throw pillows; the kitchen with their bright blue refrigerator; the three windows spilling sunlight through grey curtains. Marinette closed the door behind them. Kagami stepped into the kitchen, her eyes roaming over the fridge.
Marinette joined her.
"Weird color for a home appliance, right?"
Kagami glanced back at her, but reached her hands up to a photo on the cooler's door, her fingertips grazing it.
"Is this a relative of yours?"
Marinette glanced at what she was looking at. The photo was a few years old, Marinette was sprawled out on the couch that was currently right behind them. A teenage boy leaning on said couch was teasing Marinette with a feather. Her face was scrunched up as said boy tickled it with the feather. They were both grinning though.
"Oh." Marinette smiled at the picture. "That's my older brother actually."
Kagami's brow questioned her, surprise evident on her face. "I wasn't aware you had a brother."
"Yeah, I guess I don't talk about him enough. His name is Anthony."
"Does he live here?"
"Oh, no, he's studying abroad right now. He wasn't able to come during Christmas but he'll be here during the summer."
Kagami seemed to mull over this information. She kept her eyes on the photo.
"What was it like?" Marinette looked at her quizzically. " Growing up with a sibling, I mean", She clarified.
Marinette snorted. "Annoying, no one else knows how to tick you off like a sibling."
She wiggled her fingers as she presented the picture. "Exhibit here."
"Really?I don't know if that sound… enjoyable."
"Pfft, well growing up with siblings is definitely pretty bothersome." Marinette nodded at her own comment. "Sometimes it's funny but being so close to someone before gaining any sense of maturity comes with annoying downfalls."
"People have told me it's sad I don't have any siblings though."
Marinette couldn't read Kagami's expression.
"That's kinda rude of them."
Kagami smiled at her response.
"I've always thought so too."She set the orange juice on the nearest surface. "But I guess I wonder if siblings are worth all of their hype."
Marinette thought about her brother. It'd been a while since he'd last seen him, and she'd never admit to it to him, but sometimes his absence made her home feel empty.
"It's also really nice, having someone to grow up with. I get why they might have said that."
She shrugged. "It's a unique bond."
"So do you miss you brother?"
"Ugh, well it's a pain to admit but yeah."
Kagami smirked in amusement. Marinette reached for the orange juice Kagami had brought. "I didn't know they had such cute to go cups."
Kagami took the other cup and followed Marinette as she made her way to the counter in the kitchen, each of them taking a seat.
"You're the type to always notice design." It wasn't a question.
"Well I might specialize in fashion designing, but if something is cute then I'll notice." Marinette brought the straw up to her mouth. The orange juice was refreshing and Marinette hummed against the straw in contentment. Kagami smiled at her drink as well.
"I love orange juice, but is there a specific reason you're here?"
Kagami parted her mouth from the juice and shrugged. "I suppose we never actually set a date for that orange juice date."
"Hmm, are you maybe trying to make time up with me?"
"Well I did want to see you."
"I'm flattered by your honesty. But I bet you also wanted to see what a bakery-home was like."
Kagami looked around the room again instead of responding.
"Your house is so small."
"Oh, gee, I know it's no mansion."
"No, I didn't mean it in a degrading way." Kagami's eyes flitted to a particular tigger shaped pillow on the coach. It was an old comfort toy of Marinette. "It's homely, and warm."
"Well it is right above a bakery", Marinette pointed out.
"It does smell of baked goods."
"Come on Sunday mornings. Last week I woke up to lemon-berry savarin and palmier pastries."
"Should I come every Sunday to guess the pastry of the week?"
"You're invited to taste it too."
They both laughed.
"I can't promise I'd be awake to greet you, Sundays are one of my holy sleeping-in days."
"I see you value your sleep."
"You could say that. Like you've noticed though, I look like a mess when I don't get enough of it."
Kagami didn't respond for a second.
"So you haven't been getting much sleep?"
"Oh, ah", Marinette laughed awkwardly. "No, spose I haven't."
"You have a lot of responsibilities."
"That I do." Marinette chewed on the straw of her juice.
"Thank you for coming actually, I've been having an off day."
"Rough week?"
"Pretty much."
They sat in a comfortable silence as their juice slowly noted that Kagami looked better than she had the last time they'd met. Part of her wanted to ask how that whole thing was going for her, but did she actually want to know?
"So", Kagami broke the silence first. "You make deliveries but you also bake?"
"Of course, what kind of baker's daughter do you take me for?"
"Do your parents expect you to take on the bakery someday?"Marinette opened her mouth but then swallowed.
"They understand I have a dream for designing, but we still haven't figured it out. They really want to keep the bakery alive."
"Sorry, it seems like a complicated subject."
"It is, but it's okay." Marinette slurped the last of her orange juice and set her cup down.
"It really is okay though, a discussion for the future. Like you said, I have enough on my plate at the moment." Kagami also finished her drink
"Well I hope the bakery stays open until next sunday, I want to try the pastry of the week."
Marinette giggled. "I'll make sure to make you something special."
"Do many people get the pleasure of tasting your baking?"
"Some lucky souls out there in Paris."
"I trust you're good then."
"Well I think my baking is plenty tasty, I'm just a clutz."
"So your clumsiness doesn't interfere with the taste?"
"No, it just endangers my safety, as well as anyone's in a three meter radius", Marinette sighed.
"I do read you as accident prone."
"Don't laugh but actually I stained the work table with vanilla extract and burned my pinky only a few minutes before you came."
Kagami's brows rose in surprise.
"Wow, really?"
"Yep", Marinette grumbled, lifting her right hand up. It wasn't so distinct anymore but her finger was still red. Kagami noticed.
"I see, does it still hurt?"
"Not really, I mean it's not fun getting burned but I have thick skin so it's okay."
Kagami paused and looked at her, confused. "Thick skin?"
"I've been pricking my fingers with needles for years, scaring has made my skin thicker and less sensitive."
"Oh, I had no idea."
"Yeah, sometimes I get quite insecure about it. I don't think a guy would appreciate holding hands with me. Girls are supposed to have soft skin or whatever."
"I know what you mean, fencing has made me build my own callouses."
"Oh that's right, your fence training must have done a similar number on your hands."
Kagami nodded holding her palms out on the countertop. "I have a similar insecurity."
Marinette gazed at her hands, she could make out the callouses. She leaned closer to Kagami, placing her left hand on the countertop too.
"May I?"
Kagami's dark eyes considered her, her bangs almost completely covering her eyebrows— It made it hard at times to decipher her expression— said bangs bounced as Kagami nodded. Marinette moved her eyes from Kagami to her palms. She lifted her left hand, her knuckles grazing the cool countertop as it approached Kagami's. Their skin touched, Marinette's index finger grazing Kagami's pinky. Her touch was tentative as she brushed her fingertips over Kagami's fingers and against the inside of Kagami's hand. It was unexpectedly cool. Just like Kagami had said, the skin along her palm's crease was distinctly tough and one could only wonder the years of training needed to result in such callouses. She studied Kagami's hand. Her palm was more plush than her own, but her fingers were bonier, and they also had a yellow undertone that darkened around the edges of her hands and turned into the warm color of the rest of her body. Marinette found this information oddly fascinating.
Her eyes flitted to Kagami's face. Her gaze was on Marinette's fingers, and Marinette realized that she was caressing Kagami's palm. She flushed and retracted her hand, drumming her fingers on the countertop.
"Um, your hands are pretty nice actually."
Kagami's hands curled into loose fists.
"They aren't soft though."
"No, but anyone can tell that your skin's texture is the product of hours of hard work."
Kagami didn't respond, but Marinette could make out a whisper of a smile on her lips.
"They, uh, they're cool too.. Nice and cool." Marinette swallowed, embarrassed she'd actually said that. Kagami blinked at her and Marinette hoped she hadn't made it weird.
"Your's are warm."
Marinette stopped her drumming.
"Yeah, that makes sense."
"Baker's daughter thing again?"
Marinette chuckled and looked at her own hands now. "Yep, exactly."
She ran her right thumb along the base of her left thumb. Her skin had more of a pink undertone which she knew she'd inherited from her papa. Marinette wondered if both of Kagami's parents had warm undertones. She glimpsed in Kagami's direction. Her eyes were on the countertop, somewhat hidden behind her bangs. Marinette realized how little she actually knew of Kagami. They hadn't been friends for that long so maybe that was obvious. Was it one of those rich kid-strict parents thing?
A ringing broke her train of thought. Kagami sat up and reached for her pocket, hastily pulling her phone out. A frown pulled on her lips.
"Everything alright? Is your mom calling?"
"Just a text. She wants me to come home now."
"Oh, do you need to be somewhere?"
"No, it's just past the time I told her It'd be here."
"Why does she need you home then?"
"She doesn't, she just doesn't like it when I don't stick to my plans."
Kagami returned her phone to her pocket, she could make out her exasperation through her movements.
"You need to leave then."
"I do. I've intruded long enough anyways."
"Of course you haven't. But I'll walk you out."
Marinette stood up and Kagami followed. They made their way back to the bakery. Kagami nodded her head at her parents, a small bow of her head. "Thank you for letting me come into your home, M. and Mme. Dupain-Cheng."
"You're always welcome -"
"Kagami", Marinette offered.
"You're always welcome, Kagami. Have a good night, sweetheart."
"And you as well."
They exited the bakery, Tatsu already waiting for her.
"Well, it was nice seeing you. Feel free to come again."
"I enjoyed talking with you." Kagami's smile was warm, her statement genuine.
"Thank you for allowing me to stay."
Marinette could feel her own smile on her face. She waved as Kagami entered the car and drove off. It was evening by now.
Marinette stood in front of her home. She felt better.