A/N:
[All characters in this story—except for Hayama and Nishiguchi—belong to Kohei Horikoshi and all other additional entities responsible for the creation/ownership of Boku no Hero Academia.]
I made a meta about a nonbinary!Midoriya who started questioning his gender after his first research deep-dive on the Wild Wild Pussycats, and so this is the result. This fic is cross-posted to AO3 and there's more details there if you're interested! Midoriya continues to use he/him pronouns for this fic.
Starring self-indulgent guard dog Bakugo blasting transphobic bullies out of his middle school -w- IDK, I like to imagine they had a checkered history throughout middle school due to the way Midoriya talks to him before they went to UA! It's delightful imho. Additionally, I was also listening to "idfc" by blackbear on loop while writing this, so there's that too nwn
Anyhow, enjoy!
(Content warnings for: bullying, transphobia, and briefly attempted sexual harassment. If you'd like me to add anything else you think I missed, please feel free to comment or message me!)
-Reddie
Violence is Katsuki's love language.
And to clarify, it's hitting the bastards who give his loved ones shit. That is how he best expresses his love. He doesn't quite understand this yet, but he will eventually.
At the age of thirteen, he's very much a stranger to his festering emotions, because in his mind, heroes don't let that shit bother them. They deal with all varieties of assholes, hours of cruel and grueling work, day in and day out. And not once has he heard the best of the best griping about how hard it is. If he's going to be number one, he figures he'd better learn early to keep it all locked up tight where it can't get to him.
Unfortunately, that method only goes so far… especially when it comes to Deku.
Acutely, there's been a gnawing badness at the pit of his heart when he feels like Deku's officially started ignoring him.
So he tried to ignore the loser right back, at first. After all, who should care so much about some quirkless crybaby who acts like he actually stands a chance compared to Katsuki? Deku's clinginess had been an affront to his pride, making it abundantly clear that he really did think Katsuki was some hapless weakling who couldn't take care of himself. Katsuki had no room for that kind of bullshit in his life.
Somehow though, being ignored by Deku, oh, that's starting to feel so much worse.
It's impossible to understand. The nerd has practically been glued to him since before they could speak sentences. What's captivating Deku so much now that he won't even look Katsuki's way anymore?
He has to find out.
So Katsuki starts paying close attention.
He catches little things, at first: the infuriating little mutters under his breath, the way he thumbs at his chin while contemplating, the typical scribblings in his stupid hero journals. Occasionally, he'll notice some bags under Deku's eyes, or him nodding off before being called on to read a passage during class, probably from staying up watching nerd shit.
Then a vibrant new detail enters his periphery for the first time: the gleam of a manicure on Deku's fingernails.
He passes by Katsuki's desk on the way to his own, and in that brief moment, the fluorescent light dances on a perfectly polished layer of clear coat.
Initially, it strikes Katsuki as weird. Deku's never really been one to care about physical appearances, being so caught up within his own brain to even consider the way he presents himself.
So Katsuki figures maybe he'd joined his mom at a nail salon, as a one-off bonding thing or whatever.
But as the weeks pass, the clear coat persists. As it peels off, Deku reapplies shiny, perfect new coats. Eventually, clear polish turns into a translucent, subtle pink polish. If Katsuki could be more honest with himself, he would've thought to himself that it looked nice on Deku, very pretty.
He blocks the very thought out and instead lets a mild seething fluster fester in his chest. It escapes as a comment when they coincide on the same route home, with Deku trailing behind him from a slight distance.
"Hey, Deku. Didn't know you were into nail polish," Katsuki calls out over his shoulder, and Deku stiffens.
With that, Katsuki turns around and stands in front of him, blocking his path. Deku doesn't try to go around him, instead frozen on the spot.
"You noticed that?" He asks.
"Yeah, no shit," he scoffs. Squinting, Katsuki presses further. "What the hell is up with that anyway? Finally giving up on being a hero to get into fashion or something?"
The thought is somewhat pleasing. The idea of Deku finally accepting his quirklessness and aiming for another career honestly felt validating to Katsuki in ways he didn't know how to name.
And also, maybe it wouldn't be a bad time to admit to himself that, yeah, Deku could make a pretty good male model. Hell, he could even help the nerd get started. His parents worked in the fashion industry, after all.
"No!" Deku counters, sounding defensive. "Nothing like that at all!"
Ah, one step forward becomes two steps back. Katsuki can't help his scowl.
"Then what is it?"
"The nail polish is… I'm just—just trying to figure something out right now."
Katsuki waits for an elaboration. Deku doesn't say anything more, avoiding his gaze, now giving full attention to the fucking pavement instead.
Irked, Katsuki grabs him by the shirt, forcing the nerd's focus back to him.
"Hah? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"None of your business!" Deku blurts out, eyes squeezing shut at the force of his emotion.
And there it is again, the fight in those teary green eyes. When their glares meet, something inexplicable and overwhelming wells up in Katsuki's chest. It makes Katsuki feel so stupid that he can't help but loosen his grip.
The spell breaks. Now looking startled, Deku struggles backward out of reach. He stumbles slightly, but catches himself.
He doesn't leave. He just stands there, looking into Katsuki's eyes with his lips parted, like he wants to say something. But he's silent, as if waiting for Katsuki to make the first move.
Feeling his heart hammer against his ribcage, Katsuki decides he needs to end this interaction, right now.
Turning his back, he scoffs as he begins to walk away.
"Fine then, shitty nerd. See if I care about your secret dreams to be a male model."
"I don't. Want to be a male… model."
Deku admits this firmly, though there's a slight tremble to his voice.
Katsuki briefly stops walking, considering the way he hesitated on the word "model". Somehow, it didn't feel like he was just talking about his career goals.
"Just trying to figure something out..."
A new inkling about what this all means comes to mind, and Katsuki carefully lets it float to the back of his skull. No, no, why does this feel like a confession of some secret no one else was in on? Fuck, maybe it really isn't his business.
"Yeah, okay. Whatever, then."
If that's a new line, it's one Katsuki definitely doesn't want to cross. Sure, Deku deserves a good amount of shit. But he figures even stubborn losers don't deserve that kind of shit.
After that, Deku starts coming back to class with unpolished nails. Their whole encounter starts to seem like a fluke then, irritating Katsuki to no end. Why does it feel like he's been stabbed in the back?
Again, he tries to push the feeling down. It shouldn't matter. Deku's just a shitty loser who can't even come out and say what he's really thinking, and Katsuki knows that this shouldn't be worth his energy. Who does Deku think he is anyway, with all that "none of your business" bullshit, only to follow it up with some vague confession? Why make it out like he was admitting something important if there's nothing to say after all?
He can't stand when Deku toys with his emotions like this. Who gave him the right?!
So Katsuki really tries to tear his eyes and mind off the bastard. But try as he might, Deku just can't be left well enough alone.
As the weeks pass, other people in class start making fun of him, for new reasons.
It really starts one sunny spring morning before class, when he has his feet up on his desk, waiting for their homeroom teacher to finally haul his ass in. He hears a couple of extras gossiping at the desk next to him.
"Hey, Nishiguchi, have you noticed?" One says, her obnoxious drawl dragging over Katsuki's ear drums like a rake on cement. "I think Midoriya's got bra lines under his uniform!"
"What? No way!" The other girl snorts, "Oh my god, as if it isn't already bad enough that he's quirkless!"
"I know, right?! What a freak!"
Katsuki can't control the growl that escapes his throat. Both of his classmates turn to him in shock. With the way they stare, an embarrassed heat crawls up his neck to his ears.
"Can you two shut up already?" Katsuki immediately barks, "You're fucking noisy!"
"And you're fucking nosy," The drawling girl accuses, putting her hands on her hips. "Anyone ever told you to mind your own business, Bakugo?"
He instantly sees red.
Violence is his language. It has a meaning, one that rips through the center of his being each time it is ignited. But what good does it do to name this ferocity, as it comes spilling out of both his hands in the form of an explosion?
"I don't. Want to be a male… model."
Katsuki snarls against the memory and the force of his blast, as it knocks over a desk. Both of his gossiping classmates shriek, jumping backwards. While the snorting girl flattens herself back against a wall, the drawling girl falls onto the floor. Katsuki stands over her, glowering at the fight in her eyes.
"What a freak!"
He grabs her by her tie, hoisting her up to yell in her face.
"If you don't want it to be my business, then don't make it my business! You got that, you loud, shitty gossip?!"
Deku happens to walk in at that exact moment, frozen on the spot at the sight in front of him. Stiffening, Katsuki instantly releases his grip, letting her drop back to the floor with a small, pained gasp. Her so-called friend makes no move to help her, too busy whimpering.
Katsuki immediately stalks back to his desk, prickled when he hears Deku's voice, speaking gently to that good-for-nothing extra on the ground.
"Hayama, are you okay?"
Katsuki grits his teeth together, ire rising as he forces himself not to look back at them. What the fuck is wrong with all these losers?
She hisses, "Don't come near me, you weirdo!"
Just to get it out of his system, Katsuki lets a loud warning spark crackle on one palm, sending her running back to her desk.
Unfortunately, it doesn't end there.
As shitty, shitty luck would have it, Deku gets saddled with afterschool cleaning duties alongside Snort, Drawl, and some other extra that Friday.
Of course, it's not Katsuki's problem. Or rather, it's not supposed to feel that way. But the idea of Deku being alone with sleazy creeps who were ogling and gossiping about his fucking underwear behind his back is unbearable. Worst case scenarios of what they would do to him without Katsuki watching keep popping up in his head, in spite of his best efforts to shove those thoughts out of his mind.
Sure, Deku deserves a good amount of shit. But he figures even stubborn losers don't deserve that kind of shit!
Come Friday, the other extra taps out of cleaning duties, feeling sick and going home early that day. Before their teacher can even bring it up, Katsuki steps up to fill in the gap immediately. He hears two very recognizable sets of restrained giggles behind him, which he takes as a declaration of war.
Forget Deku, these noisy lowlives need to be put in their place.
At first, it starts out bearable. The gossips give Katsuki a wide berth, cleaning without complaint all the while. They don't say anything to Deku either, but it still bothers him the way they look at Deku's back and whisper. He quickly calls them out to shut up. They do, and Katsuki vehemently ignores Deku's timid insistence to be nicer to them.
It happens slowly. Katsuki doesn't notice Snort getting closer and closer until her hand is hovering just over Deku's back, over the faint outline of a shoulder strap.
The minute Katsuki catches it, he drops his broom and blasts her further away from the nerd, sending her crashing backfirst into the nearest wall. Deku startles, incredulous at the sudden explosion.
"Bakugo, what the hell are you doing?" Drawl cries out, abandoning her station at the backwall chalkboard to run over to her friend, who was now slumped against the floor, coughing.
"I could ask your friend the same damn thing!" Katsuki picks his broom back up and points it at Snort. "Did anyone ever teach you to keep your hands to yourself, or are you just that much of a pervert?"
Snort sputters, red-faced, "I'm the pervert? Midoriya is the one rolling up to school wearing a bra under his uniform!"
Deku stiffens, flushing as well in embarrassment. He whirls to look at Katsuki's expression, green eyes wide and terrified. But Katsuki pretends he doesn't notice, instead roaring with fury as he throws his broom back to the ground.
"Who gives a flying fuck about his underwear?! It's gross that you two are so obsessed with it, so just knock it off!"
"Yeah? Or what?" Drawl scoffs, defiant in spite of her trembling.
"I'll make you knock it off," Katsuki smirks, letting sparks dance on both open palms. "That's a promise."
A hand tugs at Katsuki's sleeve.
"Kacchan, that's enough," Deku insists, tugging Katsuki back slightly. "Let's just finish cleaning and call it a day, okay?"
Daring to look back, that green gaze briefly meets his own, and Katsuki can't bear to look at it for a second longer. He rips his arm away from Deku's hold, ignoring the way his skin tingles.
"Don't fucking tell me what to do, you shitnerd!"
He kicks the girls out and quickly, furiously finishes cleaning alone with Deku, before heading home in a huff.
The nerd trails after him, silent for about ten glorious minutes, before clearing his throat to say something.
"Hey, Kacchan? Thank you for helping me today with class duties and… with Nishiguchi."
Katsuki spits, "Don't flatter yourself! They were just pissing me off, so don't you start too!"
"Right," Deku laughs nervously. "Well. I'm sorry that… I-I can't tell you, still. But you did actually help me figure something out today—"
"Just. Shut up," he growls, charging ahead so Deku can't notice the flush of heat crawling up to his ears.
Something strange unfolds within Katsuki. He doesn't want to know what it means, so he doesn't acknowledge it. He doesn't know what to do with this feeling, the way Deku makes him burn, but he holds it inside of him. He locks it away where no one else can touch it, and hopes it dies.
It doesn't.
Yes, violence expresses the feeling that Katsuki cannot say aloud.
And he refuses to call it love, when he catches Hayama hurling slurs at some extra with twintail braids and hairy legs, and sends her flying across the track field with an explosion.
He refuses to call it love when he continues to blast at Hayama every time she opens her mouth to mock any extra in their class, until she finally moves away from their junior high school, frightened and annoyed with Katsuki's temper.
He refuses to call it love when he singes Nishiguchi's hair, the day he catches her trying to go through Deku's backpack while the nerd went to the bathroom.
He refuses to call any of this love. He does not give himself the option, not when he notices the absence of faint lines beneath Deku's uniform, not when Deku refuses to give him any clear explanation as to what it was all for in the first place.
How can he love someone who won't say what he really means or feels? How can he love someone who cannot trust him, who doesn't listen to him? How can he love someone who flinches away from him, but gives him private half-confessions about questioning an uncertainty, without outright saying what it is? How can he love someone whose words and actions don't match up? How can he love someone who infuriates him to no end with such confusing, unpredictable thinking?
Apparently, he can only love Deku with both hands, crackling and alight with fireworks. Katsuki is thirteen, and right now, it's the only way he knows how.
A/N:
QUICK EDIT: YES I CHANGED NISHIGUCHI'S NAME, you weren't imagining things! I changed it because I found out she had the same last name as Horikoshi's assistant and I really didn't like the idea of leaving things that way owo"
Final note: I like to think of this as a sorta parallel companion piece to the doujin "Tomorrow's Troubles" by Hitoshi Harada (content warnings for attempted sexual assault though), so you can give that one a look too if you liked this!
But yeah, have a good one, everybody! See you next time!
-Reddie