So this is literally just a shameless re-write of To All the Boys I Loved Before. I sadly lost my Princess Bride parody during the great laptop meltdown of 2020, so I decided why not just do another romcom re-write?

The story is written and finished. Uploads will probably take place once or twice a week. There are 12 chapters all together. EVERYTHING IS OOC and I don't care anymore.

Names used:

Mathilde Densen - Nyo!Denmark
Sindre Thomassen - Norway
Josefien 'Fien' Van Dijk - Belgium
Timo Väinämöinen - Finland
Svea Oxenstierna - Nyo!Sweden
Kiet Sripuy - Thailand
Johannes 'Jan' Van Dijk - Netherlands

Chapter One
To Whom It May Concern

Mathilde had been in love five times in her life.

The first time was at the age of twelve, when she went to her first sleep-away camp. There had been a boy there with beautiful blue-green eyes and an atrocious bowl cut that Mathilde didn't want to admit was kind of cute on him. He wasn't as inclined towards nature and had clung to Mathilde like a lifeline.

His name was Eduard, and they became thick as thieves. Eduard and her were partnered for everything. He helped her learn how to do fractions and she helped him survive the wilderness. Mathilde knew she liked him when he took control of a situation where a bee had stung another camper and he remained calm, helping to kid through the pain.

Mathilde thought he was so sweet, but on the final night of camp, she felt her heart shatter.

Eduard had kissed another girl when asked to kiss the prettiest girl and Mathilde, the next day, spent the entire bus ride home writing a letter. When she got home, she addressed it to the camp, sealed it, stamped it, and tucked it away in a small, wooden hat box her mother had made for her. The box sat on the top shelf of her closet.

/

The second time she had been in love, she was thirteen and she was on a traveling basketball team.

Mathilde liked some sports enough. Looking back, the term "some sports" should not have included basketball. Her father warned her if she started it, she couldn't quit until the season was over, even if she didn't like it.

One of the boys on her traveling co-ed basketball was named Alfred F. Jones. He always proudly proclaimed his middle initial because he said it stood for something "so insanely awesome" that there was no way he could ignore it. Mathilde found his personality charming, his smile infectious, and she worked hard to impress him.

Alfred loved being the hero. He always wanted to make the game-winning shot or block. He wanted to help everyone. Mathilde fell hard on the third to last game of the season, in the middle of a tournament, when she had twisted her ankle and Alfred stopped playing immediately to help her to her feet and carry her to the bench.

They ended up losing, but Mathilde could not care less since Alfred's attention after the game had ended was solely on her. As he helped her hobble around the hotel, he pulled her aside and ordered two virgin Shirley Temples at the bar for them, looking at her as he cleared his throat.

"Franklin," he simply said.

Mathilde tilted her head, sucking down the drink. "Huh?"

"The 'F' stands for Franklin."

Alfred looked so shy, so sweet – Mathilde couldn't help but think it was the cutest thing ever. "You were right," she simply replied, reaching over to hold his hand. "It is awesome."

Mathilde did not sign back up for basketball, and Alfred ended up going to boarding school. She never got a chance to reconnect with him, but she always remembered that little moment they shared in the hotel lobby's bar.

/

The third time she fell in love, she was at a birthday party for Fien Van Dijk.

Josefien, or Fien, was in the same grade as her. Mathilde and Fien got on like oil and water – never quite mixing well, but nevertheless combined. In retrospect, Mathilde really was closer to Fien's older brother, Jan, but Fien and her spent a lot of time together too, so it was natural for Fien to invite her.

Fien had the co-ed birthday party of the year. Her mother was a liberal, hippie woman who offered little-to-no supervision for any of her three children, so Fien had announced her birthday party would have a fun little game called "Seven Minutes in Heaven." Mathilde had confided in Jan and Kiet, both now freshmen in high school, she was nervous.

Kiet offered her sympathy and Jan told her she didn't have to do anything if she didn't want to.

When she got to the party, it was decided that each girl would spin the bottle and whoever it landed on, that was your partner. Fien had told Mathilde she wanted it to land on Sindre Thomassen. Sindre was a new boy who dressed in all black and painted his nails the same color as his clothes. Mathilde did not see the appeal, but Fien was smitten with the "bad boys," so it made since her semi-friend would be into him.

However, Fien ended up stuck with Sebastian Zwingli while Mathilde spun the bottle and got Sindre. The group giggled and shouted, declaring the new boy should go first before shoving them into the closet.

Mathilde worried Sindre would make a move and be too aggressive. Instead, Sindre looked over at her, in the dim closet light, and simply said, "You don't seem into it."

"My friends said I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do."

Sindre nodded. "Yeah. Cool."

"And I don't want my first kiss to be with someone I don't love!"

Sindre chuckled, stretching out his legs as he angled his body toward Mathilde. "How do you know you love someone if you don't kiss them?" he asked. Mathilde watched him reach up and fiddle with his earring. "Like… you have to try it out, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you see a pair of shoes, do you just buy them? Or do you try them on to see if they look good?" Sindre posed the question like it was almost common sense. And Mathilde had to admit, there was a point. She had been growing, so shoes and clothing needed to be tried on. "I'm not saying you have to kiss me. But I think you would want to kiss someone. Because what if they're bad at kissing? Do you want to spend forever with someone who has like, a lizard tongue?"

Mathilde was amused that Sindre was suddenly so chatty now. Normally, he said two words in school a week and communicate by grunts and pointed looks. "No," Mathilde shifted awkward. "I guess not." Sindre looked pleased with himself and returned to silence. "Do you have a lizard tongue?" Mathilde asked.

Sindre rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue, which Mathilde had to admit, looked normal. "Nope! But, uh… I mean. I guess I could be a bad kisser." Sindre shrugged. "Are you?"

"A lizard?"

"No, a bad kisser?"

Mathilde blinked. "I guess I don't know. I've never kissed someone before. I told you that." Mathilde turned a little red, looking at her hands.

"I could tell you if you are?" Mathilde was bright red at this point, looking up as Sindre scooted closer. "I mean…" he trailed off momentarily. "That is the point of this game. To like… kiss and stuff?"

Mathilde pondered the option. "Fine. But just a peck on the lips."

Sindre shrugged, indifferent to the game as he leaned in, his lips pressing against hers quickly. Mathilde worried his lips would be rough and scaly, but she was surprised they were soft.

The door opened and the party cheered. Sindre pulled away, a look of indifference was on his face as he exited the closet. Mathilde blinked, standing up as she made her way to where Fien was standing.

Fien glared, shaking her head.

Mathilde went home after that party, thinking of Sindre's cool disposition and wrote a letter. Something about him made her heart soar. She loved the idea of him – and him being her first kiss, she had this idea he was the one.

Of course, that all came to an end when he and Fien started dating over the summer.

/

The fourth time she fell in love, it was because Gilbert Beilschmidt had asked her to homecoming.

Gilbert and her shared a few classes together. Gilbert was funny and wild. His older sister would give them rides to the mall and they would often go watch his younger sister at her sporting events. Gilbert was a great friend.

Mathilde felt an instant attraction to him. He was unique and fun. He was unapologetic. He was loud and bold, and he made every cloudy day seem so bright. She felt very strongly for him. He seemed to like her too.

It was almost confirmed when he asked her to be his date to homecoming. They dressed in black and blue, rolling into the gym and dancing like wild animals. They spent slow songs making a fool of themselves, they bumped into people during the mid-tempo songs.

Afterwards, he took her to the diner, and they ate plenty of pancakes and waffles until she thought she was going to throw up. When he dropped her off, she wrote a letter explaining how amazing he made her feel. How he made her love being herself.

Gilbert and her somewhat grew apart, and although they didn't have any classes in the spring together, she still felt strongly. Although, the longer he was out of sight, he was out of mind.

So, unlike Eduard and Sindre, her feelings slowly subsided. Nothing to write home about. It just happened.

/

The fifth time she fell in love was, admittedly, before the other four.

Timo Väinämöinen had been her neighbor across the street since she could remember. Timo was the friend she spent the most time with. They would build blanket forts and read comics once they finished. They would ride their bikes down to the quarry and dare each other to jump in the frigid waters. When they got sick after that, they'd spend their sick days on the sofa watching every Disney movie imaginable.

Timo was the one who always was there when a guy told her she was ugly. He was the one who made her always feel cute. He loved to count her freckles and tell her she could be a mermaid. Timo was great. She really loved Timo.

Even when her father remarried and she now had stepsiblings, Timo was her guy. He would play hockey in the winter with her new little brother, Jonas, while he would join her and Svea for cheesy chick-flick night, allowing them to try makeup and nail polish on him first.

Mathilde wrote a letter explaining how she knew her life would be incomplete without him. How she knew he was the one. The end game. He was the only guy she could see herself with.

Until Timo and Svea started dating.

Svea was quiet and gentle. She was a true beauty. Mathilde could not fault Timo for being attracted to her. Still, it stung. When Timo had told her that he was going on a date with Svea, she felt a slight bit of betrayal.

But she loved her sister and she loved Timo, so she supported them. She supported them for three years and suppressed her feelings with other crushes.

The summer before junior year, Svea had announced she would be doing an exchange program. Mathilde knew she had applied to a few programs in Europe, but nothing really was set in stone until she announced she would be spending her junior year in Sweden. Mathilde congratulated her, and at her going away party, Timo beamed with pride as he handed her a card.

Svea smiled, opening it slowly. Her smile faded as she pulled out a ticket, staring at it as she asked, "What is this?"

"A ticket. I'm going to come see you during our Thanksgiving break!" Timo looked thrilled, but Mathilde's stomach tied into knots. Svea's expression turned cold. When Svea's demeanor became icy, Mathilde knew it was time to leave the room. She ushered Jonas out quickly, allowing the couple to start bickering back and forth as Mathilde made her way to the basement, turning the television on as Jonas looked over at her.

"Are they… are they breaking up?"

"No!" Mathilde insisted. There was no way. Timo and Svea were the couple of the junior class.

An hour later, Svea entered the basement, looking at her siblings with puffy, red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Mathilde muted the television as Svea collapsed between the two of them.

"I dumped Timo. I don't want him to feel tied down while I'm away…"

Jonas is quick to get the stash of snacks he has hidden away in his closet and the group eats them in silence.

Mathilde decided, later that night, to retrieve the letter she had wrote for Timo years earlier. She added that she loved him, but she loved her sister more, and no matter what had happened between Svea and himself, she could never be with him out of respect and admiration for Svea.

So, Mathilde Densen sealed the letter up and tucked it away with the rest.

For her eyes only, she always mused. That's the way she wanted it to stay.