Of Regret and Recompense
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I profit from this writing.
Harry Potter sat awake in his bed in 12 Grimmauld Place. While he had gotten used to the sounds of the house over the summer, his relationship with the house had never been a comfortable one. Even after all their cleaning, it still felt…too alive. Too filled with Sirius's bad memories. The old house did not seem to like the raging blizzard that had blown in overnight.
"Lucky you".
The words that had been keeping Harry up drew him back in from his temporary distraction. Ginny's words had been echoing in his head for hours. How could he have forgotten? Hadn't he had nightmares about the chamber for months after the fact?
Harry sighed. His mind was going in circles. He could not believe he had been so glib. As the seconds became minutes and minutes became an hour, Harry knew he was unlikely to be able to sleep with the intensity of his guilt at this moment.
Glancing over at Ron's bed and then at the frame that sometimes housed Phineas Nigellas Black, he found them both to be snoring heavily. Knowing that neither would wake easily, he slipped out of his bed, pulled on his dressing-gown, and slide into the hall with the silence bestowed upon him by his life at the Dursley's.
Once in the chill darkness of the hallway, he made his way to the living room hoping the view of the Christmas tree, the dwindling fire, and the falling snow might be able to help distract him from his guilt. What Harry had not expected to find once he quietly entered the living room was that he was not the only one that could not sleep.
Harry came to a halt as he turned to move towards the couch only to find Ginny's chocolate-colored eyes looking at him in mild surprise and another emotion he could not identify. Under her gaze, Harry felt his cheeks burn and broke eye contact. He was further surprised to hear a soft chuckle from Ginny's direction before hearing her say, "Hi Harry, looks like I'm not the only one that can't sleep tonight. Don't let me interrupt whatever you have planned. I'm just reading my book."
"Hi, Ginny," Harry mumbled, "Don't let me interrupt your reading. I'm just going to sit by the fire for a bit. Is it alright if I sit on the other end of the couch?"
"As long as you don't mind sitting next to my feet," Ginny replied in a half-hearted semblance of her usual cheeky manner.
The hint of hurt on Ginny's voice further shattered Harry's already troubled heart. He had messed up. Badly. Now the only question was, how will he fix this?
Harry sat gently on the couch facing towards the fire. Deep in thought, Harry stared into the fire contemplating what he knew of Ginny. While they were not particularly close, Harry had often been aware of her and had picked up on some things about her. Such was the side effect of living in close proximity at the Burrow, Grimmauld Place, and, to some extent, Hogwarts.
Ginny was strong for certain. She had fought off Riddle for almost a year at only eleven years old. During DA meetings, she had showcased a raw magical power that few could match. While her spell work was not the most refined, Harry did not doubt that she would get there.
Ginny was passionate and determined. Whether she was on the quidditch pitch or fighting to be informed about the Order, Ginny rarely quit. Harry remembered all too well how she cornered him after his first night at Grimmauld Place seeking what Sirius and Professor Lupin had told them. She had known him well enough that he would recognize her frustration at being kept in the dark and fill her in completely without censor.
It was clear that Ginny trusted Harry, which Harry figured made his lapse of memory all the worse. Harry knew that Ginny, like most of the Weasleys, was quick to anger and quick to forgive but she would not let herself be treated poorly. Harry hoped this might be in his favor. They had generally treated each other well and had enjoyed each other's company over the past two summers once they had gotten over their mutual shyness around each other.
Lastly, Harry knew Ginny was extremely loyal to her family and her friends. She had quietly let him know in his fourth year that she believed him when he said that he didn't put his name in the tournament and that she knew Ron would come around eventually. He had also seen the level of concern she had when her father had been attacked and whenever one of her brothers ended up in the hospital wing. A concern she had seemingly extended to him at times though she attempted to downplay it.
All these thoughts, over several minutes, combined into the start of a plan. Harry glanced over at Ginny. Wrapped gently in a blanket, she was absorbed in her book. Whatever was going on in her book must have been to her liking because Ginny's expression was unlike any he had seen on her before. He could only describe it as besotted and incredibly adorable.
Not wanting to interrupt her concentration as the book was clearly giving her a great deal of comfort, Harry returned to contemplating the fire. Though now he glanced back over at Ginny every so often.
Before long, Harry heard her give a satisfied sigh as she closed her eyes seemingly reveling in whatever she had just read. Harry's curiosity got the better of him, "Ginny?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"I was just curious what you were reading."
"Why do you ask?" Ginny eyed him suspiciously.
"It seems like something happy and pretty relaxing and… well… I'm starting to realize I'm going to need something like that to survive Umbridge."
"And if it's something a bit girly, you won't make fun of me?" Ginny's suspicion not quite abated.
"I wouldn't dream of it." Harry said sheepishly, "Whatever it is will stay between you and me."
"Alright. I hope you know that includes Mum too. Tonks got me into muggle romance novels. They're a bit silly but they always end with happily ever after no matter what happens to the characters."
Harry could see the appeal immediately. "I think I've heard my Aunt bad mouthing them before, so I'm sure they're one of the best things in the world. What just happened in the one your reading? It must have been good judging by your expression."
Ginny was relieved. Harry didn't seem the least bit judgmental of her choice of reading and seemed genuinely interested beyond trying to make up for his earlier unintended cruelty.
"Well…this one is an old French play where the main character helps his friend capture the attention of the woman they both love. The main character has an incredible way with words but isn't particularly attractive and his friend is attractive but a bit dim. Anyways, the scene I just read is where the deception starts to unravel. The main character and the woman express their feelings for each other, but the woman thinks it is his friend because the two of them are wrapped in the shadow under her balcony."
"That sounds complicated," Harry noted curiously.
"Maybe a little, but the language is so beautiful."
"Would you be willing to let me borrow it when you're done? Maybe we could talk about it afterward."
"Well, that depends, Harry. Why are you so interested?"
That question caught Harry by surprise and for several moments a slightly uncomfortable silence rose between the two.
"I guess there are two reasons, Ginny. The first is that I think I would enjoy reading some stories like that. It might help me relax and figure out how to be less insensitive. The second is that I really want to make up for how I treated you earlier. I'm really sorry, Ginny. I haven't been a good friend to you, and I want to make this right."
"I won't lie, Harry. While others forgetting hurts, you forgetting hurts more than any other. You were there and you know what he is capable of more than anyone except for maybe Dumbledore."
"I kind of hate myself for forgetting. I had nightmares about what happened until they were replaced with ones about the graveyard." Harry admitted hoping some vulnerability would help show Ginny that what he was offering was in good faith, "I know what I did is unforgivable, so I will make no excuses."
"At least I'm not the only one that has nightmares about that place. And I understand that you probably didn't want to think about it over much. How about this? I will let you borrow my novels if when we talk about them, we also talk about the chamber and our nightmares. I think it would be good for both of us."
"Er…Okay, Ginny. I accept, but you should know I'm not very good about talking about my emotions or my nightmares. No one has ever really taught me how."
"That's okay, Harry. I don't often talk about mine either. Only really with Bill. The rest of my family, minus Dad, treat me like a scared little girl whenever I tried. We can learn together."
"It sounds like those novels will help too. I promise to do my best. Just know that sometimes I get nightmares directly from him and they are not pleasant."
"Given how he was at school, I'm not surprised. He shared some disturbing ones with me during my first year, but let's not go into that now." Ginny shivered.
The silence that fell between them was much more comfortable than before, despite the flashes for vile memories that each were working to doggedly eject from their minds. A few minutes later the grandfather clock in the corner chimed out two o'clock shocking Harry and Ginny back to reality. It was then that the pair realized that they had locked eyes while fighting off their old demons seeming to seek out comfort from each other.
"Has it really gotten that late?" Ginny asked rubbing the back of her neck and fighting down the flush that was determined to climb from her chest to the roots of her flaming hair.
"I suppose it has," Harry replied as he intently studied his lap after being repulsed by the scars on the back of his right hand.
"We should probably head to bed," they said in unison. Their soft laughter broke the tension that had temporarily risen.
"Careful or our talks might turn us into the twins," Ginny teased.
"We could bicker like Ron and Hermione if you'd prefer." Harry teased right back, surprising even himself.
Ginny looked at Harry stunned for a moment. Shaking herself, she responded, "Come on, Harry. Let's head to bed before you end up with a completely different personality."
"Alright. When can I borrow my first novel?"
"I can slip you one tomorrow. But best not let anyone see us. I'd rather not explain, especially to Ron."
Harry nodded and made for the door. Ginny grabbed Harry's arm gently before they slipped out of the living room.
"Before we go, I wanted to thank you for coming and sitting with me, Harry. It meant a lot."
"I'm glad I found you too. My guilt wouldn't let me sleep, but I think I can now."
Hesitantly, Harry pulled Ginny into a brief slightly stiff hug. The two slipped out of the room and made it back to their rooms without being detected. Harry and Ginny met each other's eyes and smiled. They found sleep much easier as they retired to their beds with their hearts lighter. Harry and Ginny looking forward to a fresh start with their friendship with a deeper understanding and appreciation for one another.