Warnings: The story might contain themes like Suicidal Thoughts, PTSD (Trigger warning)
Chapter 1: I'll be the Death of You
Forfeit, Hinata. Neji's voice rang in her ear.
Long blueish hair was floating in the warm wind as Hinata Hyuga stood on a cliff. Curiously, she looked down into the abyss. It was the same place Naruto had been pushed into by Jiraiya years ago to learn how to summon Gamabunta, but this fact was unknown to her.
The autumn sun rays fell on her head, providing some warmth. Behind her, her sweat jacket, backpack, and her bag with kunai lay on the ground. The grass some meters behind the trees was embroidered with colorful wildflowers.
Hinata held some of these flowers in her hand. Her light eyes looked tired and puffy from the sleepless nights and tears after the war.
After Neji's death, Hinata had started hearing the words Neji had said to her during the Chunin exams. Somehow it had led her standing here looking down into the darkness. She had been drawn to this place, but she didn't know why. Something inside of her wanted to turn around and run back home. However, she felt like she needed to look down.
For your weakness. Forfeit, Hinata. Neji's words from her memory hypnotized her.
Looking into the abyss one more time, she felt drawn into it, but she didn't know why. She let the flowers in her hand fall into the abyss, and they gracefully swirled in the wind before sinking down.
I don't want to go down there, Hinata suddenly thought and took a step back. That's not my way.
The reality cannot be changed, Hinata. Neji's voice told her again.
The reality that her cousin died because of her. Why did she hear his voice from her memories? What was the voice trying to achieve?
You don't understand anything.
You can barely stand.
Forfeit.
Listening to Neji's voice repeating his taunts became more and more difficult for Hinata. It was true that she felt like her knees were about to break in. Hinata's gaze wandered into the darkness of the abyss. What was at the bottom of the abyss? Was this what the voice of her cousin was trying to tell her? To forfeit and fall into the bottomless void?
"B-but.." Hinata stuttered quietly into the void. "It's not my way." Clenching her fists, so her fingernails dug into her flesh, she bit on her lip.
I should go home. But then her cousin's voice started again,
Forfeit.
You don't understand.
Hinata shook her head slowly. I don't want to give up.
Your own weakness.
My own weakness. A pain in her core struck her. Neji died because of me.
Tears rose up in her eyes and started running down her pale cheeks. It's true, I am still weak.
Forfeit.
She took a small step towards the abyss and stood on the edge again.
People cannot change. That is destiny.
"Destiny…" Hinata repeated slowly. "Destiny." Her gaze fell into the darkness beneath her.
Standing in his bedroom, Kiba opened the window to let in some fresh air.
"Hm?" To Kiba's surprise, a swarm of bugs was flying in front of his window. "Shino?"
The bugs flew in uninvited, making Kiba's eyebrow twitch in anger. He observed them swirling around in his room. Hopefully, they would all find the window to leave.
"What do you want? I assume you know Shino's out of the village with his dad."
The bugs swarmed on Kiba's desk, crawling around hectically. After rolling his eyes at the insects, he looked at Akamaru sitting next to him.
"What do you think they want from us, Akamaru? Biting you again?" Kiba grinned, and Akamaru answered with a bark. "Yeah, you're right, Akamaru."
As he looked back on his desk, he noticed that Shino's bugs had formed some words:
" Bad intuition. Look out for Hinata. "
Kiba's eyes widened as he read Shino's message. He rushed to take his jacket and stormed out of his room. "Akamaru!" His ninja hound followed him. They ran out of the house and outside on the streets to search for their teammate.
Shino and his intuition. Kiba rolled his eyes, hoping it was just a false alarm. What does he mean? But still...After all what had happened to her, I better check on her. Just to make sure.
Kiba knew that Hinata was still grieving after Neji's death. Nobody could expect her not to. Still, her friends were worried about her. The duo started tracking Hinata's smell, a smell they fortunately knew by heart after all the years as teammates and friends.
As they tracked the invisible trace, the two ran as fast as they could. "I hope Shino's wrong," Kiba exclaimed, and Akamaru let out a small bark. Putting all their strength into their jumps, they followed the smell.
Damn. Where is she!?
After running around for a longer time, he started to grow more concerned. She was neither at home nor anywhere nearby. They started to follow the trail out of the village.
Still standing on the edge of the abyss, Hinata couldn't help but feel hypnotized by the darkness. It fit what she felt inside. Life appeared strange to her as it could end just in one moment. One moment of weakness. One moment of inattentive behavior.
Forfeit Hinata. Neji's voice commanded her in mind.
Hinata sighed deeply. "No," she said slowly. It was time to get rid of the nasty voice inside her head.
Acting tough is useless.
The memory of Neji's words still rang in her ears. Why couldn't she hear what he said before his death? Her head hurt. Suffering from insomnia the last few days made it difficult to concentrate. Still, she managed to go one step back again.
With her hands on her border of the cliff, she kneeled and looked down again. Why was it so hard to go away? The strange toxic voice from her memories had too much influence on her today. Putting her fingers on her cheeks, she felt the wetness from her tears. They dripped into the void like small raindrops. Finally managing to cover her eyes with her hands, she leaned back.
Loser. Forfeit. Loser. Neji's voice taunted her just like in the exams. She had lost that day. He had almost killed her.
"I don't go back on my word," Hinata mumbled the phrase she had learned from Naruto. The phrase had enabled her to overcome difficult situations in the past. Giving up wasn't an option for her.
Now I just need to stand up.
She felt so tired and weak, her body didn't want to obey. Insomnia and grief had worn her down. "Nghh…" Trying to command her body to move again, Hinata grew more and more desperate.
Weakness. Neji hissed at her.
"Shut up," she mumbled fiercely into the void. Suddenly, she felt another wave of exhaustion, feeling like she was about to faint. It was vital to crawl into safety, or she could fall down into the abyss.
But she couldn't.
Her eyes widened in shock. I can't control my body anymore. Neji, help me.
Finally, her body started to slowly slump down to the front, leaning dangerously near into the abyss. No..I don't want to, she thought, trying to sit up again.
It seemed that her will wasn't enough this time. Slowly, she felt being drawn out of consciousness. A memory of Neji and Naruto flashed in front of her eyes.
Kiba..Shino..
Weak. The nasty memory voice rang in her mind again. Told you to forfeit.
Hinata felt gravity pulling her body into the abyss as she slid down on her knees. Her eyes were open in horror, half-conscious now.
No, please no, she thought as she felt sinking down.
~Shit! Either move or faint! Hinata!~ Neji's voice suddenly commanded in her head. His tone was different from the taunting voice before. The voice sounded lower, more mature somehow. And more familiar.
Neji? she thought, confused.
But she was falling while conscious, still unable to move her body.
"Hinata!" Kiba and Akamaru arrived at the abyss. As Kiba spotted Hinata sliding into the abyss, his eyes widened in shock, but his feet ran as fast as they could. He wouldn't let her fall!
His teeth clenched, ducking to get faster, he sprinted towards her.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Kiba couldn't let her fall down! He couldn't. No way.
He sprinted as fast as he could.
Some seconds before her body slumped down into the dark void, Kiba gripped Hinata's leg to pull her out of the opening.
He dragged her back away from the border of the cliff. Then, he pulled her into the safety of his arms. Sitting on his butt on the grass, he held her closer into his arms. A desperate frown was on top of his shocked face, eyes still opened wide, blood pumping in his veins.
As adrenaline finally rushed through her body, Hinata could move again. She looked at him, eyes wide open in shock, "K-Kiba?"
Kiba put his hands on her shoulders. Then, he pressed her away from his chest and glared at her. His grip was painfully firm.
Hinata knew she needed to explain the situation. "L-List-"
"What was that?!" Kiba shouted at her in pure anger, his hands on her shoulders shaking her. Akamaru barked loudly to support his friend's scolding. Finally, Kiba stopped shaking her and waited for her response.
"I-I…" Naturally, her stutter returned whenever she was very nervous.
"Hinata!? What the hell did you intend to do?!" Kiba's voice was trembling in desperation and fear. Imagining the possible outcome of this situation made him shudder.
"I-I didn't..It was.." Hinata stammered, trying to put everything into words despite her confusion. "I-I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" Kiba repeated in disbelief, frowning deeply. He sounded different, creepily calm and low. "Hinata, you almost fell off the cliff." His eyes spotted her kunai and her jacket on the grass. A shiver ran down his spine as the horror of the exhibits hit him.
"Hinata, did you try to…" He couldn't even finish the sentence because he felt tears rising in his eyes.
"No!" Hinata exclaimed. "No. Kiba, you need to believe me."
Kiba looked at her, his eyes wide open. How could he believe her seeing all of this? "We'll need to talk to your father about it."
Hinata's eyes widened. "No." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Please, Kiba.." What would her father do if Kiba told him that? Hinata would never be allowed to walk alone, or she would be locked up in the compound. Either way, she wouldn't have any kind of freedom.
Seeing her crying made Kiba gulp. Damn it.
"Then explain it to me, Hinata!" He snarled at her, his voice full of despair and irritation. The situation had been difficult for him to bear. Seeing her on the edge of the cliff...
Hinata stared at him, trying to put together what she could tell him. "I heard Neji's voice from my memory" wouldn't sound very sane.
"I was looking down the cliff, and suddenly I felt like fainting. I haven't slept for some days." It was the truth.
"Why were you here?"
"I searched for wildflowers to press." It wasn't a lie because that was the main reason she went to this place. The grass was full of different beautiful flowers blooming despite the current autumn month.
"Flowers?" Kiba raised his eyebrow. Finally, he looked around and spotted a bunch of flowers lying next to her kunai.
Hinata nodded her head firmly. "You know me for so long, Kiba. Look me in the eye and decide if I'm lying to you." His eyes inspected hers as his face remained uncertain.
Trust me. I didn't want to jump. I swear, Kiba. She hoped he would believe her.
Kiba looked at her eyes for some time, exhaling and inhaling deeply. After a while he sighed, pulling her close into a warm hug. "I do believe you, Hinata. But please… you need to be more careful."
She nodded into his chest, returning his hug. "I promise, Kiba…" She couldn't help but sob again as he was holding her for some time. Snuggling into his warm chest, the comfort and warmth of the hug made her feel safe for now. The nasty voice in her head was silent, too.
"I know you're suffering," Kiba said quietly, still trying to prevent the tears in his eyes from streaming down. He wanted to stay strong, not wanting her to see him crying. She wouldn't see it either way because she was still pressed into his chest. "I wanna help."
She nodded her head slowly, her body felt tired and weak.
"You're not alone, Hinata." Kiba's sad voice made Hinata feel even more guilty. She would never do something to hurt her friends. Her desire for protecting the ones she cherished was undiminished. But still she had failed to protect Naruto and thus her cousin had died.
Hinata couldn't refrain her tears from streaming down while she sobbed silently. "I know, Kiba. I promise to protect you."
"Yah, sure. We need to look after each other." Finally, his characteristic grin appeared on Kiba's face. Seeing Hinata's poor physical condition, he stood up and picked her up in his arms. She was still pressed closely into his chest. "Let's go home, alright?"
"Okay," she whispered into his chest while her tears were soaking into his shirt.
With her in his arms, Kiba climbed on Akamaru, and they finally went home.
As Kiba was walking home with Akamaru, he recapped the day. Somehow something was still missing in Hinata's explanation. He believed her, but he acknowledged that he would need to stay alert.
Thanks for your intuition, Shino. This thought made Kiba shiver again and he sighed. Damn, that was so close. He put his hand on his forehead and ground his teeth.
After they said their goodbyes, Hinata went to her room and sat down on her bed. The flowers in her hand landed on her cover.
Thinking about the day, she remembered the voice of Neji in her head. The memory of the Chunin exam taunting her, urging her to give up. After the war, she had heard the taunting voice in her head sometimes. Most likely, the voice was the manifestation of Hinata's guilt.
But the last time she had heard the voice today was different. She hadn't heard this voice after the war or ever before. This voice sounded more like Neji.
What did the voice say?
"Move or faint". What does that mean? Hinata pondered about it while biting her lips. Was the voice also trying to force her to give up? But in a different way? Hinata felt as if her mind was becoming an enemy. Suddenly she felt very tired again and laid her head next to the flowers on the bed.
Finally, she could rest. The taunting voice was silent, allowing her to drift into sleep.
When Hinata woke up the next morning, the wildflowers were sticking to her face. It was the first night of good sleep after Neji's death.
But she couldn't forget the voice telling her to move or faint. It had sounded concerned, even horrified.
What was that about?
A\N: That was the beginning of my first more serious story. Usually I write funny, fluffy stuff, so lets see where this leads to. I hope I categorized it correctly, eh..
Chapter name: inspired by Breaking Benjamin's song "Breath". Story Title by Daughtry, "Ghost of Me". Love these songs :)
Neji's words were exactly the ones from the Chunin exam.
Thanks for reading :). If you want to leave (constructive) feedback, I'd be thankful. Have a nice day.