Note: fic written for an event hosted by the NWA writing server on Discord. Originally posted on AO3 on July 22nd 2020.
Canon compliant I guess?
Beta by argentia, aizawa-wears-crocs and Cornflower_Blue.
Enjoy! :)
Natsuo often watches the news, and, if the reportage is covering League of Villains' activity, he focuses on Dabi. He doesn't know what, but there's something about the man that attracts his attention. He can't pinpoint what exactly, but there's something that feels… familiar.
In spite of it all, Natsuo doesn't actually think about it too much. There are a lot of people who, for some reason or other, resemble someone else, even in the world of superpowers where mutation-type quirks provide a lot of different appearance traits. Besides, he has other, more important things to worry about. Like his studies, for example.
He walks back to his apartment one evening. He chooses side alleys, which are empty at this hour, to get back home quicker. He's tired after a whole day of especially difficult lectures and promises of quizzes next week. If he remembers correctly, his roommates are supposed to be out tonight. One of them went home for the weekend and the other one "is sleeping over at his girlfriend's place, wink wink". Natsuo plans on relaxing with some instant ramen and the newest Netflix show. He's so tired he's practically numb at the moment. He doesn't feel the unpleasant wind whipping his face, nor-
Okay, he feels fear – chills crawling up his spine, the cold permeating his body to the bone marrow, as if Shouto used his right side on him – when he hears a strangely familiar voice:
"You think you can run away just like that? After all you did? Fucking cowards."
And right after there are screams full of suffering and pain, and- is that the smell of smoke and burning flesh? Shit, shit, shit.
Natsuo suddenly realizes whose voice he heard the moment before.
Where are the heroes? Why isn't there even one out, patrolling? Shit. Fuck.
He stops dead, holds his breath, and tries earnestly to blend into the wall next to him.
He regrets not having a quirk. Invisibility would be the most useful right now, but even ice or fire, which were more likely for him to inherit, could help him escape. He prays to all the gods he has ever heard of for Dabi to not leave the side alley. To not notice him.
Natsuo thinks about his supportive girlfriend. About his mom, whom he'll never be able to visit again if he doesn't get out of this situation. About Fuyumi, his sweet, doting sister, who substituted for their mother after she suffered the meltdown. About Shouto, his younger brother who's more of a stranger and with whom he has so many plans to bond and make up for the lost time. About his father, and how he won't have the chance to tell him to go to hell this one more last time. About his studies, or more specifically about the group project he's supposed to finish with his friends the next day. About clothes he bought online and how he possibly won't be able to pick them up.
There are a lot of thoughts running through his head, both serious and trivial. They scurry like a herd of frightened antelopes.
Natsuo freezes in panic and, even though in reality it's probably only a fraction of a second, he feels as if it's eternity. Eternity spent in accompaniment of the agonizing screams of people burned alive by one of the most dangerous criminals in the country.
Natsuo feels acid on the back of his tongue and only by some sort of miracle stops himself from throwing up.
He clings to the wall next to him and moves along it in the direction he came from, with his heart pounding like a sledgehammer. Every step requires tremendous effort from him, because his legs suddenly can't hold his weight, as if they were made out of cotton. His irregular breath sounds in his ears louder than a jet flying over his head and the rhythm of his heart throbs in his temples. Sweat makes his hands slippery against the uneven, rugged bricks of the building.
And then he hears-
"Yeah. I'll be there in a moment. They were useless." Short-lived silence. "Don't tell me what to do."
-a lot louder than before.
He doesn't know how long he has stood petrified with fear, nor how long he's been crawling along the wall, but he abruptly realizes the screams have died down, even if the smell of smoke and burned flesh still lingers in the air. He almost feels the stench sticking to him, wrapping around him like an old, musty blanket. It causes him to gag again.
Hesitantly, with his heart in his throat, he turns around. He tries not to make even the slightest of sounds, which is difficult considering that his lungs right this moment decide to stop cooperating with him.
He has never experienced a panic attack before, but he is pretty sure he's on the verge of having one now.
Dabi stands a few metres away from him, with his back turned to Natsuo. He probably hasn't noticed him. He talks with someone through the phone.
Natsuo stands still as a statue, like he's trapped in a freeze-frame. He observes the League of Villains' member and feels lightheaded from all the emotions. Black spots start to dance before his eyes. Beads of sweat tickle him, rolling down his back.
And Dabi stays in the same spot, continuing his conversation. He bursts out laughing.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't either, kid. It's a shame I couldn't see his face."
For some reason he starts to argue. Eventually he puffs, frustrated, ends the call and hides his phone in his coat's pocket. He walks ahead.
He's out of the alley and on the neighbouring street in about half a minute or so, but Natsuo stays in his spot, as if he is embedded in the wall, for a few more minutes. He knows he should've started running the moment Dabi was out of sight and called the police, but he simply couldn't. His body feels heavy, stagnant in a way, like rusty machinery not used in several years. As if he was suffering sleep paralysis he couldn't break out of.
It's only when the police siren howls in the distance that he wakes from the trance.
Natsuo bolts from his spot like an arrow shot from a bow and rushes ahead as fast as he can, not looking back. He gets home in a roundabout way. He's tired, scared, and the last, pained screams of strangers still echoes in his head. There's the stench of smoke and burned flesh in his nose but, when he checks his clothes, they smell fine.
He takes a long, warm (not hot, he has always preferred lower temperatures) bath to calm himself down a little bit, but it doesn't work.
He can't fall asleep. What happened repeats itself in his mind. Looping, again and again and again.
And, although he doesn't know why, he still hears Dabi's voice.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't either, kid. It's a shame I couldn't see his face."
It rings a bell, but Natsuo can't put his finger on it. The phrase sounds too specific, too familiar, but why?
"I won't tell anyone if you won't either, kid. It's a shame I couldn't see his face."
It's frustrating. The knowledge is just out of his grasp. He can graze it, dab at it, but not catch it. It keeps getting away. Like a word you have on the tip of your tongue.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't either, kid. It's a shame I couldn't see his face."
And then he remembers. It's so sudden that it's as if he got hit by a truck. He's flooded by an avalanche of memories, three of them standing out over others.
He's five years old, there's a clipped newspaper article about Endeavor's seizure of the #2 Hero Billboard spot on the wall, and he knocks it off.
It's an accident, Natsuo is just playing with his ball.
His father is furious when he sees it once he gets back home. He hides in his room, fuming, a heavy and tense atmosphere falling over the rest of the household.
Natsuo is the only one who knows why the broken frame lays on the floor among sharp pieces of glass, but he stays silent.
He only tells his brother.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't either, kid," Touya says, serious. He grins impishly then and conspiratorially lowers his voice. "It's a shame I couldn't see his face."
Natsuo is seven. For a few days now he's been feeding a stray cat, and he decides to take it home with him today. He hides it under his jacket and the kitty is so cold it leans into him and starts to purr.
Natsuo manages to slip into his room undetected. He leaves the cat on his bed and goes to the kitchen to get some milk. When he gets back, he sees the kitty is missing. He looks all around his room in panic, inspects every corner, checks his box full of All Might-themed pens, even. A few minutes later he hears his mom's voice resounding from the hall. She's talking with the maid.
"I thought I saw a cat."
The maid asks for more details, but Natsuo doesn't listen. He ventures into the house on the sly, searching for the kitty in other rooms. He's lucky, because when he opens the door to the bathroom, he sees the animal playing with the toilet paper. He picks it up, pets it to calm it down and smuggles it back to his room.
Where Touya waits for him.
"I suspected it was your doing," he greets Natsuo, with a mischievous smirk plastered on his face.
"Shut up!" Natsuo hushes his brother, panicked, nervously closing the door to his room.
"Easy! I won't tell anyone if you won't either, kid. It's a shame I couldn't see mom's face."
Natsuo is nine years old. His mom gives him some money and he decides to go buy some sweets with his brother. They wander around the store for a couple of minutes, contemplating which snacks to choose. Eventually their shopping list is longer than their financial abilities can accommodate.
Natsuo looks at Touya disappointed, but before he can ask which sweets should they give up on, his brother smiles nonchalantly and pulls a credit card labeled 'Todoroki Enji' in embossed letters out of his pocket.
"Don't worry, Natsu. We're buying everything." Then he adds, just for the record, "I stole it."
Natsuo feels a big smile stretching on his face. After a brief moment of hesitation he takes a few additional bags of jelly beans and a couple of bars from the shelves. Touya throws in more chocolate and chips.
They walk up to the cash register and put all the snacks on the counter.
Natsuo notices a stand with All Might-themed pens right next to the register. He pokes Touya with his elbow and points all excited at his find. Touya grins, his smile sly and as wide as if he was Cheshire Cat. He reaches to the stand and adds a handful of pens to their groceries. Natsuo smiles back and takes the rest of them.
The cashier raises her eyebrow at them, but says nothing. She scans all the products and without a word accepts the stolen credit card.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't either," Natsuo promises.
"I can't wait to see his face," Touya replies.
Those aren't their only shenanigans – not even the only ones when they promised each other to keep quiet – but for some reason Natsuo remembers those three the most vividly. Even though two of those mischiefs were short-lived: they had to find the kitty a new home after his mom found out about it a few days later, and the shopping with the stolen credit card was a one-time thing. It never came out who had stolen the card, because the debit to account only mentioned the store – the store which was near their home, so the whole family regularly shopped there. It would be the perfect crime on their part, they were so close – but Endeavor noticed the card went missing and Touya had to secretly put it back in the right place.
Either way, Natsuo knows it's stupid. Touya is dead and Dabi can phrase things however he wants. The fact he has the same quirk and uses the exact same sentence doesn't mean that Dabi is Touya. That Touya is Dabi. This assumption is ridiculous and the hope he feels at the thought that maybe his beloved dead brother isn't actually dead is childish and naive. Natsuo knows it.
And yet he can't stop thinking about it.
He gets up from his bed, turns on the laptop and researches everything there is about the League of Villains' Dabi.
Which is not a lot. There are mentions in articles and some cameos on videos - both from traffic cameras and those of scared bystanders-slash-witnesses.
But, in spite of it all, Natsuo doesn't give up. He watches videos, listens to recordings, scrutinizes the photos taken from almost every possible angle. He plays with a graphic program. Erases Dabi's scars and changes his hair color. Ponders on everything.
It's five in the morning and Natsuo is sure that Touya and Dabi are the same person. He doesn't have any evidence – just memories, assumptions, intuitive beliefs. But he's sure.
And has no idea how to feel about it.
Natsuo is in euphoria. His brother is alive. His beloved brother is alive, even though everyone thinks the opposite. Even though they accepted his death ages ago, mourned him and with pain and longing in their hearts, moved on.
Natsuo is furious and feels betrayed. His brother is alive. His fucking brother is alive, even though everyone thinks the opposite. Even though they cried seas of tears and, with pain and longing in their hearts, tried to live normally. And Touya didn't deign to give them even a clue that he wasn't dead. That he was alive and well all this time.
Natsuo is terrified. His brother is alive, but at the same time it doesn't seem to be the truth because Touya- Touya is unruly but good and kind. Puckish but harmless. And Dabi is his complete opposite. Dabi is a murderer, a kidnapper, one of the most dangerous criminals in the country.
Natsuo is anguished. His brother is alive. Covered in scars from his toes to the top of his head, regularly using his quirk which is hurting him. On the run from the police and heroes. After living through a near-death experience so severe everyone thinks he's actually dead. Totally broke, judging by theories on r/VillainsAnalysis. Consumed by hate.
Natsuo is puzzled and doesn't know what to think about this whole situation. His brother is alive, but also still dead. He never died, but for a long time now – ever since Touya stopped being Touya and became Dabi – he has been dead.
Natsuo is disappointed, although he doesn't know who he's more upset with. His brother is alive but he became a monster. He went down the wrong path and doesn't have any restraints: crossed all boundaries and limits ages ago and probably didn't look back. Natsuo is happy his brother isn't dead – of course he is – but it weighs on his conscience. So many people suffered because of Dabi after all! But on the other hand when Natsuo as much as thinks that maybe- maybe it would be better if Touya stayed dead (or rather - indeed died all those years ago), he feels indescribably guilty. He's drowning in guilt the moment the thought crosses his mind. Touya is his brother, he loves him, he doesn't want him to die! Besides, a lot of people are willing to do absolutely everything to get back their deceased loved ones, and Natsuo has the audacity to be picky with the miracle the fate gifted him?
Natsuo is so tired it feels like he hasn't slept for a month, not just the previous night. He stares at the view outside the window with bloodshot, stinging eyes. He processes the information. The emotions. The feelings are burdensome in particular and Natsuo breaks down. He sobs, cries for Touya and for himself.
The city is fully awake, bursting with life, when Natsuo finally calms down. Engines growl and cars honk, the hubbub of masses and occasional chirping of birds seeming unreal to him. Artificial in a way, with the colossal discovery of the night weighing down on his shoulders. It changes everything and, at the same time, absolutely nothing.
Natsuo still doesn't know what to do about it. Who to tell? Will anyone even believe him? Will they call him delusional? Could he prove it in any way? And let's say he could, what will the others do? Fuyumi? Shouto? His mom? His father? Will it break their hearts? Will they let Touya-Dabi go or will they try to apprehend him even more fiercely? What if the Hero Public Safety Commision gets involved? Will they try to eliminate Dabi?
Eventually Natsuo makes a choice. He will keep it a secret. Even from his closest family. He tries to explain his decision to himself in a logical manner, uses rational arguments to justify himself but deep down he knows he just selfishly wishes to-
-keep up the illusion his brother is alive, even if by some sort of miracle Dabi isn't Touya after all.
-have this one last secret only between them, just like they did all the time when they were little.
-save Touya from those who'd like to get rid of him.
Natsuo knows how it feels to lose his brother. Now, when he has him back
in a way
not really
no, the truth is he hasn't
he doesn't intend to lose him again. Even if it means keeping Dabi from the League of Villains alive and safe.
Bonus:
They run into each other a few days later. Natsuo thinks it's destiny, even though the logical part of his brain insists it's just that Dabi probably has some unfinished business. It doesn't really matter anyway. What does matter is that if Natsuo doesn't take advantage of this opportunity, he probably won't get the second chance ever again.
Dabi walks down an empty street in the same direction as Natsuo, so his back is turned to him.
For a fraction of second his common sense and self preservation instinct roar at him that it's a tragically bad idea, the worst he's ever had. But Natsuo trusts Touya with his life, literally now.
"Touya!" he calls and awaits Dabi's reaction with bated breath.
The man stops.
"I know it's you, Touya," Natsuo repeats.
The criminal His brother The murderer Dabi eventually turns around.
"I think you have me mistaken for someone else, Todoroki Natsuo."
His stare is piercing, it burns Natsuo like fire, although the real flames aren't in use (yet). Natsuo counts it as a win.
The fact he's still very much alive strengthens his belief he's right. Besides-
"How do you know my name then?"
Natsuo sees the panic flash on Dabi's face, quickly replaced by the realization he fucked up, and then it's the usual, neutral mask again.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't either," Natsuo swears, now more confident.
Dabi- Touya observes him in silence. He hesitates.
Natsuo longs for an answer, like the plants on the desert long for the rain.
But before he gets one, there sounds a new voice from the neighbouring alley:
"What are you waiting for, Dabi? C'mon."
"Mr. Compress. Chill, I'm going," Touya replies hurriedly.
Then he glances at Natsuo again and there is something in his eyes, that the boy can't decipher. Touya smirks, lazily waves goodbye and says:
"I can't wait to see Endeavor's face."